Kyle supposed most people would mourn the loss of their best friend…

Most people would cry and deny and generally avoid the topic altogether.

Most people would hold it inside until it exploded in depression and suicide.

But then, most people didn't have a way to bring their best friend back to life.

Sitting in the living room of the old Henderson place, Kenny and Kyle were concocting a devious scheme to resurrect their lost pal. After picking Kenny up from the bus stop that morning, Kyle had learned all he could about Kenny's… gift.

Apparently, Satan informed Kenny was doomed to be regurgitated back into the world until old age claimed him and sent him, permanently, to his final resting place. The very object that incurred this curse, however, had been a gift from his late grandmother, who had gotten it from Stan's great-great-grandfather Billy.

Being trapped in limbo, the old man had cursed his wife's favorite object. But, being the evil, wicked creature she is, she donated a group of said items in her will to the youngest living McCormick, and Kenny inherited it on his 4th birthday.

The fabled 'Garb of Billy' was nothing more than an orange parka that adorned Kenny's body, stretching to fit all sizes and machine-washable, this parka forced the wearer into death and re-life. Technically, Kenny would be classed as a zombie.

So Kyle's plan was to dress Stan in the relic, and wait until 7 a.m. the next morning at the bus stop. That's where Kenny always faded back into life. Wonder why they never noticed it before…

They planned to wait until after the funeral, when onlookers would be at a minimum, then dig up the body and have it don the parka.

Plans made, Kenny went home to his frozen waffles and Kyle journeyed upstairs, past Kenny's skeleton lodged in the roof of the main bedroom, and to the window overlooking the Marsh residence across the street.

He could see Mrs. Marsh weeping at the living room window. Mr. Marsh was at her side, comforting her. But it looked like Shelly was dancing in her room to Britney Spears. Quickly averting his eyes from the grotesque sight, he peered down the road to find Rebecca trudging down the street slowly.

-

Eyes downcast, Rebecca dragged her feet along the pavement and had no idea where she was going. It appeared that she let her feet guide her and hoped that they would lead her to her precious Kyle.

Crazy? Yes.

Stupid? Perhaps.

Profitable? Wait and see.

Whenever someone is lost in thought, they tend to ignore their senses. In this case, Rebecca was so deep in her musings that she tripped over an object in the street. Having just enough time while falling to realize that she was indeed heading towards the ground, she hit her head on said floor and groaned.

Looking back, she picked up what she had tripped over and examined it. A book.

Labeled 'The diary of Kyle Broflowski', she wasted no time in opening it and looking inside. Only two entries, but Kyle would have had to pass by here to drop it. She was close.

Looking around, she heard a faint tapping, like the sound of knuckles on glass. Finally looking up to the first floor of the mansion right next to her, guess who she saw tap-tap-tapping.

And then she was tackled by an excited Chihuahua with a licking problem.

-

Running downstairs and finally believing that his luck was changing, Kyle hoped to reach Rebecca before his dog decided he liked the taste of human flesh and took a bite out of her.

Wrenching the front door open, spotting his girlfriend just now getting up, he was the second living thing to tackle her and the third thing to knock her to the ground in thirty seconds. Except he was kissing her as though she was going to be taken from him very soon.

Finding her lips currently occupied, Rebecca had to speak around the kisses that Kyle was leaving on her. In a manner such as this.

"Kyle!" kiss "I thought," kiss "You," kiss "Were," kiss "Dead!"

And the kisses just stopped. Rebecca took the opportunity to catch her breath, but Kyle spoke immediately.

"Who told you that?" He exclaimed.

"That fat tub of lard you hang around with, he said they shot you down in Stan's clubhouse." Her face had adopted a concerned and worried look, and her lips had swollen slightly from the workout they had just got.

Looking around again, Kyle motioned for the love of his short life to follow him back inside his home base, she picked up Cujo and followed him inside. Taking a seat in the living room, Kyle began to explain the situation.

-

Meanwhile, at a Shaky's Pizza across town, three figures were seated, eating a super large Shaky pizza and discussing evil.

"Did you do it, Cartman?" A high-pitched female voice asked.

"You bet your ass I did, ho. His girlfriend should be out of the picture, now where's my money!" Cartman shouted.

Sighing, Bebe grabbed her purse and handed him fifty dollars.

"There, now I have another job for you." She whispered so no-one would overhear them.

"Tch, as long as I get money, I'll do whatever you want." Cartman responded, practically drooling at the prospect of more money. Or maybe it was Bebe's almost exposed cleavage. Either way, he was drooling.

"I won't be the one to pay you this time, lardo," she responded, "You are going to deliver a message to our beloved jew. Tell him that his girlfriend is dead. While he is mortified at the thought, you should be able to restrain him and bring him to me. I'll have my wicked way with him and send him to the authorities. But you get the $3000."

Cartman smirked.

"And why shouldn't I just give him to the cops first, huh?" Cartman was silently asking for more money.

"Because if you do, I'm going to rip your nuts off with my bare hands, shove them down your throat, and have Wendy launch your dickless body into the Sun."

A moment passed.

And another one.

"…Okay."

And he scarfed down three more slices of super large pizza and waddled out of the restaurant.

"Are you sure we can trust Cartman? He's so fat, I'm sure Kyle can outrun him easily." The third shadowy figure told Bebe.

"Relax. Kyle should be totally demoralized, he'll be easy prey." Bebe responded with a smirk.

"Wow, demoralized, that's a large word for you." The larger female replied.

"Shut up, bitch!"

"What, what WHAT! What was that you little floosie!" Bet you can't guess who it is.

Bebe stood from her chair.

"You heard me, this is our best chance to get Kyle back. It'll teach him a lesson and stop him disobeying you again."

"And what do you get in return?" The third figure asked curiously.

"I'll be the one teaching that lesson." Bebe said with a smile of calculating evil.

That said, she flounced out of the restaurant and left a stunned Sheila Broflowski in her wake.

Wow! One thousand hits! You people are amazing, though I still have to urge some lurkers to review! C'mon, I know you're out there! My hit counter doesn't lie, anyways. Stay tuned for the update and…

…OBEY THE FIST!