Goodbye, Abby: Broken Principles
Author: AnonymousNCISFan
Rating: T (PG-13)
Summary: The first in a series of one-shots about how Abby might possibly leave. I don't necessarily want to see any of these scenarios play out on-screen but think each one would have significant emotional impact.
Main Pairing: Gibbs/Abby friendship
Spoilers: Up to & including Season 15
Warnings: Angst, Possible character deaths
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this – I appreciate the creative minds at NCIS and the brilliant actors who bring these beloved characters to life.
Goodbye, Abby: Broken Principles
Chapter 10: Nothing Left Unsaid
Author's Note: This is yet another lengthy chapter, but I wanted to keep the story moving and fill in the blanks with what Abby actually said to Gibbs via sign language after she was shot. Quite a few "Easter Eggs" from past episodes in this one. This will probably only go one or two chapters more. Feedback is appreciated!
Georgetown University Hospital
With a start, Gibbs awoke, feeling the cool tiles of the bathroom floor and a strong, well-weathered hand under his head.
"Jethro, are you alright?"
"Duck?" Gibbs replied, shaking his head and sitting up.
"Easy, easy," Ducky responded. "Do you remember what happened?"
Gibbs looked around, confused and dazed as Ducky asked him to follow his finger with his eyes. "I, uh…I'm not sure. How'd you get in here?"
"I came looking for you, and the head nurse said you'd been in here awhile," Ducky explained. "And well, when I knocked and didn't get a response, they opened the door and I found you lying here."
"Must've slipped gettin' dressed, hit my head," Gibbs groaned, trying to stand. He was in his old T-shirt and boxers, one foot in a pant leg, the other bare.
"Not so fast," Ducky cautioned. "Your loss of consciousness could have been for any number of reasons. Let's get you to a room where I can properly examine you."
"Back to Abby," Gibbs insisted, steadying himself as he pulled on his pants.
"Jethro, it's been a long three days … maybe you should get some rest."
"No, I … I need to see her," he replied in a tired voice, grabbing his red hoodie off the floor and pulling it slowly over his head.
Ducky gave him a worried look but agreed. "Can you walk?"
"Fine, Duck. Let's just get to Abby. Is there any change?"
"Unfortunately, none that I can perceive," Ducky explained as they walked down the hall. "But time will tell. Ah, here we are." They turned the corner and entered the room. "Oh! What a wonderful surprise – Antony!"
Gibbs looked up to see his former senior field agent sitting next to Abby, her hippo in his hands.
"Hey, Duck-man!" DiNozzo replied, placing the hippo on the nightstand as he rose to shake his hand. "How's the book coming?"
"Quite well. I'm on chapter 7 and, wouldn't you know, it just so happens that's the chapter on your bought with the pneumonic plague!"
DiNozzo laughed. "Ah, yep, good times, Ducky, good times." He finally looked towards Gibbs, extending his hand. "Boss, er…Jethro."
"Hey, Tony," Gibbs whispered, pulling him in for a hug, much like he did in the basement nearly two years ago.
"How you holdin' up?"
"We're about to find out," Ducky sighed, ushering Gibbs to a second chair in the room. DiNozzo gave them both a confused look as Ducky began taking Gibbs' pulse and examining his head for injuries.
"Everything OK?" DiNozzo asked hesitantly, walking over to the two men. Gibbs shifted, obviously uncomfortable with the younger man's discerning stare.
"Fine, DiNozzo," Gibbs grumbled, wincing as Ducky touched the side of his head.
"Ah, there's the small bump," Ducky declared, running his hand over Gibbs' scalp. "Between the exhaustion and your re-injured knee, I'd venture to guess you lost your footing and gave yourself a good clunk on the cranium. Just be grateful it wasn't a long way down, Jethro."
"God, Duck, will stop makin' a fuss over nothin'?" Gibbs muttered.
"Would you rather I called Dr. Taft and had him hook you up to some machines for a few days?" Ducky snapped back.
"No," Gibbs replied swiftly. The last thing he wanted was to be poked and prodded again. He'd just gotten permission to get into his clothes again – and he wanted to be close to Abby.
DiNozzo gave Gibbs a concerned look. "Too many hits to the head over the years – maybe you should get an MRI just to make sure-"
"How about I give YOU a hit on the head, DiNozzo?" Gibbs snapped back, standing up and facing the younger man. DiNozzo automatically winced, preparing for the head slap.
"Sorry, Boss," he whispered, relieved when the blow didn't come. "Just worried about you. With everything that happened."
"Well stop worrying. I'm fine," he replied, shaking his head.
"OK, if you're sure, but all I'm saying is-"
"DiNozzo!" Gibbs shouted louder than he meant to.
"Boss, it's not gonna do you any good to anyone – not to the team, and not to Abby – if you go down."
"You come back just to mother hen me? The two of you?"
"Jethro," Ducky implored, "you've been through hell. Just take a minute to rest. To make sure everything alright."
"I'm fine!" Gibbs shouted, waving his arms. "No more hospital beds, no more prodding!"
"Gibbs…" a soft voice called.
"God, not you too, Abby," Gibbs said in frustration, forgetting himself in the moment. All three men stopped suddenly, realizing she was awake. Gibbs' eyes widened as he turned to see Abby looking at him with half-open eyes.
"Gibbs…" she whispered again, her voice hoarse from lack of use.
"Abbs!" Gibbs cried, his voice catching as he rushed over to her side. "Hey…" he said quietly, cupping the side of her face and giving her a big smile.
"You should listen…to them," she said seriously, giving him a concerned look.
"Christ, Abby – you're the one laying in the hospital bed this time. Stop worrying about me."
"Never," she rasped, grasping his hand tightly.
"So sleeping beauty finally awakens," DiNozzo cracked, moving to the other side of the bed with a smile.
"Tony," she replied, smiling broadly as she reached out with her other hand to grab his. "You came all this way?"
"For you? Of course! Knew the old DiNozzo charm would do the trick!"
"Or perhaps just the familiar banter of old friends," Ducky countered, walking around DiNozzo to bend over the bed, giving Abby a light kiss on the forehead.
"Duck-man," Abby said happily, breathing deeply. "I feel like…like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz." Gibbs gave her a confused look, though his smile didn't fade.
"Wait … so which one am I – Tin Man, Lion or Scarecrow?" DiNozzo asked playfully.
"Never mind," she laughed, coughing a bit as she tried to sit up.
"Easy, my dear," Ducky implored, "I'll fetch Dr. Taft. He'll be wanting to know the good news."
"Dr. Taft?" Abby asked, looking up at Gibbs as Ducky left. "Our Dr. Taft?"
"Yep," Gibbs nodded. "How do you feel?"
"Tired … sore … a little loopy…"
"Probably the pain meds," DiNozzo winked, placing a hand on her shoulder. "You've been out for awhile."
"How long?"
"A few days," Gibbs answered. "Gave us a scare."
She signed back to Gibbs and he swallowed, looking down.
"You know, I always hated when you guys did that," DiNozzo said with a nervous laugh, wondering what she had told him. Abby suddenly became very serious, her eyes darkening.
"He's dead, isn't he," Abby rasped, her voice filled with sorrow.
Gibbs knew who she was referring to and frowned. "You did what you had to do, Abby. Not your fault."
"I killed someone, Gibbs," she replied, her voice tight with emotion. "I swore I never, ever would do that…but I did."
"Hey, he had it coming," DiNozzo interjected, grasping her hand.
"You don't understand, neither of you do. You're so used to it. I never … I never wanted this. I'm not …"
Abby trailed off as her vitals began to drop. "Abby, Abbs, don't think about it right now," Gibbs said in a slight panic, stroking her face. She was breathing harder. "Abby, look at me, look at me," he implored. "Just stay with me, Abbs."
At that moment Dr. Taft entered the room, Ducky following closely behind.
"Doc!" DiNozzo called over. "I think she's having trouble breathing."
Dr. Taft remained calm, but all three men could see the look of concern in his eyes.
"Ms. Sciuto, good to see you back with us!" Dr. Taft said as DiNozzo moved, making room for him. "Now, your brother Kyle told me you two were in the middle of a very serious chess match before you came here, one he says he intends to beat you at, so don't think you're getting out of it that easy. Now deep breaths, look at me. I'm just going to check your heart, OK?"
Abby nodded as he pulled out his stethoscope and began listening. "Kyle…Luca…" she gasped, trying to get her breathing under control. Dr. Taft grabbed an oxygen mask and placed it on her, urging her to relax.
"They're here, they're on their way up," he reassured her. "Though I think maybe we should take things slow right now. Nice, deep breaths…there you go…keep it up, Abby. You're doing great."
Gibbs gave Dr. Taft a concerned look, then refocused on Abby. She seemed to be doing better, breathing even and steady.
"Now," Dr. Taft continued, turning toward the men, "let's try to keep the conversations light and short, please, gentlemen. Only two at a time, try not to overwhelm her. She's still recovering."
"Got it," DiNozzo swallowed, tears in his eyes. He'd never seen Abby like this and it frightened him.
"Abby!" Luca cried from the doorway, as Kyle followed close behind.
"Luca! Kyle!" Abby exclaimed, removing the oxygen momentarily as they rushed to meet her. Gibbs stepped aside as Luca and Kyle brushed past him, each taking a turn to hug their sister.
"Easy, easy," Dr. Taft warned, repositioning the mask. "And you, Ms. Sciuto – you leave that on until I say – got it?"
"Yes sir," she said wearily, saluting him.
"It seems you have quite a few gentleman callers," Dr. Taft winked.
"I'll go," Gibbs said quickly, suddenly feeling out of place with her brothers there.
"Yea, me too," DiNozzo said, nodding to Abby's brothers.
"Wait!" Abby called, then turned to her brothers. "Can I … can I talk to Gibbs… alone…just for a minute.
"Abby," Dr. Taft interjected, "no heavy conversations right now, remember?"
"OK … just want to talk to him for a minute. Please?"
Gibbs gave her a worried look as her brothers nodded and moved away. One by one they left the room, DiNozzo looking back with concern. Abby gave him a smile and held up her hand, giving him the "OK." He smiled back and reluctantly left, closing the door behind him.
"What's this about?" he whispered, sitting close to her. She took his hand in hers, looking at him with hesitation.
"Gibbs…I'm sorry," she chocked out through the oxygen mask, tears in her eyes.
"Shhh…Abbs, you heard the doc, you gotta stay calm, get better. And you have nothing to be sorry for. You did the right thing. Hell, you saved my life."
Abby struggled, pushing off the oxygen mask. When Gibbs went to stop her, she signed to him: I'm fine. He scowled but she gave him a strong look, signing again: Said I'm fine. And I can't talk to you with this thing on.
"Fine," Gibbs said reluctantly. "But the minute you start gettin' out of breath, it goes back on," he warned.
Thank you, she signed, sighing as she moved the mask off her face.
"OK, so before, I wasn't apologizing for … for what I did to that man," she continued. "I was apologizing for what happened between us that night … at your house."
"Ah, water under the bridge," he said gently, trying to brush off her words.
"No… I … when I thought I was going to die, I realized what a fool I'd been. I couldn't let it end like that … let us end like that."
Gibbs remembered their quiet yet desperate exchange as she lay bleeding in her lab three days ago….
Flashback – Abby's lab, shortly after the shooting…
Gibbs limped desperately toward Abby's frail, bleeding form, still sore from his recent fight with the young man she shot.
"Abby," Gibbs said again, more urgently, swallowing hard at the sight of her. "God Abbs, where, where does it hurt?"
She revealing a gunshot wound to the abdomen. Gibbs immediately put pressure on it, cupping her face.
"Broke…broke…" Abby tried to speak but was having trouble.
"Shhh, don't talk," Gibbs said softly. "It's gonna be OK."
Lifting her right hand, she began signing instead. Gibbs' face fell at her words as she signed: "Broke my most sacred rule."
"I know ya did, Abbs. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to do that."
She signed to him again. "Told you, I would do anything for you."
"Ah, Abbs," he rasped, pulling her close and kissing her on the cheek.
Abby placed her hand on Gibbs' cheek, getting his attention.
"Yea?" he swallowed, unable to stop the tear that escaped.
She signed again and it broke his heart. "You still love me?"
"I never stopped," he rasped, his voice cracking. He felt her blood seeping through his fingers and pressed on her wound with both hands. "Just stay with me, OK? I need you to stay with me."
Signing more slowly, she closed her eyes in pain. "Maybe it's better this way…better if I go."
"Don't you say that," Gibbs replied, voice thick with emotion.
Abby was struggling for air, her face growing paler as she signed again. "Are you OK? Saw him hurt you bad."
Gibbs closed his eyes, fighting back tears. How could she be worried about him right now?
"I'll live … we're both gonna live," he whispered, trying to smile, to reassure her.
She placed her hand on his chest and he looked down.
"Abbs," he rasped, seeing her fingers form a sign he knew all too well –I love you. "I … I know that. I know. And I was wrong. I shouldn't have…Abbs, I'm so-"
Abby brought a finger to his lips, silencing him. It reminded him of how he'd done the same to her when he left for Mexico all those years ago. All he wanted to do was hold her.
"It's OK," she gasped, and the hollowness in her voice terrified him. Abby tugged on his shirt and he leaned in close. She began to whisper in his ear.
"You're a good father," she rasped. "Wish I could've been a better daughter."
Her words caused Gibbs to shudder, a sob escaping his lips. Before he could protest, Abby turned her head, Abby placed a tender kiss on his cheek before letting out a long breath. Gibbs felt the strength leave her body as she collapsed back against the doorframe.
"No…"
Present Day
"Gibbs?" Abby called, pulling him from the memory. It had only been a moment when it all flashed before his eyes, but a tear had already escaped down his face, causing Abby to grow more concerned.
"It's OK," he said in a soft voice, reassuring her. "Was just … thinking about what you said back there. And what I was gonna say back if you hadn't gone and passed out on me."
Abby gave a small laugh. "Well, Gibbs, sorry about that. I kinda lost a lot of blood."
"I noticed," he replied sadly, knowing he'd breach the subject of her heart condition when she was feeling better. "Anyway … been wantin' to tell you somethin' for the last three days. Just been sittin' here, gave me a lot of time to think … about a lot of things."
Abby nodded, suppressing her urge to comment on his sudden chattiness.
"Realized I never told you … first day we met, when you gave me that fortune, I was at the end of my rope. On my third divorce, had a bad string of botched cases after being undercover so long … felt like I'd failed at just about everything in life. Only thing I seemed good at was killin' people."
Gibbs sighed, giving her a knowing look – she knew what he'd done, his past mistakes, his present anguish. She knew him better than he knew himself, he thought. He could see Abby was biting her lip to stay quiet, and smirked at the wonder in her eyes as he continued to speak.
"So one day I walk down to the lab, expectin' Doc Ward to greet me with his five-inch-thick glasses and monotone voice, and there you were – all sass and smiles and … just a breath fresh air."
Abby grinned at his words, wondering where he was going with all this.
"Anyway…when you gave me that fortune from your cookie, I took it as a sign."
"A sign for what, Gibbs?" Abby asked, no longer able to maintain her silence.
"A sign that maybe I wasn't the best agent, and definitely an even worse husband … but maybe… maybe I could still be a good father."
Abby was struck by the look in Gibbs' eyes – a mixture of regret and pride, and obvious love. She'd seen it before, when he'd been worried about her safety or noticed she was troubled.
"Told you," she said, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. "You are a good father. I'm the one who let you down."
"No," he replied strongly, shaking his head. "You saved me. From myself, from feeling alone. All these years … I should've told ya why I kept that fortune ... what it meant to me … what you mean to me."
"Gibbs," she rasped, teary-eyed, "I'm so sorry about what I said about you not being a good enough father – I didn't mean it. I was just mad because you seemed so … so distant when you got back. Missed you so much I wasn't even thinking that I might've been pushing you too hard and I-"
"Stop," he whispered, placing a finger over her lips. "Yea, I was a bit … shell-shocked, but no excuse for not puttin' you first, for pushing you away. You were the best thing that happened to me since Kelly and I … I took you for granted."
"Gibbs, don't-"
"Not finished," he insisted. "When I thought … when that kid told me you were dead … I knew I failed you. And it hit me – all of it. What I'd done, how I'd ruined things. And that you were right." His voice trailed off in a whisper as he emphasized his last words by pointing at her. Wiping a hand across his face, he struggled to control his emotions – something he normally didn't have an issue with. "I didn't give much thought to my life – or McGee – when I got off that helicopter in Paraguay," he said in a low voice, looking down, a sense of shame in his admission. "You were right to be angry."
Abby reached for him, struck by his honesty. "Everything between us," she began, "all the jokes and the banter – even my off-track rambling – I just wanted to make you feel happy again, even a little, to see you smile. I never wanted you to feel like … like this life wasn't worth it. I wanted to give you something worth fighting for, worth living for, even if it was only for 10 minutes a day."
Gibbs smiled and nodded as she continued.
"It always scared me to see the chances you'd take with your life, and I know it's part of the job, but it hurts, and I can't change that," she admitted. "But I have to accept it. I know who you are, who you've always been. Even this 'new and improved' Gibbs – you're still you."
"And what am I, Abbs?" he asked, feeling a little lost in the moment.
"You're a good man," she replied softly, ruffling his hair a bit. "Simple and brave. Tough when you have to be, but kind when it's called for. And you're worth saving, even if it meant I had to break my own rules."
"Well, we can talk about that later," he whispered, leaning over to give her a gentle kiss on the forehead. "You need to rest. And I think we've gone over that minute."
"So much for light and short conversation," she smiled with a shrug.
"Let me get those brothers of yours in here," Gibbs said, standing up.
"Gibbs," she called as he looked back at her. "Thank you. For understanding."
He shook his head. "Always be there for ya, Abbs. I promise."
"You should go home, get some rest," she encouraged. "You look like hell."
Gibbs laughed out loud, nodding in agreement. "Yea, yea I guess I should. As long as Ducky doesn't keep holdin' me hostage here. You sure you're OK?"
"I'll be fine – plenty of people looking after me. Go take care of yourself. And make sure DiNozzo didn't get lost!"
"I'll find him," Gibbs smiled, "and let the team know you're awake."
"See you tomorrow."
"See ya tomorrow, Abbs."
As Gibbs walked out the door, in the corner of his eye he could see Abby put the oxygen mask back on. She still wasn't out of the woods, but he felt better knowing she was no longer in a coma. He would stay at the hospital another night, just to make sure, because while his head told him that she seemed much better, his gut was giving him a different feeling – that somehow, the other shoe was about to drop.
TO BE CONTINUED…
NOTES: Did you catch the Easter Eggs? We first learned about the fortune in "Hit & Run" when Gibbs recounted the first day he and Abby met and how she gave him the fortune that read: "Today's new friend is tomorrow's family." Also, Doc Ward was established as Abby's predecessor in the Season 12 episode "Blast from the Past," where we see Abby wearing Doc Ward's thick glasses and old coveralls (it's also the first time we learn about Gibbs' undercover work as Leyland Spears). Also the shout-out to Gibbs' third ex-wife and time undercover – the timeline fits for Abby to begin working at NCIS around the same time Gibbs was divorcing his third ex-wife, Stephanie. Hope you enjoyed all the throwbacks!