DISCLAIMER: I don't own NCIS...

***

Tony looked like he was about to bolt. Gibbs knew he had to diffuse this as quickly as possible, because Tony was starting to get the crazy look in his eyes.

"You're not here for me to question you Tony," Gibbs started. He kept his distance wondering if he got too close, Tony would run and hide. "I just need you to tell me you're okay."

"I'm fine," Tony automatically responded. He had the perfect poker face when things were bad, and considering the fact that Gibbs couldn't tell if he was lying or not, it was worse. So Gibbs waited a moment, hoping that Tony would start to crumble.

However, Gibbs didn't account for the fact that Tony had been working on his poker face since he was barely ten years old. Tony's best friend was his mask, as well as the ability to keep in on through every ordeal. Sighing, Gibbs decided to let Tony see how much this was affecting him. He knew immediately when Tony noticed, because the stiff posture tripled, and he briefly wondered if Tony could break his back being that tense.

"Tony," he started.

"No. I'm fine Gibbs," Tony insisted. "It'll pass over and I'll be back to normal."

Gibbs wished he could say, 'I believe you,' but he knew Tony was never going to be the same. Like every time someone Tony cared for left him, like every time his faith was shaken, this was going to change him for the worse. And it would take awhile for him to recover. Shaking his head to dispel memories of Kate and Paula's deaths and Jeanne and himself abandoning the agent, Gibbs looked away from Tony.

"I don't think so Tony. Just know that I may screw up some things between us, but I'll always have your six."

"I doubt that," Tony said bitterly.

"Look DiNozzo, I know I messed up with the Mexico debacle and I know I have to earn your trust again after Agent Lee. I also know that you have been trying to keep your head above the water for some time, and you're getting tired."

"Listen I know I went swimming in the Potomac but that was what two years ago? Really," Tony was damn good at poker.

"Cut the crap Tony," Gibbs went to him on the back of the head, but his wrist was caught mid-swing. Confused, Gibbs blinked.

"Don't. You dare," Tony breathed. He was gripping Gibbs wrist very hard and glaring. But the glare was misplaced. Instead of glaring at him, Gibbs felt as though he was being glared through. Through, perhaps, to a memory of his father.

"I'm sorry."

Tony pulled his head back sharply and released Gibbs' wrist, "What?"

"I'm sorry Tony," Gibbs said it a little louder to prove his point.

"Nuh-uh. No way Gibbs. You don't get to play that card with me," Tony took a step back from Gibbs and continued, "You really want to get into all this? How about we do it somewhere away from here."

It didn't come out as a question or a request. Gibbs nodded, "Fine. Meet you at my place."

And as he drove home, Gibbs watched as Tony's Mustang weaved in and out of traffic and pulled away from him. Hoping to find it parked in front of his house, Gibbs turned the corner and breathed. So Tony didn't get himself killed. But this next part, that was the real worry.

"Alright Gibbs, here is how it is," Tony started the moment Gibbs made it to the top of the basement.

Tony was seated on the table, legs swinging. Gibbs would have found it rather childlike if it weren't for the fact that Tony's face was no-nonsense.

"You don't get to play the 'I'm sorry' crap on me because we both know that everything you did, you would do again. And if at the time you didn't feel remorseful, then you sure as hell wouldn't let yourself now," Tony twitched.

"And I actually find it insulting that you think all the bullshit you put me through was worth it at the time but now that I'm going insane, you're suddenly repentant of all the wrongs you did."

Gibbs watched silently as Tony's flinch worsened. It's not like he could say Tony was wrong, about the general picture at least. He just hoped this would be a therapeutic release and not a trigger to a more unstable realm.

"Damn, it's coming back. But just to let you know, there are some things I want to tell you while I'm sober so I can't feel stupid tomorrow. When you left, yeah that hurt. You dumped everything on a 'you'll do.' 'You're the best I got.' But when you came back like that, it was disrespectful. But obviously if you had let me know and allowed me to move my stuff back myself, that wouldn't make quite a big impression on Probie and Ziva that you were back and the boss again.

"And when I jumped in the Potomac Gibbs! No thank you. Did you notice I went to the hospital that weekend? That's why I wasn't at work on Monday? Yeah, you did, but was it your fault I jumped in after you and an innocent little girl? Noo.

"And I really did like him Gibbs. He said things I understood. He said I was the only person who treated him right…"

Gibbs realized he let his confusion show when Tony threw his hands up and shouted,

"Jeffrey White! I would've ended up like him you know, if my friend hadn't helped me out after college."

Gibbs shook his head, "No Tony-"

"I'm not finished!"

The flinch was getting worse and Tony put his hand to the back of his neck trying to stop it. Realizing the flinch had to have come from trying to dodge his father; Gibbs tried to keep his face impassive. Tony never could take pity, unless he controlled the circumstances.

"But Gibbs what really hurt was you lying to me. To the team. I thought we were f- I thought we could trust each other. I'm sick of inter-department secrets and games!"

Tony flinched so hard that the table shook, "Damn!"

Breathing heavily, Tony rubbed at his neck ruefully. Gibbs tilted his head,

"You're right Tony. I shouldn't apologize for things that I don't regret. But I do regret some things," Gibbs nodded at Tony's startled face. "I was crass dealing with you after I came back. When you saved me and Maddie, I was embarrassed. I broke my own rules and you had to save the day. And all at the expense of your health. Then, I was feeling guilty. And I am sorry that the situation with Agent Lee led you to think I didn't trust you. I'm not sorry I didn't let you in on it. But I am sorry it turned out the way it did for you."

Gibbs paused, and inclined his head as Tony twitched again, "But I have a feeling that all of this is only part of your problem."

Tony flinched again and shrugged, "It does that each time this happens."

Gibbs said in disbelief, "How many times does this happen?"

"When things get to be too much," Tony shrugged again. "It's only happened twice before."

"And this is because of what happened when you were young," Gibbs prompted.

Tony glanced up at him sharply, "Let's not get into that Gibbs."

"You won't be able to move on," Gibbs started.

"Right," Tony said sarcastically and pointed at the boat. "Yeah."

"Tony," Gibbs had no idea where to go from here.

"Look Gibbs," Tony hopped off the table. "Let's just wipe the slate clean and start rebuilding. The demons of my past and yours don't need to intermingle."

"You need to talk to someone," Gibbs growled.

"I know. But I'll figure it out. Can't tell Abs, she wouldn't be able to handle it and then she would try to smother me with love. McGee, well, I doubt very much he would actually want to know too much about me. That's why I got Ducky and Palmer," Tony said as he made his way out of the house.

"And Ziva?"

Tony smiled briefly, though it still was filled with sadness, "She's a good drinking partner."

"And," Gibbs couldn't believe he was going to say this, but, "She understands you."

As he opened his car door, Tony nodded. Gibbs was still uncomfortable with this whole thing, and as though he knew, Tony said,

"Boss, there isn't anything anyone can do for me. Things were broken inside of me a long time ago. But all of you help put new things in, if that makes sense."

Gibbs nodded and turned back into the house, a little relieved. Still, things were going to be hard for the team until Tony made it through this. And, Gibbs thought determinedly, with his new family he was going to make it just fine.

A/N: Okay so this one was interesting. I didn't want to bring up too many things, because Tony really let most of those things slide. These were the ones that really bothered me. Anyway, there is still a lot to go through, but tell me if you want to see something specific. Let me know how I did! :)