Chapter 10
thanks for all the wonderful feedback.
grammar or spellings mess ups are mine.
I need to make this right.
I don't care if it cost me my sanity. I'm already going crazy here, for heaven's sake! The woman whom my heart is aching for is so near but yet so far. And she's just upstairs!
But I need to make this right.
I need to call Grissom. Hell, what am I suppose to say? 'Dude, I'm breaking up with you because I'm inlove with a woman.' or 'Gris, it's not you're fault. You don't hold a candle anywhere near Catherine.' or 'Gris, I don't know what was in my mind when I started seeing you.' or 'It's all your fault pushing me towards her. See what you've done?'
Damn it! How do you break up with a man and tell him you're in love with a woman? Or how do you tell your supervisor that you're in love with another supervisor?
In love? I'm in love with Catherine?
Why do I get into these situations?
First things first: I need to make this right. Call Grissom and get over it, then tell Catherine I'm in love with her and get over the humiliation and embarrassment she'll throw my way. By morning I'll send in my transfer to Kansas where they can't find me among the corn fields.
Right, at least I got a plan.
Ring...ring...ring...
"Ummmm... Sara?"
"Hey, sorry to wake you up but I'm in deep trouble."
"You do realize it's past three in the morning..."
"I know, Greg, but..."
"Roosters aren't even up, Sara."
"Greg, what will I do?"
"Are you cuffed to a bed?"
"No."
"Chained inside a closet?"
"No."
"Have you been whipped?"
"No."
"Any body parts cut off?"
"No."
"Catherine still alive?"
"Yes."
"Then hang up and let me sleep, Sara!"
"Greg..."
"Honey, I know I've said it before that I love you to death, and the death part is really appealing now."
"..."
"Okay, I'm awake. Talk to me."
"I'm confused, Greg."
"If you're calling at three in the morning, yes, I'd say you're confused."
"Seriously now. What do I do? It's Catherine I'm in love with."
"You're saying you're in love with Catherine. You really have to sure about this, Sara."
"You're scaring me, Greg."
"I'm just saying..."
"I know. I do have to tell Grissom, don't I? It's Catherine, Greg. It's Catherine."
"Then you know what to do."
"I hate it when you do that, Greg. You make me answer my own questions."
"Ahhh, that's why I'm brillant! You'll be alright, Sara."
"Thanks, Greggo."
"Good night, Sara."
Click.
Ring...ring...ring...
"Hello?"
"Gris..."
"Sara, are you okay? Everything alright there?"
"I'm fine. It's...there's something...I...hell!"
"Sara, what's the matter?"
"Me! I'm what's the matter, Griss. I don't...damn it!"
"Sara, just say it."
Hell. "I'm attracted to someone else. No! No! No!"
"No, no, no?"
"No, no. Wait..." I take a deep breath, "I'm in love with someone else. It's someone else, Gris."
"Sara..."
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"May I ask when did you..."
"For weeks now. But I guess I was in denial of what I was feeling."
"Sara..."
"I so sorry, Gil. I don't know what to do anymore."
"I don't know what to say, Sara."
"Say anything, Gil."
"I... I guess it's better to face the truth than to pretend."
"I know. That's why I needed to tell you. I'm so sorry."
"Sara, stop apologizing. We...we had a good time. It was good while it lasted."
Whatever. "Ummm. Okay, sure. But... I guess we..."
"Need time to move on?"
Finally! "Yes, yes, yes. Will you be okay?"
"I'll be fine, Sara. It's better to be honest with yourself."
"So, uh...see you at work?"
"Yes. I'll see you at work."
"It's not going to be weird or something?"
"Sara, it's okay. We're both adults. I kind of felt that you were distant for awhile now. I tried not to think about it but I somehow deep inside me I expected it would come this but still...I hoped."
Yada, yada, yada. "Alright then. I need to go, Gris. Thank you. but I need to...go." Like now.
"Sara, wait. May I ask...?"
"I have to tell her first."
"Her? Sara? Did I hear..."
"Gotta go, bye!"
Click. Well, I warned him I needed to go.
Good golly! How can he be so civil about it? He throws a fit if one of his imported creepy bugs dies! Or how we all have to stand still till he finds one of his stupid spiders. Imagine how he preserves the minature houses with care. But breaking up? It's like...duh!
And I can't believe how relieved I am! Why did it last that long in the first place? Hell, I must of been drunk, desperate or something.
How do I tell Catherine? I've been standing outside her bedroom door for minutes now. I should knock.
No! Let her sleep.
No! I'll loose my nerve if I wait till morning. Technically it is morning in some asian countries.
Decisions, decisions, decisions...Okay I'll knock. It's now or never. Better to knock than not to knock. Here goes nothing...
"Sara? Aww!" Catherine opens the door as I was about to knock. Well, okay. Let's just say I did knock. On her forehead.
I'ts past three in the morning, and knocking on her head is definitely not a good start to start a conversation.
She rubs her forehead, her eyes wide with bewilderment. "What the hell, Sara?"
Crap. This is not the way to start a possible relationship. Hell, what else could go wrong?
"Cath...I..." Damn it!
"Sara..."
Do or die! "I...I'm sorry for knocking on you but I came to say that you're wrong. Very wrong."
Her eyebrow shoots up. "Excuse me?"
"Sofia. It's not her. It's...it's..." Oh, god...
A little smile forms at the corner of her mouth. "Me?"
I look at her and I whisper, "yes."
She leans by the doorway, her eyebrows arch up. "What?"
"I wanted to tell you but you went upstairs and I lost my nerve. I'm sorry."
She looks at me and tilts her head to the side. "And Grissom?"
"I already told him I am in love with someone else."
"You... you're what?" This time she raised her voice. I never knew she can reach that high of a pitch.
Alright, time to panic. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came upon me that..."
"In love? With me, Sara?" She runs her hand through her hair again. "Really?" Wow, she really can maintain that high pitch...
"Yes, with you. Definitely with you. I'ts not just an attraction, it's more than that. I know because lately everytime I'm near you I get this funny feeling at the pit of my stomach that makes me feel so good inside that it also makes me have the need to grab you, hug, you and kiss you silly. Is that bad?" Or was that too much information?
Her surprised look still hasn't gone away. Actually she hasn't blinked yet. Oh, this is bad...
"Sara, I don't know what to say..."
Oh, lord, I can't feel my legs. I want to disappear, like now!
I'm starting to sweat. "Sorry, I just...I just needed you to know that you were wrong. It's not Sofia." I feel like a jerk. "I... I need to go. Good night, Catherine." I wish this was a stage play where the director can shout 'cut!' and the curtains go down, then we could rehearse again and do it better the second time around.
Humiliated and defeated. So there's nothing much to do right now but to turn around and march to Lindsey's room with legs that are heavier than steel at the moment.
"Sara, wait..." She reaches out and grabs my arm.
I turn around and face her once again. "Don't, Catherine. I'm...it's okay. I just needed you to know that it's not her."
"I don't know what to say but that..."
"It's okay, Catherine. I'm sorry that I dropped this load so suddenly on you."
"What I'm trying to say is..."
"I'm fine, Catherine. It's alright." I don't want to hear her feeling sorry for me.
"Sara, I..." I don't need her pity right now. And I don't want to hear it. That would be too much for me to handle.
"Catherine, it's okay. You don't have..."
She takes a step foreward and both hands go on her hips. "Shut up for a minute, Sidle. Will ya?"
I raise both eyebrows. "Whatever you say."
"For the third time, again, what I'm trying to say is..." She takes another step foreward and whispers, "I'm glad that it's me."
I open my mouth but not even a sound comes out. I'm left totally speechless...
She takes another step foreward and now we're inches apart. She looks up to me with a smile. "I guess it's my turn to say 'sorry for dropping this load on you', too."
reviews/ feedbacks would be awsome...
i'm over my cold. see? no cliffies.