Chapter 10

A few things, first. I caught a medical terminology mistake in the last chapter. Reyes refers to Lara entering TC. What I was referring to was pulseless tachecardia, and should have used the term V-Fib. This is a heart rhythm that can only be broken with a defribulator, and if it is not broken leads to cardiac arrest. Without a hospital this is fatal (thus Reyes performing CPR to re-regulate her heartbeat.) And for those who were interested, I am not a doctor or medical student, I simply have an interest in everything, and thus do very thorough research ^u^

"Come on, Lara!" Reyes' calls are slowly becoming louder, fighting the edge of desperation. She's coming up on her thirteenth cycle, pumping against your ribcage with weakening arms and a shot shoulder, and the beads of sweat on her forehead only serve to frighten me further.

The sides of your face are still in my hands, still cold. So cold. Please. Please.

"Lara, open your eyes…" The plea is hardly a choke. "Don't do this…not after…"

My mind collapses until all I can comprehend, all I can sense, is your voice, telling me that you loved me. And that kiss, that raw electricity that shocked every nerve in my body with the most minimal brush.

I remember boarding school, meeting you for the first time and my breath hitching in my throat when confronted with your innocent yet determined beauty. I remember college, trembling in your arms after nights wrecked with bad liquor and poor decisions. I remember you forcing me to study for tests I didn't care about so I wouldn't flunk out. I remember the moment in that night club when you backhanded some asshole across the face for calling me a slut.

I remember falling for you as you walked me around the London Festival, our hands threaded together as not to lose each other, your eyes alight with the hues of the fireworks and your lips radiant with that small smile.

Those were the days, the years in which we consumed one another. Even if we were platonic, we changed each other. We fed on each other's energy. We laughed together, cried together, and everything there was between those points. Friends left, lovers left, family left, but we stayed, always. Always.

You are all I have. You are all of me.

And with you freezing and unresponsive in my arms, I can already feel myself becoming nothing.

Reyes is losing her battle against your heart. "You ain't allowed to give up now, Lara!" she shouts between clenched teeth, and I agree with her angrily. It sounds so selfish, saying that you're not allowed after everything you've been through, but I struggle to care. You can't leave me like this.

You deserve to go home more than any of us.

She puts her ear to your chest, and something inside me tells me to close my eyes. Please. Please.

Please.

"Yes…Yes!" Her exclamation catches me off guard, and my entire soul rises into my throat and fills me. "That's it, girl. Come on." My eyes shoot open and I'm met with the darker woman's mouth pulled into on uncharacteristic smile.

"Is she…?"

"Yeah, she's alive, and her heart's re-regulated." She wipes the perspiration from her forehead with the back of her hand and touches you very gently, in that motherly way that was sure to be instinctive to her now.

I look down to you, to your closed, sunken eyes. "She's…she's still not waking up…"

"Sam…I don't think she has the strength to wake up." I look back to her with a desperation in my features. With an anxious hand she runs fingers from her own hairline to the base of her neck, short dreads bouncing as they were released under the pressure. She's quiet for a moment and exhales loudly.

"We really gotta get her to a hospital," she finally breathes. It's a painfully obvious statement, but for some reason the real impact of it doesn't hit me until now.

"How long?" I mutter. "How long until we reach land?"

"The skipper says we'll hit Okinawa by midday tomorrow." We exchange a gaze that I'd had never expected to share with her, a lingering current of extreme, sympathetic distress.

"Do you think…" I reach for your lax hand and clutch to it, and try to speak around the dense ball in the back of my throat. "D-Do you think she'll make it…?"

For a moment she inhales and opens her mouth as if preparing to speak, but after a laying another gaze over your white, sickly form she purses her lips and makes a deep exhale to the floor.

"I love her."

The words shock me as they leave my mouth. I'm not sure what compels me to vocalize such a thing to Reyes of all people, but suddenly they are all I can think. I can't bring myself to look away from you, and a force beyond my control keeps my hand glued to yours.

Josilin doesn't make a single sound in response, but I can hear her shift her weight from one hip to the other. Her bare arms make a subtle noise while she crosses them over her chest.

"I love her so much…and…" You love me. My eyes burn, and even though it's such a blissfully wonderful thought it's heavily tainted with the black ink of decay. You love me.

We could have a life together.

We could have had a life together.

Just thinking that sentence for the first time sends blunt, heavy pain radiating across my chest in waves. I find myself dwelling on our age, how long my life will be without you there. God, we're still so young. Fresh graduates, looking for our mark, and ultimately looking for each other.

We could have been happy.

More tears, but this time I don't feel pathetic for it. My eyes keep going to the purple dots crowding your chest and neck. I deserve these tears. My love is dying. I deserve to cry until my eyes bleed. It's different now, a harder, sharper pain than before, an evolution of suffering. With the revelation of your feelings for me comes the sense that we are missing out on something blindingly beautiful.

I'm sobbing, and I can hardly believe I have the energy left in me.

"God, it fucking hurts…" I choke. "Reyes…I can't lose her…She…she's all I h-have…"

I whip around to face Reyes from my kneeling position, my hair forming a momentary crown as it flares.

It takes me a moment to realize she's already gone.