Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

Rating: T

Chapter 10

Buffy was ready to snap.

They'd been living in the same house for six months now. Six months of playing pretend families with overly polite conversations. Neither of them wanted to venture too far outside of safe territory and accidentally step foot into what they really needed to talk about.

Six months of bending to fit around what he wanted to do because of the guilt she still felt, had always felt, and he was still keeping her at arms length. He was still looking at her as if she was the Messiah and could walk on water but she was not quite good enough to be forgiven for a choice she made when she chock full of baby hormones and thought he had moved on from her.

She had given in and spent Christmas with them, same with New Years and her birthday all because he had told her that it would mean a lot to him if they could spend it together as a family. Plus, Willow, Dawn and Xander wouldn't let her bow out, guilting her into it more than Giles was by pointing out they hadn't had a chance to celebrate properly since she left.

Bash's birthday had been such a happy day for him and Giles. She had done her bit in the morning, watching him open his presents, given him his hugs and birthday bounces like she had for the last few years and then retreated to the training facility for the rest of the day until Ethan had shown up. After he had spent time with Bash he had dragged her out of the house and made her laugh again while plying her with booze.

Giles had eventually told her about his plan the evening she had returned from seeing the girls. The first time she went to see them she had stayed for an entire afternoon just chatting with them, catching up and introducing Bash. After that she had agreed easily to his plan because it was what she wanted to do and not because it made him happy for her to do it.

That first time there were nearly fifty girls waiting for her in the gym and she had been overwhelmed with how grateful most of them were and how worshipful others were. If she was honest with herself she didn't like it, not really, not beyond the first few minutes anyway.

When she settled into training them she held a class twice a week, twenty five girls in each class rotating through the complete roster of girls through the month. Once a month she held an extra two classes a week focusing on meditation. Those classes were bigger because no physical activity happened beyond stretching and the balancing techniques Giles had taught her.

But today she was in need of a good fight. A real knock down drag out fight like the kind she and Faith used to have when the Hellmouth was quiet to release all the pent up Slayage tension. She walked through the doors to the big gym and into a fight already in progress.

Grinning with satisfaction she whistled loudly getting their attention, "What the Hell guys?" she asked dropping her bag on one of the chairs along the back wall.

The girls all turned to face her and she recognised that same need to release the tension she used to experience, "Let me guess," she said while she went through a few idle stretches, "It's been a slow month"

Rebecca snorted, "You could say that" she said starting to copy what Buffy was doing.

Buffy kept her grin to herself when she noticed the others doing it too. She gripped her left foot behind her back and pulled, bending it until her toes touched the back of her head, noticing them do the same.

"Yeah it's way dead out there" Sophie called out dropping her leg back to the floor, "Pun intended".

Buffy gave up and smirked at them, "Fancy a fight then girls?" she asked bouncing from side to side on the balls of her feet, rolling her head on her neck.

"What d'ya mean?" "Stephanie asked, a confused frown on her face.

"Come at me," Buffy said dropping into a loose defensive stance, "No weapons. Don't hold back. But pull the blow before you break something or cause serious damage" she said casually, her memory returning to the day she had said the same thing to Faith.

Before Faith had come along Giles had engaged her in some pretty epic sword fights to give her an outlet for her energy. Sometimes they had left him gasping for breath and unable to lift a book for a couple of days.

"Who's first" Charlie called out eagerly and Buffy saw the same eagerness on the faces of all of them.

"Who says it has to be one at a time" Buffy said with a predatory grin, "When you're ready" she said standing up straight and closing her eyes.

Thanks to all the training she had been doing with them, all of her abilities were fully functional again and she had yet to show them this trick. Her grin widened when she felt their hesitation and raised her hands making the universal 'come and have a go' gesture, eyes still shut.

She let her senses reign and felt four of them run at her. She waited until she could hear their breathing then spun, delivering a perfect roundhouse knocking two of them down. She heard the gasps from the others and laughed. She bent backwards avoiding the kick from Rebecca, continuing back into a flip, flicking her foot out at the last second and connecting with Rebecca's chin, knocking her backwards and off her feet.

She could feel Sam behind and to the left of her, could feel her smugness that she had managed to get that close, before spinning and catching her fist with her right hand then delivering a backhand with her left.

She turned back to the others and opened her eyes, checking the girls she had knocked down were okay with a quick glance, "I'll teach you all that trick at the end of the month" she said to her awestruck audience as she helped each of the grinning girls to their feet, "Anyone else wanna go before we bring out the swords?"

They all mirrored her grin and charged.

Giles showed up ten minutes later to see how things were going and stared into the room in horror. It was a total melee of Slayers beating the crap out of each other. He pulled open the door and stormed in.

"What in the Hell is going on in here?" he shouted bringing the fight to a complete stop.

"Hey Giles" Buffy called from the back of the room, wiping blood from her lip and sporting what was already an impressive black eye, "Just a little release of Slayage tension that's all"

Giles looked around the room at the other girls nodding in agreement, half a dozen laying slumped against the back wall unconscious. He remembered when Buffy would go through this and understood what was happening.

"Ah, well how about a sword fight my dear, show them how it's done" he said shrugging out of his suit coat and draping it over the back of a chair, his tie joining it a few seconds later.

Buffy grinned in anticipation and walked over to the weapons room to retrieve the swords, handing one to Anita and another to Rebecca just in case.

Buffy threw a sword to Giles laughing when the girls gasped as he caught it easily. She spun her sword around her a few times getting a feel for it as she walked forward, the girls backing up against the walls, all of them sporting one or more of a bruise, a limp or a bloody nose, a couple of them favouring their arms or shoulders or rubbing their heads too.

She saluted Giles with her sword, a little thrill running through her at the thought of going toe to toe with him again. He saluted her and they both held their swords in the en garde position before Giles took the offensive and charged her.

She blocked him easily, parried every blow, concentrating solely on his movements like he had taught her, until she looked into his eyes and saw something burning in them that called to her on a primal level.

The very thin thread tethering her patience and her already tenuous hold on her emotions snapped. She felt every ounce of frustration and anger, every spike of pain, every heart wrenching second she had buried her head in her pillow to smother the sobs.

She went on the offensive, forcing him to change tactics rapidly as she spun and ducked under his parries, knocking him back. The plethora of emotions, good and bad, she had been suppressing roared to the surface and took over as the clang of steal rang around the room.

"Rebecca!" she called out holding her hand out as she blocked Giles' attack and felt her throw the sword she had been holding.

She caught it without looking and brought it down against his sword, "You want a second?" she asked as he panted for breath, a hint of fear in his eyes at the way she was attacking him.

He held his hand out and caught the blade Anita tossed towards him, grateful they were using the lightweight training swords, forcing Buffy back as he pulled his sword up, swiping away her blades. For twenty minutes they fought evenly, Giles' skill matching her strength, until he saw something shift in her and he began to feel genuine fear when a particularly vicious swing cut through one of his blades.

She finished the fight by disarming him of the other sword with a casual flick of her wrist and spun, backing him against the wall with two swords crossed at his throat. She was glaring at him as she backed away and dropped the swords at his feet.

The girls gave a tentative round of applause and began murmuring between themselves as Buffy walked over to her bag and retrieved her towel. She kept her back to Giles as she rubbed the sweat from her face and neck, chugging a bottle of water.

She felt him walk up behind her, his jumbled thoughts almost screaming at her, and not wanting to deal with him she draped the towel over her shoulder, grabbed her bag and walked out, ignoring him as he called her name.

Xxxxxxxxxx

"Are you alright Buffy?" Giles asked her later that night after Bash was in bed, "You seemed a little off today, angry actually"

"And you started caring when?" she asked him, putting her book down and looking over at him with eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Of course I care, I've always cared" he said a slightly wounded expression flickering over his face.

"Could have fooled me. For the last six months whenever you've spoken to me outside of Council business or when it has something to do with Bash it's always about how you'd feel or what you'd want" she said in an emotionless voice, picking her book up again and returning to the last sentence she had read.

"I thought it would make you happy staying here for the holidays and your birthday. I thought you wanted that too" he said and she could hear the wounded inflection in his voice.

She knew if she looked up she would see his sad face and sighed, "What I wanted?" she asked looking up at him anyway, shutting her book and standing, wine glass in hand, "As if any of this is how I wanted it" she hissed before walking towards the kitchen.

"I would have wanted to know I had a son before he ran into your hospital room so it looks as if we are both disappointed" he muttered as she walked past him.

She whirled on him, her eyes flashing dangerously, "What do you want from me!" she shouted at him, "Huh? What. Do. You. Want? I do everything you ask of me, everything. I stay here with Bash so you can both have that and you're just keeping me dangling on strings like I'm nothing more than your puppet, pulling them when you want something. And I give it to you, every fucking time, hoping that maybe, just maybe, you'll finally forgive me. You don't see me or what it's doing to me, you don't care that it's killing me!"

He stared at her in shock as she furiously spun and stalked into the kitchen, slamming her glass down in the sink hard enough to shatter it. She stormed back into the room, not looking at him as she passed him, cradling the hand she had cut on the glass across her chest.

"If you can't forgive me Giles, if you don't think you ever can then tell me and let me go" she said, her voice hard enough to cut glass as she walked through the room to the stairs.

He stood and moved to follow her stopping suddenly when he heard her telling him to stay away from her in his head. He angrily ripped his glasses off and threw them onto the sofa, his jaw clenching as he paced back and forth at the bottom of the stairs, wondering if he should just go up there anyway.

He heard the water filling her bath tub and sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat as he collapsed onto the sofa next to his glasses. What the Hell is wrong with me? he thought to himself. He thought back over the last six months, looking at it from her perspective, and he realised she was right.

He had manipulated her into agreeing every single time he had asked something personal of her and he saw her in his memories as if for the first time. He saw how miserable she was, how the spark of hope in her eyes when she looked at him had begun to fade.

And then there was Ethans visit and the conversation they had shared over a drink in his study after Ethan had deposited an unconscious Buffy onto the sofa.

"Why did you drag her out of the house?" he had asked him trying to keep the jealousy he was feeling from colouring his voice.

"Because she was drowning, couldn't you tell? Or were you too wrapped up in being able to play happy families and spending time with your son that you haven't noticed her smiles were brittle, her laughs hollow, unless it was Bash making her laugh?" Ethan said while swirling the contents of his glass.

"I hadn't noticed no" he'd murmured, "but I'm no longer required to keep such a close eye on her, I've fallen out of the habit of noticing every little thing"

"So? Look, Rupert, she may not be your Slayer anymore..."

"She will always be my Slayer" he said forcefully.

"Fine but she's also the woman you love and your continued punishment of her leaving, of keeping Bash from you...it needs to stop" Ethan said glaring at him, "you wanted to know why I started to care for her, it's simple; she cares too much, about everyone and everything" he sat back and sighed, "plus I listened to her crying herself to sleep every night after she first moved in, not even I'm so heartless it didn't affect me" he finished lifting his glass to his lips and finishing his drink in one go.

"How can I just forgive her for keeping my son from me Ethan? It's not as easy as that" Giles said finishing his own drink, images of her alone and crying filled his head.

"Sure it is, get over yourself" Ethan said with a sarcastic grin as he stood on slightly wobbly legs.

"Faith said that as well" Giles grumbled wondering if they were right.

"Ah Faith" Ethan said his smile growing as he closed his eyes, "now that's a girl I wouldn't mind having wrapped around me, her ankles round my ears" he looked at Giles, "especially if all Slayers are as flexible as Buffy is"

Giles flushed angrily and jumped to his feet, "If you laid a hand on her Ethan..."

"You'll what? Beat me half to death? Please Ripper, even if I deserved it you wouldn't risk upsetting Bash" he said with a cocky grin, "not that it would be any of your business if we did fuck each others brains out"

"She's my..."

"Your what? Slayer? Friend? Girlfriend? Mother of your child?" Ethan asked leaning over the back of the chair and staring at him, shrugging his shoulders and encouraging him to answer with an expectant glare, "She was single and I'm me so there was nothing stopping us really. We worked together, lived next door to each other, I watched Bash when she would go hunting, sat in the office with him when we were working, could have had her bent over the bar making her scream..."

"Please, Ethan, tell me you didn't?" Giles begged him, not caring that he was.

Ethan looked at him and saw the pain on his face, "Of course we didn't you fucking idiot, she would have put me in bloody traction if I had so much as looked at her like that"

"Then how would you know how flexible she was?" Giles asked sagging in relief and dropping back down into his chair.

"Would watch her do her yoga in the middle of the club you berk how else would I know? I helped when she started to do it with Bash just in case he'd fall off" Ethan said with a shake of his head, "On that note I'm off, met a lovely couple that seemed interested in a good time and said I would meet them at the next club"

Giles chuckled and shook his head in disbelief, "Still the same old sex mad Ethan"

"Too bloody right! If I had the choice of how I get to die then I would go out in the middle of an orgy" Ethan said dreamily, "and as long as I can get it up then I'm going to use it" and with a little flourish of his hands as he bowed slightly he was gone.

"Have fun" Giles called after him, shaking his head at the evil laugh he received in reply.

He had watched Buffy after that and had seen what Ethan had meant, but he hadn't known how to fix it while he was still ambivalent towards her.

He crossed the room and picked up his book, turning the lights off before heading up to his room. He paused outside her bathroom as the taps shut off, hearing her muted hiss of pain and the slight clink of glass against the porcelain of the sink.

His hand paused just as he was about to knock, dropping it back to his side when he heard the sound of a muffled sob. He moved away and up the stairs, checking on Bash before turning into his room and shutting the door. He dropped down on his bed, listening to her move around below him, as he pulled his shirt off and begun his nightly routine.

He lay awake long into the night, his mind unable to shut down as he went over what had happened downstairs. He had dropped his barriers against her months ago, partly for both of their protection but mainly so he was ready for the day she felt ready to let him back in. So far she hadn't and he felt off balance because of it.

His mind travelled back to their sword fight and he shuddered involuntarily at the anger he had felt burning off of her, the anger in her eyes when she had recognised the passion in his. He hadn't been able to help his reaction to her, it had been automatic as he had watched her move.

The sound of the front door shutting pulled him from his reverie and he jumped from his bed in the span of a heartbeat. He got to the window just as she crossed the street in front of the house and jogged out of sight.

Sighing he got back into bed and waited for her to return.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Things had been tense between them since that night and Buffy had begun to actively patrol once again as a way to avoid him. Bash hadn't noticed, not that they knew, and his excitement about starting school in September kept him from questioning why she was sporting fresh injuries every couple of days.

But he had noticed, had felt it from both of them, and confided in his Aunty Dawn about it.

"Mum and Dad are fighting" Bash told her as she walked him to the park a month later. He had stooped calling them Mummy and Daddy when the kids at the park had teased him for being a baby.

"No they're not Bash, they're just real busy is all" she told him gently, the denial automatic even though it was obvious to a rock that things were less than stellar between them.

"They are, they don't talk to each other. Mum goes out every night fighting, she angry all the time and she won't let me help" he said sitting down on the grass behind the fence at the edge of the pond, dipping his hand into the bag of food to feed the ducks with.

Dawn sat next to him in contemplative silence. She knew they had fought last month, the story of their sword fight had spread through the council quickly, and Willow had rung her after Buffy had told her what had happened afterwards.

She looked at Bash, watching him feed the ducks with a solemn expression on his face that didn't belong on a four year old.

"She want to go downstairs" Bash said watching a swan climb up the bank towards the food he had scattered there.

"I know" Dawn whispered, "They love each other very much Bash" she told him, ducking her head to look into his eyes.

"They sad too" he said then looked up at her expectantly, "Can we make them not fight?"

Dawn grinned at him and huffed out a humourless chuckle, "Your Mom and Dad have a history of fighting Bash and no one can make them stop but them"

"Oh," Bash said looking back at the pond, "What about if I told them to stop, would that work?"

"Maybe" she said giving him a grin, "Wanna play on the swings?" she asked him wanting to distract him from the uncomfortable conversation.

Bash nodded happily and jumped up, running off towards the play area, giggling as Dawn chased him. He would worry about his parents later now he wanted Dawn to push him on the swings really high.

Xxxxxxxxxx

"Bash are you ready for your bath?" Giles asked him walking into his study, his eyes widening in surprise when he saw him reading from one of his diaries as Buffy's Watcher, "Bash! What are you doing reading that?" he snapped striding forward and taking it from him. Normally he didn't curb his curiosity and encouraged him to read whatever he liked, within reason, but his diaries contained details neither he, nor Buffy, wanted him to know.

Bash looked up at him thoughtfully, "You've always loved Mum" he said, his voice carefully neutral and Giles stared down at him, puzzled that he didn't seem to feel guilty for breaking the rules.

"Well yes, I, uh, I suppose I have in one way or another" he said as he put the diary back where it belonged, confused at his sons questions and wondering where this was going.

"Then why you mad at her?" Bash asked still sitting in Giles' chair and watching him, his green eyes reflecting an intelligence far beyond his years.

"I'm not mad at her Bash" Giles said gently, looking down at the floor doing his level best to hide his emotions from his son.

"Yes you are! I feel it" Bash said angrily, his eyes narrowing as he jumped from the chair, "Mum angry and sad all the time, you mad at her, hurting her"

"Bash...it's not that simple" he muttered, his voice now tinged with sadness, "She made a choice long ago..."

"Yeah you was happy, she thought you was happy and kept me secret" Bash said his eyes glinting defiantly in the lamplight as he stood in front of him with his hands on his hips, "You love her, she loves you, stop hurting her!"

Giles watched as Bash ran from the room, shame welling up inside of him at how his inability to get past his resentment was starting to affect Bash.

"What was that about?" Buffy asked walking into the room, pinning him with a glare that had him sighing in defeat.

"He told me to stop hurting you" he said honestly not missing the pleased tilt to her lips. He gritted his teeth as a wave of frustration surged through him and shoved his hands into his pockets, "He also said you loved me" he told her taking some satisfaction in the blush that blossomed on her cheeks at his words.

"It's not exactly a secret Giles" she said turning from him, "I'm gonna bath Bash and get him into bed before heading out".

He reached out and touched her arm, making her stop before she left the room, "Buffy...can we, uh, can we talk, please?"

She looked back at him and nodded, "Sure, I think it's time for a chat" she said then left the room.

He sighed in relief and sat on the edge of his desk listening to her call Bash for his bath. It was time to face the truth. He decided that if he cooked, distracting her with her favourite food she wouldn't feel so inclined to kill him.

At least he was hoping she wouldn't.

XXXXXXXXXX

Buffy watched Bash playing with his submarine and his shark, weaving them in and out of the mounds of bubbles and making the shark attack, dropping it on top of the submarine.

"Bash time to wash" she said sliding off of the toilet and reaching for the wash cloth and body wash.

"No! Don't wanna wash" he pouted kicking his feet at her when she tried to grab him.

She sighed and sat back, "Fine do it yourself but do it properly" she said handing him the soapy cloth and shaking her head with a grin when he stood and took it from her without any argument.

"I won't need to watch you in the bath much longer sweetie" she said laughing when he wiggled his butt on the cloth.

"I'm a big boy now" he said with a little bounce then slipped backwards.

Buffy lunged forward and caught him before he hit his head against the back of the bath and tutted, "Maybe you don't jump in the bath sweetie, I might not be there to catch you next time"

"Mum?" Bash asked, sitting now as he absently rubbed his chest with the cloth.

"Yes sweetie?" Buffy asked distractedly as she rubbed a towel over her arms.

"You not really going downstairs right?" he asked and she looked up at him, her mouth open in shock.

"Why do you ask?" she asked warily, taking the cloth from him and rubbing it over the back of his neck and behind his ears.

"Coz then you be allll the way at the bottom and I be allll the way at the top" he said showing her with his hands, "That's a long way when I have a bad dream"

Buffy smiled at him before standing then bending and lifting him from the tub, "Well," she said wrapping a towel around him, "it might be better for me and Dad if I did go downstairs" she said, gently rubbing him with the towel.

"Dad really loves you" he whispered staring at her with a serious expression that looked out of place on the innocent face.

"And I love your Dad but sometimes that's not enough" she said hugging him to her for a minute before pushing him away and pulling the towel up to dry his hair.

"What you mean?" he asked grinning at her laugh when she saw his hair.

Buffy thought about how to explain it so he would understand, watching as he made funny faces at his reflection in the shower door, "Do you remember when you had that bad cold a couple of months ago?" she asked him having finally settled on an idea.

"Yep, slime came outta my nose" he said trying to touch the tip of his tongue to the tip of his nose.

"Yes I remember" Buffy muttered with a grimace, "and do you remember when Xander brought some doughnuts with him when he came to visit and he left you one in a tub in the fridge?"

Bash nodded as she helped him into his pyjama pants.

"And I told you you couldn't eat it yet because you were going to bed but you didn't listen and ate it when I went to the toilet" she said smirking at the blush rising on his cheeks, "and then you ran around upstairs and jumped up and down on your bed until you were sick all over it and now you don't want to eat another one just in case"

"I love doughnuts but they make me sick" Bash whined as he sat on her lap.

"Well I love your Dad but we make each other sad sometimes and I don't want to make your Dad sad anymore" she said giving him a squeeze.

"Xander says if you give Dad a happy he won't be grumpy" Bash said squirming slightly when she lightly tickled him.

"Xander should learn to mind his own business" she muttered wishing she could put him in the padding again.

"Can you read me story?" he asked twisting round and laying his head on her shoulder.

"Sure I can sweetie, go pick one and get into bed while I soak up the lake you made" she said laughing at his eye roll.

"It not that bad, you say that every time" he said then ran out of the room laughing when she scowled at him.

Buffy quickly lay some towels on the floor to soak up the water then ran after him.