~AL~
Stormy Weather
Cabo San Lucas
March 1996
~AL~
The doorknob rattled as he tried to get it open with his key. I hadn't slept all night, and even though I was exhausted I felt the adrenaline pumping my blood furiously to my heart. The anxiety I felt made me dizzy. But this was it. My world was going to explode in a few minutes and I didn't know how I'd handle it.
I stood up then I sat down again. I wasn't sure what to do so I stood again and actually walked to the door and turned the knob so quickly it flew open. He must have been leaning against the door and fell straight to the floor at my feet. Fuck me! He was wasted!
The worry that had cultivated in my stomach had turned into a full on anxiety attack. I needed the confrontation to settle my mind to relax a bit. But unfortunately that wasn't going to happen. I couldn't sit another moment stewing and left wondering what in the world happened. I needed answers and resolutions.
My chest was heaving. The t-shirt I had put on not too long before Edward arrived was moving up and down rapidly on my chest. The pain in my arm increased and felt like millions of needles poking me from the tips of my fingers all the way to my heart. The muscles from my shoulder to my breast were tensed and felt like they were being choked. That alone panicked me more, my breathing came so quick and shallow I was going to pass out.
I looked around rapidly as I used the adrenaline, running like a burst dam through my veins, for some seriously needed self-preservation. Edward was passed out flat on the floor and I pulled his body a bit, so the door would close. His dead weight was a bitch to move but I was on a mission. This was all in the name of taking care of myself.
Grabbing a few things and stuffing it in my duffle bag, I called Alice. After a look at the clock, I prayed they were back from the club. It was five-thirty in the morning and I figured they were sleeping.
As soon as I heard her voice, I couldn't contain the feelings any longer. A muffled voice answered, "Hello."
"Alice? I need you. Please come."
I heard some rustling. "Jasper, Jasper. Wake up. Bella needs us. Okay, Bella, we'll be right there."
I didn't know where all this behavior came from. What sparked the change in Edward? The past couple of days had been wonderful. Edward took me horseback riding on the beach because he remembered a story I told him once about me loving to ride when I was younger.
We went on an ATV ride to the lighthouse where he surprised me with a picnic lunch. After lunch, we walked along the beach and found it covered in sand washed glass. Sifting through them, he found pieces of teal, turquoise, sky blue, purple, and white in odd shapes. As he stuffed his pockets with the pretty glass, he suggested we'd fill a jar with them to remind us of our time in Cabo.
We spent a lot of time alone enjoying ourselves then we would meet up with the gang for dinner or breakfast in the morning. Everything was more than perfect until we all hung out together at the pool the day before. I couldn't come up with a sensible explanation as to what had changed. Was it love at first sight with that girl at the pool? Did he have enough of a spark to throw everything we had out the window? Nothing made sense to me and I worried more because I had a feeling he wouldn't tell me either way. Really, who in their right mind would admit to cheating unless they were caught red handed?
The loud knock at the door snapped me out of my musings. I grabbed my bag, stepped over Edward, and opened the door the little bit it would open. Alice and Jasper were there and I stepped behind the door so they could step in.
"Fuck! What the fuck did he do?" exclaimed Jasper.
Alice came straight to me and wrapped me in a motherly hug, which started the water works all over again. "Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry. I don't know what's going on with him, but we'll figure it out together. Okay?" she said while rubbing my back soothingly.
"Alice, can I stay with you tonight?" I begged.
"Alice, take her to our room and I'll stay here with E." Jasper walked over to us and pulled me into a hug. "Bella, I'll stay and make sure Edward doesn't puke and choke on it, okay? Although, I'm sure there's nothing more you want right now." He tried to make me laugh, and if I weren't so heartbroken, I would have.
"Thanks, Jasper."
Alice held onto my hand and guided me to her room. Once we entered, I looked around and decided I'd set up a bed on the sofa. Their bed was rumpled and I couldn't see myself sleeping in there after they probably had sex.
"I'll take the sofa," I said, pointing to the couch. I opened the accordion doors to the closet and pulled out the extra blankets and pillow. I covered the sofa with the yellow crushed velvet-like blanket and used the other to cover myself.
"I need to try and sleep, Alice. If you're ready to get up and need to do stuff please go. I'll be fine here."
"No, no. We just got home a little while ago, so sleep is much needed. Night."
"Night."
~AL~
It was dark in the room when I opened my eyes. I wasn't sure how long I slept. It could have been early morning still or late at night. Either way, my body ached and I wanted to know where the truck was that hit me. I felt as if I didn't sleep enough. So I closed my eyes to go back to sleep without even checking to see the time or if Alice was still in the room or not.
That's when I heard what most likely woke me up. There were voices outside the door, muffled and arguing, annoying the fuck out of me.
"–talk to her."
"Fuck you!"
"Don't be such a dick, I need to see–"
"Go back to your room."
I couldn't make heads or tails of it and I just wanted to sleep and forget it all, so I covered my head with my pillow and went back to sleep.
Someone was shaking me. "Bella, Bella. Wake up."
I opened my eyes and saw a freshly bathed Alice. Her hair was still wet and she didn't have any makeup on.
"No. Go away," I croaked out and rolled to face the back of the sofa.
"Bella, come on, honey. You've been sleeping too long." Alice was rubbing my bicep then she'd shake me a bit only to do it all over again.
"I don't feel good. Please, just let me sleep."
"No, you haven't had anything to eat or drink in over twenty-four hours. You've slept that long, too. Please, get up. We have to pack, because our flight leaves in the morning," she said a little more forcefully while still doing the rub and shake circuits on my arm.
I rolled onto my back and opened my eyes to stare at the ceiling. "Alice, what am I going to do?"
"Oh, honey. Let's not worry about that now. Why don't you go take a shower? I'll go get some stuff from your room."
I nodded and began to get up but was moving a bit slower than usual. Drained, my body just wanted to shut down. I looked forward to the feel of the hot water from the shower to relieve my muscles.
I couldn't even think Edward's name without the overwhelming need to cry. I knew deep in my heart that he cheated. I didn't need him to confirm it, not that he would anyway. I was mourning the loss of the love of my life. It was as if someone had died and I needed to accept it. The thing was, I couldn't.
When he got back to the hotel room, I wanted nothing more than to question him and get answers. I didn't get that chance because he was too chicken shit to face me sober or he didn't care enough. Now, I didn't care what he had to say. As far as I was concerned, it was all done. We were done. The pain, the embarrassment that he caused were too much.
I stood under the hot spray of the shower and allowed my tears to mix with the water and wash down the drain. That was where I needed to push my pain, I thought as I watched the water swirl around the metal grate and finally flow down in a steep fall nowhere.
I knew Alice expected me to feel better after my shower. Sleep had been the only thing on my mind. What I really needed was to get back home and get back to my life, just Matthew and I, alone again. Another round of tears started just thinking about the relationship Matthew and Edward had formed.
Alice left me some comfortable clothes on the counter in the bathroom and I gratefully put them on. A red tank top with some soft shorts made out of sweat pant material and a pair of flip-flops. Can't get more comfortable than that! I towel dried my hair and brushed out the snarls. Wiping down the mirror, I looked at my face as I began to brush my teeth. My eyes were sunken in and I looked pale. The dark circles under my eyes made me look sick and sallow.
Outside of the bathroom door sat an anxious Alice. She jumped up in an instant and dragged me down to the hotel restaurant to eat. Regardless of how many protests I made, she wouldn't hear of it, I had to eat. I sighed and resigned to her pushy behavior, only because I had no fight in me. I resolved myself to believe I'd just eat and go back to sleep.
I ate very little, not nearly enough to satisfy Alice but she sat and watched me like a hawk. Rose met us downstairs, but the guys were nowhere to be found. That made me feel much better.
"Is Jasper still with Edward?" I asked her.
Rose scoffed. She hadn't said a word yet, but I knew she would. And when that time came, she'd blow like a gasket. Not at me, but at Edward and about the situation as a whole.
Alice looked up from her plate and answered, "Yes."
"I'm sorry, Alice that I ruined your vacation and you haven't spent the last day with him and instead wasted it on us. I'm sure Jasper's not happy about it." I took a sip of the bottled water.
"No, he's not. He's pissed the fuck off at what E did and the way he's been acting since. But you have to know he's not upset at you at all." She shook her head. "You've done nothing wrong. So don't worry about things like that. Okay?" She looked up at me with her sad, sorry eyes. So much pity in them and it only made me feel worse. More embarrassed. I didn't want anyone's pity. I didn't want this to happen at all, but I it wasn't my choice.
After seeing that look in Alice's eyes. I resolved to straighten up and deal with the situation handed me. I'd still feel the pain it caused, but that wouldn't serve me anything but a waste of time. I needed to concentrate on what was important. Matthew and me.
Rose's eyes, though, had fire in them. She was furious, her nostrils would flare and the noises she made as she ate just fueled her own fire. I looked up at her, waiting for her to say something. She caught my eye and shook her head.
"What are you going to do?" she asked me in a confrontational manner. I knew that she had an idea of what she'd want me to do, and she was looking to confirm it.
I shrugged. "Nothing."
"What do you mean nothing? You're just going to forgive him?" She slammed down her fork on her plate. The clatter called attention to several surrounding diners.
"No! Not at all. But there's nothing to be done except carry on. It's over. I can't be with someone who would do what he did whether he cheated or not. But in my gut, I know he did. There's no other explanation." It was my turn to spit fire. Did she think I was that much of an idiot? That I'd act like nothing happened and just walk back into his arms like all was forgiven. Hell, no!
~AL~
The next morning was horrible. All six of us piled into a taxi and made our way to the airport. Edward didn't speak to me or look at me. We spent the entire trip home separated like children. The guys sat together and the girls sat with me.
The hurt burned me from the inside that he didn't even try to explain or apologize, but what did I expect? And at the same time, I was happy that he didn't try and approach me. I guess I wanted the answers but not the confrontation.
Leah picked me up from the airport and I begged her to take me directly to Matthew. We stopped at Mike's mother's house and when Matthew came out he ran right to me.
"Mama!" he yelled. I swooped him up and hugged him so close. His scent calmed and warmed me from the inside out. His little arms wrapped around my neck and he rested his head on my shoulder. "Casa?"
"Si, baby, a la casa."
When we entered the house, I was happy to see nothing had changed. Leah watched me closely and I wondered if one of the girls had called her.
"I'm glad you're home. Do you want to talk about–you know?"
I smiled up at her from my perch on the sofa. Matthew snuggled on my lap as we just sat there absorbing each other's love.
"No, I'm good. Just happy to be home. I'll be all right, no worries."
I knew I didn't sound convincing at all. And truthfully, who knew if I'd be all right. I'd have to take it one day at a time.
~AL~