It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
- William Ernest Henley
Rey and Poe make their way out of the training room and towards the housing quarters of the Resistance's higher leadership. The large hallways are cold but Rey doesn't notice, she still feels the heat from her dual with Ren and her cheeks are still flushed. Ren's proximity had been almost too much for her and there was the awkward feeling when she saw them, Ren, his uncle, and his mother all together in the same room. For all their issues they were still a family. Perhaps a broken one, but still. She had never known the binding of blood. Master Luke, the General, and Ren they made her feel a desire for that, even if it meant that much pain and difficulty. It didn't help that Poe liked to make jokes.
"Gee that boy has it bad for you Rey," Poe laughs as they walk.
Rey feels the blush spreading from her cheeks to her neck. "Yes, well, I think he's made that quite clear." She's not entirely sure she believes those words, but only because she'd wondered why he might feel that way. No one had ever looked at her the way he did. Not here on the base and certainly not on Jakku.
"Oh?" Poe cocks an eyebrow at her, his grin widening. "And?"
"And nothing," Rey responds, her irritation evident.
"Really?" Poe says, leaning his head to the side with a disbelieving smirk. "You're not a very good liar Rey. What happened?"
"I don't want to talk about it," She says.
"You can talk to me," Poe says, his tone shifting to something more serious. "You know you can. I'm not going to judge you."
Rey sighs, she wants to make sense of everything she did, everything they did. But she isn't sure how talking about it might make things worse for her and Ren. But she gives in anyway. She knows it's time to seek some advice.
"Okay, well you have to promise not to say anything to anyone okay?"
"Even Finn?"
"Especially Finn," she says.
Poe scowls at this but nods slowly, "Okay, tell me."
"I went to yell at Ren about the contract, Finn told me by the way. I can't believe you didn't!" She sucks in a breath and continues, "We yelled at each other and then he said some things about how he feels about me and that he did it for me. Then he kissed me."
"Just a kiss?"
"Well," she pauses, searching for the right words. "It was more than a kiss and it was wonderful and I wanted it, but then I realized it would never work between us. So I told him that. He got angry and he told me to get out."
Poe's face is grave at this news. "Let me get this straight. So he kissed you and you both wanted more. How far did this kiss go?"
Rey's face flushes an even deeper shade of crimson and she doesn't respond for a moment, "far enough that I realized I was sending him the wrong message. It can't work out between us, so I told him."
"So you told him it wouldn't work out after you'd already had your way with him?" Poe is incredulous.
"I did not HAVE MY WAY WITH HIM!" Rey says shocked, "No clothing came off, Maker Poe, why do you always assume things!?"
"Sorry, I never thought you'd blush so much over a single kiss." He says throwing his hands up in the air. "Besides, you have to know that he made himself extremely vulnerable to you and you responded. But then you shut him down. That's got to hurt."
Rey remembers his soft lips on hers, so needy, so urgent, and his warm body above her, driving her to some sort of ecstasy she had only ever heard about on holovids or read in some dirty holobook when she came across them. She knew it wasn't just her base urges that had effected their union, it was something more powerful, the Force had pulled them together and she had almost felt that she had no choice but to do what she did.
"You're awfully quick to defend someone who tortured you," Rey says choosing sarcasm over sensitivity. Poe and Finn had taught her about sarcasm and she felt she liked the control it made her feel.
"And you're awfully quick to make out with someone who tortured you," Poe counters quickly.
"Make out?"
"Kiss."
Rey finds herself rolling her eyes. "Well, he didn't torture me like he tortured you."
Poe's face turns grave for a moment and he puts a hand on Rey's shoulder slowing her pace. "I believe people can change, it just takes finding the right person. It's almost like the world will seem so black and white one moment, but then you meet someone and suddenly you can see everything in blazing color."
He smiles a little at some secret memory this has made him think of and he blushes. "Sorry, getting distracted. I'm just saying that he's a big broken man, handsome and powerful, but dumb. Not to mention he has a temper. And I'd imagine he'll act out if he gets hurt."
"I know what I said hurt him. But then he started saying awful things about how I had used him and how I had used you and Finn." She's very close to tears as they round the corner to General Organa's chambers. She won't allow herself to cry, no, not over this. She blinks rapidly to rid herself of the traitorous tears and Poe pulls his identification key chip out and presents it to the two guards who are always stationed outside General Organa's chambers. The two men nod assent and key in the code to the door.
When it slides open Rey gasps in wonder at the decoration of the General's chambers. It is not decadent by any means. It is plain with a bed, desk, chairs and small kitchenette much like Ren's room. The left side of the chamber has a slight hallway that Rey assumes leads down to the fresher. It is not the room itself that surprises and delights her, it is the vast array of greens facing the port window. Many of plants are hung in pots or stacked on what appears to be duracrete blocks.
"Those are beautiful!" She exclaims, reaching out to run her fingers along the leaves and buds of a nearby plant.
"Yeah," Poe sighs. "A lot of these were plants native to Alderaan, her home planet. You know it was destroyed like the Hosnian system?"
"I remember reading about it in a holobook once, but nothing much on the details. The First Order destroyed it right?"
"Well, yes. Not just exactly the First Order. It was the Empire. But Darth Vader, Leia's father destroyed it. He gave the order and they blew up the planet. He made Leia watch."
"That's terrible," Rey feels her heart ache for the General. Leia is strong, always strong for everyone else. She rarely shows her fear or her anguish. Master Luke told her that Leia was strong for him when he needed her, when he went to face his father. Ren's grandfather. She was strong for Han. She is strong for her people. She was strong for Alderaan. How it must make her ache that she has no home planet. Even Jakku is better than nothing.
Poe takes a seat in chair to the left of the General's desk.
"So, what're you going to do about lover boy?" Poe asks. "I don't think broken hearted Kylo Ren will be much fun to deal with."
"I don't know," Rey says still gliding her fingers along the delicate fronds of a grapevine plant. "I think I said what I could say. It won't work out between us and he wants more than I can give. I've never even . . ." She pauses, turning towards Poe with a sad smile on her face. "He was my first kiss. I-I just don't know anything about relationships. And really, why would someone like him be interested in someone like me?"
The smile the spreads across Poe's face makes her heart feel nearly full to bursting. Poe is all warmth and light and complete acceptance and he stands up, reaching for her and pulling her to him. His arms wrap around her softly and he whispers, "You deserve every happiness in the world Rey. You deserve the best. You're worthy of a love so fierce it lasts into eternity."
Rey feels the lump in her throat beginning to return. She returns Poe's hug and feels herself calming. To have friends like this, she had never imagined what it could be like to have friends that cared for her. Friends she didn't have to compete with for survival. They would protect each other.
"I hope I'm not interrupting," General Organa said from the doorway, her lips pursed into a small frown. "Rey, why don't you have a seat here," she pats the other chair on the opposite side of the desk. Rey pulls herself from Poe's embrace and sits on the chair as instructed, her heart pounding, there must be some special reason she and Poe have been called to General Organa's personal chambers.
Poe offers his easy smile and sits down in the chair closest to him. General Organa seems to prefer to stand and Rey wonders if it is because she's a much smaller woman that she feel more in control when she stands or is it just years of standing in the senate that have made it an unintentional habit.
"I'm sure you both are anxious to find out why I asked to meet with you. Please rest assured it is because this is a very confidential matter and keeping this private is expected," she pauses to make eye contact with Poe and Rey as she waits for their response.
"Of course," Poe is the first to reply. "Confidential. I understand."
Rey follows, "of course General."
General Organa nods and continues, "we have received sensitive information regarding a leak in our command. There have been several missions that were failures due to information we believe was released to the First Order. Our sources are positive that it is someone in this command locale, and it seems it may be Ben."
It takes Rey a moment to realize the General is speaking about Kylo Ren then she looks at Poe. He seems to be considering this information, his smile gone and replaced with a set jaw and grim features.
"They suspect Ben or they're certain it is Ben?" He asks.
"They have information that leads them to believe it is Ben, though so far the evidence has been limited. The main belief that it is him is because of his proximity to our missions and the fact that he has gone on missions with us. The other assumption is that he is communicating with Snoke which is why they are having difficulty proving the leak is him." General Organa's voice has a pang in it that catches Rey off guard, surely the General and Master Luke would be able to tell if Ren were using the Force to communicate with Snoke.
Even more, it seems likely that if Snoke were communicating with Ren then the First Order would know where this base is located. It was too much for Rey, she couldn't believe this kind of betrayal possible for Ren. But then again, he had already betrayed the Republic and the First Order, why not the Resistance?
"So what is the plan General?" Poe asks.
"Well we have devised a plan that should bring the leak to the surface. The upcoming mission that you are assigned to on Eriadu. There have been two briefings on the plan. One is set with the real plan and the other is the baited plan to catch the leak. We have divided the groupings up so that those we know we can trust are all in critical position to complete the mission," the General says.
Poe and Rey nod in unison, but it is Rey who asks the question. "What do you need us to do?"
General Organa purses her lips again, a habit when she is hesitant, "Rey dear, I will have you and Poe on a ship with Ben. You will land on Eriadu and you will tell Ben you are under instructions to obtain a set of plans for their manufacturing plant. However, the real objective will to be obtain intel on locations for their Star Destroyers. We have been unable to locate a base planet for the First Order, even Ben had no knowledge of the whereabouts of the leadership of the First Order."
The General turns her back to Rey and Poe, cupping her hands behind her back. "I find is it very concerning that Ben has no knowledge of the whereabouts of Snoke. I believed that he trained directly under the Supreme Leader, however he has no such memories and says Snoke always kept him at arms length. A precaution due to his previous apprentice who had tried to kill him."
"Do you believe him General?" Poe asks.
She glances over her shoulder at Poe. "I would like to. You see, I have my own suspicions about the leak.
But the Republic and the Resistance leaders have different views. They don't see my son as I do. To them he is a faceless monster, guilty of patricide."