A/N: Thank you everyone for all your kind words! Means a lot to me.

Chapter 10:

Two things happened on the way home from the party that night, the first being that the two girls accidentally took the wrong train home which resulted in twice the travel time. Normally this would irritate the blonde, and even though not too long ago she was dying to get her roommate alone Quinn found that she was not nearly as excited to get home as she was earlier, and that was because of the second thing that happened. Which was that even though they left the party hand in hand, after a few minutes Santana eventually released her grip and shoved her hands into her coat pockets. Whatever façade or performance Santana presented at the party had long disappeared and the blonde found herself riding on the subway with just her roommate and nothing more. They rode back in silence, both staring out of their respective windows. Every once in a while they would make eye contact, smiling politely at the other to try and dissuade any potential weirdness from creeping up once again. When they finally arrived home, they exchanged "good night's" and went on to their separate bedrooms.

Quinn knew she couldn't be disappointed that nothing was going to happen that night, after all, there was still a pact to uphold, not to mention the reluctance from her roommate. But it wasn't the lack of intimacy that had Quinn's mind racing and her body tossing and turning under her covers, but rather the events that transpired at the party. Quinn couldn't get over how convincing the Latina was at the party, nor could she ignore the fact that when they kissed they were practically the only ones left in the loft. Santana had to have been aware that Jeff was nowhere in sight when we kissed. Quinn smiled in the dark, running her fingers on her lips replaying the memory of the kiss that left her breathless. She closed her eyes at the memory of the brunette's soft lips, warm touch, and the smell of her breath. It was more than a stage kiss, and it was more than just a lust filled gesture. It exuded more passion and emotion than their first kiss a few weeks prior, and Quinn couldn't help but wonder if it was more than just an act. She turned to her side and closed her eyes, allowing the hope of what Santana could possibly be feeling push the blonde into slumber.

###

Quinn was sitting on her bed leisurely reading "Little Women," while enjoying a nice hot cup of tea. The nights were getting a little cooler and there was nothing that Quinn loved more than curling up with a good book and a nice cup of tea. It had been a particularly hard week in school, with midterms and teacher evaluations taking place resulting in Quinn spending a lot of time at the school. On top of that, since the party the week before, she had only seen her roommate once and it was when Santana was rushing out the door with camera bags in hand and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in her mouth. The brunette only managed to mumble a quick "Hi! Bye!" around her sandwich as she ran out the door. If Quinn hadn't been so busy with her own things going on it would have been easy for the blonde to become paranoid about her roommate avoiding her again.

"Hey roomie," Santana said sleepily from Quinn's doorway. The blonde had been so engrossed in her book she didn't even hear the front door of the apartment open, let alone her bedroom door.

"Hey stranger," Quinn said smiling to the Latina. Santana made her way to the bed and nudged Quinn to move over so she could lie down next to her.

"I haven't seen you in forever," Quinn said looking down at her roommate who had curled up next to her in the fetal position facing the blonde.

"I know. I've been crazy busy this past week. I promise I'm not avoiding you."

"I believe you. I've been busy myself with school," Quinn said closing her book. She took a better look at her roommate and noticed the tiniest hint of dark circles under the Latina's closed eyes, and her skin was a shade paler than usual. "San, not to be rude or anything but you look like you got hit by a buss."

"Gee, thanks roomie," Santana said, while keeping her eyes closed and smiling to let Quinn know that she didn't take offense at her observation. "I've only had like nine hours of sleep, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a cheeseburger, and some Corn Pops in the last three days. I've been going non-stop. Work has just been insane these past few days."

"You're nuts, you're going to make yourself sick Santana," Quinn said sternly, which only earned her a smile from the girl next to her. "What're you smiling at? I'm serious."

"I know. That's why I'm smiling." Santana chuckled, her eyes still closed. "You never use my whole name. It makes me feel like I'm in trouble."

"That's because you are. You need to get some rest," Quinn replied trying to maintain a serious tone. This proved to be difficult because she just couldn't help smiling at how adorable her roommate looked curled up next to her.

"I will. I just wanted to come in to say hi, and assure you that I'm not being weird or trying to avoid you," the brunette said with a yawn. "And I also wanted to tell you that I've missed you."

Quinn bit her lip, desperately hoping that Santana wouldn't open her eyes in time to see the blush making its way onto Quinn's cheeks. "I've missed you too, roomie."

Santana stretched her limbs and let out a lengthy yawn before finally sitting up and looking over at her friend. "So I was thinking, we should have a roomie day tomorrow. Just you and me, what do you say?"

"Sounds good. What do you have in mind?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out," Santana said with a smirk as she stood from the bed. "Good night, Q. I'll see you in the morning." Quinn contemplated giving the brunette a hard time about going to bed at 7:30 on a Friday night, just so that maybe she would stay in bed next to her just for a little while longer. She eventually decided against it since the poor thing was like a walking zombie, and desperately needed some rest. "Good night, San," Quinn said quietly. The Latina smiled at her sweetly before shutting the door behind her.

###

"Would you just relax?" Santana asked, giving Quinn's hand a reassuring squeeze. "Trust me, you'll love it." Quinn turned her head in the general direction of where Santana was sitting next to her.

"What makes you think I'm not relaxed? I'm totally relaxed." The brunette chuckled as she watched Quinn's brow furrow under her blindfold.
"I know you're not relaxed because you keep doing that insanely adorable lip biting thing." Quinn could feel Santana brush the hair away from her face, and gently graze her jaw line as she pulled her hand away, causing the blondes stomach to flip and her breath to shallow just a little. "I promise, in a few hours you'll wonder why you ever doubted me. Please, just try and relax. You have nothing to worry about…statistically the chutes only fail about six percent of the time," Santana said calmly.

"What?!" Quinn exclaimed as her grip tightened around Santana's fingers. The Latina couldn't help but laugh at the blonde's reaction. "I'm just kidding."

"That is so not funny." Quinn could hear her roommate struggle to catch her breath from her brief fit of laughter, and then she felt the car slowly coming to a stop.

Quinn heard the car door next her open and shut as Santana got out of the car and ran around the vehicle to help Quinn out carefully. Quinn could feel the cool air around her, and the gentle warmth of the sun hitting her back. She walked carefully, clutching onto her roommates hand, with her instinctually outstretched, as one normally does when they are blindfolded, trying to make out any familiar noises around her. She heard someone call out Santana's name and a distant noise of something that reminded Quinn of a blowtorch. "Okay we're here," Santana said, giving Quinn's hand another reassuring squeeze. The brunette stood behind her roommate to remove the blindfold. The blonde blinked a few times allowing her eyes to adjust to the bright light that had been absent for more than an hour, and when her eyes finally came into focus she found herself standing at the base of a beautiful, rainbow colored hot-air balloon.

###

As the balloon rose, Quinn closed her eyes, relishing the feeling of being lifted off the ground, and the cool breeze that swirled around her ever so slightly, causing her tp smile gently. Santana watched the blonde from the corner of the basket, taking a mental photo of how Quinn looked at that exact moment. The warm golden light from the sun glowed on the blonde's pale, angelic face and the subtle breeze blew the short choppy strands of blonde hair into her face. Quinn slowly opened her eyes and caught Santana staring at her, the smile still lingering on her lips. She smiled back, before quickly averting her eyes, fighting away the blood that was rushing up her neck.

"This is incredible San," Quinn said excitedly, leaning her arms onto the basket, overlooking New York. "I didn't even know what New York looked like outside of the city." Santana came up beside her, resting her tanned arms next to the blonde, taking in the scenery around them.

"Yeah, it's pretty cool. New York is a completely different character from up here," Santana said, looking down into the rolling hills of Orange County. Autumn was just around the corner, so the trees were just starting to turn different colors, giving the landscape a surreal look.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you were trying to woo me Santana Lopez," the blonde joked, raising her eyebrow with a smirk.

"I'm not exactly sure what you're implying there blondie, but I'm not sure I like it," the Latina said as seriously as she could possibly muster.
"Yeah right, you probably take all your girlfriends up here," Quinn said jokingly, returning her gaze to the scenery below her.

"Yeah, you'd like to think so…" Santana replied quietly and mostly to herself. Quinn couldn't help but detect the hint of sadness in her roommate's response. She looked at the brunette trying to gauge her face, perhaps to pick up anything as to what the Latina could have possibly been eluding to. Quinn hadn't really given much thought to Rachel's suggestion the day outside the diner, at least not until after they had kissed at the party. She knew her feelings for Santana were getting stronger, but the brunette's reluctance and ambiguity were still standing in the way of anything happening between them. The blonde needed to know her roommate's story and she needed to know it soon. Santana side glanced at Quinn without turning her head, causing her to smile when she saw the blonde studying her face.

"What?" Santana asked in a monotone.

"How is it that you're still single?" Quinn asked in her most serious tone. Santana laughed at the blunt words from Quinn, as she wasn't used to the blonde being so forward.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Santana asked, still laughing.

"It means, how the heck are you still single?"

"Repeating the question doesn't mean it makes more sense the second time, Q" Santana said with a smirk on her face.

"Har har," Quinn deadpanned. "No seriously, I can't seem to figure it out."

"There's nothing to figure out," Santana said casually, shrugging her shoulders. Quinn suddenly reached down and rested her hand on Santana's arm, causing the brunette to finally look at Quinn. "San, I know it's not because you can't get any girl that you want. If this is how you treat your friends," Quinn said gesturing to the hot air balloon, "I can't begin to imagine how amazing you would treat someone you love. Seriously, how are you still single?" Santana could tell by the sincerity and seriousness in Quinn's tone that the blonde wasn't asking to be gossipy, or nosy, or to give the brunette a hard time. She sighed and turned her attention to a heard of cattle that was grazing lazily beneath them.

"Believe me it's not by choice. Or I don't know, maybe it is…subconsciously," the brunette said as she continued to watch the cattle. She tried to focus on just one, but she would lose track every time the cow would make its way back to the herd. She caught Quinn's eye, and the twinkle in her almond shaped hazels indicated that she had no intention of dropping the subject any time soon. Santana let out a defeated sigh and continued with her story.

"After I graduated from high school I enrolled in NYU for photography. For no particular reason other than I'd never been to New York so I thought it would be kind of exciting. I didn't know a single soul when I moved here, but that didn't bother me, I was actually kind of excited to be out on my own. I had always been confident and secure enough when it came to situations like that. The only real dilemma I had was internally, dealing with my sexuality. I grew up in a pretty conservative, traditional, catholic family. So, being gay was definitely taboo. My family was constantly asking me if I would ever find a boyfriend, and they were always trying to introduce me to a 'nice young man' that they knew. It was getting to be too much, so, I decided a change of scenery would do me some good. Well, the first semester of my sophomore year I had to take art appreciation, and I was sitting in class, doodling when a girl sat next to me. She was a cute brunette, a little older than me, but I didn't really pay attention to her. Up until then I never really acknowledged whether or not I was attracted to someone and I guess it was because I figured what's the point, it's not like I would do anything about it anyway.

Without even an introduction or anything she turned to me and said 'Listen, I failed this class last semester, and I'm not about to fail it again. I really hope you're good at taking notes because I've officially declared you as my study buddy.' I shrugged it off. I mean, to be honest I really wasn't looking for a 'study buddy.' When it came to school I was the type of person who would go in, take my notes, go out, get a good grade and move on. I even made it a point to sit in a different seat the next class, hoping the chick would forget about the whole 'study buddy' thing. But sure enough at the next class, there she was plopping down next to me. Her name was April. As the semester progressed we hung out more and more, and my feelings for this girl were slowly developing into something more. I tried to suppress them as best as I could because I couldn't accept who I was, and I wasn't ready for anything like that yet. But she persisted. Actually, when I look back at it, her flirting was pretty blatant." The brunette chuckled to herself at the memory of a younger, inexperienced, super naïve Santana. Quinn listened intently, scared that if she said anything Santana would break off into a tangent and not finish her story. The brunette continued with her gaze focused on the horizon.

"One day we were studying in some secluded part of the library, and I was rambling about why abstract art is way better than realism, when out of nowhere she just leaned in and kissed me. It was my very first kiss. Well, eventually we became girlfriends, and I was on cloud nine. I mean, I would do anything for this girl, my whole world was her, I fell fast and I fell hard. I don't know if it's because I had never been in a relationship, or because I had never given into my emotions up to that point, but I was just whipped. Well, it turned out she had a boyfriend…evidently she'd been with the guy for two years already. When I asked why she hadn't broken up with him yet she said she was doing it for me because she knew I wasn't out yet. She wanted to keep him around as, kind of like a cover I guess. She swore that there was nothing between them anymore and that she didn't even love him. I went along with it because…I don't know. I guess I didn't know any better. And I was so into this girl, and young and naïve that I believed and went along with anything she said.

The first two years were amazing. I was the happiest I had ever been, and everything was perfect. Then senior year came around and we decided to move in together. Everything was fine at first, but after a while I noticed things starting to change. It was subtle at first, you know, like our schedules were always inconveniently conflicting, or we would make plans and something would come up at the last minute and she'd have to cancel. Then, all of the little things I used to do that she loved, like visiting her at work to bring her lunch, became irritating to her. It got to the point where nothing I did was ever right or good enough anymore, and she was constantly picking ridiculous fights with me. We fought all the time, and there were more nights of sleeping in separate rooms than I care to remember. Finally, I asked her what happened, what changed between us and she admitted to me that she didn't feel the same about me anymore, and she finally realized that her boyfriend, that she had never broken up mind you, was the one for her. She called us a phase." Santana grimaced at the painful expression, fighting the urge to wretch right there in the basket they stood in. "They had already mad plans for him to move in to the apartment. But she knew that the two of them alone couldn't afford the apartment together, and so she asked if I would stay a little until he found a better job to help them out with rent." Quinn's eyes widened and she gasped with shock. Santana didn't make eye contact but she could feel the blonde's sympathetic gaze locked on her.

"I know, crazy right? It gets worse, or more pathetic. I guess it depends on how you look at it. Well, I was so sprung on this chick, I still would've done anything for her, even if she had just thrown my heart into the garbage disposal. So I agreed." Santana scoffed at the memory of how her ex was so casual and calm during that conversation. "I lived with them for a year. But it was like the worst year of my life. Being the third wheel, having dinner with them, going out to movies with them, and the two were definitely not shy about their PDA. The worst part was when he would have to pull graveyard shifts and she'd sleep with me…sometimes even sleep with me. And I was so desperate to have even just a little bit of her that I would let it happen. And every morning I'd wake up alone and broken all over again." The brunette sighed in embarrassment, shaking her head at the memories.

"That was my routine for a long time. Finally, after I graduated and saved up enough money I moved back to Cali. That was one year of torment and heartache. Fortunately for me my family is awesome and they took me back, no questions asked. And it turned out they were super cool with the gay thing. Evidently they knew all along. Even though I was happy to be home I was still in a bad place, drinking a lot, not looking for work, just super depressed. And I became such a bitch. I spent every waking minute tearing everyone and anyone around me down, just to feel better about myself. I became bitter, and closed off, and pushed away those who cared about me. I couldn't get her out of my head, and I couldn't figure out what I had done to deserve something like that, and tortured myself thinking of ways I could have prevented it from happening. I blamed myself, and society, and just life in general. I was in two other relationships after that. The first one was a disaster from the beginning. It had only been a few months since I moved back and I was so awful. I was in such a complete daze after everything that happened, I never really felt present during that relationship. Actually, the only reason I found out she broke up with me was because one day I texted her, 'hey I haven't seen you in a couple of weeks. Everything okay? She replied, 'it took you two weeks to realize that I stopped talking to you. It's over.' I didn't even respond or anything. The second one was a little better. I really like this girl, but I was so uncontrollably insecure. I was constantly questioning her, and second-guessing whatever she said, or did. We fought all the time. It was quite miserable actually. I've discovered that I sabotage or run from any potential relationships and never look back." Santana saw the van of the hot air balloon company in the distance, waiting to retrieve them upon landing. They would be landing soon.

"It's funny, you don't know how you get to a certain point, or how long you're there, but what's more important is you certainly don't know when the moment comes where you're just over it. I woke up one day and was just over it. I stopped drinking, put myself out there for work, started working on my health, and most importantly focused on mending the bridges I had burned. I traveled and took some time to work on me. I became content with my life, with being single, and focused on surrounding myself with people who truly cared about me. But since then I've still been deathly afraid of putting myself in a situation like that again. And plus, it wouldn't be fair to the other person either. I'm just no good at relationships." The brunette ran her fingers through her dark hair, sighing deeply to herself. Santana straightened up to meet the blonde's intense gaze and waited for her to say something, trying to read Quinn's facial expression. The blonde stood biting her lower lip, her brow furrowed, and her arms crossed. She cleared her throat.

"Why didn't you just break up with her the minute you found out she had a boyfriend. Or at least after she wouldn't break up with him. You're so much smarter than that San."

"I don't know. Love makes people do crazy things. I guess in hindsight it was because I was afraid that if I made her choose, she wouldn't choose me. I would've rather been the other girl, than be nothing at all. I figured I didn't deserve any better. And she was so into her, I didn't think I could do any better."

"Are you kidding me, you could've done so much better than her!" Quinn exclaimed, not breaking eye contact. Santana chuckled at the blonde's enthusiasm and turned to face the horizon again, as the balloon slowly began to descend.

"I dunno, I wasn't okay with who I was, remember?" She said calmly and quietly, with the hint of sadness Quinn had detected earlier. "We accept the love we think we deserve."

"And you deserve something amazing," Quinn said as she carefully stepped closer to the Latina.

"I'm no good Quinn," Santana said, dropping her head while trying to keep the tears at bay. "I have too much emotional baggage." Quinn cupped the brunette's face and wiped the stray tear that had made its way down Santana's tanned cheek. Quinn leaned her forehead on Santana's, closing the space between them. "You are good, San," Quinn whispered as she slowly brought her lips closer to the brunette's. "You're amazing." Quinn could smell Santana's shampoo as the wind blew gently through her hair. She inched forward and closed her eyes. Just as their lips grazed Santana turned her head and placed her hand on the hand that was cupping her face. "I'm sorry Q," Santana whispered. "I can't."

"Yes, you can," Quinn pleaded keeping the palm of her hand on her roommate's cheek. She wiped away the other tears that managed to escape, keeping her eyes trained on the deep brown pools in front of her. "Nobody wants to be with someone like me," Santana whispered, allowing a quiet sob to release. Quinn gently encouraged Santana's chin to face her once again, and gently grazed her thumb along the brunette's soft lips. She leaned in and kissed her roommate but not before whispering back, "I do."

A/N: Also, a quick side note. The line "we accept the love we think we deserve," is from the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It is a great quote, and I loved it the minute I heard it. I must give credit where credit is due.