Never Forget

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Synopsis: Pre-series. Dean and John are working separate hunts in New York when the unthinkable happens. It wasn't supposed to happen like this; it was supposed to be an easy hunt.

Setting: This story is set in NYC on September 11th 2001, is was also set in Palo Alto, but is not any longer. Pre-series.

Disclaimer: Supernatural and all of their associated content belong to Eric Kripke and the CW, I own nothing of the sort.

A/N: This may contain some material that some readers find sensitive and it is pre-series AU. I am so sorry this has taken so long to get up! My only excuse is that I had lost my muse and it is now back and I recently dealt with a stalker problem... This chapter gets a little gross in italics!

"Emotional occasions, especially violent ones, are extremely potent in precipitating mental rearrangements. The sudden and explosive ways in which love, jealousy, guilt, fear, remorse, or anger can seize upon one are known to everybody. . . . And emotions that come in this explosive way seldom leave things as they found them." ~ William James

10:36 A.M September 13th 2001

"Shit" Caleb swore as he walked into the room and noticed the time. He had left the hospital over an hour ago!

He looked next to Dean's bed and tried not to laugh when he saw his father sprawled in the chair, fast asleep.

"Hey, Dad." Caleb nudged his father's shoulder, as he whispered to the elder man, not wanting to wake Dean.

"Caleb?" Mac glanced up as he wiped the sleep from his eyes.

"Yea, sorry dad. Traffic was insane, I parked the car about 2 miles away and walked back. I didn't even realize how bad it was there. Man, it's horrible."

Mac noticed the haunted look in his young son's eyes. He had clearly seen some of the victims on his way to up Dean's room.

"I'm going to take a quick look at Dean and then you can sit and talk with him when he wakes up." Mac said.

"Okay dad" Caleb acknowledged "But where are you going after?"

"I'm going to go help where I can until Dean's other doctor comes back on." Mac told his son.

"Okay"

Mac checked Dean's vitals for any abnormalities and was happy to find that the new medication they had put Dean on was helping to clear his congestion and his fever was down one half of a degree.

"Everything looks good here son, have me paged if he needs anything okay?" Mac asked.

"Alright, but what about Sam?" Caleb acknowledged the lump beneath the blankets on the other bed.

"He'll probably be sleeping off the exhaustion. If he wakes up, grab one of those mini-Gatorades from the basket and make him drink it all then let him sleep."

"See ya later dad." Caleb said as he settled into the chair and took Dean's hand.

Mac smiled at his son and paused before leaving the room, giving one last glance at his son and his childhood best friend.

"Hey Deuce." Caleb said, thinking he was talking to an unconscious Dean, not at all ready when he heard the whispered "Hey Damien" from beneath the oxygen mask.

He dropped Dean's hand and stood quickly up, coughing to clear his throat, his face turning a dark shade of pink.

"Hi" Caleb said when he could think of nothing else to say, not entirely sure what to say to Dean after all he'd been through.

"I think we've covered that base dude." Dean said as tried to adjust himself to a more comfortable position.

"Uh yea…." Caleb trailed off "Need your bed adjusted some?" he asked.

"Pshtt yea I'm sure you want to 'help' me 'adjust' the bed." Dean joked.

Caleb could see beneath the act Dean was putting on, he could see the horror in his eyes, and he knew Dean didn't need a baby-sitter he needed a friend, someone he could talk to.

"I'm not buying it Deuce." Caleb gave him a stern look.

"Buying what?" Dean asked as he replaced the oxygen mask, his chest heaving from the exertion of just talking.

Caleb really didn't want to upset his friend, but Sam was knocked out and no one was around so he knew what he had to do. He had to be a real friend as much as it may hurt Dean.

"This wasn't your fault Dean." Caleb told him, ignoring Dean's silent pleas to stop talking.

"You were on a hunt Dean. You did NOT drive those planes into those buildings. You did NOT kill those children, or those people whose faces have been haunting you on T.V! You were doing your job, you and everyone else were hurt because of them. I remember what happened to you when Sammy went off to college. Dean, it was only a few months ago. I will not let it happen again…" Caleb paused mid sentence as he remembered finding Dean only 2 weeks after Sam left.

'Don't worry John, he's gotta be here. He'd never leave the Impala alone in a place like…this.' Caleb motioned with his hands, referring to the parking lot of a run-down motel where the Impala was parked.

'What in the hell possessed him to run off like that!' John yelled aloud, slamming his fist in to the hood of the Impala.

'You know what did Johnny.' Mac told him 'Sam leavin' was just too much for him to take. He thinks it's his fault that Sam left, that he wasn't doing a good enough job looking after him.'

'He knows it wasn't his fault' John whispered 'I pushed Sammy away when he needed me most, it's my fault.'

'All of us standing around out here isn't going to do him a lick of good ya idjits' Bobby said, 'Let's go inside and see what he's done to himself!'

Caleb quickly went into the office with his fake: FBI badge and came out only moments later carrying a set of master-keys.

'He's in 6' he told them as he started off for the room at a jog.

'What's with the rush Caleb?' Mac asked his son.

'The owner saw him stumble in about 48 hours ago with 2 bottles of liquor and he said he didn't look that great. I told him I was a concerned friend and he didn't ask twice, didn't even ask for the ID.' Caleb informed them.

'Damn it' John swore as he jogged to Caleb's pace.

Upon reaching the room Caleb put the key in and opened the door.

The smell of vomit immediately reached them all. The air in the room was stale as Bobby went to open a curtain, the room was eerily dark even with the day-time light pouring in.

'Deuce!' Caleb yelled as he saw his friend sprawled on his side, laying next to a puddle of his own vomit. His eyes were closed and his skin was very pale.

'Dean!' John's shout echoed Caleb's own.

Mac pushed all of the men away from Dean and grabbed his wrist, his skin was cool and clammy. His pulse was…slow…far too slow for Mac's liking.

He peeled Dean's eyelids back and was relieved to find that both responded to the light, but he was discerned to find that they were sluggish.

'He's got himself a clear case of alcohol poisoning.' Mac said.

'I'm sure you went to med school to get that conclusion doc' Bobby stated 'Anyone with eyes could see that.' He pointed to the floor only feet away from Dean were 3 large liquor bottles.

'Dean, Can you here me son?' John asked as he knelt by Dean's head.

'Caleb take this and go pay for the room' Mac instructed as he handed his son money. 'John get his things together, any traces that he was here. Bobby, bring the SUV around.'

As they left to do their assigned tasks Mac pressed gently on Dean's sternum and gradually increased the pressure to rouse the boy.

'Ughnn' Dean let out an unintelligible groan. 'Smmy?' Mac's heart just about broke as he heard Dean's heart-felt but delirious plea. He could do this, he needed to detach himself from the situation, Dean needed him as a doctor right now, he could be a friend later.

As Dean became more aware of his surroundings, Mac picked him up and half-carried, half dragged him into the bathroom.

He left Dean for a moment and went into the room to grab his bag. He mixed the necessary drink and put it to Dean's lips 'Open up Dean'.

Mac gently teased Dean's lips open and poured the liquid down. Dean coughed, spluttering the concoction everywhere, but Mac knew that Dean had swallowed enough for the drink to do the job.

His efforts were rewarded a moment later when Dean went a sickly shade of green. Mac supported his torso as his body emptied itself of the volatile liquor that was making him ill.

'T-t-the Hell s'at?' Dean asked.

'Salt water' Mac told him 'It'll clear your system sooner.'

Dean collapsed unconscious only moments later. By the time this had been done, the room was paid for, the stuff was picked up and Bobby was waiting for them in the SUV.

'We're going to take him to a nicer hotel' Mac told them 'We'll get him cleaned up and let this run his course. A hospital won't do him much good right now, I can help him.'

They'd gotten Dean to a nice hotel, and it'd taken 3 weeks of good nutrition and friend counseling but he'd smiled again. He hadn't been his true self since so he didn't need this to push him over the edge.

"I don't…." Dean paused replacing the mask "blame myself." he argued.

"Deuce, psychic here! Or did you forget?" Caleb reminded him "I can read your emotions like an open book, let's see here: Guilt, Remorse, Sadness, Heartbreak, Regret, and Betrayal."

Dean said nothing, he just turned his head away "It's just not fair" he whispered "It should've been me."

"God Dean" Caleb whispered as he felt the emotions and thoughts go through Dean's head.

"If…if there was a god he wouldn't have let this happen." Dean said as he turned his head back towards Caleb, tears were silently making their way down his face.

"It's alright Deuce, just let it out." Caleb said as he moved closer to the bed and lowered the rail so he could place the chair a closer distance to Dean.

Dean placed his head on Caleb's shoulder as sobs wracked his already battered body.

Caleb hit the call button and was relieved to see his father answer the call rather than one of the nurses.

'What happened?' Mac thought, knowing the psychic could hear him

"He's made some realizations about the attack dad." Caleb told him "Believe me, it was better to get it over with now."

"Well as much as I hate what it's doing to him, I know it's necessary." Mac replied.

"Easy Deuce" Caleb said as he awkwardly put his arm around Dean and rubbed small circles on his wrist.

"N-not my fault?" Dean asked again, looking for a small reassurance.

"No Deuce, not your fault." Caleb assured him.

Mac increased the amount of oxygen Dean was receiving and frowned, his temperature had gone up. It'd need to be monitored more closely. He changed Dean's IV and watched as the sobs slowly tapered off and Dean eased into a nice, dream-free sleep.

"We'll get him through this dad." Caleb told him, glancing to Sammy in the other bed

"We all will."

*REVIEW! I hope this was worth the wait! I'm sorry it took so long but I've recently dealt with a stalker…and things were tense for a while! But I'm back!