Chapter Ten

I took my clothes from the floor, put them on and left Cassandra sleeping on her bed. I had a hell of a headache and my breath smelled awful, but none of that mattered next to what I had done. I woke up with Cassandra lying almost naked next to me and I couldn't remember a single thing for a moment. Slowly, memories came back: the cards, the wine, her jeans on the floor, my shirt on the corner. My chest felt so tight that for one moment I gasped for air. All I wanted was to get out of there. Immediately.

I walked back to my house, keeping my eyes on the ground all the time. I didn't want to talk to anybody, I didn't want to see anybody. I just wanted to go home and be alone.

The streets were covered with snow and even though it was pretty early, some kids and teenagers were already playing outside. I saw Lilith and Angela on a snowball fight next to their house but I avoided them the most I could. There were people in the park, but lucky for me, I didn't know any of them.

When I got home I closed the door behind me and let my body weight fall on that door, and then I did something I hadn't done in quite awhile: I cried. I cried because I had definitely ruined the best thing I had in my life and there was no turning back.

I stumbled to my bedroom and let myself fall on the bed. The headache wasn't making it any easier and even though I had slept under a ton of blankets, I still felt very cold. Truth is I felt like total sh*t and if I could make time go back, I would've told myself not to place one step out of that stupid house last night.

I fell asleep and only woke up in the afternoon. Nina was coming back today, after her great party at the ranch. She would probably be thinking about the good times she had last night, the party, the drinking, the photo shoots from the last days. She would walk through that door and give me a kiss and tell me she missed me. She did that when she stayed a long time away, and it had been five days I hadn't seen her.

Would she know, when she looked into my eyes, that all she believed in had turned into nothing and that now we were just two complete strangers to each other? What would she say when I told her about what I had done? And, God, what would I do when she told me we couldn't go on?

More tears felt like coming down my face but I tried to hold them. Tears wouldn't change anything now.

I sat on the bed and stayed there for over five minutes, just staring emptily at the room around me. My guitar was leaning against the corner, her polished wood reflecting the sunlight.

I stood up and picked it up. Perfectly tuned. I started playing an old song, one of the first ones I had learned to play. It was a song about two people who lost everything they had, and all he does now is think about her. And then I played another sad song. And another one. And the pile of sad songs started to grow as I kept on going, playing each chord I remembered from those songs and singing along every word I knew. Then my fingers started playing a song I didn't know, and it was a very beautiful one; and the words came out as easy as water, matching with the chords in every way possible.

I ran to my old notebook and stayed there, for thirty, forty-five minutes, writing another song that was probably gonna be heard only by Lilith. And maybe someday, by Nina.

When the clock showed me five and fourteen I heard Nina driving the car into the garage, then her closing the doors, and finally her steps, walking to the door that divided the rooms. I stood up. My hands were sweating and little shaky. I did everything to calm them down, to hide as much as I could my concern and my guilt.

Nina walked in wearing a green blouse with sleeves I gave her sometime ago. She was looking at the floor, but when she realized I was there, she raised her eyes to me. I saw her bottom lip tremble like she was ready to say something that never got out.

"Nina" I said with no enthusiasm.

"You better sit down, David."

I frowned. Why was she telling me to sit down?

She walked right past me and sat down first, sinking completely into the sofa. Still frowning, I sat down too.

"There's something I need to tell you" she started.

"I need to tell you something too" I said.

We both looked at each other.

"Is it good news?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"Let me go first."

"No, I'll go" she interrupted me, and then changed her position. She was ready to get that over with.

"David… I made a huge mistake. Please, forgive me."

I forgot about my issue. I was curious about what she had done.

"What did you do, Nina?"

"I need you to understand that I never intended to hurt you, you're a very…"

"Just say it, Nina!"

I was sorry the second it was out. I had yelled at her. I shouldn't have done it.

"I'm so sorry. Continue."

She didn't. She looked away from me and didn't say anything.

"I slept with another man" she muttered.

I didn't know why I was surprised. I stood up and ran my hands through my hair, looking at the blank ceiling above us, doing everything to avoid looking at her. Impatient, I started walking around the room, muttering to myself that that was unbelievable.

"Please, David, forgive me" she cried to me.

"I can't forgive you" I said, turning to her. She was still on the couch.

"What? Why?"

I saw the tears coming down her cheeks. I saw all the good moments we had in those tears. And that moment I knew they were never coming back.

"I slept with someone else too" I said to her.

"What?" she repeated, her chin dropping.

"That's why I can't forgive you. Unless you forgive me."

She stood up.

"Who was it?" she asked, her expression very serious.

It was the hardest part for me. The word was stuck in throat for a few seconds before I could gather all the courage I had to let it out.

"Cassandra."

"Oh my God."

She yelled. She said she couldn't believe I would be so thoughtless. I threw it back at her face, repeating that she had cheated too, when I thought I could trust her at that party. We shouted non-senses at each other for several minutes, when she finally decided to take the high road.

"You know what, David? There's no point discussing this. It's obvious that we can't trust each other anymore."

"No, Nina."

"So this is over."

This time she didn't go to her bedroom. She walked right out that door and she only came back to pack her things and move away. She was moving out of town too, buying an apartment in Belladonna Cove and moving on with her career. I was left alone in that house again, that suddenly became too big for someone like me. I missed her clothes in my closet; her perfume in the bathroom; her eyes looking at me and telling me all I needed to know about her. It was a really long year for me.