Chapter 9

The hotel Castle had recommended them actually turned out to be quite nice, but also quite pricy. Well, what had she expected, really, when she had trusted a guy who was wearing 800$ suits?

"For the whole week?" Jane asked the receptionist when she told them the cost for their room.

"No, Ma'am, for one night," the receptionist corrected her gently and with pity in her eyes, which didn't exactly help to brighten Jane's mood.

"It's okay, Jane," Maura said and handed the receptionist one of her shiny credit cards. "We'll take the room."

Jane said nothing. Sometimes it was still difficult for her to stomach situations like these, in which Maura so obviously reminded her of her wealth, compared to Jane's barely even existent savings. But she knew that it wasn't Maura's intention to brag. The money was just part of her heritage and who she was. And since her heritage was pretty much screwed up, that wasn't really something to envy her for. Plus, today of all days Jane really didn't need a fight with Maura on top of everything else. So she remained silent until they actually entered their overpriced hotel suite.

"It's very nice, don't you think?" Maura asked her, surveying the living area.

"Yah, my whole family could have lived in here, including Lydia and any other girls my midlife-crisis-father and Tommy might have gotten pregnant," Jane replied.

Maura didn't seem to detect her sarcasm. "Look, they even sent up a bottle of champagne," she said, lifting said bottle out of the cooler that stood on the couch table.

"Yeah, you'll probably find that on the tab later," Jane predicted.

Maura put the bottle back into the cooler, even though she didn't seem very worried about having to pay for it. "So, which room would you like?" she asked, pointing at the two doors, one to their left and one to their right.

"Um, I don't know. I guess I'll have to check first which bed has the mattress that costs five times as much as I make in a month and which has the one that costs only twice as much."

Finally Maura couldn't ignore Jane's mood any longer. "Jane, is there something you'd like to talk about? Because I know it's not really this hotel that upsets you."

"Oh, do you? Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you and your psycho-analysis of my brain, but I'm fine. I'll just go take the most expensive shower I ever had and then go sleep in my 300 bugs a night bed."

Maura shook her head. "Fine, if you want to behave like a child, then at least be consistent and call your mother back, Jane! Oh, and I will take the left room."

She picked up her bag and went into her freshly chosen bedroom. Once inside she took in the Queen-sized bed and sighed. She hated arguing with Jane. It always made her feel as if she might break out in a rash any second.

But she had only just sat down on the bed when there was a soft knock on her door. "Maura?" Jane's voice sounded both rueful and pitiful, and when she poked her head into the room, she looked upset, too. "Can I come in? Look, I'm sorry… I… I miss Frost."

Maura smiled sadly, relieved that Jane was opening up to her, but also feeling a deep sadness. She, too, had liked the young, energetic detective, but of course it was worse for Jane, who had lost her partner and felt responsible for it, even though she wasn't. Maura hated to see her torture herself like that.

"I know," she said softly and patted the space on the bed next to her. Jane dragged herself towards the bed and slumped down next to Maura, resting her head at her shoulder for a while. "But at least now you know that he died to protect innocent people," Maura reminded her gently.

Jane looked up again. "Yeah, but still… why didn't he just call me or something… or do anything except…"

"Getting shot?"

"Yes."

"Detective Frost was a very brave, young man and he did what every good police officer would have done, what you would have done," Maura said.

Jane shrugged. "Yeah, probably. I just wish I would have been there with him."

"I don't."

Jane stared at her and Maura was afraid that she might not understand her, but still she said, "I know this must sound awful, but I'm glad you weren't there because performing that autopsy on Detective Frost… it made me picture you on that table for the first time and that thought caused my paraventricular nucleus to stimulate the release of adrenocorticotrophic hormones."

"Um, I'm not sure, but I think there was a compliment in there… somewhere," Jane said with a smile on her lips and squeezed her hand.

"It's a common stress response," Maura explained with a nod.

Jane looked sympathetic. "It must have been hard to do that autopsy."

"I just wish we would have found more that could help you with your case," Maura replied.

"Hey, thanks to you we know that we're dealing with terrorists. That's more than we managed to dig up all day."

"How did it go, with Detective Beckett I mean?"

Jane sighed. "Okay, under the circumstances, I guess. She's a good cop, I'll hand her that much. Even though I have no idea what the hell she wants with that writer boy, although I suspect that it has something to do with his skills behind closed doors."

Maura shook her head. "Don't be mean, Jane. He really is a good author. You should ask him for an autograph. Your mother would love that."

Jane snorted. "Yeah, right."

"What about those NCIS agents?" Maura asked, deciding not to press the issue. She could always just ask for that autograph herself, after all.

"Well, DiNozzo is a goofball and David is a killer, which makes up for one weird combination. I sure as hell don't want to know what they are doing behind closed doors."

Maura raised her eyebrows. "You mean they're a couple?"

"Something like that," Jane nodded. "Just like Beckett and her writer slave, and that undercover NCIS agent who turned out to be our mystery woman and her partner, who's also a cop and apparently followed her across the country like an abandoned dog or something."

Maura looked at Jane and patted her hand knowingly. "I'm sure Casey will call you soon. He did say that he would like to see you again. You just have to give him some time."

Personally, Maura wasn't at all convinced that Casey was even good enough for Jane. But then again, she had a hard time finding anyone who would be. In any case, she didn't like this cat-and-mouse-game he was playing with her. But if Jane thought that Casey would make her happy then Maura would try to support her.

"What?" Jane frowned because she hadn't expected Maura to bring up Casey. But now that she had, Jane realized that she actually hadn't yet thought about him today, even though lately he had been very much connected to her occasional feelings of loneliness she wouldn't really admit to.

"No, this is not about Casey. I'm not jealous!" Jane could see that Maura wasn't convinced, so she added, "Well, not of someone like Castle or DiNozzo, anyway."

No, Jane definitely didn't care for Castle, DiNozzo or that Deeks guy, each one more childish and immature than the next. But she couldn't deny that Frost's murder and dealing with all those partners/couples all day had left her feeling empty of sorts. And if she hadn't even thought of Casey herself, then she probably had given up hope on them as well without even noticing it. But what better day to realize that than today? The punches just kept on coming.

"No, but you want someone like that, someone you can depend on and who will accept you with all your faults. It's okay to want that, Jane. You deserve that," Maura said with as much emphasis as she could muster because it was just downright ridiculous that Jane thought that there was no one out there who loved her.

After recovering from her initial surprise that Maura seemed to know exactly what was going on in her head, Jane said, "Yeah? But I already have someone like that." She said it without thinking, but it only felt all the more true when she heard it out loud. Jane had felt like crap all day. She was still feeling miserable, but she wasn't really alone anymore.

Maura looked confused at first, but then she caught on and then it somehow got a little uncomfortable, so Jane added, "And boy, she is quite a piece of work herself, especially if you're not fluent in a language that died out with the Romans."

Taking Jane's benign teasing to mean that she was feeling more like herself again, Maura smiled. "Actually, the Romans didn't die…"

"Thanks, Maura, I don't need the history lesson," Jane interrupted her. "Although… I guess I could use the help falling asleep. I have to be at the top of my game tomorrow."

"You can just stay here with me if you like," Maura offered, pointing at the bed they were already sitting on. Although she hadn't been Detective Frost's partner like Jane, performing that autopsy had chilled Maura to the bone and she wasn't expecting to sleep well tonight.

"Um, you do know that I'm still a big girl, right? I'm not afraid of the boogieman anymore."

Maura just shook her head. "Studies have shown that sleeping next to someone else often helps to soothe anxieties and to prevent insomnia."

Usually, Jane would at least have rolled her eyes at Maura for quoting yet another study nobody else cared about, but she didn't, because she felt that this might be one of those times when Maura didn't just do this because she couldn't help herself, but because this was her own personal and very weird coping mechanism. Suddenly, Jane felt bad for focusing so much on herself. So what if she had been forced to deal with a bunch of annoying colleagues? Maura's task today had been much harder. Plus, Jane really didn't want to go anywhere right now.

"Well, if your studies say that, who am I to dare refute them?" she said and slid across the bed to the other side. Maura lay down as well, but neither one of them actually tried to sleep. "Do you remember how Frost couldn't even look at a dead body when he started out as my partner?" Jane asked eventually, a trace of amusement in her voice.

Maura smiled as well. "Yes, he really did have a severe case of necrophobia."

Jane turned her head to look at her. "Can't you just once talk about them like they're people and not just bodies because Frost was a real person, you know?"

Taken by surprise by that unexpected blow from Jane, Maura didn't know how to respond at first. "I treat every dead body with the utmost respect, regardless of whether I knew them personally or not, Jane," she said eventually. "My use of technical terms is not a sign of detachment, but of admiration – admiration for medicine and science, which makes it possible for me to help these people…"

"Okay, Maura, Maura," Jane interrupted her and put a hand on her arm. "I know that. I just… keep putting my foot in my mouth today. I'm sorry. Again."

Maura immediately calmed down again. She knew that most people thought her to be slightly weird and difficult or even downright annoying, and after Hope's reaction to finding out the truth about her identity, Maura had once again realized that Jane was the only one she was really close to, even though they were very different people. So sometimes, when Jane said things like that, Maura got scared that she might get fed up with her, too. "You don't have to apologize, Jane. I know this is hard for you. You do know that this wasn't your fault, though, right?"

Jane shrugged. "Technically, yes. But it still doesn't feel right. I was his partner, after all. I just feel like I should have known!"

"How could you have? Detective Frost wasn't here as your partner, not even as a detective. He didn't know himself what he would walk into," Maura argued.

"Yeah, I know," Jane conceded and sighed. "Just… if you go anywhere, to meet a friend or whatever, tell me, okay? This is not happening again." Jane grabbed her arm and looked at her as if she wouldn't let go until she promised.

For a second Maura felt unable to breathe and she was glad that she was already lying down because otherwise she might have started hyperventilating. She really hated lying, especially to Jane, but she forced herself to keep breathing and also reminded herself that she wasn't actually lying. So she managed to nod. "I will."

Jane on the other hand relaxed a little now. She moved around a bit and eventually said, "Man, these mattresses really are awesome."

Maura eagerly focused on that topic instead. "Do you really like them? Because your birthday is coming up again…"

"Oh no, I don't want you to get me a mattress for my birthday, especially not a thousand dollar mattress!" Jane replied vehemently.

Maura decided to file that idea away for later and shrugged. "Okay."

Jane looked at her skeptically. "I'm serious, Maura."

"I'm sure you are, but the way your erector spinae muscles are relaxing right now contradicts that a little."

"Maura!"