A hot July sun beat down upon four teen boys as they ran through a clearing in the forest. James lead the way, Sirius and Remus hot on his tail, with Peter pulling up the rear. Sirius tackled the stag to the ground, growling playfully. Remus slid up to them on his knees, breathing rapidly to catch his breath. A few moments later, Peter caught up and nearly fainted from lack of O2 to his brain. He fell down beside Remus, landing on his rather large rump.

James and Sirius wrestled for a bit before their need of oxygen became too great. Sirius rolled off his friend and rested his head in his mate's lap. "Oi! That was brilliant!" He took and held a deep breath then slowly let it out, regulating his breathing. His eyes met Remus's. "This place is gorgeous! I can't believe you never invited us over before!" Remus's face flushed a soft pink, but his eyes shone with love. His long fingers trailed through Sirius's hair, tenderly working out knots that were beginning to form. His other hand rested lightly on the mutt's chest. Sirius shifted his arm and threaded his fingers through Remus's paler ones.

The two looked at each other for a long moment, Remus still blushing and Sirius smiling softly. "Oh come off it you two!" Of course, this was getting a bit too much for James. He wasn't homophobic and he didn't mind his best friends dating each other, but when they got all mushy and started snogging, he drew the line.

Peter sat off slightly to the side, laughing at his friends as they became flustered and ( in Remus's case ) more embarrassed. The plump boy loved his friends, they were the first real ones he'd ever had, and loved being included. Even though he wasn't really. He was always slightly outcast from them, but he didn't mind. "Oh, Prongs! Let them alone. They're in luuuurve." Peter teased, shifting to be a bit closer. Sirius just kicked his knee as 'punishment.'

James shifted so he was on his knees, getting a bit more comfortable. While he was 'distracted,' Sirius leaned up and caught Remus's lips briefly. Remus grinned down at him, eyes sparkling oddly. Peter's brow furrowed as he watched his friends. It almost looked as though Remus were about to cry. Sirius and James seemed to notice it too. Sirius sat up, keeping his fingers locked around the wolf's. "Moony. . . You okay?" He ran his fingers lightly across Remus's cheek.

"Yeah, you look like you're gonna cry," James said softly. Remus shook his head, still grinning. "Moony, if something's bothering you, tell us! We're your best mates!"

A growl came from Sirius's direction. "You mean that I'm his best mate." He ran his fingers through the ends of Remus's hair, leaning his forehead onto the other's. "I better be your only mate, Rems."

Remus chuckled and slid his free arm around Sirius's neck. "Of course. No one could come close to replacing you." There was a pause as Sirius caught his lips again. They separated with a soft 'smooch' sound. "That's what I was just thinking about. That's why I got teary eyed I guess. 'Cause you're too good to me." Peter thought he saw Sirius stiffen up. "You're the best thing to come into my life. And I'd hate to lose you. Even just to someone else."

Silence settled for a moment. Peter and James shared an uneasy look. James leaned over, whispering to Peter. "C'mon. Let's leave 'em be for a bit." Peter nodded and the two stood. Peter led the way back to the house. When the trees had faded from their vision, James spoke again, breaking the silence that had enveloped them as well. "What do you think that was about? And Padfoot . . . . He looked scared."

So Peter wasn't the only one that noticed he got stiff. "I don't know. I've had this feeling though. . . . That there's something else going on with them that they aren't telling us about." Peter trailed off and focused on the small house up ahead.

"Like . . . they're screwing each other?" James tried to hold the disgust from his tone.

Peter rolled his eyes. "Not that! Maybe they are, but I don't wanna know if they are," he sighed. "I mean, that it seems like they've got a secret that they're keeping from us. Something that we should know and would want to know." Was he imagining things or did Sirius seem to constantly look at Remus's arms? He also seemed to touch them a lot. Running his fingers along Remus's forearms, resting his head in the crook of his elbow, kissing and nuzzling his wrists. Something was going on.

Out of the corner of his eye, Peter saw James thinking hard. Had James noticed as well? James looked up and saw Peter watching him. Peter blinked and looked at him properly, stopping just a metre from the front door of the house. "Peter–." Uh-oh. Whenever James used their proper names, he was about to discuss something serious. Peter stood still and focused on James's face to show that he was focusing. "Pete, I wasn't going to say anything. But it looks like you've noticed something too. When I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth last night, I smelled something funny."

What did this have to do with Remus hiding something? It was a bathroom, they usually smell funny.

"It smelled like peroxide. You know, that stuff Muggles use to clean cuts and scrapes?" Yes, Peter remembered that. Lily had a bottle or two in her trunk during the school year. It came in handy when they got hurt doing something that was against the rules. No having to explain to Madame Pomfrey. "Well, I started looking through the cupboards trying to find it, to see if someone had left the lid off or something. And what I found. . . ." He sighed. "One of the cupboards was full of peroxide and bandages and cotton swabs and everything like that. And there was a box. . . ." He stopped and looked at Peter seriously. "You won't tell Moony or Padfoot any of this will you?"

Peter felt a twinge of hurt that James had to ask. But he was just being cautious, of course. "Of course I won't, James."

That seemed enough to satisfy James, who nodded once. "I decided to look in the box. . . . It was full of blades. Knives, razor blades, shards of metal or glass or something." Peter nodded, it all made sense now, what he observed combined with what James found. "I don't know if it means anything, but it bothered me."

"No. I'm sure it means something. And I think Padfoot knows," Peter whispered.

James looked at him, confusion clouding his face. "How do you know it means something? And Padfoot. . . ?"

The stout boy looked back towards the forest to make sure that the others weren't close by. "When they get back, watch Pads. He's always watching Moony's arms. He touches them, looks sad whenever he does. Moony must be hurting himself." The two stood solemnly for a moment then went into the house.

Mrs. Lupin smiled as they entered. "Hello, boys! Where are Remus and Sirius?" she asked solicitously. James said that they were still outside but that he and Pete were hot so they came back. "Ah. Well, how about some lemonade then? I've just made some! Here, you two take a seat and I'll get you each a glass." She ushered them both into chairs at the table then bustled off to get them refreshments. Peter loved Mrs. Lupin. She was such a mother hen. When she returned, she had a glass of lemonade for each and a plate of cookies.

James laughed, taking his glass. "Thanks! If you keep feeding us like this, you'll have to roll us out the door when we leave, though." Mrs. Lupin laughed warmly and patted each of them on the head, telling them to eat up.

*****
Sirius let out a sigh of relief when he realized that Prongs and Wormtail had left. He shifted so that Remus was sitting in his lap. He wasn't sure what was going on. Maybe he was laying all the love stuff on just a little thick? Probably. But he was worried. The piercing odour of peroxide hadn't escaped his notice the previous night, nor had the blood stained sleeve. "Remus, what upset you last night?" The wolf made no motion to respond. Sirius sighed, locking his arms around his mate's waist. "You need help. Serious help."

That caught Remus's attention. He sat bolt upright and pulled away from Sirius a bit, twisting to look at him. "No! Then I'd have to admit to my parents what I was doing!" he cried fervently. "They'd never let me go back to Hogwarts if they found out. They'd probably send me to some psych center! I don't want to be taken away from you! You're the only thing that helps! Granted, you're the bulk of the problem as well, you and that damned–!" Remus's face froze, amber eyes locking on steel ones. Sirius felt all colour drain from his face and watched as the same happened to Remus's.

The mutt took a cautious breath. "Remus. . . what did you say?"

Remus shook his head slowly, mouth moving without sound. Sirius traced the boy's jaw with one finger, waiting patiently. Remus found his voice then. "No. . . no . . . . No, no, no, no, NO!" His hands twisted into his hair, face screwing up in a pained expression. "No! No! I wasn't supposed to say that!" He pulled fully away from Sirius and started pulling on his hair and beating his head with his hands, still yelling at himself.

Shock froze Sirius for a moment. But he was soon up and after Remus, locking his hands around Remus's wrist. He kept his face and voice calm and level. "Remus, shhh. It's okay. Calm down and we can talk about it." He worked to loosen Remus's fingers without hurting him. Hot tears were pouring down the pale boy's face. Warm liquid dripped onto Sirius' arm. He thought it must be rain or wind blowing Remus's tears onto him. But when more fell and his vision clouded, he realized they were his own tears. "Remus, calm down." His voice broke on the last word.

Screw it! Sirius let go of his boyfriend's wrists – yes, Remus was his boyfriend! He couldn't deny that fact – and slid his arms around his chest instead, pulling him close. Remus slowly let go of his hair, sobs racking his body. Sirius let him nestle into his chest, holding him tightly. "Remus. . . . I love you. . . ." Remus nodded and let his arms slid under Sirius's arms, holding his shoulders. "Please. . . . Tell me what you meant. I won't get angry. But I want to know." Remus shook his head, warm tears soaking into Sirius's shirt. "Remus," he said sternly.

Another minute passed before Remus leaned back to look into Sirius's face. There were traces of tear tracks on Sirius cheeks, some tears still lingering in the corner of his eyes. Remus looked confused and dazed. He reached up with one hand and brushed away some of Sirius's tears. "You. . . were crying?" Sirius nodded. "For me? About what I said?" That, he didn't respond to at first. Honestly, Sirius wasn't sure why he cried. He just knew that he did.

He thought he didn't love Remus, not like that anyway. But maybe that was exactly why Remus's words had affected him so strongly: because he did love Remus. He had told Sev that he loved Remus. Just in a different way. They were like brothers and had been for over five years now. He was certain that the love he felt for Remus was different than the love he felt for Severus. He would do anything to make Severus happy. Anything.

But then again, wasn't that exactly how he felt towards Remus? Anything to keep him from hurting himself – to keep himhappy? Exactly the same as with Severus?

Finally, Sirius smiled, but he shook his head. "I was crying for you. But not about what you said. I can deal with that. At the prospect of losing you, Rems." He leaned down and caught Remus's lips. Remus gasped, caught off guard.

Sirius's hands slid down Remus's sides, rubbing and massaging the other's muscles. One came to rest firmly on his back end while the other worked back up into his ochre locks. Grey eyes slid closed as his mouth worked sweetly against the wolf's. Remus hesitated, but then he let his arms slip firmly around the taller boy's shoulder, hands burying themselves into the coal black locks. Sirius traced his tongue over Remus's lips, trying to work them open. Remus gladly let him. They began kissing harder, mouths working faster, breathing coming sharper and shorter, until–

Two strong hands pushed Sirius back. His eyes shot open as he looked at Remus. Before he could ask what was wrong, Remus smiled sadly. His eyes were soft, gazing at Sirius without actually looking at him at all, almost looking passed him. "Thank you. I-. . . . I needed that." He kissed Sirius's jaw and began heading back to his house. Sirius, stunned, watched him go.