Dude, I can't believe how bad this chapter was. I really should have found a beta reader but hen I wouldn't have improved on my own.
All better now.
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It was a couple weeks after Naruto's birthday, for the day Max had requested and been granted permission to take him away for the day. It was now the 30th of October. A day before Halloween. For some reason Max was tense, she couldn't explain the feeling, Laura had the same feeling. What ever it was, it couldn't be good.
Two days later it was explained. Dumbledore turned up. Max was summoned as ANBU to Tsunade's office. She saw the old man and realised he was up to something.
"Ookami reporting for duty," she announced appearing by the window.
"At ease," responded Tsunade, Max relaxed but didn't remove her mask. She glance around the room properly and noticed the faint glimmers of magic.
"Why did you cast a spell, wizard?"
"It's merely a translating charm"
"Can you prove that?"
"Yes, there's no need to be so paranoid," he cast a spell that lit up the charm.
"Being paranoid is part of my job," was Max's reply.
"Back to business," interrupted Tsunade.
"Does this person need to be here," enquired Dumbledore.
"She's my best person at looking over contracts, she stays," said Tsunade in a voice that dared him to disagree.
"Ah yes, I wish to rehire the ninja group from last year. There have been attacks on students and I need people to protect them and find the source."
"Are you sure you want all of the group from last year?" Max was testing him, if he still wanted all of them including her then he was defiantly up to something
"Yes, they were quite efficient at their jobs, I had a bit of a problem with one but I'm sure it can be sorted." Max narrowed her eyes.
"Ryuu is unavailable so Ookami will be the only ANBU, but she is quite capable, rates are the same as last year. Which ninja did you have the problem? If you have a problem with one of mine then I need to sort it." said Tsunade firmly, she was not giving Dumbledore any leeway to try to manipulate her kids. She had guessed it was Max but she wanted to be sure.
"The one called Maxine Hakie." Max had to try really hard to not kill him where he stood
"Ah, why so?"
"She seems to have some problems with authority and I would like permission to give her objectives as part of the mission that she would have to obey." Max was practically growling until Tsunade gave her a look.
"I apologise for Ookami's behaviour but she and Max are good friends. I would have to think about this request, I shall talk to Max. With these conditions she may refuse to undertake the mission, I give my ninjas a choice for high ranking missions like this." Max was cheering mentally as she notice Dumbledore drop his mask as he panicked, for his plan to work he needed Max. She went back to looking over some paper work clearly implying he was dismissed.
"Ok, I would like an answer by the end of the day though," he said before departing after taking the hint. Tsunade smirked, she still had that touch. Max removed her Mask once she had made sure the place was secure.
"So how did you annoy him?" grinned Tsunade as she took a sip of her sake.
"I kinda waited until the contract had ended and kidnapped Harry away from his abusive relatives. Dumble didn't agree and wanted to take him back. We had foreseen this and told him to go and play in traffic," she recounted.
"Would you agree to his terms?"
"Hell no, I'm not taking orders form someone who sentences a child to a place where he's abused. When I went to kidnap him he was covered in bruises and cuts. His door had numerous locks to keep him in and he had a cat flap to receive food and water. He even had bars on his windows"
"How about this; I will allow him to give you one order to obey and only one. The order may not ask for more and it has to be approved by me. You have to behave but if you find Harry or any other child like that you may do as you deem necessary," suggested Tsunade knowing Max would probably take the offer and find a loop hole in Dumbledore order. Max thought about it for a bit.
"If you can get him to double the price for hiring me then deal." She replaced her mask as Tsunade called Dumbledore back in and related the terms. Dumbledore immediately agreed to the raise in price and Max created a clone of her normal self to walk in.
"You wanted to see me," her clone asked standing to attention, purposefully giving Tsunade respect while ignoring Dumbledore's presence.
"Mr Dumbledore wishes to hire you and the others again but there is a condition for you, you will obey one of his orders specifically for you as well as the contract"
"What is this order?"
"Do not associate with Harry or Draco, you may talk but not for long and only in the passing, but not hang around them, you are a bad influence on them." Max snorted, she was a bad influence on anyone. She voice her opinion too
"I'm a bad influence on anyone who can be influenced, and people who can't"
"Max," said Tsunade in a warning tone.
"That's my name... except when it's something else, and then it's not my name. Aw crap, I've confused myself again." Max knew that Dumbledore was probably questioning her sanity.
Neither adult seemed to have realized Max had just changed the subject. Well Tsunade probably noticed but she wasn't going to hinder Max on a mission. Max made her clone start glaring at the wall, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
She didn't know why she was acting strange but she suspected it had something to do with the drink Laura gave her that morning that tasted a bit like alcohol. At least she could move the strangeness to her clone and keep her ANBU persona up. Or it was the fact she was not completely sane, the alcohol only enhanced the insanity. It wouldn't surprise people, most people in ANBU past or present had sanity issues and seeing as Max wasn't that sane to begin with, things weren't likely to get better.
"So are we agreed?" asked Dumbledore to Max's clone who was still glaring at the wall
"To what?" was Max's vacant response.
"My term." Max's clone pondered for a few second then its facial expression brightened and then fell.
"Can I kidnap him at the end of the year?" she asked meekly.
"No." Was the straight answer. Max had expected that.
"I take that as my only order from you, so I can talk to Draco and Harry during the year." Max was sticking out her tongue at the old wizard.
"But… that wasn't the order." Dumbledore realized he had been out done by a child.
"Tough, it stands," said Max's clone firmly, any signs of a vacant look was gone. Tsunade sighed and nodded in agreement.
"You underestimated her, bad move," said Tsunade lightly chuckling. Dumbledore sighed in defeat, plotting in his mind how to rectify this.
"Some of the ninjas you hire last time cannot make this, Neji, Gaara, Temari, Ryuu, Ed and Shino will not be able to participate, but due to the mission reports from last time the remaining shinobi and Kunoichi should be able to handle it." Dumbledore nodded, less people he had to stop from finding out secrets.
Tsunade dismissed Max and her clone after the contract had been finalized. Max headed home to discuss the year with Laura, and spread the details of the mission and how they were going to do this thing.
"So he asked you to stay away from them, but you tricked him." Max obviously hadn't gotten to the second part yet.
"Yup and I was vague, I didn't specify who I was not to kidnap so I will take great delight in not kidnapping Ron at the end of this year"
"So what are we doing about the basilisk?"
"I say we leave it be but make an obvious effort to prevent the petrifaction"
"And mess around with the diary I wonder how it would react to slash fiction," mused Laura.
Three days later they were back on Earth. Once again Max was acting as two people but she didn't mind, it meant she could creep people out easily.
It was another two days until they got to Hogwarts. They were met by Hagrid who led them to the thestral drawn carriages. Naturally they brought up questions, most of which were answered by Max or Laura. Personally Max found them amazing and wanted one as a pet. The argument was somewhat amusing between Max and Laura.
Eventually they reached the castle and entered the great hall. Attention was drawn to them when Max exaggeratedly gasped.
"Holy 'shroom on a pole, it's Lockhart!" Naturally the vain man smile charmingly and was about to say something when Max continued.
"They let a fake like you near children, Dumbledore's going senile!" she exclaimed, most of the males in the hall sniggered and the ninjas joined in. Lockhart turned red and the smile dropped. Dumbledore rose from his seat ready to give a speech but Max wasn't finished.
"What kind of person defeats 'dark' creatures yet has a favorite color of pink?"
"It's actually lilac," Lockhart feebly pointed out, Max had taken the wind out of his sails pretty quickly.
"Yea that makes it sooooo much better, like I read the books of a fake anyway, come on he supposedly defeated them all but with out a scratch or another person as a witness. Even I can't do that!"
"…"
"I'm kidding, jeez"
"Well-"
"He wears pale blue and perms his hair, his sense of style is close to Dumbledore's and worse than Naruto's, and he flounces around like a princess. And he's going to teach defense against the dark arts, I pity the world, for a monster has been created," finished Max with her head solemnly bowed.
"Obviously this girl has been reading too many fiction books"
"Most of them were yours," cracked Max.
"She needs help-"
"We know that," piped up Laura, it wasn't anything new.
"I'm willing to help-" he said glaring at them daring them to interrupt. Daring a ninja isn't wise.
"Hell no, I need help, not fakers trying to convince me they're legit"
"She's so delusional she doesn't understand she's turning down my generous offer"
"Yeah I'm sure the paper would love to hear about it just so you can gain popularity, stupid attention whore"
"Max, be silent," ordered Dumbledore.
"Only because I want to save insults for the lessons"
"If this behavior continues then you won't be attending the defense lessons"
"Score!" cheered Max.
"SIT DOWN" roared Dumbledore. The ninjas headed to their tables sniggering. At the Slytherin tabled Max exchanged some high fives. The first years seemed awestruck, they had heard rumours of Max and the things she had done. Max missed the speech about their return due to the fact she was taping out a random beat using her spoon and fork on her plate.
The beat just so happened to belong to the song 'Dude looks like a lady', some of the muggleborns who could hear it were laughing, much to Dumbledore annoyance. One of the older ones had even started to quietly sing.
"Be quiet," seethed Dumbledore, the hall quieted down. Max was looking to happy, this year was going to be great.
-
Two days later Max was already in trouble again.
"Max where's your home work?" was the question of the day.
"My broomstick ate it.," For some reason Flitwick didn't believe her.
"Why is this essay written in German?" was McGonagall's question.
"Stop writing you homework in Japanese," Sprout reprimanded her.
"Or any other language." Flitwick again.
"No made up ones aren't allowed either." Ah poor Snape.
It was a week later Max was called to Dumbledore's office.
"Max, I've had a meeting with the other teachers and they've agreed that you should attend anger management here is you counsellor, Healer Bob." The healer led Max to a disused classroom.
"My name is Healer Bob, I'm here to help you with your issues"
"What kind of parent names their kid 'Healer'?" Max asked.
"That's my job title not my name"
"Ok, can I call you Jim?"
"No"
"Aw pleeeeaaase"
"No. Why do you get angry then?" said Bob trying to get on task.
"I don't get angry, they just don't like me," Max pouted as if it really hurt deeply.
"Why don't you pretend you have a personal bubble? No one can touch you in your bubble"
"Can I have a cube instead?"
"No"
"I don't want a bubble!" Max could see Bob was developing a twitch in his left eye.
"You will have a bubble and like it!" growled Bob.
"But I don't like bubbles; they're creepy, all round like and spherical!" Bob sighed and produced a container of muggle bubble mix. He removed the plastic wand and started to create bubbles. This caused Max to run screaming from the class room.
"Argh! The bubbles are out to get me!" She only stopped when Laura stuck her head out a classroom to see what the yelling was about. When she saw Max running from some guy with bubbles she grabbed Max as she passed and pulled her into the class room, which just so happened to be Lockhart's. Max looked between the door and Lockhart.
"I'll take the bubbles." She dashed back out and continued running screaming down the corridors. She hadn't noticed that the healer wasn't chasing her anymore. At lunchtime she was cornered by Laura, Harry and Draco.
"Spill"
"I had to go to anger management, he told me to pretend I had a bubble. I don't like bubbles so he started chasing me with some"
"Why don't you like them?"
"When I was small I accidentally swallowed some I was hiccupping bubbles for ages like something out of a cartoon," explained Max, the others couldn't help it they broke down giggling.
"Laugh it up, I shall get my revenge"
A bit later after that Max was cornered again by Laura.
"Was any of that true?" Laura asked.
"Of course not, I'm a pathological liar, you know that"
-
Three days later a prank had been played specific people had random songs following them. No one was impressed except the twins. Snape looked murderous when he had the 'Numa Numa' song following him around. Max had even charmed herself to try to act like a victim.
She made one mistake. Lockhart's song was 'Dude looks like a lady'. Now everyone guessed it was her doing. Some people had songs that alternated. Like Harry had 'It's my life' and 'Hakuna Matata'.
No one could walk passed Flitwick without laughing. His was 'I'm walking on sunshine'. It was better then McGonagall's, which was 'Animal I've become', everyone else found it funny because she was an Animagus.
Most of them were ironic Laura had 'Parallel worlds', anyone who decided to hero worship Harry had 'Holding out for a hero' so Colin had it the most. Max had decided on 'Freak on a Leash' for herself.
What the ninjas really found funny was Sakura's song every time she started fawning over Sasuke. Max had decided on 'Vacation' for her.
She was now on the run from the pink haired emo worshiper who was screeching at the top of her voice while Max was yelling. "Argh, fan girl mating call of the duck haired emo." and "back evil demon".
-
Needless to say everyone had lightened up some what about the attacks. Every one was in a cheery mood for the Gryffindor Quiddich match on Saturday. When the bludger went rogue, Max figured she would have to wait it out. At the end of the game Max ran to Harry so to prevent him from having his arm vanished. As Lockhart approached Max withdrew her wand. Any bladed weapons would have drawn attention that she didn't want.
"Don't come any closer," she threatened, the dumbass professor ignored her.
"I can fix these bones in a jiffy so don't worry," he said to Harry smiling. Max frowned and looked at her hand half excepting it to be invisible. When she saw it wasn't she turned to see Lockhart begin to swish his wand and cast the full body bind on him. Immediately she was set upon by McGonagall.
"How dare you attack a teacher? Explain your self," she demanded.
"He was about to vanish Harry's bones in his arm and I don't think Harry would like to have his right arm regrown"
"You have no proof"
"I saw the wand movements and hear the beginning of the incantation," reasoned Max.
"Still, detention for attacking a teacher. Now remove the body bind"
"I can't, I never learnt the counter charm," said Max sheepishly. McGonagall sighed and waved her wand unbinding the fake do-gooder. She turned to berate Max when Lockhart stopped her.
"She was being impulsive if it wasn't for impulse I wouldn't have defeated the vampires," smiled Lockhart
"But you didn't. Besides I'd rather ruin my record of no detentions than be saved by you." Madam Pomfrey had arrived and was patching up Harry.
"No detentions… but not for lack of trying on the staff's side. The detention will be at seven pm tonight," snorted McGonagall, she then turned on her heel and stalked off. Laura, who had been watching, was laughing so hard she almost fell over. Max noticed and was about to leave when she saw a chain of events she may never forget.
Naruto came barrelling towards Max, past Laura, he accidentally jolted Laura who had no balance because she was laughing so hard so she fell over onto Sasuke how was standing next to her. Some how Laura managed to land on top of Sasuke. He tried to sit up in surprise only for their lips to join.
Silence fell as Max tried to understand what had just happened; when it registered Max couldn't help but laugh. Before she fell into hysterics she grabbed her camera and took a few pictures for her black mail collection.
The two on the floor separated and were glaring at Naruto and Max, Naruto for knocking into Laura and Max for finding it so damn funny. They all stopped when they heard a loud screech. Apparently Sakura had seen too.
"How dare you kiss Sasuke-kun you bitch," screeched Sakura she pulled Laura back by the hair and went to punch her only to have her hand stopped. Max began to crush Sakura's hand. Even though Sakura was Tsunade's apprentice Max knew that the punches needed momentum for the trainees, so if stopped early enough they could stop the attack.
She knew if it had been Tsunade it would not have worked but Sakura had only had just over a year of training then a year of not.
"Don't even think about it," she growled increasing the pressure causing Sakura to release the grip on Laura's hair. Max shoved Sakura away releasing her hand. "It is foolish to attack someone who has a friend watching their back," growled Max. Sakura huffed and stalked off. Max's stoic face cracked into a big smile.
"Aw my little Laurakins is growing up," she said dodging the swipe made towards her. Max wondered why Sasuke wasn't doing anything only to see he hadn't moved. He was still lying on the floor supported by his arms.
"I think you broke him, great now we need a new team mate," said Naruto walking over to Sasuke and poking him with a foot. It startled Sasuke enough to get him to snap out of his daze.
"Welcome back to the land of the non-love-struck, Naruto here will check you passport and if it isn't valid than I shall kick your ass." People looked at Max like she was insane.
"What, have I grown a third head?"
"You have a second one?"
"No, I don't want a second one I just want the third," said Max like it was obvious. Once again she had successfully distracted people from what had just happened. As they walked back up Max took a detour towards the room of requirement. She wanted to see what it could do.
When she got to it she walked past thinking about a ball pond, when the door appeared she opened it and dived in. She couldn't resist, she loved ball ponds. She spent the next hour investigating what she could do with the room.
The space she could make was limited and she could only make what was physically or magically possible. She could only ask for a book that the room had seen, or something she knew to the letter. Electricity couldn't work but if Max made up a box with a screen it would work but only from Max's knowledge.
The rest of the term passed and Max hadn't turned up to any of the defence lessons except the one with pixies. She only turned up to insult the competence of Lockhart. Ok maybe to pinned most of the pixies to the walls, but then again so had any other ninjas in the room.
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