A/N: Alright, after the last chapter, it's probably time to do an episode. And what episode would I chose, for the first one in the rewrite? Why of course, the most bullshit episode in the entire first season!

I honestly kinda hate this episode, but, it's a pretty important one for something I have planned for much later on in the story (yes, I occasionally plan ahead when writing, just not often), so I don't have much of a choice. Besides, for some reason it's a very popular one to use early on in fanfictions, so fuck it.

ONTO THE STORY!

After my conversation with Celestia yesterday, I didn't really feel up to much. So after Otaku and I got my stuff moved into the house, I went down to the guest bedroom and went to sleep.

Now, upon awakening, I walk out into what will soon become the living room, and sigh.

Due to the procrastination on my part, and the laziness on Otaku's, the few boxes we brought over are just sitting there, waiting to be emptied. Shaking my head, I walk up to the nearest box and open it to see my shitty laptop and the Xbox.

Actually thinking about it, it's strange that it showed up here with me, considering it isn't even mine. Really, it's my dad's, but after the first year of having it, he never got on it, letting me and my sister play.

Anyway, leaving Memory Lane, I take out the Xbox and place it against the wall, seeing as without a TV, it's useless.

Now, with the game system removed, I take the boxes up to the master bedroom, putting the clothes Rarity made me in the closet, and begin setting up my laptop.

…Just gotta plug this cord in here… That one there, and… Where's the outlet?

Ugh… Please don't tell me the outlets are all downstairs or something… Wait, what's that on the wall?

Curious, I walk over to the wall, my gaze focused on a small darker square near the bottom. Reaching out, I run my fingers over it, only for it to disappear the moment I touch it.

…Eeyup. Figures they would hide the outlets and not tell me.

Whatever. Now that I know where the outlet is, I turn on the computer, then walk over to the closet while I wait for it to start up, because for some reason, I'm still wearing the suit.

Looking through the clothes I have, I decide on a green T-Shirt and a pair of jeans. How Rarity was able to perfectly recreate denim, I don't know. But I also don't care.

So long as they're comfortable, that's all that matters.

Alright, so I kinda forgot something important. I need Otaku to draw a router for me, otherwise there's next to nothing I can do on my laptop. And that means walking nearly all the way across Ponyville…

Oh well. With a sigh, I make my way downstairs and to the front door, and then out into Ponyville.

Day number four in Ponyville, and I still don't know my way around for shit. Between my bad memory and being new to town still, it takes a whole twenty minutes to get around to Town Hall. From here, I'm pretty sure I know my way to-

...Why's there a crowd around the other side of Town Hall? No, don't tell me…

I quickly run around to see, only to have my "fears" confirmed.

It's Trixie.

Great. Just. Great. Now I'm gonna have to deal with the bullshit that is the Minor, or hide and hope it doesn't crush my house. Ugh… This is seriously one of my least favorite episodes…

Anyway, looking to Trixie's stage, I see Applejack, already hogtied with an apple in her mouth, and Trixie needlessly gloating. Wasn't even all that impressive. Just some plain old levitation that literally any unicorn could do. The only thing she does that's even mildly impressive out of her entire performance here is controlling the rainbow created by Rainbow Dash. Speaking of who…

As I watch, Rainbow gets up in the showpony's face, and promptly flies off to do her thing. Alright, I think I should get in on this. But what to do…

Aha! Got it!

While I formulate my plan to humiliate Trixie, Rainbow lands back on the stage, creating her miniature rainbow, and once again bragging. A moment later, Trixie somehow manipulates the rainbow - literally just refracted light and miniscule droplets of water - and makes it zoom around Rainbow like a cyclone, and then lift her into the air, only to crash her headfirst into the ground.

Now, normally I wouldn't care, especially considering I already knew it was going to happen, but that is my fave pone you just slammed into the ground. And now, it's go time.

Not waiting for Rarity, I walk right past the crowd and directly onto the stage. Upon noticing me, Trixie is slightly taken aback, but quickly recovers, saying, "Oh, the shaved Diamond Dog wants a turn? What are you going to do, lick your crotch?"

...Okay then. Did not expect to hear something like that from a pony during the events of an episode, but whatever.

"For your information, I am most certainly not a Diamond Dog. I am Equestria's one and only resident human. Now, all these little tricks you're doing are great, but if you really want to call yourself 'Great and Powerful' and claim to have defeated something like an Ursa Major, you need two things; the intelligence to come up with a solution to almost any problem on the spot, and a whole lot of raw power. Me personally, I don't have any special talent to show off, but I can at least determine whether or not you're worthy of being called 'Great and Powerful'.

Now, I have two challenges for you. One being an incredibly simple test of intelligence, and the other to test your power. Which would you like to do first?"

Trixie just smirks, and with a laugh, replies, "Trixie will take your 'tests' in the order that you said them, hyoomin, and then none will be able to deny that Trixie is the greatest, most powerful pony in all of Equestria!"

At her boasting, I can't help laugh a bit, because she has no idea what she just got herself into. "Alright, to tell your intelligence, we're going to play a simple game. It is known as the Five Questions Game. It's simple; I ask you five questions, and you have to answer them all incorrectly. If you answer a single one right, you lose. Ready?"

"Trixie is always ready for a challenge!"

"Alright, first question: What is the name of this town?"

"Po- Manehattan!"

At that, I let loose a small smirk. First question and she nearly messed it up already. This is gonna be a deep breath, I prepare my best old man voice and say,

"...My eyesight seems to be failing me… Are you a boy, or a girl?"

Trixie's eyes open wide instantly, and after a moment, with a growing blush to show her embarrassment, she replies, "I… Trixie is a boy…"

The crowd immediately bursts into laughter, but I hold a hand to silence them, saying, "Let the young lad alone… There are only a few questions left."

Going good so far… Alright, next, doing away with the old man voice, I ask, "Is that a garbage can on your head?"

Trixie's eyes narrow the moment the words leave my mouth, and after a bit of hesitation, she spits out her reply through gritted teeth,

"Why yes, thank you for noticing."

Huh, the hat's a sore spot I take it? I'll be sure to keep that in mind.

"... I seem to have forgotten what question we were on… Do you remember?"

Trixie somehow instantly forgets her anger, and opens her mouth to reply, "Of course Trixie remembers! We are on the-"

Damn. She caught herself on the last second… Oh well, I still got the second challenge if I don't get her on the next question.

"We were on the 11th question if Trixie recalls."

"Alright then… Last question."

As I dramatically pause before asking the last question, I throw Trixie a look that (hopefully) says, 'I know your secret'.

For a moment, she's confused, but then recognition sparks in her eyes and she subtly shakes her head. Too bad Trixie, too bad.

"Did you really defeat an Ursa Major?"

Perfect, I was right. Her hesitation tells me that she's trying to decide. If she says she did defeat it, she 'knows' I'll say won. If she doesn't, I might say she lost because she told the truth.

"Trixie… Trixie did not defeat the Ursa Major…"

Huh… She choose to stick with her lie despite the risks. Welp, guess I'll let her keep telling it a little while longer…

"Good Job. You passed my first challenge. Are you ready for the second?"

After a brief moment of confusion, Trixie once again adopts that cocky smirk of hers, saying, "Of course! Trixie can handle any challenge you throw at her!"

You say that now… "As I said before, the second challenge is a test of power, and is far more difficult to complete than the first. Your challenge is… Levitation."

Trixie immediately begins laughing, as do several other unicorns in the crowd, including Rarity.

"Is that funny? I don't recall saying what she would lift, or how much… To begin, raise the stage we're standing on two feet above the ground."

The blue unicorn instantly recoils, but quickly calms herself with a deep breath, and begins making her way off stage.

"Where are you going, Trixie? I never said you could get off the stage."

"YOU EXPECT TRIXIE TO LIFT THIS STAGE WHILE SHE'S STANDING ON IT?!"

"Yeah. I'd think the pony who defeated an Ursa Major could do that much at least…"

And the bait has been set. Now her reputation is on the line, again.

Gulping loudly, Trixie lights up her horn, and the stage is covered in the aura of her magic. After a few seconds, the stage begins to shake violently, and then suddenly rises into the air, throwing me onto my ass.

Okay then. She actually did it. Time to ramp it up… "Alright, now pick up the crowd here. The entire crowd. Don't drop anypony now…"

Trixie throws me a look of desperation, and her concentration wavers, causing the stage to wobble in midair, nearly causing me to fall again. She quickly corrects herself, and the stage, and one by one begins lifting ponies from the crowd into the air.

She's making good progress, nearly half of the spectating ponies floating above the ground, when I notice her aura starting to fade in and out. Turning to her, it's obvious just how much she's struggling, looking at the amount of magic she's forcing out of her horn, and how much her legs are shaking.

"Alright, I've seen enough. Go ahead and-"

"NO! Trixie is the greatest and most powerful unicorn in all of Equestria! She can do this!"

With her sudden exclamation, a sudden burst of energy seems to come forth and…

Holy. Shit.

All at once, the remaining ponies on the ground are lifted into the air, and the floating audience members begin spinning in what's best described as an omnidirectional merry go round.

Panting now from her magical exertion, Trixie says, "There!... See? Trixie can… take… any challenge… you give her!"

Sadly, with that, she collapses, dropping both stage and audience unceremoniously to the ground.

Wow… Ya know for a magician in a world already full of magic, she was certainly determined to prove herself. I had been going to fail her, but just this once, I'll let her boasting slide.

"Trixie."

The exhausted unicorn looks up at me wearily, and asks, "What… do you… want… from Trixie… now?"

With a smile, I say, "You passed."

Walking off the stage, I find myself completely changing my opinion of her. Sure, she may lie to make herself look better, but she's more than just a boasting show pony.

As I take the final step onto the ground, Rainbow Dash walks up, saying, "Yeah, you sure showed her! I'm surprised she could even do that!"

"Eh, it surprised me too. Honestly, I was expecting her to be a lot weaker than she is. But what really surprised me is how she bested you."

"Please. All she did was throw me into the air and make me land on my head. She practically cheated! If it was a race, I would've beaten her in ten seconds flat!"

Shaking my head, I reply, "I'm sure you would have, Rainbow. Anyway, I need to get back to… Huh. Actually, I don't remember what I was doing… Guess I'll just head home."

"Okay, see ya later, Joseph!"

With that, the cyan pegasus flies off, leaving me to walk home in silence.

As I approach my house, I spot the one unicorn I've met who wasn't at Trixie's performance - Otaku. Floating in his magic is a small brown box, while he himself is waiting somewhat impatiently at my door.

"Uh, hi, Otaku. Sorry if I made you wait, I was a little busy with a certain magician. Whatcha got there?"

Looking up, Otaku replies, "Your router. I remembered you said you'd have to have me draw you up one when you got yourself a house, and I was bored, so… Yeah. Here you go."

With that, he hands me the router, I unlock the door, and we head inside.

Several hours later, we finally get off the Xbox, and it hits me. The Ursa. How the fuck did I forget about the Ursa?!

"Otaku, I just remembered I've got somewhere to be. Make sure to lock the door on your way out. And feel free to hop on Dark Souls 2 for a while if ya want. BYE!"

As the words leave my mouth, I'm already throwing on my cloak and going out the door, starting a full on sprint to try and find Trixie's wagon before a giant star-bear crushes it.

FINALLY! There's the wagon, and -

Wait… The Ursa attacks at night… Guess it'll be a while longer…

Eh, might as well try and talk to Trixie. Hesitating for just a moment, I walk up to the wagon and knock on the door. The instant response is Trixie angrily yelling, "Trixie told you not to bother her until morning!"

"Really? I don't think so, but my memory is pretty bad, so- "

Before I have a chance to finish my sentence, the door flies open, and Trixie glares out at me, asking, "What do you want? You already passed up your chance to ruin my reputation, so why are you here?"

"Obviously not so I can hear you boast again…" I sigh and look around, then step inside before responding, "I came to… Apologize. I was a little harsh with my challenges; I just wanted you to fail so that I could humiliate you and show everypony how empty your claims of being "Great and Powerful" were."

"But in that second challenge, you showed how determined you were to prove yourself. Sure, you may not be the greatest and most powerful, as you claimed in your act, but you do have an incredible amount of determination, skill, and yes, power. Again, not the best, but you're far from weak. And now, because of that determination you showed, well…"

"I guess you aren't as bad as I first assumed. Maybe we could get to know each other better?"

Silence. That's all there is for the next minute, before Trixie finally opens her mouth to speak, saying, "Trixie is flattered, but she only dates ponies."

...Wut? "Whoa whoa whoa! That is not what I meant! I just meant I would like to try and be your friend, geez!"

At that, Trixie sputters, a blush clearly shown, "W-well how was Trixie to know your implications?"

I throw my hands out and argue, "Well for starters, maybe don't assume that's what I meant!"

Trixie is once again silent, her blush slowly dying away, she looks up and says, "Well… Can we still do it?"

"The 'date'?"

Trixie backpedals on her words and furiously shakes her head, "No!... To try and… Start over."

"I know, I know, I was just letting you see why you don't assume things like that. Makes it awkward for the other person, you see? But yes, if you would allow, I'd like to try and be your friend. That means you'd have to come and visit now and then, by the way."

She opens her mouth to reply, but before she has a chance, she's interrupted by the sound of knocking at the door, and two voices yelling out, "TRIXIE! COME OUT! TRIIIIXIIIIE!"

Ah. So it's already here…

Damn it's hard to tell time in this world.

Taking a deep breath, I walk past Trixie out of the wagon, drawing my golden wingblade from under my cloak, glad to have brought it with me. As I shove my way past the two idiots, I look out to the trees, and sure enough, there's the Minor emerging from the forest, knocking down countless trees in the process.

Alright, now, what to do, what to do… Sure, it's a baby, but goddamn is it destructive, even when it isn't actually trying to kill anything. Yes, Twilight can take care of it herself if I just wait, but all she really does it delay the inevitable. Yeah, this is pretty reckless, nearly suicidal in fact, and probably inspired by too many hours playing Dark Souls, but…

I'm gonna fight, no, kill it. That or Imma get stomped on and die. One or the other.

Taking another deep breath, I look up to the Minor, and see it raising up above me, preparing to destroy the wagon as showed in the episode, and charge forward to avoid being crushed, yelling, "YOLO!"

Once I feel that I'm a safe distance under the "cranky baby", I attempt to perform a dodge roll in true Dark Souls fashion, and fail miserably, only succeeding in slamming my head against the ground painfully. Ow…

Standing back up, and vowing to never try that again, I do an awkward stumbling run towards its back legs, and begin wildly slashing away at its ankles like a madman, because honestly, what else could I do to such a massive creature?

As I continue to slash at its ankles, making gashes comparable to a papercut, it raises its back left leg and wildly stomps the ground several times, clearly trying to flatten me. Of course, with me standing under the angry baby, it's efforts are completely wasted, not managing to land a single, completely deadly hit on me.

Alright, my attacks aren't really doing shit to the Minor here, so what do I do…?

AHA! I got it! Pulling yet another Dark Souls, I two hand my weapon to (hopefully) do more damage with each swing, and draw the weapon back behind my head to get as much force behind it as possible. With a yell, I swing my golden blade, but in mid swing it's covered in a bright light, and the next thing I know I'm burying one blade of a two sided poleaxe into the Minor's leg.

The giant creature cries out in pain as I yank out the blade, and falls onto one side with a thundering crash. Taking the opportunity that's presented itself, I take the new weapon and cleave open the Minor's stomach, only to see a glittering blue liquid flow from the wound rather than red.

I shrug, guessing that its blood has the same otherworldly appearance as it's skin, and begin walking away from the dying beast, breathing heavily from my exertion.

I don't get far, however, before the ground starts shaking like an earthquake, accompanied by the sound of a thundering footstep that only grows louder with each second, which can only mean…

Pure terror washing over me, I force myself to turn back to the treeline, and sure enough, there's the mother charging right towards the town. A true Ursa Major. And I just killed its child.

Oh fuck me…

Before I can even bring myself to move a single muscle to run in the other direction, the Major raises a paw high in the air, quickly bringing it down towards me.

With a groan, I open my eyes, greeted by a completely unfamiliar view of a white ceiling, and immediately try to sit up to try and figure out where I am.

I instantly regret it, pain shooting throughout my entire body, forcing me back down onto the bed. Before I have a chance to question where I could be, and why I feel like I got hit by a truck, I hear a door open, and turn my head (causing a new spike of pain) to see a white pony wearing a nurse's cap walk in with a clipboard held in one hoof.

Looking up, she notices me, and says, "Oh, you're awake, that's a surprise. We weren't expecting you to be up for another week, considering you hit a mountain and all."

...Wut?

"Uh… Hit a mountain? What are you talking about?"

"Oh, well, I guess it's natural you wouldn't remember. You see, after you, uh, took care of the Ursa, a much larger red one came charging in, and it sent you flying into Canterlot Mountain with a single swing. Miracle you survived, actually."

"...Okay, let's assume for a moment I believe you. What happened with the other Ursa then?"

Nurse Redheart (I'm assuming it's her, from the cutie mark) shakes her head, and responds, "Oh, the weird pony with the Neighponese writing on his house took care of it, just like he did that giant spider thing the one time. Now, you need some rest. Just that you're awake now is practically impossible, but there's no way you're getting up to go anywhere in that shape!"