Denial
Chapter ten - Sirius, the Friend of James
*****
The next morning was the same. And the next morning. And the one after that. And on, and on, and on, and on, and it was very tedious, and quite disgusting. Lily set her alarm slightly early so she'd be awake when I woke, and could comfort me in my sickness. It was gross. Kira always helped clear up.
Mya and Ellissa were quite suspicious, and worried about me being ill (probably because they didn't want it themselves. They where too slow to figure anything out), so Lily told them that we'd been to the nurse, and she'd said it would pass soon enough. It didn't seem to be passing though.
Further to that Lily was starting to get annoyed with my - and now Kira's - constant insults of the Bastard Crew. She wouldn't join in, and would even defend them on occasion, and laughed at their jokes from the other side of the room. It was all very weird.
I was worried that she was trying to persuade me to like them so I would tell Sirius. But one weekend, three weeks into the term it all came out.
It was a Hogsmead weekend, and we strolled jovially into the Three Broomsticks to do bugger all for the day, considering we where all skint from Christmas. Lily and Kira forbid me from having a butter beer (why for God's sake? It's less that 1% alcohol), so I had and *orange juice* instead. I do love my oranges (and my sarcasm).
So anyway, all was jolly and bright, and then I went back with two slightly tipsy friends, and we went into the common room, but then decided it was too noisy, so went to out dorm for interesting in-depth discussions, about fancying people, and the fine line between love and hate, and details, and whatnot.
It began with "Are you sure you don't like Sirius, Chloe?" (to which I replied, 'he's fit, but a bastard.') and moved through Kira (who denied any liking at all) to Lily. Ok, I asked her if she liked Sirius. She denied it very forcefully, but was still smiling.
"You do, don't you?" Kira pressed her.
"No I actually don't!" Lily said, her smile disappearing temporarily.
"Remus?" I asked, naming the second fittest in the Crew. None of them, except Sirius, were that good looking, but still.
"Nope." Lily said.
"Peter!" Kira exclaimed, shocked.
"Nooo!" Lily replied, a frown coming to her face.
"You sure it's not Sirius?" I asked suspiciously.
"No. Come on, there's one you haven't tried yet."
"James?" I asked. Lily lowered her head guiltily, but was still smiling.
"James!" Kira said.
"Shh!" Lily said quickly. "Don't tell anyone."
"Not even our dear friends, Mya and Ellissa?" I asked mock-dejectedly. Lily looked at me witheringly.
"Yes, you can tell them, and they can tell the world, perfect." She said.
"You fancy James. You fancy James." Kira sang.
"And there's no need to shout it out." Lily said, glaring at Kira with her piercing green eyes.
"Oh yes there is." Kira sprang up and ran to the door. Lily ran after her, and I walked behind them.
When Kira got the common room she shouted "Lily Evans fancies-", then was cut off by Lily attacking her from behind and shouting:
"No-one! Go back to your masturbating underneath your homework." I caught a couple of guilty glances at this remark.
Then we all returned upstairs.
Once there Lily decided to change the subject.
"So, how was Sirius is bed. I want details." She said, settling herself back on her bed.
I sat down next to her. "I thought you fancied James." She gave me a look so I continued, "Well, you remember we went out for a month,"
"Yes, it was sickening." Lily replied, as Kira plonked herself down on Lily's other side.
"Yeah, well, at the end of the month was a Hogsmead weekend. We went in together on a date, and you lot went separately. After desert, we were a bit stuck for what to do. I suggested shopping, but Sirius, surprisingly, didn't want to, so he suggested we go back to the castle, we went in his dorm, and it just went from there really."
"So *that's* why you came back so late." Kira said. "And why you appeared half way through tea."
"Oh yeah, we did do that didn't we." I said.
"Yep." Lily verified.
"Ok."
"Yeah, I don't call that details." Lily said pointedly.
"Oo, horny now are we?" I teased.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" She replied, raising her eyebrows suggestively, and fingering her shirt buttons.
"Calm down Lily." I told her. "Ok, caught in a wave of passion, and the heat of the moment, we found ourselves snogging our hearts out, and ripping each other's clothes off frantically. We fell over onto the bed, and made passionate love till dawn." I said.
"You've seen too many films." Kira said shaking her head.
"I know." I replied. "but you'll have to accept that as the truth."
"It's not the truth, you only fucked till tea time." Lily told me.
"Ah. You've clearly got the dates mixed up. We appeared at tea the next day. We made passionate love till dawn, and then lay sipping champagne till six, then came for tea." I informed her.
"Sure. Wouldn't the rest of the Bastard Crew have noticed?" Kira asked.
I shook my head. "Too preoccupied with their own socks."
"Oh right, that explains it." Kira replied, now understanding the whole 'truth'. "Do you want your night of passion with James to be like that?" Kira asked Lily.
"What night of passion with James?" Lily asked, surprised.
"The one you're so clearly going to have." Kira replied.
"Oh THAT one. Oh yeah, can't wait." Lily said.
"For what?" Mya said, sauntering into the room, with Ellissa on her heels.
"For you to piss off." Lily replied cooly.
"Tough luck, we're having showers before tea." Ellissa said as they walked into the bathroom.
"Fine." I muttered, getting up, and leading my friends downstairs.
*****
Time continued to go on, rather surprisingly, and Lily continued to obsess over James, and I continued to be sick every morning, and Sirius continued to be a Bastard. My stomach continued to swell, my robes continued to get baggier, and I got more and more worried about what the hell I was going to do with a baby, and I would take care of it.
How could I do my school work, and look after a baby? I didn't know. Did Dumbledore have some sort of brilliant scheme? I didn't know. How would I cope till seventh year? I really didn't have a clue.
What would happen when Sirius found out? He was going to find out. Inevitably everyone was. How would they react? How would he react?
I could just picture him rejecting me, disowning the baby, having a massive grudge against me for the rest of our lives, hating me forever! I couldn't stand that. He couldn't do that to my child.
Maybe he wasn't as bad I was making him out to be though. Maybe I was just doing what I was dreading him doing. Maybe it was all just a defense mechanism.
There were other things as well. Was it a girl or a boy? What should I call it? Feed it? Where would I get money to clothe it?
God I was in deep shit.
I relayed my problems to Lily and Kira. Lily looked worried for the most part, but on hearing the part about my panic about names and clothes she went mental. Absolutely hyper. She started patting her hand on her knees rapidly. I was afraid she was having a spaz attack.
"I wanna help you chose names and clothes! I know some cool names! And we can make your baby the height of fashion! Oo fun! fun! fun!" She cried.
"Calm down Lily. For all we know Sirius could be outside the dorm door right at this moment." I told her. We'd been hanging in the dorm a lot more than usual recently.
"But names! Think of some cool names." She told us.
"Nooo." I moaned. The name was least of my worries at the moment.
"Please?" Lily begged.
"No." I told her.
*****
Woo! Another one! The next day! Haven't done that in a while, but there you go. I doubt I'll do it again. Actually I might, seeing as it's the holidays. I'VE GOT A (slight) TAN! I got no tan last year, and it's only april. Yey! I love the weather at the moment. All sunny. And it's hottest in Britain where I live. Class or what. Anyway, I'll stop talking about my tan now.
Ok. Thanks to my 6 reviewers who read last chapter within the day I took to write this one. I don't blame you if you didn't review:
freakyfroggurl22: no he doesn't, but he knows he's more right than Sirius (the fool.)
Sam: This soon enough?
Prongs: ditto
Triforce Knight: ditto again. And I didn't exactly get what the "fox" was?
mononoke: I know. I really shouldn't have made him and arse in the first place. I think it's mainly just that Chloe has a big grudge for the baby, and it's all her point of view. I hope so anyway. Mostly...
KeeperOfTheMoon: Your wish will be granted immediately! (You reviewed kinda just before I posted this).
Thankyou, and please review again - Mai :D
Chapter ten - Sirius, the Friend of James
*****
The next morning was the same. And the next morning. And the one after that. And on, and on, and on, and on, and it was very tedious, and quite disgusting. Lily set her alarm slightly early so she'd be awake when I woke, and could comfort me in my sickness. It was gross. Kira always helped clear up.
Mya and Ellissa were quite suspicious, and worried about me being ill (probably because they didn't want it themselves. They where too slow to figure anything out), so Lily told them that we'd been to the nurse, and she'd said it would pass soon enough. It didn't seem to be passing though.
Further to that Lily was starting to get annoyed with my - and now Kira's - constant insults of the Bastard Crew. She wouldn't join in, and would even defend them on occasion, and laughed at their jokes from the other side of the room. It was all very weird.
I was worried that she was trying to persuade me to like them so I would tell Sirius. But one weekend, three weeks into the term it all came out.
It was a Hogsmead weekend, and we strolled jovially into the Three Broomsticks to do bugger all for the day, considering we where all skint from Christmas. Lily and Kira forbid me from having a butter beer (why for God's sake? It's less that 1% alcohol), so I had and *orange juice* instead. I do love my oranges (and my sarcasm).
So anyway, all was jolly and bright, and then I went back with two slightly tipsy friends, and we went into the common room, but then decided it was too noisy, so went to out dorm for interesting in-depth discussions, about fancying people, and the fine line between love and hate, and details, and whatnot.
It began with "Are you sure you don't like Sirius, Chloe?" (to which I replied, 'he's fit, but a bastard.') and moved through Kira (who denied any liking at all) to Lily. Ok, I asked her if she liked Sirius. She denied it very forcefully, but was still smiling.
"You do, don't you?" Kira pressed her.
"No I actually don't!" Lily said, her smile disappearing temporarily.
"Remus?" I asked, naming the second fittest in the Crew. None of them, except Sirius, were that good looking, but still.
"Nope." Lily said.
"Peter!" Kira exclaimed, shocked.
"Nooo!" Lily replied, a frown coming to her face.
"You sure it's not Sirius?" I asked suspiciously.
"No. Come on, there's one you haven't tried yet."
"James?" I asked. Lily lowered her head guiltily, but was still smiling.
"James!" Kira said.
"Shh!" Lily said quickly. "Don't tell anyone."
"Not even our dear friends, Mya and Ellissa?" I asked mock-dejectedly. Lily looked at me witheringly.
"Yes, you can tell them, and they can tell the world, perfect." She said.
"You fancy James. You fancy James." Kira sang.
"And there's no need to shout it out." Lily said, glaring at Kira with her piercing green eyes.
"Oh yes there is." Kira sprang up and ran to the door. Lily ran after her, and I walked behind them.
When Kira got the common room she shouted "Lily Evans fancies-", then was cut off by Lily attacking her from behind and shouting:
"No-one! Go back to your masturbating underneath your homework." I caught a couple of guilty glances at this remark.
Then we all returned upstairs.
Once there Lily decided to change the subject.
"So, how was Sirius is bed. I want details." She said, settling herself back on her bed.
I sat down next to her. "I thought you fancied James." She gave me a look so I continued, "Well, you remember we went out for a month,"
"Yes, it was sickening." Lily replied, as Kira plonked herself down on Lily's other side.
"Yeah, well, at the end of the month was a Hogsmead weekend. We went in together on a date, and you lot went separately. After desert, we were a bit stuck for what to do. I suggested shopping, but Sirius, surprisingly, didn't want to, so he suggested we go back to the castle, we went in his dorm, and it just went from there really."
"So *that's* why you came back so late." Kira said. "And why you appeared half way through tea."
"Oh yeah, we did do that didn't we." I said.
"Yep." Lily verified.
"Ok."
"Yeah, I don't call that details." Lily said pointedly.
"Oo, horny now are we?" I teased.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" She replied, raising her eyebrows suggestively, and fingering her shirt buttons.
"Calm down Lily." I told her. "Ok, caught in a wave of passion, and the heat of the moment, we found ourselves snogging our hearts out, and ripping each other's clothes off frantically. We fell over onto the bed, and made passionate love till dawn." I said.
"You've seen too many films." Kira said shaking her head.
"I know." I replied. "but you'll have to accept that as the truth."
"It's not the truth, you only fucked till tea time." Lily told me.
"Ah. You've clearly got the dates mixed up. We appeared at tea the next day. We made passionate love till dawn, and then lay sipping champagne till six, then came for tea." I informed her.
"Sure. Wouldn't the rest of the Bastard Crew have noticed?" Kira asked.
I shook my head. "Too preoccupied with their own socks."
"Oh right, that explains it." Kira replied, now understanding the whole 'truth'. "Do you want your night of passion with James to be like that?" Kira asked Lily.
"What night of passion with James?" Lily asked, surprised.
"The one you're so clearly going to have." Kira replied.
"Oh THAT one. Oh yeah, can't wait." Lily said.
"For what?" Mya said, sauntering into the room, with Ellissa on her heels.
"For you to piss off." Lily replied cooly.
"Tough luck, we're having showers before tea." Ellissa said as they walked into the bathroom.
"Fine." I muttered, getting up, and leading my friends downstairs.
*****
Time continued to go on, rather surprisingly, and Lily continued to obsess over James, and I continued to be sick every morning, and Sirius continued to be a Bastard. My stomach continued to swell, my robes continued to get baggier, and I got more and more worried about what the hell I was going to do with a baby, and I would take care of it.
How could I do my school work, and look after a baby? I didn't know. Did Dumbledore have some sort of brilliant scheme? I didn't know. How would I cope till seventh year? I really didn't have a clue.
What would happen when Sirius found out? He was going to find out. Inevitably everyone was. How would they react? How would he react?
I could just picture him rejecting me, disowning the baby, having a massive grudge against me for the rest of our lives, hating me forever! I couldn't stand that. He couldn't do that to my child.
Maybe he wasn't as bad I was making him out to be though. Maybe I was just doing what I was dreading him doing. Maybe it was all just a defense mechanism.
There were other things as well. Was it a girl or a boy? What should I call it? Feed it? Where would I get money to clothe it?
God I was in deep shit.
I relayed my problems to Lily and Kira. Lily looked worried for the most part, but on hearing the part about my panic about names and clothes she went mental. Absolutely hyper. She started patting her hand on her knees rapidly. I was afraid she was having a spaz attack.
"I wanna help you chose names and clothes! I know some cool names! And we can make your baby the height of fashion! Oo fun! fun! fun!" She cried.
"Calm down Lily. For all we know Sirius could be outside the dorm door right at this moment." I told her. We'd been hanging in the dorm a lot more than usual recently.
"But names! Think of some cool names." She told us.
"Nooo." I moaned. The name was least of my worries at the moment.
"Please?" Lily begged.
"No." I told her.
*****
Woo! Another one! The next day! Haven't done that in a while, but there you go. I doubt I'll do it again. Actually I might, seeing as it's the holidays. I'VE GOT A (slight) TAN! I got no tan last year, and it's only april. Yey! I love the weather at the moment. All sunny. And it's hottest in Britain where I live. Class or what. Anyway, I'll stop talking about my tan now.
Ok. Thanks to my 6 reviewers who read last chapter within the day I took to write this one. I don't blame you if you didn't review:
freakyfroggurl22: no he doesn't, but he knows he's more right than Sirius (the fool.)
Sam: This soon enough?
Prongs: ditto
Triforce Knight: ditto again. And I didn't exactly get what the "fox" was?
mononoke: I know. I really shouldn't have made him and arse in the first place. I think it's mainly just that Chloe has a big grudge for the baby, and it's all her point of view. I hope so anyway. Mostly...
KeeperOfTheMoon: Your wish will be granted immediately! (You reviewed kinda just before I posted this).
Thankyou, and please review again - Mai :D