hello again everyone. sorry this took a little longer, i have been busier than i thought. hope you all enjoy it, the plot is starting to thicken.

AND OVER AGAIN

Chapter 10

John sat on the bed, his head cradled in his hands, breathing slow and even. He felt like he was drowning, the air around him chocking him, killing him. Everything he did was for his boys, everything. But, no matter how hard he tried, no matter what he learned or what he saw, he could never find a way to help them. He just seemed to make their lives worse with ever decision that he made. He was trying to find a way to help Dean, trying to find some supernatural force he hadn't yet heard of, some resource that hadn't yet been used. But he had even managed to screw that up. Dean was in worse shape than ever, and he knew he needed to be with him.

But he just didn't know if he could. John was so used to being in control, so used to fixing ever situation; that seeing his eldest son, laying weak on a hospital bed, was almost too much for him to bear. It was a scene he had witnessed far too often, a place he had been more than any father should ever have to be. Dean's young body was littered with scars, each one driving another nail into the senior Winchester's coffin. Those marks may not have been caused by his hands, but they were most certainly a result of his actions. He had placed Dean in harm's way, taught him to sacrifice, to stand between the darkness and his family. And now Dean was paying the price for his father's arrogance and vengeance.

He had thought the surgery was the answer, thought that Dean would hop up out of the bed, healed and whole as though the past year hadn't happened. It was a foolish dream, John knew that, but he still couldn't stop it from laying claim to his heart. He needed Dean to be ok; needed his strong, unwavering son to be the boy he had been, to be Dean again. John had been so intent on saving Sammy, so single-minded in his quest against the Yellow Eyed Demon, that he had let Dean fall by the wayside, and now he was praying to any god that was listening to help him fix that terrible mistake.

The problem was, that he was afraid Dean was already beyond his reach. It was a thought that had sprouted up in his mind when his eldest son's heart had stopped, a seed of doubt worming it way through all his prayers, all his hopes. He needed Dean to be ok, needed him back. John had apologized back in Ely, and he had told himself that that simple, ten minute apology was enough to undo over two decades of damage. But it had been a lie, and John knew that. He had lost his chance with Dean long before the Asura; hell, he'd lost it long before the confrontation with the Yellow Eyed Demon.

He cursed again, pounding the worn bedspread beneath him. He had been given so many second chances, so many opportunities to fix his broken boys, and he had ignored every one of them. No wonder Dean and Sam were so close, they were truly all each other had. John the father died along with his wife, leaving nothing but a hollow shell of the man he had once been. And still his boys loved him, still they followed him into the darkness. And this was how they were to be repaid?

Dean's medical records could probably wrap around the impala, twice, and Sam had been forced to lose his love and future at the age of twenty two. It wasn't right, and it wasn't fair, and Sam and Dean should never have had to pay the price for his countless mistakes. Yet they did. So instead of trying to mend the broken highway that was their relationship, John just continued on his path of mistakes and missed opportunities. And he couldn't shake the feeling that soon, there would be no second chance.

A knock at the door drug John out of his thoughts, his heart still aching as he pushed off the bed. He was torn, he needed to save Dean, but he needed to follow this lead to do it. He knew Sam would object, but Dean would understand.

Would he? John berated himself. Or would he agree just to follow an order?

"Why is it you never call me till your head's too far up your ass to see straight, Winchester?" Bobby's voice cut through the heavy air the instant John opened the door, the other hunter's anger evident in his dark eyes.

John knew Bobby cared for his boys just as much as he did, hell Bobby had been around them most of their lives. He also knew that the older hunter didn't think much of his parenting skills. There had been a lot of bickering between the two weathered hunters over the years, but John had always been grateful to have Bobby around, shot gun and all.

"This is all just getting out of control, Bobby." John sighed, closing the door behind his old friend.

"I figured as much, since neither you or your boys ever call anybody before shit hits the fan."

John just smiled despite himself, thankful that Bobby was there. The weight of it all had been crushing the eldest Winchester's shoulders, drowning him in a darkness he couldn't find the strength to fight. Having Bobby there lessened the burden a little, bringing John far enough out of his whirlpool of emotions to try and form a plan. And for that, John Winchester was grateful.

"So spill it, Johnny." Bobby began, pulling up a chair, his keen eyes never once leaving John.

"Where should I start?"

"Beginning's always good."

"Well, a little over eight months ago, the boys went missing. They were supposed to be driving to meet me at a job and went through an area of Washington called Shadow Pine. There was an Asura there, Bobby."

"And the boys just stumbled into it?"

"They were lured there."

"By who?" Bobby asked, his eyes narrowing, anger already boiling at the thought of someone they trusted using the boys.

"Joshua."

"Joshua! Wait, you've heard from him? John, people have been asking around."

"He's dead, Bobby. And I'm not sorry about it. He tried to kill my boys, hell, he almost slit Dean's throat with his own hands. He deserved what he got."

"I don't believe it. I mean, this is Joshua. He'd been around the boys nearly as much as me."

"That's why I didn't call sooner. It's nothing against you, Bobby, it's just. I trusted him."

"Was he possessed or something?"

"No. He said we were a danger to the hunting community, can you believe that." John's smirk died when Bobby looked away at the comment. "What?"

"I won't lie to you, Johnny. You are a liability."

"So what, you agree with him? You're gonna sacrifice my children to keep yourself safe!"

"Don't ever accuse me of that, Winchester. I would never do anything to hurt those boys. But Joshua isn't the only one that thinks that way."

"That's not right."

"I'm not saying it is. That's just the way things are. Hunters only see in black and white, and most do what they do to protect their own. If they see someone as a threat, they're gonna take him out."

"But selling them to the things where're supposed to hunt?"

"He was always a bit of a coward, John. Always seemed to stay around those that were bigger and faster. I'm not saying everyone you know's gonna turn on you. I'm just saying, that it's becoming and issue."

"What am I supposed to do. I'm losing them, Bobby, I can feel it."

"What happened to them, John?"

"The Asura. It went after Dean. He was in a bad way, Bobby. The thing damn near killed him."

"How'd Joshua die?"

"He tried to kill Dean. The Asura wanted Dean's soul; it told me that if Dean died in that forest, he'd be trapped forever. But there was a loophole."

"Blessed blade."

"Yeah, Joshua almost slit Dean's throat. It drove the Asura crazy, and it attacked them both. If it hadn't been for Sam…. Dean would have been dead, right then and there."

"Why do I get the feeling there's more to this story."

"We blessed the land, we thought we destroyed it."

"You can't destroy and Asura, John."

"Yeah, we figured that out. It was possessing Sam."

"For how long?"

"Five months."

"Five months! And he doesn't have any lasting side effects?"

"I didn't say that. Hell, Bobby, I don't know what's happening to them anymore."

"Them?"

"The Asura was still after Dean. I don't really know the whole story, but at some point, Sam tapped into the Asura's powers to try and reach out to Dean. He was still doing it when he blessed his own blood."

"So the part of the Asura that's left?"

"Is in the form of a bond between Sam and Dean, and it's strong. I thought it was just Sam's psychic powers being amplified, but Dean can do it, too."

"Do what?"

"Changes in the weather, TK, hell they can both astral-project. Though they nearly kill themselves when they do it."

"What? And you've got no clue how that happened?" Bobby asked in astonishment. He knew John had a tendency to be blind around his children, but this was a whole new level.

"They hid from me, Bobby. Dean took Sam and they hid from me. Where the hell did I screw up?" John sighed, resting his head in his hands once more.

How can a father screw up so badly that his own children would run from him, hide from him, especially with what they were going through? It was something John just couldn't believe, a reality he had never expected. Dean's injuries were growing worse by the day, and whatever was left of the Asura was eating away at their already battered souls. But instead of reaching out for help, instead of finding a way to fix it, the boys buried it all.

"I'm sure they weren't hiding--."

"They were. You should have seen Dean when I found them."

"What happened?"

"He had a panic attack. I was just trying to get answers. Damn it, Bobby, this is all my fault. I'm gonna lose them."

"You are with that attitude. So what's going on now, why's Dean at the hospital?"

"The Asura separated him and Sam back in the forest, knocked Dean off a cliff. He shattered his knee and it just never healed right."

"And the surgery isn't working?"

"It got interrupted."

"By what?"

"Sam."

"Sam? Why the hell would he do that?"

"It wasn't on purpose. When he gets stressed, the power he has, it's terrifying. When I found them they were on a hunt. There was this family that was sacrificing people to ward off a curse, and they got Dean. I thought he was dead, bullet nicked his head. But when Sam saw it, damn Bobby, this power came out of him. It wasn't like anything I'd ever seen before."

"And he still has it?"

"Yeah, we can't get ride of it, and he can't really control it. The only person that can calm him down is Dean. That's why I need to find an answer. I've got this lead I need to look into, and I want you to go to the hospital--."

"I'm not going to that hospital, Johnny."

"What? Why not?"

"Because they're not my kids. I'll look into this 'lead' of yours, you go and be with your kids."

"This is important, Bobby."

"Damn straight it is, that's why your ass is going to the hospital. And there ain't no buts in this conversation."

"You don't know what to look for."

"I think I've been hunting long enough to figure it out. Look, John, I know the Winchester answer for everything is 'hunt it', but some things aren't supernatural. Now." Bobby began, holding up a hand to silence John's argument. "I'm not saying that something can't help him, and I'm gonna look into it, I promise. But what you want is a miracle, and that's something you can't hunt down. Just give the surgery a chance, it's worked for loads of other people."

"I just don't know what to do, Bobby."

"Go to the hospital and see your boys. By the way, John, where'd you hear this lead anyway?"

"One of Caleb's old contacts, Marshal Williamson."