Robin for Exalt
"I know some who are constantly drunk on books as other men are drunk on whiskey." -H.L. Mencken-
"Does it bother anyone else that my dad is an uneducated alcoholic with no leadership skills or experience in government?" Nah, of all people, was not sold on Team Vaike. (and more then a little perturbed by some of the kooks his campaign had gathered as followers)
"We don't want no gub'mint insider; they made the mess!" a more ardent supporter tried to bring her into the fold.
"Common sense solutions for Ylisse; Vaike gets it!" sloganeered another.
"Ain't nuthin' you can learn in a castle or in a library worth more than workin' the fields," a portly pig farmer and bona-fide kook ranted. "Them snooty liberals in Ylisstol—buryin' their heads in them books and thinkin' theys some great thinkers—they done never worked a day in their life! Got no idea how things really is; tellin' us men can marry men and Plegains takin' er jerbs is good for us. Books must make ya mighty stupid if that's what you git from reading!"
Nah didn't no whether to laugh or cry, so she sighed and silently helped herself to Vaike's whiskey.
"Theys so open-minded their brains fall out, and they says wes some bigots 'cause we don't want dem perverts and illegals ruinin' er country!" the kooks got kookier. "I ain't no bigot! Theys the bigots! Racist libtards hatin' traditional Ylisseans; dats racist!"
"Intolerance of intolerance is intolerance…sure…" Nah drank. Sweet merciful god. Does father even realize this is what hes pandering to?
"ER MAH GERD; YOU GUYS!" Vaike barged into HQ with a look of outrage and a book of law; the latter landing with a windmill slam on the serving counter (Vaike's campaign HQ is a tavern) as Vaike shouted for everyone to gather round. "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE WHAT I JUST FOUND!"
"You read now?" Nah glimpsed the text. It looked WAY above Vaike's level.
"—Course I read! I read ya to sleep every night when you were little, didn't I?"
"My Pet Goat. Not Rules of Administrative Procedure Governing the Courts of Ylisse."
"Oh shush; a book's a book. Look at this! Remember that law Chrom passed 'bout how big government has to pay for everyone's healers, and gets to take your healer away if the hierarchs think its too expensive?"
"…That's not what the law says…" Nah wasn't a scholar. But she was dating one. "You didn't read it. You have no idea what it does or how it works. You listened to someone else who didn't read it and has no idea what it does or how it works tell you why you should hate it."
"That's a bunch of hooey; the Vaike knows whats up!" Vaike pointed to his book. "Says it right here; they don't even have to use the courts. If the hierarchs think its too expensive for you to go to a healer, it goes to a Quality Review Board. There's them death panels I was tellin' ya about. If they don't like the way you LOOK at them, they can say you cost too much to heal."
"KNEW IT!"
"IT'S A CONSPIRACY I TELLZ YAZ! THEY WANNA KILL OFF ALL US TRADITIONAL YLISSEANS AND MAKE THE WHOLE COUNTRY THINK LIKE THEM CITY SLICKERS!"
"FACISTS! NEXT THEY'LL BE PUTTING US IN CAMPS!"
"No one is putting anybody in camps!You people are RIDICULOUS!" Nah was drinking straight Bourbon, and she couldn't kill enough brain cells for that line of thinking to make sense. "It's a law that stops people from dying because they can't afford healing and having their life-savings wiped out when they call a healer. You're acting like it's the end of civilization."
"God's Vaike!"
"When did your daughter become such a freedom-hating liberal?"
"She can't help it…she gets it from her mother…" Vaike deflected. "Here's what CAN be helped; we're gonna take to the streets! We're gonna spread the word that Chromcare ain't no good. And we ain't gonna stop until Ylisstol gets outa the way and lets the best healers in the world do their job! "
"Here here!"
"That's right! That's RIGHT!"
"The King is a criminal! Chromcare is TREASON!"
"Hey; none of that now!" Vaike scolded. "Chrom's a GOOD man. A FINE man. He just don't know any better. Don't know how us real folks live; he's got a big ol' heart and a head full of bad ideas," Vaike spoke completely deaf to the irony.
Nah thought to say something, thought better of it, and drank more Bourbon.
"Now ya'll know Chrom ain't gonna change the law. It's his namesake. Robin's even worse; she thinks Chromcare doesn't go far enough!" That was the first factually correct thing Vaike had said all day. "A vote for either one of them is a vote for more government getting between you and your healer. Ya'll know whatcha gotta do?"
"Out of the taverns; into the streets! Out of the taverns; into the streets!"
"Damn straight!" Vaike led his supporters in protest.
"Whyyyyyyy?" Nah face-planted against the now empty table and made to take another swig of whiskey.
"That's enough of that…easy now…" Laurent confiscated the bottle and steadied her in her seat.
"He's SO dumb." Nah shook with adorable, tiny little fists of rage. Her first impression of her parents had been that Nowi had the mind of a child, and that nothing short of raw sexual thrill could explain what Vaike saw in her. She now believed the reverse to be true.
"He...means well..." Laurent offered by way of conciliation. "And his criticism of the law—misguided though his proposed remedy might be—is not entirely without merit." Robin had the right of it. We needed to remove private insurance as a barrier to access. Not get everyone insured. Chromcare was a half-hearted compromise to get enough support to pass from the Vaike's of the world...that was poorly done.
"I just don't understand how he can be so opinionated and be so sure that all his opinions are right when he doesn't know anything. And he acts like that's a selling point!" Never had Nah seen such a glorious celebration of ignorance as at a Vaike rally, where "academic" was a dirty word and Robin had been booed off the stage for arguing hard economics instead of Dey Terk Errr Jerbs!
"He is not alone in his thinking." Laurent understood the political undercurrents at play. "Vaike's anti-intellectualist populism taps into something deep and salient in the electorate. This perception that academics are a parasitic class and that education is brainwashing—that the zenith of social utility and useful knowledge is to be found in the life experience of the working class—it is perception born of a society that treats quality education as a commodity to be purchased by a privileged few rather than as a fundamental right and public good."
"…I guess…" Nah squeezed under Laurent's cape and pretended like she understood half of what he just said. "This whole democracy thing doesn't work unless people are educated, does it?"
"When the people govern themselves, they get a government commensurate with their level of civic awareness and engagement," Laurent agreed with much headier language. "It works to the extent that voters have the requisite interest and base of knowledge to make it work. Where the requisites are lacking, the people are governed by buffoons who can appeal to the lowest common denominator and tricksters who tell people what they want to hear."
"Ylisse wasn't ready for this…" Nah had been thinking it for a long time. But it felt good to finally say it. "One day, maybe. But we just aren't there yet."
"Indeed." Laurent concurred. "Chrom thrives on competition; without it he grew negligent and detached. Robin was correct to challenge his rule. But the manner of her choosing was error; in so choosing she has all but guaranteed that Vaike will be our next Exalt. Vaike will win not because of who had the strongest endorsement or the best policies or the tightest image control or the cleanest messaging. He has none of these things. Vaike will win because the mood of the country is nativist, populist, and anti-elitist. And he plainly without reservation or deceit reflects the mood of the country."
"And you're okay with that? OOF—" Nah staggered and hit the floor. "You're way too smart to be okay with that…" She didn't even bother getting up.
"A Vaike governorship would not be as disastrous as the alarmists are predicting. Precisely because he has no leadership skills or experience in government." Laurent picked her up and whispered words of comfort and carried her to a backroom bed, where she could sleep off the coming crash. "Vaike does not know how to craft laws or move through the mechanisms of state; he will be almost entirely dependent on aides and advisers to do the legwork of governing. Mother has already taken measures to assure that in the event of a Vaike win, her think-tank will have a hand in crafting public policy. Chrom and Robin will likewise retain some role; if not in name or title then in the ability to treat with the hierarchs and move legislation. In truth, Vaike would be Exalt in name only. The people would have their voice sitting Chrom's throne and be contented in the illusion of autonomy. But the direction of the country would not change."
"Mmmmmmm…that sounds nice…" Nah gripped her pillow tight and snuggled beneath her blankets as Laurent tucked her in. "You're the best boyfriend ever."
"You're drunk." Laurent gave her a gentle kiss and made sure she was comfortable. "You really shouldn't try to drink as much as your father."
"NO! I'm TOUGH! I can handle it!" Nah made that face she made when she was trying to prove she was a big, scary dragon.
"You can. But you really shouldn't." Laurent blew out the rooms oil lamp. "Get some rest. I'll be back in a bit."
"Noooooooo." Nah whined. "Why are you leaving?"
"I have…business…" I'll tell you more if mother allows it. "Get some rest."
Nah dozed off and Laurent left…only to immediately be accosted…
"...You..." Lucina cornered him as soon as he left the tavern. "The King would like a word with you."
"Whats this about?" Laruent feigned ignorance.
"What do you think?"
"I would assume this pertains to mother's assistance with his campaign. Would it not be more prudent to speak with her directly?"
"No. He specifically asked to speak with YOU."
He knows. "And why ever would our good king do that?"
"Ask him yourself." Lucina knew Miriel was double-dealing, and she knew Laruent was her in with Team Vaike. "Shall I escort you to the castle?"
"…I know the way…" Laurent proceeded without her direction, but was very aware that he was being followed.
I could use a big, scary dragon right about now.