AN: Thank you to katizi that helps me see things I'm too blind to see.

If you like the flashback below then thank her.

Now let's continue, and your first look inside Edwards head….

If you like, then review.

Steph Meyer owns all twilight. I borrow it and play.

Chapter 10

The ride home was a mess. I didn't know if I should be sad, mad or just shrug it off. It mostly hurt. He had said all the things I wanted to hear for the first 2 years. I would have taken him back in a heartbeat but he didn't come back. Because he did it for my own good? What the hell kind of reasoning was that?

I didn't need a father, I wanted a lover, a partner, a friend.

And I was too young? Who the hell did he think he was? If I was too young then he should have left me alone from the first place.

Lousy good for nothing… mother….piiiiip!

Ok, so anger was a good approach. I was mad again. I never used to get mad, I was a quiet photographer enjoying life until that bastard made an encore appearance in my life. Did I ask for this? No, Alice and Edward took these decisions for me! God damn those two!

As I got home I texted Alice and Rose to tell them I was ok and safe and to never talk about Edward again.

I was going to get him out of my system once and for all.

EPOV

I fell to my knees as the door closed behind the only woman I had ever loved. Would ever love.

I had royally fucked this evening up. I should have taken it slow but I just couldn't stop myself once she was in front of me, her hand in my. That delicious chemistry between us.

What the fuck had I done. I had made a bargain with the devil, now she wouldn't want anything to do with me. I had hurt her and myself all those years ago. But what I had said was the truth.

I was upstairs in the guest bedroom of my aunt and uncles beautiful home. Unpacking some things, stringing my guitar and just chilling.

I liked spending time with my realitives, they were a wonderful family and showed much more open affection than my parents did. Elizabeth and Edward Cullen Sr. were great parents, they gave me everything I needed and wanted but they didn't understand my passion for music. They had hoped I would be a concert pianist, a doctor, a lawyer or something else prestigious. I had been accepted to the musical program at NYU and they didn't hold back their disappointment.

I kept stringing and strumming the guitar when I felt something stirring. I felt drawn out of my room. Like when your home alone and you feel someones presence. I could feel something…

I put the guitar down and took the stairs to the bottom floor. In the hallway stood Alice and a girl, dark brown hair. Her back was to me as she was taking her coat of. Everything was moving in slow motion as I felt that the pull that had led me down here was to her. She turned around and I gasped when our eyes met. It was like a light inside my heart exploded. As if it was awaken from a dark slumber and the light she gave illuminated every dark corner.

And I knew. This was her. She was IT.

My knees almost gave out as I saw her take a quick breath. She felt it too…

Alice gave the girl a puzzled look and turned to see what had caught her attention.

"Oh Edward! Hi!"

When she didn't get a response she tried again. "This is Bella, my best friend. Bella this is my cousin that I told you about, Edward."

As I descended the stairs and looked at her curiously I stuck my hand out to shake hers. She reciprocated and as our hands met this weird electric current surged through my hand and in to the rest of my body. Bella looked at our joined hands and tried to pull away but I gripped her hand tighter.

This was the weirdest thing that had ever happened to me but on the other hand it felt oddly familiar. As if my body, heart and soul knew her. As if the missing piece to the puzzle was finally there. It was like coming home…

Even then, as a 18-year old pimple faced dork I knew that she was the one for me. I could feel it in my bones, in my heart. I belonged to her and she belonged to me. I tried to be slow, she was still so young. And when it came time for me to leave I did what I thought was best. I gave her a clean break. She would get to move on with other guys, party with her friends, get drunk and stupid and follow her dreams instead of following me. I knew she would if I had asked her, I would have done the same for her.

But I couldn't ask that of her. I wanted to give her every experience possible before I tied her to me forever. Because she was my forever.

When I met Bella I thought the world had stopped moving. Everything started evolving around her, she was like the sun and everything in me was depending on her, if she left the sun would set, the dark would eat me and eventually kill me.

I just knew. It was like my inner compass just kept pointing to her, I couldn't stay away. And yet I knew I would hurt her. I would have to leave.

After I left, everything I did, every song I wrote was for her. At first I tried to dope myself up with drugs and alcohol to forget her but she was everywhere. I couldn't escape even thought I tried for the first few years. Then I made a decision, she was going to take me back. I had to start working on the life I wanted to have with her.

I started blowing up in to a superstar, making money, buying a home big enough for her and me. I didn't splurge my money. I saved them so I could buy her everything her heart desired.

Every breath I took was for her. I stayed healthy, didn't do drugs anymore, and didn't do the random hook up and all the songs were always about her.

My life started, ended and evolved around her.

When I heard from my uncle Carlisle that she was in L.A. with Alice I thought long and hard about what to do. I didn't want to complicate her life, I wanted her to succeed before I made an appearance. So I gave her 2 more years. At last I couldn't stay away anymore. It was as if she was calling to me, I was going crazy knowing that she was close by. The first year I went out on an USA and Europe tour but this last year… I tried to keep busy but it was so hard.

And now I threw it all away. She didn't want me back. All my efforts were for nothing. She hated me, she couldn't forgive me.

After a couple of hours of self pity I dragged my ass in to my bedroom, picking up a bottle of scotch on the way. I lay in my bed, just thinking about all these choices I had made. All this playing around.

I kept drinking until I passed out. I woke up to my phone ringing.

"ellooo?" Crap I was still drunk.

"Edward Anthony Cullen so help me fucking god if you don't open up these gates I'll climb over and then beat the shit out if you!"

"Emmet?"

"Yeah asshole, surprise! Open the fucking gate!"

"Hold on… I just gotta get out of bed…"

I opened up the gates and stood by the front door to await his arrival.

He barged in through the door and pinned me to the wall with his massive hands.

"What the fuck did you do?"

"Emmet, I'm drunk, tired and fucked up. I haven't seen you in forever so what the fuck could I have done to you?"

"Not me you moron! Bella!" he growled

At the mention of her name my heart stopped.

"What happened? Is she ok?" I started panicking.

"Everything is not ok! You fucked her up again!"

Now I was confused. "Emmet what the fuck are you talking about? Speak the fuck up!"

"Rose calls me, mad as hell and tells me to get over here and fuck you up. Bella was here and then she came home asking Rose and Alice never to mention you again. I'll ask again: WHAT. DID. YOU. DO?" with every word he showed me in to the wall.

"Oh Emmet!" I sobbed. She was fucking through with me, I had lost my reason for living.

He let go of me and I fell to the floor so he picked me up by an arm and dragged me to the living room where Bellas scent still lingered on the sofa. I sat back and just closed my eyes hoping for death to just fucking take me.

"Start from the top, and tell me everything." Emmet sat next to me and handed me a bottle of water. I didn't even notice him leave.

"Em, she….she's the one. She's everything. And now she's gone…"

AN: Next update: The sooner you review….. Yeah I'm pimping out chapters….