"Thank You For Loving Me"
by Yanagi-sen Weiss Kreuz songfic
Usual disclaimers apply. Back to using Bon Jovi for the lyrics again, can't tell I'm a product of the 80's can you?
Warnings: angst, yaoi, lots of flashbacks [flashback]
~It's hard for me to say the things I want to say sometimes ~
"Honto ne?"
"Hai, Naoe-san. The last scan has found no trace of abnormal cells. It's been long enough since your last treatment that I think we can say you are in remission. Now, a word of caution. that doesn't mean you are cured. We will continue to monitor your condition, although not as frequently. If in five years you don't have a relapse, we can declare you cured. But for now. enjoy your life. You won't have to be tortured by coming here as often." The gentle doctor's smile softened the words, letting Nagi know the man was joking. By now, everyone at Kritiker's medical facility knew how much he was disturbed by the place. They didn't hold it against him, word had gotten around of Esset's medical practices and how traumatizing the experience has been for him as a child. At this point, he was as much a favorite around the place as Omi was and if the nurses knew they were coming, one would inevitably have cookies and tea waiting for them.
"Thank you, doctor." He said as he rose. Omi was already jumping around and hugging him, Nagi knew he was blushing from the twenty-year-old's antics. "Is there anything else?"
"Iie. Go on and enjoy your evening."
The blond was practically skipping down the hall beside him, waving a cheery farewell to the nurses. "Nagi. we should celebrate. what do you want to do?"
The brunette cocked his head, thinking. "Well. I think we should go home first. If the guys are there we can tell them the good news."
"Okay." He opened the car door with a flourish. "After you, sir."
Nagi giggled a bit as he climbed in. Omi ran around the slid behind the wheel. Traffic was bad, requiring all of the blonde's concentration, leaving the brunette free to think.
~There's no one here but you and me And that broken old street light ~
What a journey it had been to reach this point. He was immensely grateful for all that Nebelung, Somali, and the rest of the medical staff had done for him. And the others. Manx had finally been given a forced retirement, mostly thanks to the efforts of Ran, Ken, and Youji. She had been deemed emotionally unstable and offered the choice of resigning and living the rest of her life comfortably traveling the world, or being confined at a remote training facility on Hokkaido. No one really wanted to kill her; she had been a great operative and a wonderful person once. Even he didn't really feel any animosity toward her anymore, not after seeing how disturbed she now was. Grief can do funny things.
Just because he didn't hate her didn't mean he was comfortable in her presence though. Even now, over a year later, he would still have nightmares occasionally of his one afternoon as a prisoner of Kritiker. Omi had assured him, repeatedly that it hadn't been the Manx he'd grown up with, but that was of scant comfort when he awoke in the middle of the night shaking with terror.
He pushed thoughts of the red-haired woman from his mind. Today was a happy day, not a time to dwell on sorrows from the past.
Even as he thought that he knew that he couldn't help it. He just had a tendency to dwell. A gentle touch brought him back to the present. Omi had reached over and taken his hand. He gave the blonde's fingers a reassuring squeeze then let go so Omi wouldn't be impaired with driving. It would really suck to survive cancer and being an assassin only to die in a preventable car crash.
His mind really was maudlin at times.
~Lock the doors We'll leave the world outside ~
"Tadaima!" Omi opened the door and held it for Nagi. Only silence met their return. "Guys?" They wandered through the apartment over the Koneko. "Guys?" On the kitchen they found a handwritten note from Youji.
'Omiitchi and Nagi-kins, Ran went to watch Ken's team's soccer game, I've got a date. Don't stay up, I'll be late. Ja! -Youji'
"Well. that's a bummer."
"It's okay, Omi."
"But they knew you had this appointment."
"It's really alright. We have the evening to ourselves now."
Omi's smile grew as he put all the pieces together, adding up to a quiet night with just the two of them. "I'll make dinner."
~All I've got to give to you Are these five words when I Thank you for loving me ~
Nagi settled at the table. He watched the blond pulling ingredients from the refrigerator and cabinets.
"What would you like tonight?" Cerulean eyes met his own.
The brunette smiled. "Surprise me."
Omi turned back, grumbling about people who never make a decision. [1] He set a pot of water to boil and started to chop vegetables. Nagi just watched him in silence. He loved to do this, just watch Omi work. It didn't matter what the blond did, programming, cooking, cleaning; just watching Omi at his tasks. His mind started to wander. The blond had done so much for him.
He could have turned him away that first night. But he had taken him into his home and family. Then run away from everything he knew, to keep him safe. He'd sacrificed sleep and any semblance of a life to care for him when he was ill. The blonde had given up a lot to be with him. And yet he'd done it without hesitation or question.
"Tea?" Omi set the steaming cup on the table and went back to his preparations.
"Doumo." Nagi sipped the warm liquid. His lover had remembered to make his special blend, just a bit of mint in with the green tea. Somali had made it for him first, when he had been feeling so nauseous all the time, and it had helped. He wasn't sure if it was just in his head or whether it actually calmed him, but he had developed a taste for it. Omi had bugged the nurse till she'd given him the recipe and he made it for Nagi now. Just another example of the blonde's thoughtfulness.
He sipped his tea and let his mind wander.
~For being my eyes When I couldn't see ~
[The hallway was echoingly silent; the only sound his own quiet shuffling and the distant murmur of the ventilation system. The youngest Schwarz eased into the office and shut the door behind him. The cameras would be down for the next forty minutes. the regular monthly maintenance, poor system if anyone bothered to ask him. But they didn't, and just as well. If HE had designed the system, he wouldn't be getting in like this. Crossing to the chairman's desk, he sat himself down in the man's extravagantly expensive leather chair and powered up the state of the art computer.
Perusing the files he snorted derisively. For what the man used this for, this computer was well beyond what he needed. Nagi's fingers itched to get his hands on a system like this, but Crawford had said no. Said that his current equipment was good enough. The brunette grumbled, what did he know? HE wasn't the one who had to use it. Bitching mentally, he searched for the financial records. Takatori was sure the man was embezzling. and a considerable amount at that. A little pocket lining was acceptable and expected, but this man's creative banking was apparently getting out of hand.
He zipped the files he needed and pocketed the disk. He erased every trace of his being in the system, adding a minor virus that would distract the techs for a couple days, and then checked to make sure he'd left no physical evidence behind. He wore gloves of course, thin latex that would be disposed of when he got home. His clothes were dark in hue and snug to avoid attention. His hair confined under a cap. Satisfied that he couldn't be identified as being there, he prepared to leave.
As he approached the door, it swung open of its own accord. He froze. knowing he was backlit from the moonlight outside the huge plate glass windows. There was no way he wouldn't be seen.
A gasp. and a whispered word. "Schwarz."
"Weiss."
The blond entered and shut the door behind him. "What are you doing here?"
"Work."
"Ah. well, I suppose it's pointless for me to try to get anything out of that system, ne? You've already trashed it?"
"Not entirely. but yes."
"Ah. oh well, I'll just tell Ran there were complications." He turned as if to leave. Nagi blinked, confused.
"Aren't we. aren't we going to fight?"
The archer turned back. "Not unless you really want to. I mean, what's the point." He smiled. "Come on. I know a quick way out." Still confused, Nagi followed the Weiss boy.]
~For parting my lips When I couldn't breathe ~
[Wincing with every step, Nagi made his way down the alley to the back of the building. His vision was graying as he rang the bell, praying that someone. anyone would be home.
"JUST A MINUTE!"
He could hear a lock being released and then the door opened a crack. A blue eye peered out. "Yes?"
"Omi." Nagi croaked.
The door was yanked open and the blond assassin stood in the doorway, Nagi could see the horror at his condition. /I must really look bad./
"Omi. what's." The older blond, Youji, appeared at the foot of the stairs. He too regarded the pale brunette with something akin to sadness in his eyes. "Chibi, get the first aid kit, quickly." Omi disappeared. "Come on kid. let me help you."
"Why?" Nagi didn't trust this man, didn't trust anyone right now. He was shocked they didn't slam the door in his face.
"Can you walk up those stairs?" The brunette shook his head. "Then let me help you." He offered his arm, and Nagi was grateful for the support as he made is slow, painful way up the steps. At the top, they found Omi dithering.
"The first-aid kit is in the kitchen."
"Okay. Help me sit him down." They tried to be gentle, but his injuries were too many and too serious and he cried out in pain. "Kuso." Youji swore. "Who beat the shit out of you?"
Nagi turned his head into Omi's arm as they tried to remove blood-soaked clothing that had dried to his wounds. "Crawford. it was Crawford." he managed to whisper. The hands stilled for a second, then continued.]
~Thank you for loving me Thank you for loving me ~
[/He's not going to come. He's left me with these people and he's not going to come. I'm not surprised. why should he? He's Weiss. and I'm. or I WAS. Schwarz. I'm nothing. no one. oh it hurts so much. Everything is broken.my body, my mind. my heart. and he's not coming./ He rocked back and forth on his knees.
Nagi ignored the door when it creaked open. It was probably another Kritiker interrogator coming to ask more questions. Or worse. it might be HER. it was safer for him to just lie there. maybe they would go away.
"Nagi."
No. it's not him. just my imagination.
"Nagi-chan."
/It has to be him. no one else calls me that./ He stopped and slowly lifted his eyes, sure that the boy was merely an apparition that would disappear any second. "Omi?" It hurts to speak. it hurts to do anything. The golden-haired boy drops to his knees beside me, the fingers of his hand brushing my leg. /He's real! He's real and he's here!/
He flung his arms around the archer's waist and started to cry. /He came for me. he really came./]
~I never knew I had a dream Until that dream was you ~
"Hey. you in there?" Cerulean eyes peered laughingly at him.
"Oh. sorry. Thanks for making dinner. Itadakimasu!" Nagi sniffed the miso soup appreciatingly, rice and fish balanced out the meal. It wasn't fancy, but it was good.
He considered himself so lucky. Omi and Youji, and to a lesser extent Ran and Ken, had truly welcomed him into their home and lives. And even though they were a team. they were also a family. Schwarz hadn't been like that, no part of Esset was. Esset was entirely focused on the goals of a few at the top, the individuals who actually did the work were beneath notice. or if they were noticed, it was usually not a good thing. Nagi had been noticed, for his beauty and his skills. He'd been far too young to be placed with Schwarz, but he was the Prodigy. The proverbial Golden Child, and Crawford had wanted him. He'd always suspected that the American wanted him for a few other reasons. most of which would constitute child abuse, but fortunately his relationship with Schuldich was a full-time job.
He hadn't known what it was like to just be wanted for who he was. Not his powers, not as a possession to be coveted, but for himself. Till he'd run into Omi.
"Yoohoo. Nagi. what's up?"
He looked up to Omi's concerned eyes. He smiled. "Just thinking."
"Ah. about?"
"How lucky I am."
~When I look into your eyes The sky's a different blue ~
Omi's eyes sparkle. "No... I'm the lucky one." He reaches across the table to take my hand. He keeps hold of it, even as he continues to eat his dinner. He's so sweet. And gentle. And a force of nature when he's angry. I got to watch him go at Manx one time, when she was waiting outside the medical building one day when we were coming out of one of my treatment sessions. I was so tired, so ill, all I wanted was to get home and go to bed. And we walked out and there she was. Omi politely brushed her off till he got me in the car. Then he said he'd only be a minute. He went back over and I'm surprised the staff didn't call the police.
He actually ended up getting a vicious swipe of her perfectly manicured hand across his face. THAT'S when Nebelung and a few other doctors and male nurses intervened. They whisked Manx away, later I found out they put her in the psyche ward, and Omi came back to the car, waving off Nebelung's attempts to treat him.
I remember looking into his eyes. they were so blue. He asked me if I was okay. ME? As if he wasn't bleeding from four scratches across his cheek. So blue. I could have drowned in them.
They're the same way tonight. Like staring up into that perfect, endless summer sky.
If I don't eat, he's going to harass me. I apply myself to the wonderful meal he made for us.
~Cross my heart I wear no disguise ~
"Nagi. what's wrong. you're a million miles away tonight."
I knew he'd get worried, and he is. "It's really nothing. I don't know, maybe it's hearing about the remission. But my mind is just wandering tonight."
"Are you sure? Dinner's okay? You feel alright? You're not upset the guys aren't here and just not telling me are you?"
"Omi. Omi. I'm fine. Dinner is great. I FEEL great. The guys have lives, I don't mind. I'm just thinking."
"Okay. as long as nothing is wrong."
"I promise, nothing is wrong. In fact, everything is just right."
~If I tried, you'd make believe That you believed my lies ~
I'm not sure that he totally believes me, but he accepts my answer, for now. We finish dinner and clean up the few dishes and pans we used. When I hang up the towel he turns to me.
"Okay. it's YOUR night. Do you want to go anyplace? Movies? Dancing? That new kissaten [2] down the street?"
"Well. there are NO good movies out; you KNOW I don't dance."
"Oh come on. you can't be THAT bad."
"Yes I can. and the kissaten will be crowded by now."
"I'm out of ideas."
"Do you mind, terribly... if we just stay home?"
Omi's eyes softened. "Sure. Hey. we still have a few episodes of Yami no Matsuei to watch. You get drinks and I'll set up the DVD."
By the time Nagi got there with sodas, Omi was already waiting for him on the couch. The brunette settled into his favorite TV watching position, cuddled up under the blonde's arm, and eagerly watched the adventures of his favorite shinigami. Omi yet AGAIN made references to how much he was like Hisoka till Nagi snagged a pillow and thwaped him with it. [3] By the time the show was done, his eyes were dropping and the blond was telling him to just go to sleep, he wanted to watch the news. The small brunette nuzzled his lover's chest and let sleep overtake him.
~Thank you for loving me For being my eyes When I couldn't see ~
["Doctor, please. I'm too tired for games. What is wrong with me?"
"Ah. anou. I shared your results with a colleague. I wanted to be sure. we've determined. Naoe-san, you have a brain tumor."
He felt cold. not just cold. but horribly alone and scared. It was a moment of absolute terror. He felt as if the core of his being, his very soul and just frozen into a hard block. What could he do? What would happen to him? He heard the door open behind him. He turned to look. there was Omi, standing in the doorway looking puzzled at the tension in the small room.
"Ah, Tsukiyono-san. you need to join us."
"What is it? What's wrong?"
Omi crossed the room on quick feet. He looked up at the blond; he knew his face had to be betraying his fear. His lover's arm came around his shoulders and then he slid in beside him. Omi turned to the doctor and Nebelung started over for him. Nagi didn't hear any of it. He was cold. So cold.
"Nagi."
Someone was shaking him. He looked up and saw Omi peering at him, sorrow and concern etching his features. He couldn't hold it in anymore; he collapsed against the blond and hid his face in his shoulder.
"Nagi. it's okay. It'll BE okay. We'll take care of you. I promise. you won't have to do this alone."]
~For parting my lips When I couldn't breathe Thank you for loving me ~
["Nagi? Are you awake?"
Was he awake? He wasn't sure that he wasn't still dreaming. But everything was a little too clear. a little too bright. He guessed the anesthesia. He tried to talk. but his mouth and throat felt as if they were stuffed with cotton. "Sort of."
Omi rubbed his hand soothingly. "That's okay. Just rest."
He didn't want to rest. not yet. There was something he had to tell Omi. Something very important. but his body wouldn't cooperate. His eyes were closing even as he tried to speak. He felt the blond lean closer. He tried again. "I love you."
"I love you too."
He felt the darkness taking over again. This time he didn't fight it. Omi had been there. he'd promised he would. and he was. Nagi wasn't alone. he wasn't alone.]
~You pick me up when I fall down You ring the bell before they count me out ~
[Just as Nebelung had promised, the actual treatment itself had taken only a few minutes. The simulation before hand, to pinpoint where the x-rays would be aimed, had taken longer. He hated this place though. it didn't matter that he genuinely liked Nebelung and Somali. the smells. the sounds. he was feeling ill.
Nagi sat up and tried to tell himself it was just in his head. Omi came in and smiled sympathetically. "You okay." He just nodded and slipped off the table. His balance was off and he pitched forward, but barely catching himself on the edge. A shoulder came under his arm, supporting him. "Easy. come on, let's get you home."
He struggled with his nausea the entire trip home. Luckily they had borrowed Youji's car so Nagi wouldn't have to ride on the bus or cling to the back of a motorcycle. Omi helped him up the steps and into the apartment. It was getting too hard to deny the roiling in his stomach. With a quiet moan, he ducked into the bathroom.
"Nagi? Are you okay?"
After a moment, Omi came in to see him hunched over the toilet. "Oh, Nagi. sick huh?" He made sure the baby-fine, chocolate hair was held back out of the way, steadying him, then getting cool clothes and fresh water. Finally he picked Nagi up and took him into their room, laying him gently on the bed. "Just rest, love. I'll take care of everything."]
~If I was drowning you would part the sea And risk your own life to rescue me ~
[He didn't think he could keep going. It was so hard, every day, every hour, to pretend to be okay. To pretend to be happy and confident and optimistic. He felt like he was drowning in his own emotions, helpless to control or influence them.
Omi was working. The apartment was quiet. No one would be coming back for a while. He was alone.
Nagi curled up on the couch, hugging his knees to his chest. He fought with himself to keep the tears in, to stay strong, to be brave. he was losing. Pulling his legs in tighter, he felt the hot tears start to run down his face to wet the jeans under his skin.
"Nagi."
He gulped back his tears and tried to wipe them away. "Omi. you're back early."
"It's okay."
"Huh?" Nagi tried to act okay and smile, but he knew he was failing.
"You don't have to try so hard." The blond sat beside him and pulled him close so his face was pressed to Omi's neck. He whispered into Nagi's hair. "You don't have to be so tough. It's hard. I know. I don't care if you cry. You need to. so let go. I won't love you any less."
"But that's. that's giving in. I REFUSE to give in."
"It's not giving in. it's release. it's okay. cry if you have to. scream if you have to. throw things and break them. I don't care. I love you. I love you so much."
Validation. That's what he had needed. Nagi let go.]
~Lock the doors We'll leave the world outside ~
"Nagi. Nagi. are you awake enough to walk? I'm ready to go to bed."
He yawned and stretched. He blinked and looked around. The apartment was still quiet. "Are the guys home?"
"No. Ran and Ken probably went out after the game, maybe they met Youji. I don't know. You ready for bed?" The blond stood and looked down at his smaller lover.
He smiled and held his arms out to Omi. "Carry me?" The blond grumbled but stooped and picked him up easily.
"You still need to gain some weight."
"I'm always going to be small."
"I know. but you still need to gain some weight." He maneuvered them into the bedroom and gently set Nagi on the bed. "There you go. couch to bed service. Anything else Naoe-sama?"
He giggled. "Actually. there are a few things you could do for me." He smiled coyly.
~All I've got to give to you Are these five words when I Thank you for loving me ~
He watched appreciatively as Omi disrobed seductively. Once the blond had discarded his clothing he climbed on the bed and started to undo Nagi's shirt. one button at a time. His touch was teasing as each inch of pale skin was exposed. Finally the shirt fell open and Omi bent over his chest running his tongue and lips over the smooth flesh. Nagi gasped. The blond didn't stop, even as his hands busied themselves with the brunette's pants. A strong hand that was at the same time so careful, slipped inside the confining clothing to grasp and massage Nagi's stiffening shaft.
He moaned and reached for his lover. Omi caught his hands and pinned them to the mattress. "Oh no. this time. you're just going to lie there. and take it." He grinned evilly and bent again to tease the pale flesh. Omi sat up and tugged on his pants. Nagi lifted his hips to make it easier for the blond; the pants joined the other clothing on the floor. The brunette started to sit up to remove the silk shirt. Omi pushed him back. "Leave it."
The archer lay down, settling between his legs, rubbing their members together. He caught Nagi's lips, starting gently, and then deepening the kiss.
~For being my eyes When I couldn't see ~
["I'm sorry, Omi. I know you want to."
"Love. don't feel bad. Sure I want to. I want to lay you down and make love to you all night. but you're not well. That's okay."
"But. it's not fair to you."
"Nagi, I don't care. I love you. Even if all we do is sit here.that's enough for me."
He looked at the blond, he was just so tired. "Honto?"
"Hai." Omi pulled him up into his lap, resting his back against the arm of the couch. He tugged the throw blanket down and wrapped it around the brunette. "Rest my love, I'll hold you. I won't let go."
Content in his lover's arms. he felt sleep creeping upon him. "I love you, Omi."]
~You parted my lips When I couldn't breathe Thank you for loving me ~
["You don't have to come in with me every time. I think I know the way by now." He told the blond that, but secretly he was so happy that Omi came in with him. His presence was usually enough to keep the fear at bay. But he didn't want his partner to feel like he HAD to come with him.
"I don't mind." Omi said as he parked the car and they got out.
"I know you don't mind. I'm saying you don't have to."
"Do you feel more comfortable if I come with you?"
He squirmed. Omi would HAVE to put it that way, he couldn't lie worth anything, especially not to the one being that accepted him unconditionally. "Well. you know I do."
The blond smiled and started to walk toward the clinic. "Then I DO have to. Come on. you'll be late."]
~When I couldn't fly Oh, you gave me wings ~
He knew he was panting and begging quietly, but frankly, he didn't care. Omi was too good at this. teasing him, driving him crazy with feather-light caresses and slow thrusts. He sighed as the blond made contact with that sensitive spot deep inside. It was maddening.
He felt Omi's hand searching for his, fingers threading together, palm to palm, chest to chest, lip to lip. Giving and taking pleasure with each touch, each kiss, each agonizingly slow movement.
Eventually such a pace was too frustrating even for the blond and he sat back on his heels pulling the small brunette up with him to sit upon his lap. Nagi groaned as the change of position deepened the penetration. They started to work together toward completion. Omi nibbled at his neck and he closed his eyes concentrating on each tactile sensation.
"OMI!" He clutched at the blonde's hair, pulling his head back and catching his mouth for a kiss. One more thrust and he screamed, Omi's mouth swallowing the sound. He laid the brunette back and pounded into him a few more times until he too stiffened and moaned as he found his release.
Nagi lay there, panting.
"Are you okay?"
The brunette blinked. "Right now. I think I could fly."
~You parted my lips When I couldn't breathe ~
After a quick clean up, the lovers settled back down for their post-coital cuddling. This was his favorite time. The sex was nice. actually it was wonderful. but it was the time afterwards. when they could just lay in each other's arms and feel loved and cherished. Omi ran a hand down his check, turning his face up for a long kiss. He smiled and nestled down letting sleep steal over him. Just as he drifted off, he heard his lover's voice.
"I love you, Nagi."
He smiled. and fell asleep.
~Thank you for loving me ~
Owari.
[1] Shoori always complains about this when we (Aoe, Shoori and me) go out to eat. Ne Shoori-chan? [2] Kissaten: a coffeeshop. see my Japanese for JETs is useful! ^_~ [3] Yeah yeah. YnM is my new obsession. I love Hisoka. and isn't he like Nagi-kins?
-Okay. that's it. the end. there might be a couple side stories (at least one that I'm planning) to flesh out some things I just hinted at, but for the most part. It's done. I hope you've enjoyed it, I have. -Yan
by Yanagi-sen Weiss Kreuz songfic
Usual disclaimers apply. Back to using Bon Jovi for the lyrics again, can't tell I'm a product of the 80's can you?
Warnings: angst, yaoi, lots of flashbacks [flashback]
~It's hard for me to say the things I want to say sometimes ~
"Honto ne?"
"Hai, Naoe-san. The last scan has found no trace of abnormal cells. It's been long enough since your last treatment that I think we can say you are in remission. Now, a word of caution. that doesn't mean you are cured. We will continue to monitor your condition, although not as frequently. If in five years you don't have a relapse, we can declare you cured. But for now. enjoy your life. You won't have to be tortured by coming here as often." The gentle doctor's smile softened the words, letting Nagi know the man was joking. By now, everyone at Kritiker's medical facility knew how much he was disturbed by the place. They didn't hold it against him, word had gotten around of Esset's medical practices and how traumatizing the experience has been for him as a child. At this point, he was as much a favorite around the place as Omi was and if the nurses knew they were coming, one would inevitably have cookies and tea waiting for them.
"Thank you, doctor." He said as he rose. Omi was already jumping around and hugging him, Nagi knew he was blushing from the twenty-year-old's antics. "Is there anything else?"
"Iie. Go on and enjoy your evening."
The blond was practically skipping down the hall beside him, waving a cheery farewell to the nurses. "Nagi. we should celebrate. what do you want to do?"
The brunette cocked his head, thinking. "Well. I think we should go home first. If the guys are there we can tell them the good news."
"Okay." He opened the car door with a flourish. "After you, sir."
Nagi giggled a bit as he climbed in. Omi ran around the slid behind the wheel. Traffic was bad, requiring all of the blonde's concentration, leaving the brunette free to think.
~There's no one here but you and me And that broken old street light ~
What a journey it had been to reach this point. He was immensely grateful for all that Nebelung, Somali, and the rest of the medical staff had done for him. And the others. Manx had finally been given a forced retirement, mostly thanks to the efforts of Ran, Ken, and Youji. She had been deemed emotionally unstable and offered the choice of resigning and living the rest of her life comfortably traveling the world, or being confined at a remote training facility on Hokkaido. No one really wanted to kill her; she had been a great operative and a wonderful person once. Even he didn't really feel any animosity toward her anymore, not after seeing how disturbed she now was. Grief can do funny things.
Just because he didn't hate her didn't mean he was comfortable in her presence though. Even now, over a year later, he would still have nightmares occasionally of his one afternoon as a prisoner of Kritiker. Omi had assured him, repeatedly that it hadn't been the Manx he'd grown up with, but that was of scant comfort when he awoke in the middle of the night shaking with terror.
He pushed thoughts of the red-haired woman from his mind. Today was a happy day, not a time to dwell on sorrows from the past.
Even as he thought that he knew that he couldn't help it. He just had a tendency to dwell. A gentle touch brought him back to the present. Omi had reached over and taken his hand. He gave the blonde's fingers a reassuring squeeze then let go so Omi wouldn't be impaired with driving. It would really suck to survive cancer and being an assassin only to die in a preventable car crash.
His mind really was maudlin at times.
~Lock the doors We'll leave the world outside ~
"Tadaima!" Omi opened the door and held it for Nagi. Only silence met their return. "Guys?" They wandered through the apartment over the Koneko. "Guys?" On the kitchen they found a handwritten note from Youji.
'Omiitchi and Nagi-kins, Ran went to watch Ken's team's soccer game, I've got a date. Don't stay up, I'll be late. Ja! -Youji'
"Well. that's a bummer."
"It's okay, Omi."
"But they knew you had this appointment."
"It's really alright. We have the evening to ourselves now."
Omi's smile grew as he put all the pieces together, adding up to a quiet night with just the two of them. "I'll make dinner."
~All I've got to give to you Are these five words when I Thank you for loving me ~
Nagi settled at the table. He watched the blond pulling ingredients from the refrigerator and cabinets.
"What would you like tonight?" Cerulean eyes met his own.
The brunette smiled. "Surprise me."
Omi turned back, grumbling about people who never make a decision. [1] He set a pot of water to boil and started to chop vegetables. Nagi just watched him in silence. He loved to do this, just watch Omi work. It didn't matter what the blond did, programming, cooking, cleaning; just watching Omi at his tasks. His mind started to wander. The blond had done so much for him.
He could have turned him away that first night. But he had taken him into his home and family. Then run away from everything he knew, to keep him safe. He'd sacrificed sleep and any semblance of a life to care for him when he was ill. The blonde had given up a lot to be with him. And yet he'd done it without hesitation or question.
"Tea?" Omi set the steaming cup on the table and went back to his preparations.
"Doumo." Nagi sipped the warm liquid. His lover had remembered to make his special blend, just a bit of mint in with the green tea. Somali had made it for him first, when he had been feeling so nauseous all the time, and it had helped. He wasn't sure if it was just in his head or whether it actually calmed him, but he had developed a taste for it. Omi had bugged the nurse till she'd given him the recipe and he made it for Nagi now. Just another example of the blonde's thoughtfulness.
He sipped his tea and let his mind wander.
~For being my eyes When I couldn't see ~
[The hallway was echoingly silent; the only sound his own quiet shuffling and the distant murmur of the ventilation system. The youngest Schwarz eased into the office and shut the door behind him. The cameras would be down for the next forty minutes. the regular monthly maintenance, poor system if anyone bothered to ask him. But they didn't, and just as well. If HE had designed the system, he wouldn't be getting in like this. Crossing to the chairman's desk, he sat himself down in the man's extravagantly expensive leather chair and powered up the state of the art computer.
Perusing the files he snorted derisively. For what the man used this for, this computer was well beyond what he needed. Nagi's fingers itched to get his hands on a system like this, but Crawford had said no. Said that his current equipment was good enough. The brunette grumbled, what did he know? HE wasn't the one who had to use it. Bitching mentally, he searched for the financial records. Takatori was sure the man was embezzling. and a considerable amount at that. A little pocket lining was acceptable and expected, but this man's creative banking was apparently getting out of hand.
He zipped the files he needed and pocketed the disk. He erased every trace of his being in the system, adding a minor virus that would distract the techs for a couple days, and then checked to make sure he'd left no physical evidence behind. He wore gloves of course, thin latex that would be disposed of when he got home. His clothes were dark in hue and snug to avoid attention. His hair confined under a cap. Satisfied that he couldn't be identified as being there, he prepared to leave.
As he approached the door, it swung open of its own accord. He froze. knowing he was backlit from the moonlight outside the huge plate glass windows. There was no way he wouldn't be seen.
A gasp. and a whispered word. "Schwarz."
"Weiss."
The blond entered and shut the door behind him. "What are you doing here?"
"Work."
"Ah. well, I suppose it's pointless for me to try to get anything out of that system, ne? You've already trashed it?"
"Not entirely. but yes."
"Ah. oh well, I'll just tell Ran there were complications." He turned as if to leave. Nagi blinked, confused.
"Aren't we. aren't we going to fight?"
The archer turned back. "Not unless you really want to. I mean, what's the point." He smiled. "Come on. I know a quick way out." Still confused, Nagi followed the Weiss boy.]
~For parting my lips When I couldn't breathe ~
[Wincing with every step, Nagi made his way down the alley to the back of the building. His vision was graying as he rang the bell, praying that someone. anyone would be home.
"JUST A MINUTE!"
He could hear a lock being released and then the door opened a crack. A blue eye peered out. "Yes?"
"Omi." Nagi croaked.
The door was yanked open and the blond assassin stood in the doorway, Nagi could see the horror at his condition. /I must really look bad./
"Omi. what's." The older blond, Youji, appeared at the foot of the stairs. He too regarded the pale brunette with something akin to sadness in his eyes. "Chibi, get the first aid kit, quickly." Omi disappeared. "Come on kid. let me help you."
"Why?" Nagi didn't trust this man, didn't trust anyone right now. He was shocked they didn't slam the door in his face.
"Can you walk up those stairs?" The brunette shook his head. "Then let me help you." He offered his arm, and Nagi was grateful for the support as he made is slow, painful way up the steps. At the top, they found Omi dithering.
"The first-aid kit is in the kitchen."
"Okay. Help me sit him down." They tried to be gentle, but his injuries were too many and too serious and he cried out in pain. "Kuso." Youji swore. "Who beat the shit out of you?"
Nagi turned his head into Omi's arm as they tried to remove blood-soaked clothing that had dried to his wounds. "Crawford. it was Crawford." he managed to whisper. The hands stilled for a second, then continued.]
~Thank you for loving me Thank you for loving me ~
[/He's not going to come. He's left me with these people and he's not going to come. I'm not surprised. why should he? He's Weiss. and I'm. or I WAS. Schwarz. I'm nothing. no one. oh it hurts so much. Everything is broken.my body, my mind. my heart. and he's not coming./ He rocked back and forth on his knees.
Nagi ignored the door when it creaked open. It was probably another Kritiker interrogator coming to ask more questions. Or worse. it might be HER. it was safer for him to just lie there. maybe they would go away.
"Nagi."
No. it's not him. just my imagination.
"Nagi-chan."
/It has to be him. no one else calls me that./ He stopped and slowly lifted his eyes, sure that the boy was merely an apparition that would disappear any second. "Omi?" It hurts to speak. it hurts to do anything. The golden-haired boy drops to his knees beside me, the fingers of his hand brushing my leg. /He's real! He's real and he's here!/
He flung his arms around the archer's waist and started to cry. /He came for me. he really came./]
~I never knew I had a dream Until that dream was you ~
"Hey. you in there?" Cerulean eyes peered laughingly at him.
"Oh. sorry. Thanks for making dinner. Itadakimasu!" Nagi sniffed the miso soup appreciatingly, rice and fish balanced out the meal. It wasn't fancy, but it was good.
He considered himself so lucky. Omi and Youji, and to a lesser extent Ran and Ken, had truly welcomed him into their home and lives. And even though they were a team. they were also a family. Schwarz hadn't been like that, no part of Esset was. Esset was entirely focused on the goals of a few at the top, the individuals who actually did the work were beneath notice. or if they were noticed, it was usually not a good thing. Nagi had been noticed, for his beauty and his skills. He'd been far too young to be placed with Schwarz, but he was the Prodigy. The proverbial Golden Child, and Crawford had wanted him. He'd always suspected that the American wanted him for a few other reasons. most of which would constitute child abuse, but fortunately his relationship with Schuldich was a full-time job.
He hadn't known what it was like to just be wanted for who he was. Not his powers, not as a possession to be coveted, but for himself. Till he'd run into Omi.
"Yoohoo. Nagi. what's up?"
He looked up to Omi's concerned eyes. He smiled. "Just thinking."
"Ah. about?"
"How lucky I am."
~When I look into your eyes The sky's a different blue ~
Omi's eyes sparkle. "No... I'm the lucky one." He reaches across the table to take my hand. He keeps hold of it, even as he continues to eat his dinner. He's so sweet. And gentle. And a force of nature when he's angry. I got to watch him go at Manx one time, when she was waiting outside the medical building one day when we were coming out of one of my treatment sessions. I was so tired, so ill, all I wanted was to get home and go to bed. And we walked out and there she was. Omi politely brushed her off till he got me in the car. Then he said he'd only be a minute. He went back over and I'm surprised the staff didn't call the police.
He actually ended up getting a vicious swipe of her perfectly manicured hand across his face. THAT'S when Nebelung and a few other doctors and male nurses intervened. They whisked Manx away, later I found out they put her in the psyche ward, and Omi came back to the car, waving off Nebelung's attempts to treat him.
I remember looking into his eyes. they were so blue. He asked me if I was okay. ME? As if he wasn't bleeding from four scratches across his cheek. So blue. I could have drowned in them.
They're the same way tonight. Like staring up into that perfect, endless summer sky.
If I don't eat, he's going to harass me. I apply myself to the wonderful meal he made for us.
~Cross my heart I wear no disguise ~
"Nagi. what's wrong. you're a million miles away tonight."
I knew he'd get worried, and he is. "It's really nothing. I don't know, maybe it's hearing about the remission. But my mind is just wandering tonight."
"Are you sure? Dinner's okay? You feel alright? You're not upset the guys aren't here and just not telling me are you?"
"Omi. Omi. I'm fine. Dinner is great. I FEEL great. The guys have lives, I don't mind. I'm just thinking."
"Okay. as long as nothing is wrong."
"I promise, nothing is wrong. In fact, everything is just right."
~If I tried, you'd make believe That you believed my lies ~
I'm not sure that he totally believes me, but he accepts my answer, for now. We finish dinner and clean up the few dishes and pans we used. When I hang up the towel he turns to me.
"Okay. it's YOUR night. Do you want to go anyplace? Movies? Dancing? That new kissaten [2] down the street?"
"Well. there are NO good movies out; you KNOW I don't dance."
"Oh come on. you can't be THAT bad."
"Yes I can. and the kissaten will be crowded by now."
"I'm out of ideas."
"Do you mind, terribly... if we just stay home?"
Omi's eyes softened. "Sure. Hey. we still have a few episodes of Yami no Matsuei to watch. You get drinks and I'll set up the DVD."
By the time Nagi got there with sodas, Omi was already waiting for him on the couch. The brunette settled into his favorite TV watching position, cuddled up under the blonde's arm, and eagerly watched the adventures of his favorite shinigami. Omi yet AGAIN made references to how much he was like Hisoka till Nagi snagged a pillow and thwaped him with it. [3] By the time the show was done, his eyes were dropping and the blond was telling him to just go to sleep, he wanted to watch the news. The small brunette nuzzled his lover's chest and let sleep overtake him.
~Thank you for loving me For being my eyes When I couldn't see ~
["Doctor, please. I'm too tired for games. What is wrong with me?"
"Ah. anou. I shared your results with a colleague. I wanted to be sure. we've determined. Naoe-san, you have a brain tumor."
He felt cold. not just cold. but horribly alone and scared. It was a moment of absolute terror. He felt as if the core of his being, his very soul and just frozen into a hard block. What could he do? What would happen to him? He heard the door open behind him. He turned to look. there was Omi, standing in the doorway looking puzzled at the tension in the small room.
"Ah, Tsukiyono-san. you need to join us."
"What is it? What's wrong?"
Omi crossed the room on quick feet. He looked up at the blond; he knew his face had to be betraying his fear. His lover's arm came around his shoulders and then he slid in beside him. Omi turned to the doctor and Nebelung started over for him. Nagi didn't hear any of it. He was cold. So cold.
"Nagi."
Someone was shaking him. He looked up and saw Omi peering at him, sorrow and concern etching his features. He couldn't hold it in anymore; he collapsed against the blond and hid his face in his shoulder.
"Nagi. it's okay. It'll BE okay. We'll take care of you. I promise. you won't have to do this alone."]
~For parting my lips When I couldn't breathe Thank you for loving me ~
["Nagi? Are you awake?"
Was he awake? He wasn't sure that he wasn't still dreaming. But everything was a little too clear. a little too bright. He guessed the anesthesia. He tried to talk. but his mouth and throat felt as if they were stuffed with cotton. "Sort of."
Omi rubbed his hand soothingly. "That's okay. Just rest."
He didn't want to rest. not yet. There was something he had to tell Omi. Something very important. but his body wouldn't cooperate. His eyes were closing even as he tried to speak. He felt the blond lean closer. He tried again. "I love you."
"I love you too."
He felt the darkness taking over again. This time he didn't fight it. Omi had been there. he'd promised he would. and he was. Nagi wasn't alone. he wasn't alone.]
~You pick me up when I fall down You ring the bell before they count me out ~
[Just as Nebelung had promised, the actual treatment itself had taken only a few minutes. The simulation before hand, to pinpoint where the x-rays would be aimed, had taken longer. He hated this place though. it didn't matter that he genuinely liked Nebelung and Somali. the smells. the sounds. he was feeling ill.
Nagi sat up and tried to tell himself it was just in his head. Omi came in and smiled sympathetically. "You okay." He just nodded and slipped off the table. His balance was off and he pitched forward, but barely catching himself on the edge. A shoulder came under his arm, supporting him. "Easy. come on, let's get you home."
He struggled with his nausea the entire trip home. Luckily they had borrowed Youji's car so Nagi wouldn't have to ride on the bus or cling to the back of a motorcycle. Omi helped him up the steps and into the apartment. It was getting too hard to deny the roiling in his stomach. With a quiet moan, he ducked into the bathroom.
"Nagi? Are you okay?"
After a moment, Omi came in to see him hunched over the toilet. "Oh, Nagi. sick huh?" He made sure the baby-fine, chocolate hair was held back out of the way, steadying him, then getting cool clothes and fresh water. Finally he picked Nagi up and took him into their room, laying him gently on the bed. "Just rest, love. I'll take care of everything."]
~If I was drowning you would part the sea And risk your own life to rescue me ~
[He didn't think he could keep going. It was so hard, every day, every hour, to pretend to be okay. To pretend to be happy and confident and optimistic. He felt like he was drowning in his own emotions, helpless to control or influence them.
Omi was working. The apartment was quiet. No one would be coming back for a while. He was alone.
Nagi curled up on the couch, hugging his knees to his chest. He fought with himself to keep the tears in, to stay strong, to be brave. he was losing. Pulling his legs in tighter, he felt the hot tears start to run down his face to wet the jeans under his skin.
"Nagi."
He gulped back his tears and tried to wipe them away. "Omi. you're back early."
"It's okay."
"Huh?" Nagi tried to act okay and smile, but he knew he was failing.
"You don't have to try so hard." The blond sat beside him and pulled him close so his face was pressed to Omi's neck. He whispered into Nagi's hair. "You don't have to be so tough. It's hard. I know. I don't care if you cry. You need to. so let go. I won't love you any less."
"But that's. that's giving in. I REFUSE to give in."
"It's not giving in. it's release. it's okay. cry if you have to. scream if you have to. throw things and break them. I don't care. I love you. I love you so much."
Validation. That's what he had needed. Nagi let go.]
~Lock the doors We'll leave the world outside ~
"Nagi. Nagi. are you awake enough to walk? I'm ready to go to bed."
He yawned and stretched. He blinked and looked around. The apartment was still quiet. "Are the guys home?"
"No. Ran and Ken probably went out after the game, maybe they met Youji. I don't know. You ready for bed?" The blond stood and looked down at his smaller lover.
He smiled and held his arms out to Omi. "Carry me?" The blond grumbled but stooped and picked him up easily.
"You still need to gain some weight."
"I'm always going to be small."
"I know. but you still need to gain some weight." He maneuvered them into the bedroom and gently set Nagi on the bed. "There you go. couch to bed service. Anything else Naoe-sama?"
He giggled. "Actually. there are a few things you could do for me." He smiled coyly.
~All I've got to give to you Are these five words when I Thank you for loving me ~
He watched appreciatively as Omi disrobed seductively. Once the blond had discarded his clothing he climbed on the bed and started to undo Nagi's shirt. one button at a time. His touch was teasing as each inch of pale skin was exposed. Finally the shirt fell open and Omi bent over his chest running his tongue and lips over the smooth flesh. Nagi gasped. The blond didn't stop, even as his hands busied themselves with the brunette's pants. A strong hand that was at the same time so careful, slipped inside the confining clothing to grasp and massage Nagi's stiffening shaft.
He moaned and reached for his lover. Omi caught his hands and pinned them to the mattress. "Oh no. this time. you're just going to lie there. and take it." He grinned evilly and bent again to tease the pale flesh. Omi sat up and tugged on his pants. Nagi lifted his hips to make it easier for the blond; the pants joined the other clothing on the floor. The brunette started to sit up to remove the silk shirt. Omi pushed him back. "Leave it."
The archer lay down, settling between his legs, rubbing their members together. He caught Nagi's lips, starting gently, and then deepening the kiss.
~For being my eyes When I couldn't see ~
["I'm sorry, Omi. I know you want to."
"Love. don't feel bad. Sure I want to. I want to lay you down and make love to you all night. but you're not well. That's okay."
"But. it's not fair to you."
"Nagi, I don't care. I love you. Even if all we do is sit here.that's enough for me."
He looked at the blond, he was just so tired. "Honto?"
"Hai." Omi pulled him up into his lap, resting his back against the arm of the couch. He tugged the throw blanket down and wrapped it around the brunette. "Rest my love, I'll hold you. I won't let go."
Content in his lover's arms. he felt sleep creeping upon him. "I love you, Omi."]
~You parted my lips When I couldn't breathe Thank you for loving me ~
["You don't have to come in with me every time. I think I know the way by now." He told the blond that, but secretly he was so happy that Omi came in with him. His presence was usually enough to keep the fear at bay. But he didn't want his partner to feel like he HAD to come with him.
"I don't mind." Omi said as he parked the car and they got out.
"I know you don't mind. I'm saying you don't have to."
"Do you feel more comfortable if I come with you?"
He squirmed. Omi would HAVE to put it that way, he couldn't lie worth anything, especially not to the one being that accepted him unconditionally. "Well. you know I do."
The blond smiled and started to walk toward the clinic. "Then I DO have to. Come on. you'll be late."]
~When I couldn't fly Oh, you gave me wings ~
He knew he was panting and begging quietly, but frankly, he didn't care. Omi was too good at this. teasing him, driving him crazy with feather-light caresses and slow thrusts. He sighed as the blond made contact with that sensitive spot deep inside. It was maddening.
He felt Omi's hand searching for his, fingers threading together, palm to palm, chest to chest, lip to lip. Giving and taking pleasure with each touch, each kiss, each agonizingly slow movement.
Eventually such a pace was too frustrating even for the blond and he sat back on his heels pulling the small brunette up with him to sit upon his lap. Nagi groaned as the change of position deepened the penetration. They started to work together toward completion. Omi nibbled at his neck and he closed his eyes concentrating on each tactile sensation.
"OMI!" He clutched at the blonde's hair, pulling his head back and catching his mouth for a kiss. One more thrust and he screamed, Omi's mouth swallowing the sound. He laid the brunette back and pounded into him a few more times until he too stiffened and moaned as he found his release.
Nagi lay there, panting.
"Are you okay?"
The brunette blinked. "Right now. I think I could fly."
~You parted my lips When I couldn't breathe ~
After a quick clean up, the lovers settled back down for their post-coital cuddling. This was his favorite time. The sex was nice. actually it was wonderful. but it was the time afterwards. when they could just lay in each other's arms and feel loved and cherished. Omi ran a hand down his check, turning his face up for a long kiss. He smiled and nestled down letting sleep steal over him. Just as he drifted off, he heard his lover's voice.
"I love you, Nagi."
He smiled. and fell asleep.
~Thank you for loving me ~
Owari.
[1] Shoori always complains about this when we (Aoe, Shoori and me) go out to eat. Ne Shoori-chan? [2] Kissaten: a coffeeshop. see my Japanese for JETs is useful! ^_~ [3] Yeah yeah. YnM is my new obsession. I love Hisoka. and isn't he like Nagi-kins?
-Okay. that's it. the end. there might be a couple side stories (at least one that I'm planning) to flesh out some things I just hinted at, but for the most part. It's done. I hope you've enjoyed it, I have. -Yan