Chapter 10

JJ sighed slightly as she leaned against Morgan gaining slight comfort from his presence "I've got you" he whispered softly as his arm pulled her closer. No matter what happened he was going to be there for them he would after them like they were his family, his flesh and blood. They had fallen in to an easy silence Morgan's arm was still wrapped around JJ. Kate had taken the children to the canteen for something to eat.

The door to the waiting room opened slowly, the doctor walked in slowly removing his cap before closing the door behind him.

"No" JJ whispered as she saw the expression on his face.

They all knew that expression they all had used it enough in their jobs it was always the worse thing about the job breaking the news to the families.

"I am so sorry, there was nothing we could do" he said softly.

"No" JJ said again as Morgan pulled her close. "I need to see her" JJ said as her fingers dug into Morgan's arm.

The doctor nodded slightly. "I will send a nurse threw shortly" and with that he disappeared out of the waiting room.

"This isn't happening" JJ mumbled "She can't be gone, Morgan she can't be" he wrapped his arms around her tightly as she broke down in his arms. "Their wrong" she muttered through the sobs which shook her body. "I need to see her, I need to be with her. She can't be alone. Please" Morgan kept his arm wrapped firmly around her as she mumbled.

The door opened again "Mrs Prentiss?" the nurse said carefully. "If you would like to come with me" her voice was so soft and kind as she spoke.

JJ's fingers gripped around Morgan's hand as she tried to stand on unsteady legs. "Come with me" she whispered. Morgan swallowed slightly standing next to her his arm still wrapped around her shoulders.

The days all seemed to blend into one, the hospital, the morgue, funeral home. Everything just seemed to snowball and before I even knew what I was meant to be doing.

I froze.

Standing in our hallway our wedding photo staring back at me. I was frozen to the spot.

"JJ?" I heard my name being said but all I could do was stare at the picture on the wall.

"JJ, the cars outside" I nodded slightly but I couldn't look away, I couldn't stop looking into those deep chocolate eyes. Eyes that were so full of life and love. I had found my soulmate.

"This isn't right" I mumbled as the tears seeped down my cheek. "I can't do this, I can't say goodbye" I swallowed trying to hold back that floodgates that wanted to erupt.

I felt a hand wrap around me but I couldn't I can't take comfort not now, not yet I just need to get through today I need to do this. I can't let her down I have to do this for her for my Emily.

"Don't" I couldn't help the slight smile as I looked at him, the deep purple shirt and the black tie. I look into his deep chocolate eyes "She always did like that shirt on you" I mused slightly.

I heard him chuckle slightly "Believe me I know," he gave me a simple smile "shall we"

I could see the sadness in his eyes even though I knew he was trying to be strong for me, our children were being fussed over by every family member we had and I am truly grateful. I can only just hold myself together, I just need to get through today.

"No" the tears are now filling my eyes making it hard to see. "I don't know how to do this" I take a breath, I dab my eyes slightly wiping the tears away. "Okay" my voice seemed stronger and surer than I truly felt.

I linked his arm as we walked out the door to the cars. My legs threatened to buckle underneath me as I looked at the hearse. I swallowed hard as I tried to control myself again I can't allow the children to see me break, I can't let them see me fall. I look up to the sky and I pray for strength I pray for the strength to get through this day just today and tomorrow I can fall apart.

The children were to travel in one of the cars thankfully Elizabeth and my Mother are with them, Morgan, Garcia, Reid and myself are in the second car. I don't know if I want to be with our children or with the team. I look at the cars, I look at my two beautiful children.

"Wait" it comes out slightly louder than I meant.

"Jennifer?" Elizabeth voice sounded so concerned and over the years the frail relationship she had with Emily had begun to heal.

"I need" I couldn't even get the words out.

"Why don't you two go with your Ma and Morgan and we will follow" Elizabeth said so easily. I couldn't help the confused look on my face.

"Thank you" was all I managed as I wrapped both our children in my arms.

"Mommy" I place my lips on top of Julie's head "I love you two and I am so proud of you both" I say trying to hold back the tears.

"Mom" Henry look so grown up right now. "We" I nod as we move towards the car.

I can't help thinking back to when we faked her death, placing a rose on that empty bloody coffin. But this, this isn't us sending her in to hiding for safety this is me saying goodbye to the other half of me.

I stand at the coffin, my hands tremble holding the piece of paper. I try and hold the tears back but I can't I am frozen. A strong hand wraps around me holding me up as small fingers take hold of the paper.

Small fingers wrapped around my hand his voice so strong and proud.

"My mom found this the other day and it just seemed right" he cleared his throat slightly as he squeezed my hand.

"You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
Or it can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on."

I didn't know if my heart was going to explode with pride or pain. I watched as he walked up to the coffin placing a white rose on top of the red.

"Sleep well mommy, I'll look after them both now"

The rest of the day seemed to blur away and before I knew it people were leaving. Morgan and Garcia were making a brew they both had stayed with us since we had come home, I lent against the door frame that led into the den. Julie was curled up resting against Henry his arm wrapped protectively around her as he watched cartoons. I cleared my throat slightly before I made my way in.

"I am so proud of you two and I know mommy would be so proud of you both. I love you two so much" I tried to hold the tears back.

"I miss mommy too" Henry said softly.

"I know buddy, she would have been so proud of you today little man, she loved you both so much" I said through the tears.

"Can we sleep in your bed again tonight Ma?"

"Of course you can, I won't be long" I said before placing a kiss on each of their heads.

"They get their strength from you Emily" I whispered into the darkened room.

A/N The poem She Is Gone by David Harkins