A/N - So I know that I said that the BIG DATE was next, but I had to post this. Jasper was shouting in my head for me to tell his side. The date will be the next chapter and is already half written. I hope that you enjoy this little tidbit I wrote. I'm also sorry that it has taken me so long to post. Real life and all that. Happy reading!

OUTTAKE

Jasper POV

"Lucy in the skyyyyyy with diamonds."

I ignored the grumbling from under the covers as I sorted through her clothes for the day and sang badly off key trying to get my daughter to wake up. As I laid out the blue jeans and pink top I could see her squirming under the purple comforter. She was all folded up and her butt stuck in the air. My little girl was only three about to be four in a few months' time, but she more like her mother when it was time to wake up. A morning person she was not!

"Come on Lucy, it's time to get up and ready. Daddy has to be at work in about an hour and a half and you little miss need to be fed, teeth brushed and dressed before I drop you off and Aunt Charlottes. Out of bed sleepy head!"

I saw some movement under the covers again until I saw the dark hair and olive skin tone poke out from under the covers before her eyes lids opened showing me her bright blue eyes. My eyes. The rest was all her mom. She squinted at me blinking a few times before pulling her arms out of the covers and holding her arms out to me letting me know she wanted to be carried. We went through this every morning. I swear my daughter was non-verbal until she had her breakfast.

Shaking my head with a smile at my crazy little girl I picked her up and kissed her cheeks good morning before heading down stairs and sitting her at the table. I poured her some chocolate cereal and plopped a spoon into the bowl after pouring the milk in. My sleepy girl was still blinking away the bright sun that came through the windows while she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

After going through our morning routine she was dressed, socks on her feet and pushed into some ugly tan boots my mom had gotten her. She had her jacket zipped up as she sat in her booster seat while I drove to Charlotte and Peter's. The drive was short compared to the rush hour traffic that awaited me after dropping Lucy off. That was when my mind would wander and I would think about what could have been. I hated that time and just wish that mom could do this without needing me to file all of the paperwork for this new teacher.

By the time we arrived at Char's I still had about an hour's drive ahead of me. Lucy was babbling nonstop about how her cousin Kendra was going to play some song by some band that I'd never heard of…..Beaver or something? Kendra was about two years older than Lucy and Lucy adored her cousin more than anything. Char wouldn't be able to watch or keep up with Lucy soon seeing as she's six months pregnant with her second child, a boy this time…. And Kendra would be starting school soon. I worried about what I was going to do when that day came. Charlotte and Peter had been a god send after everything that happened with Maria. I think I might put her in some classes since I'm working for mom anyway and this way I can keep her close to me. I know that mom is strict when it comes to ages of the children, but she might make an exception when it comes to her only grandchild.

As I unbuckled Lucy from her booster and walked her up to the door with what we called her handy bag, which was a big girl name for diaper bag filled with changes of clothes, toys, and some snacks I rang the bell only to be greeted by Peter.

"Hey…look it's my favorite three year old!"

"Unca Pete! Are you staying wif me and Kenda and Auntie Char today?"

"I sure am pumpkin! Now head in out of the cold baby doll."

"I'm not a doll! I a big gurl. I wear panties now, not diapers. I not a baby no more!"

As Lucy scampered in search of her cousin and Aunt leaving a trail of her coat, hat, gloves and shoes in her wake, Peter clasped me on the shoulder.

"Thought today was your day off?"

I blew out a deep breath and handed him Lucy's bag and rolled my eyes.

"Me too."

I cracked my neck and rolled my shoulders. I pretty much ran Whitlock Ballet Academy since mom kind of retired. I never danced or anything, but a business degree will get you far in this world, especially when your mom owns the company! It also gave mom the time to watch the teachers and dancers. She still did all of the charity work and set up the days and times for the programs or recitals as she liked to call them.

"Mom set up an interview for Sarah's spot. She's almost five months pregnant and she just can't move the way she needs too much longer. She also came to mom and told her she won't be back after the baby's born. Can't say that I blame her though."

Sarah and her husband Mike had been trying for years to get pregnant, and if this was their only kid I say more power to them. If I didn't need to work and could stay home with Lucy I would.

"Yeah I get that! So new teacher huh?"

I shrugged one shoulder and nodded my head.

"I guess? We need someone to take her classes, ya know? Bree, Candace and Shayla are already stretched too thin. Our other teachers are part time and want to stay that way. Mom can't do it and I sure as hell can't teach the class. Somebody's got too."

I twirled my wedding band on my ring finger and Pete caught sight of it. He raised an eyebrow at me and pursed his lips before saying the same thing that he and Char had been telling me for almost two years now.

"Jazz, man….don't you think it's time to take off the ring and start to move on?"

I shook my head at him. This was a never ending argument between the three of us. It's worse when Char gets involved because Maria was her sister.

"You know what I have been through….Not yet Pete. Just don't start today okay?"

"You know that we just want you happy, that she would have…..she wouldn't have wanted this for you!"

I could feel the anger bubbling in my chest and my words came out harsher than I intended.

"What to still be mourning her and our unborn daughter? Nettie….You can't understand until you've been there. I pray that you never do! I gotta go. Be back in a few hours if I'm lucky!"

Yelling into the house I said that I had to go. I could hear the scampering of my little Lucy's feet thud on the carpet coming for her daddy bear hug and smooches. I gave Pete a tight smile as I turned and made my way into my car starting it up and driving as fast as I could legally get away with.

I hated that he brought this up. He always brings this up. Was it not enough to have to lose her? For Lucy to lose her? Now he wants me to just say fuck it and get over it? It doesn't work that way! Not for me! Shaking those thoughts away I focused on driving to work and getting this over with. I wanted to take Lucy somewhere fun today, not spend it working. I would apologize to Pete when I came to get Lucy after work. I knew they were just trying to help, even if it wasn't warranted.

After arriving at the large beige building I got out of my car and headed towards my office. Laying my leather case on my desk I went on a search for my mother. I checked her office and she didn't seem to have even stepped in there yet. So I checked the dance room and the sight of a young tiny woman tossing herself about to a heavy beat caught my eye. Through the window I saw mom watching every move she made with a nod here and there as she wrote down some notes.

The woman stopped moving as the music stopped and she held her pose. Mom's eyebrow lifted and I looked at the woman again. She was wearing a tight black outfit and was covered in a slight sheen of sweat. What really caught my eyes was that she was beautiful. All dark hair and amazing body. My dick seemed to take notice too as it hardened and throbbed. Adjusting myself to a much more comfortable position I quickly tore my eyes off of her and ran down the hallway and into my office.

Pacing the length of my desk I started to get angry at the way my body reacted. It's not that I hadn't got hard from a woman before, it was just this woman who got under my skin. She was tiny, graceful, beautiful and dangerous. She reminded me of Maria, and that I couldn't have! My wife was unique, sweet, funny, and graceful; the most amazing woman I had ever known. Nobody could ever outshine her and yet in the matter of seconds this woman, someone I had never even met had all but erased my wife's memory in a matter of moments.

"What the hell was that?"

I wouldn't exactly say she erased it exactly, as Maria's memory came to the surface after I ran away. It was more like she suppressed it. I slumped down behind my desk and lost myself in the memories of my wife. It hurt to think about her, but it was better than the alternative of thinking about the young woman that danced before my eyes only moments before. I wanted so badly to run back to that room and shake her and demand to know why she was here! To scream in her face and tell her to go away. A low knock on my door brought me out of my musings.

My mother poked her head in the door and asked me to follow her to her office. I scooped up the packet of papers on my desk before following her out into the hall. I expected to see the young woman who had just danced, but she wasn't anywhere to be seen. I tried to discreetly search for her, but my mom caught on to what I was doing.

"She's in the woman's locker room getting cleaned up."

As we entered her office mom went to her coffee maker and poured herself a cup of coffee and lifted the pot in my direction silently asking me if I wanted some. I shook my head no as she set the pot back on the burner. I tried to play it off that I didn't know what she was talking about, but she saw right through me.

"Who's in the locker room?"

"I assumed that you were looking for the dancer that I just interviewed, Alice? You seemed to take off like a bat out of hell when you came to the room. Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

I shook my head no and shrugged my shoulders.

"Nope. Well here's the paperwork that the new girl needs to fill out. If you're going to hire her."

I wanted to know if the devil woman was going to be sticking around; I needed to know if I was going to have to be on my guard for however long she was here. My mother gave me a look like I was out of my mind as she quirked an eyebrow at me and took a sip of her coffee.

"Of course I'm going to hire her! We're lucky she even wanted to teach! You saw her dance, that's more than just dance classes Jasper, that's raw talent!"

I tried not to scoff at my mom I really did, but it slipped out before I could stop it and I tried to fake a cough to cover my tracks. I didn't want her to hire the girl who froze my heart and made me react, but I knew that gleam in my mother's eyes. Briefly speaking to her about Lucy joining classes here went better than I thought. She agreed as long as Lucy tried and didn't disrupt the class. After hearing a small knock and seeing a pair of honey brown eyes in a pale small face I bolted out of the room like my ass was on fire making excuses as I went.

~DLB~

"Daddy? Can I have a cookie?"

My daughter asked as she tugged on my pant leg. Looking at the noodles bobbing in the hot water I stirred them around. Pulling one noodle out I pulled it apart and heard a small snap telling me that it was close to dinner time. I tried to hold off my smile as I looked down at those big blue eyes and pout gracing her lips. She was the one who wanted spaghetti tonight and seeing as it was just the two of us I quickly agreed.

"After dinner Lucy. You'll ruin your appetite."

Her small hand grasped around my finger and she tugged a bit as she started to whine and pout.

"But daddy! I not hungry for dinner. My tummy wants cookies. Cookies will stop the monster in my tummy from growling."

I cocked an eyebrow at my little girl and her innocent reasons why cookies were good for dinner. Her bottom lip poked out as I stirred the noodles. Shaking my head no at her she got louder.

"DDDAAAAAADDDDYYYYYYY! I want a cookie!"

"I said no Lucy and we both know that whining isn't going to get you that cookie any faster. You are going to eat dinner and if you don't stop the attitude than no cookies for desert!"

She sniffled a bit shaking her head yes at me. Lucy knew when to push and when to back down. If she kept up the bratty act she would be going to bed without her treasured treat. After giving the noodles another stir I picked up my girl and walked her into the living room and set her down on the couch. Flipping on the TV I went straight for the nick junior shows I had on the dvr. Sponge bob was our goal tonight. Giving Lucy a quick kiss on the forehead I went back to the kitchen and finished up the spaghetti.

After dinner was done and Lucy was bathed and tucked in for the night I headed to the living room to clean up the mess of toys that surrounded the floor. The faint singing of the Dora show could be heard from where I was. Quickly flipping to ESPN so I didn't lose my man card I checked out the stats in basketball. I cleaned up the kitchen and did something I didn't normally do. I pulled out the pack of cigarettes from the back of the top cabinet and went outside to smoke in peace.

Ever since this afternoon when I filed the new teacher's paperwork I couldn't get her out of my head. Alice Swan. She was twenty and amazingly beautiful. It was taking everything in me to try and push her out of my head. After flicking the cigarette butt over the back of the fence I lit up another before sitting on the patio set. The faint light coming from the kitchen glinted off my wedding band. Perhaps it was time to take it off like Pete and Char have been suggesting. Maybe I could move on, maybe it was time? With a shake of my head I looked around the back yard. Maria's garden died a long time ago. It used to be so pretty when it was taken care of. I didn't have the knack for plants like she did. I looked at the outdoor set that I was sitting in and how she had agonized over just which set to get for the back yard.

I stubbed out my smoke and tossed it over the fence like the last and went inside to get ready for bed. That night I tried to take off my wedding band that my wife had put on my finger so long ago. After a few moments I felt naked and put it back in place. As I closed my eyes I became resolved that I wasn't ready to move on and that I would just avoid the new teacher as much as I could.

~DLB~

The next week flew by and I did what I had set out to do. I stayed away from Alice Swan, well whenever I could. That girl was like a fucking magnet. Every time I wanted coffee she was already in the lounge. When I arrived during the day she was just pulling in. I'd leave my office and be lucky if I didn't run into her in the halls. Even going to take a piss was a chore not to run into her. It had gotten so bad that I told my mom I would be working from home for the rest of the week. It gave me time to spend with Lucy and stay away from Alice Swan; it was a win, win situation. Or so I thought.

I tried not to think of Alice, but it didn't help. Every night I ended up dreaming of her. It was always some tawdry dream; something I knew would never happen. Unrealistic. She would be dancing, but instead of for my mother she would dance for me. She would start out doing her little number and her clothes would start to disappear. A stripper pole would come from thin air and she would start to really give me a show. Her body would vary because I didn't know what she looked like naked, I could only guess. Her body grinding on mine would be my undoing. I would wake up, sweaty, hard and frustrated!

I would end up jerking off in my shower before having to face my daughter and the reminder that my resolve was slowly slipping minute by minute. I tried to remind myself that she was young. I tried to remind myself that in my heart I was still married. Anytime I thought about Maria I would feel guilty and dirty for what I did every morning. Jerking off to thoughts of someone who was years younger than me and not my wife. I knew that eventually I would need to move on, but sticking to fantasies was easier than facing reality right now.

I had to be in the office on Friday due to our dancers making their monthly payments for lessons. I tried to get out of it, but mom wasn't about to let me ditch her or my responsibility. So far I had only run into Alice Swan twice. By eleven my mother cornered me to go out to lunch with her. I was already done with most of my work and the rest I could finish up from home. I wanted to pick Lucy up and spend some time with her. I didn't realize how much I missed my little girl until I spent all week with her. Mom smiled when she knew that all of my excuses fell flat. I tried to claim that Char could only watch Lucy for brief periods of time and she had already been there all morning. She then stated that she had already called and Char said she could watch Lucy for however long I needed.

As I packed up by bag so I could finish up my work later, mom met me at my door and suggested the deli down the street. I should have known that I was screwed. Gloria Whitlock always gets her way and trying to fight her would only have been painful for me in the end. As we sat at a booth in the back and waited for our waitress to take our order mom picked up her menu and scanned the pages.

"How have you been getting along with the new teacher?"

Holding my menu up to my face to hide my reaction I froze. It didn't fool mom though. She grabbed it out of my hand and set it down in front of me.

"Gee's mom can't a guy pick his own sandwich? That was rude!"

I snatched the menu back and opened it trying to deflect my mother's question.

"No what's rude Jasper is your attitude this last week and a half! Don't think I haven't seen the way you've been acting lately, especially to Alice. What has that poor girl ever done to you?"

Mom's eyes bore into mine wanting me to spill all my secrets. I tried to look away, but couldn't. My heart hammered in my chest and I knew any moment I would spill my secrets like a five year old being bribed with cookies. A small voice broke the staring contest we were having. Mom held up her hand to me as her eyes still bore into my face and she gave our order.

"Hi, I'm Amy and I'll be your server. Sorry for the wait. Can I take your order?"

"My son here will have a coke and the Philly cheese steak without the mushrooms and I will have a tea and the Rubin thank you."

She raised her eyebrow in challenge when I opened my mouth to change what she just ordered me. We both knew it was useless though. I always ordered the same thing every time we came here. So I closed my mouth and handed over my menu to our waitress. Our server walked away with a quiet 'sure, I'll bring those right out for you' and then I was alone with my mother once again.

"Jasper Isaac Whitlock so help me if you dare try to lie…You're not too old to put over my knee young man. Don't think that I don't still have my bread board…"

My eyebrows must have risen when she said she still had that bread board. I could have sworn I tossed that thing out when I got in trouble when I was 13.

"Mom! Look I don't really know what's wrong with me? I'll try harder to be polite and get to know her okay?"

She patted my hand in a sweet way like she didn't just threaten to beat my ass like a misbehaving child and she smirked of all things.

"See was that so hard? All I ask is that you treat that young woman like you would family. Get to know her. She is so sweet I just know that everything will work out if you start acting like the man I raised and not some animal."

Yeah, if only I could act that way too! I thought as our waitress came and brought us our drinks. I tried to keep my eyes away from moms until our food arrived. However I didn't really need too. Mom changed the subject as soon as she could to talks of Lucy taking ballet and maybe some jazz. Our food was served and I left as quickly as I could, wolfing down my food with such energy that at times I thought I would choke.

By the time I reached Char's house I was calmer. My talk with mom was pushed to the back of my head and I was looking forward to seeing my little girl. Lucy was taking her nap and had given Char a hard time all morning. Her attitude was something we would need to deal with and soon. Char was having enough trouble moving around and now that Kendra was in kindergarten Lucy was board easily. She didn't have a play mate like she did before Kendra started school. Char talked me into sticking around and letting Lucy take her nap. I tried to pull out my laptop to do some work, but it soon became a lost cause when Char uttered her next words.

"So I was thinking that we could take Lucy for the night on Friday while you go out on a blind date that Pete set up."

She wasn't even asking me if I wanted to go out with some strange woman. She was stating it as a fact. I looked up from my laptop and tried to get Char to look at me. She was fiddling with her cup of tea and wiping a cloth napkin around on the table where she was sitting.

"Excuse me? On what planet and in what time warp did you fall into where I said I would go on a blind date?"

She huffed at me and rubbed her belly before taking a sip of her tea. The look on her face was hopeful and I knew that I had my work cut out for me on whatever she was about to say.

"Jazz she's great and you're just going to love her! Her name is Mary Randall and she's never been married. She's twenty six and works as an IT at Pete's company. I think she may be a single parent too? I just don't remember. Pete told me all of these great things about her to tell you. It seems that my hormones took over my brain and it all just kind of went away. I'm sorry. If you ask Pete I'm sure he could tell you everything."

She looked so damn excited that I didn't want to break her heart, but I wasn't about to agree to something I just wasn't ready for.

"Char, I'm sure that you and Pete mean well. I'm just not ready yet. If and this is a big IF I were to be ready to date again I think it would be with a woman I just met not too long ago. I'm not going out on Friday with some strange woman. I'm sorry."

Tears welled up in her eyes and her smile quickly turned to a frown. I didn't want to hurt her feelings and felt like shit as she wiped her cheeks.

"I understand were pushing you. This is my entire fault! I knew that you were going to say no, but we do just want what's best for you and Lucy. Maria wouldn't want you to waste your life mourning her and Lucy needs a mother ya know? You hate me now don't you?"

"No I don't hate you Char, I could never hate you! I know that you and Peter mean well, but you need to listen to me when it comes to my love life. I'm not ready right now, but that doesn't mean that I won't be at another time."

I hugged her as she sniffled and cried into my shoulder. I tried the shushing thing I do with Lucy, but it didn't seem to be working. She mumbled into my shirt a few times and I had to pull away to hear her.

"So tell me all about the girl who did catch your eye."

I once again felt like I was locked into the eyes of a snake. She caught me off guard with her question and I now know without a doubt that Maria must be my angel because right at the moment Lucy came in the room rubbing her eyes and asking for me.

"Daddy?"

I quickly put me things away and picked up Lucy's handy bag kissing her soft cheek. I hauled her out to the car as soon as I could get away with telling Char that I had plans with my little girl. I knew that the conversation was going to take place at some point, but today was not the day! We waved goodbye to Auntie Char while she gave me a look like I was in trouble and smiled to Lucy.

~DLB~

After Lucy started classes with Alice Mom cut my time at the office down, which worked in my favor when it came to avoiding Alice. It was awful in other areas though. The extra work I could do from home wasn't all that easy when Lucy realized that I was home early every day. The fun things we used to do that were special like going to the zoo or the kids art museum were now expected every day! I couldn't keep up. The cost alone was killing me not to mention the fact that my work was suffering. I had to do the majority of it after Lucy was asleep and that cut down on my sleep. I found myself annoyed at little things and even my daughter noticed my grumpy attitude. Something needed to change and quick!

When I was at the office I tried to be nice to Miss. Swan. I still had yet to have more than one or two word answers for her; I tried to keep them brief without coming off as rude. It was harder than I thought it was going to be though and I'm not sure I pulled it off. Lucy was in her ballet class so our conversations were secluded to how Lucy was doing. It was tough talking to her face to face. My dreams would always come up and I would imagine her panting as her eyes closed or her moaning my name as she talked. It was very distracting as my soldier would stand at attention waited to be served. She wasn't helping the situation as she smiled and looked at me with those doe eyes. Most of the time when she talked I wanted to run away screaming or toss her down and defile her small body.

However as the weeks passed I found a daycare for Lucy that would bring her to the studio for her classes and I went back to work at the office. Lucy was upset that she didn't get to see me as much, but after I explained that daddy had to work and we would still get time together she seemed appeased. The weeks flew by and turned into months. I still dreamed about Alice Swan every night and tried to stay out of her way every day. Mom began harping on me to make Miss Swan feel more welcome. Somehow I don't think she was having the same thoughts as I was on just how welcome I would like to make Miss Swan.

It wasn't until a few months later that I had a dream of Maria that changed everything! I saw my wife in our garden that I had let wither away. She looked so sad at the dried up plants and weeds. I tried to speak, but she spun on to me and looked me dead in the eyes.

"Jasper Whitlock! What in the world do you think you're doing? Mourning my loss, treating that poor girl like she is scum on the bottom of your shoe? I know your momma didn't raise you like that!"

I was shocked and stood still as I watched her move closer. She stopped about a foot away from me and started tapping her foot. She always tapped her foot when she was pissed. I gave her the only answer I could.

"I'm just not ready to move on yet!"

"Oh Jazz, you are ready. Your just scared and that's alright to be scared. But that doesn't mean you can put your life on hold because you're afraid the same thing will happen. You need to live for Lucy and for you! I will always be in your heart Jasper. Now make room for someone new!"

She patted my chest where my heart was and I tried to pull her close just to breathe her in. She slipped through my fingers through and faded away. I woke up with my head on my desk in my at home office. My neck was killing me, but seeing Maria again was like a kick to the balls. I knew that if she could have talked to me in real life she would have acted the same way. It was just how she was. What surprised me more was when I walked into our room I took off my wedding band and gave it a brief kiss before I told Maria I would always love her. I put the ring in the same box that held her wedding set and for the first time I didn't feel naked. I fell asleep quickly after that resolved that worse came to worse I was going to talk to Alice the next day and try to make up for how I have acted.