Aftermath of Destruction Chapter 10: There Is, a resident evil fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Resident Evil, I do however own the story. The song I use is entitled "There Is" and is by Boxcar Racer. It's track number ten from the C.D. "Boxcar Racer."

Aftermath of Destruction

Chapter Ten: There Is

"Damn it Chris would you stop it?" Claire hissed. The siblings were currently on their flight to Washington D.C., and Chris had been fidgeting for the past two hours.

"I can't, I'm nervous." Chris replied, clutching the arms of his seat.

"Go to sleep then." Claire ordered.

Chris sighed. "I just might."

Claire shook her head. "Men." She mumbled under her breath.

"If you think so lowly of us, tell me, why be infatuated with one of your own?" Chris muttered, not actually expecting an answer.

"Because dear brother, when you've got them wrapped around your finger, they're at your very command."

Chris chuckled, closing his eyes. "That is very true." He heard Claire giggle both of them knowing Chris knew exactly how truthful her statement was.

"Do you know what you're going to say to Jill yet?"

"No idea."

Claire sighed. "I think anything would be best right now, Leon said that she still won't really talk."

Chris grimaced, hating the pain he was causing. "Does she know we're coming?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"So she's not ecstatic to know I'm coming, that's a real confidence booster." Chris grumbled.

"Well Chris, you know you fucked up, this isn't going to be easy." Claire replied.

Chris sighed. "Which is how I know she hates me."

"She doesn't hate you, if anything, she's going through the same thing you are right now." Claire said flatly.

Chris said nothing to that, for fear that Claire was also right about that. Something inside of him wanted Jill to hate him, because he knew he deserved it. On the other hand, if she felt like he did, he hated himself even worse because the pain inside of him was indescribable. It was useless, he wasn't going to be able to stop the pain, until he saw Jill and talked things through. As much as he wanted to, Chris tried to fight the sleep overwhelming him. He'd taken his pain medication this morning, in hopes of subduing the endless thoughts of how things used to be.

This vacation's useless

These white pill aren't kind

I've given a lot of thought on this thirteen-hour drive

I missed the grinding concrete where we sat past eight or nine

And slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights

I've given a lot of thought to the nights we used to have

Our days have come and gone our lives went by so fast

I faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor

Where I laid and told you but you swear you loved me more

Chris remembered priding himself on being an attentive boyfriend, swearing he'd never act like some of the guys he knew who seemed to get their kicks from hurting people who loved them; now he'd turned into one of them. The thought made him sick. Jill was his world, and he wasn't the least bit shy to admit, Claire's previous statement on women having men at their command applied to him. He knew it, and Jill knew it, but she never took advantage of it.

Chris felt the grin tugging at his lips, so maybe she took slight advantage of him sometimes. Not that he minded; repayment was definitely worth it. Again, he felt the lump in his throat grow. Just thinking about happier times could cause him to feel worse than depressed. They used to have such a loving relationship, and those memories were the only things that helped him survive those crucial nine months away from everyone. Neither Chris nor Jill ever had to worry about separation, knowing that they would never feel the same way about anyone else, but Chris was now worried sick.

Were Jill's thoughts of a future with him…or without him?

~ * * ~

Barry knocked on Jill's door softly, listening for any sounds on the other side.

"Yeah?"

"Hey it's Barry."

"Just a sec." Jill called.

Barry heard rustling and then light footsteps before the lock on Jill's hotel door was released and pulled open. Jill looked like hell, and she knew it, but he didn't seem to care. "Hey, I thought I'd let you know that Chris and Claire are supposed to get in today around six."

Jill showed no emotion, mainly because she was confused as to which emotion she should show. "Yeah thanks. Are we doing anything today?"

"Not that I know of, it's about eleven though. I guess I could round everyone up for lunch…" Barry trailed off.

"That'd be good, I haven't eaten much lately." Jill spoke softly.

"I've noticed." Barry replied. "Are you gonna be okay?"

Jill gave Barry a small smile. "I hope so."

Barry shook his head. "You will be. Chris is crazy about you; you know that as well as anyone here. He's just going through some rough times and you need to be there for him, even when he pushes you away because you know whatever hurtful things he said, he didn't mean one word."

"You didn't see him though Barry, he seemed pretty confident in what he was saying."

"Jill, how many times has Chris flown off the handle and seemed confident in what he was saying?"

She couldn't argue; Chris did have a tendency to lose his temper. "Let me know when we're going for lunch okay?"

Barry sighed at the change of subject. "Okay."

Jill shut the door and leaned back against it, expelling her breath upwards, blowing her hair from her face. How did she feel about Chris coming to D.C.? It was a strange feeling not knowing how she felt about Chris; she loved him, there was no doubt about it, but somehow she couldn't break a smile about seeing him and Jill hated that.

It really was a conundrum, Jill thought – she hated hating him.

Do you care if I don't know what to say?

Will you sleep tonight or will you think of me?

Will I shake this off pretend it's all okay?

That there's someone out there who feels just like me

There is

The words he'd said had scorned her; hurt her worse than he would ever know. "Carlos was right damn it!" He'd shouted the words, implying he wasn't in love with her.

So had it been a sham? Their whole relationship, was the love one-sided?

No, it couldn't have been. There was no way Chris could make her feel what she felt when she was around him if he hadn't really loved Jill.

But what if it was? What if Chris was just a damn good actor?

The sob caught in her throat broke free, and Jill slid to the floor, feeling wrecked and abandoned.

"Jill we're going out to lunch, you want us to wait?" Carlos's voice was barely audible.

Jill stifled her pathetic whimpers, and steadied her voice. "No Carlos, I've got some things I need to finish up." It was a pitiful excuse, but it seemed to work because Carlos gave nothing more than an 'okay' and was gone.

Jill had tried, but her attempts had been shot down. There was nothing left for her to do. She would have to let Chris come to her, despite any urges she had to go to him. Dignity wasn't her worry, nor was pride; it was only the crystal fact that Chris didn't want, or need her help.

Then the gnawing question worked it's way from the pit of her empty stomach until it reached her heart, and stayed there giving Jill a certain pressure in her chest.

What if Chris did in fact want and need her to help and was coming to tell her? The ongoing battle of questions was never ending, and if something didn't happen soon, Jill would lose whatever sanity she had left.

She pulled herself from her spot on the floor, and walked over toward her suitcase propped in the corner. It was half open, Jill having pulled clean clothes from them the past three days. She unzipped it the rest of the way, and rummaged until she found what she was looking for.

It was a solid black book, its spine creased from opening and closing it time and time again. There was the occasional odd page where something stuck out from the well-bound book; these were usually notes or itineraries and the occasional picture. She leafed through the diary she'd begun keeping when she first joined S.T.A.R.S. after noticing most of the team kept them to pass the time when Wesker would call meetings, feeling the smile on her face as she read random entries.

She found herself laughing aloud as she skimmed paragraphs that spoke of stupid faces Chris was making, mocking their Captain as he talked, and she could vividly see in her mind the days she wrote about. Somehow it took her away from harsh reality, and left her in better times, where she would stay consumed in for hours.

Those notes you wrote me I've kept them all

I've given a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall

With every single letter in every single word

There will be a hidden message about a boy that loves a girl

~ * * ~

"Chris wake up, we're landing." Claire shook her brother softly.

He made an incomprehensible sound of acknowledgement, but made no attempt to open his eyes. Claire flicked his ear a few times and finally awoke Chris.

"Wha…"

"We're landing, wake up."

Chris wiped the sleep from his eyes and scratched the back of his head. He rolled his neck from side to side, feeling the bones creak from being in one position too long. "Guess those pain pills are more effective for sleeping than I thought, I've had like eighteen hours of sleep and I'm still tired."

"Well don't get too ready to get in bed, you've got a big apology to make tonight." Claire stated.

Chris said nothing as he went through the familiar procedures of exiting the plane and getting their luggage. He heard Claire say Barry was supposed to be there to pick them up, but he didn't see his old companion anywhere in the hordes of people. Claire must've because she took off running through the crowd of people and landed right in the arms of, Leon.

It really didn't come as a surprise to Chris; he would've done the same thing. Despite the bitter resentment that he felt, deep inside he was happy for his little sister. Leon was a great guy, and if it had to be someone, he'd rather it be Leon, then some other guy. Of course if Leon hurt Claire, Chris wouldn't hesitate to make him wish he were back in Raccoon battling the creature named Mr. X that Claire and Leon spoke of.

He scanned the crowd hoping against hope that maybe he'd spot Jill waiting on him, but she was nowhere to be found. As he made his way over to Barry and Leon, he didn't hide his disappointed demeanor. Barry noticed the frown on Chris's face and immediately pulled him aside.

"She didn't come. I should've figured – "

"Now Chris, no she didn't come, but I sure as hell hope you came with a damn good apology because whatever you said or did really hurt her." Barry said sternly.

Chris sighed, and kicked a nearby bench. "I'm so fucking stupid. She loves me Barry, and I pretty much told her I didn't love her. But I do, God does she know that?"

Barry looked at Chris's pleading eyes; he'd never looked so lost before. "Chris I wish I could say she did, but I honestly don't know."

The words stunned Chris – they weren't what he had desired to hear. He wanted Barry to tell him that Jill knew and was just waiting on him to apologize; but she didn't know that he loved her. "I feel like the biggest piece of shit."

Barry frowned. "You should. Jill has stuck with you through all of your problems, she's already been pushed away once Chris, how many more times you think she'll put up with it?"

Chris clenched his jaw. "She shouldn't have put up with it the first time.

"Which gives you further proof she loves you to death. Why do this to her?"

Chris sat down on the bench he'd angrily kicked earlier, and hung his head. "I don't know Barry. If I could do it over, I would."

"You can't though, that's what got you in trouble in the first place, am I right?" Seeing Chris nod, Barry continued. "You can't tell anyone why you pushed Jill away, but I can damn sure tell you why you shouldn't. Jill loves you Chris, sometimes I wonder why, but she does. You're her world, and you know that. Right now her world is crumbling because the one person she can't live without is shutting her out. You want to change things? Do it right now, learn from your mistakes and listen to what people to tell you. Not just for Jill, for your sister – she can't live without you either, and for the rest of us."

Chris nodded. "I know Barry, and I swear I'll do all those things…if Jill wants me to." He trailed off softly.

"And what are you going to do if she doesn't?" Barry asked.

Chris swallowed the lump that had just risen in his throat.

"Do you see what I'm saying? That feeling you just got that felt a ton of bricks smashing down on your heart repeatedly is what Jill's feeling right now."

"God, I hate myself." Chris muttered.

"Then I suggest you do everything in your power to make it up to her, she deserves it Chris."

"She deserves better."

"She settled for you though, which means you worship her damn it." Claire said, tilting Chris's head up.

"I already do."

~ * * ~

Rebecca stepped from the elevator, loosely gripping Carlos's hand. The two had gone out sightseeing, trying to escape the confines of their hotel room.

"So what do you think is gonna happen tonight?" Carlos asked.

"Hopefully no screaming and yelling like last time, I hate seeing Jill go through this." Rebecca replied.

"When did Barry say they'd be back again?"

"I think he said somewhere around nine depending on traffic at the airport and if they get something to eat. I mean I don't think a group dinner would go over so well right now." Rebecca replied, checking her watch, which read 8:32 PM.

"Well, what do you want to do now?" Carlos asked, leaning against the door into his and Rebecca's room.

"I think I want to check on Jill…see how she's doing." Rebecca said.

Carlos nodded, and then a grin crossed his face.

Rebecca gave him an awkward look. "Why are you smiling like that?"

Carlos shook his head and chuckled. "I was just thinking that's one of the things I love about you so much."

Rebecca smiled, "And what's that?"

Carlos blushed slightly. "Just the way you're always thinking about others. You've been worried about Jill all night I can tell. Even when Claire and Leon were fighting you were constantly mumbling to yourself, praying that they'd be okay. I don't know, that's just hard to find in people these days."

Rebecca grasped his hand slightly. "Well that's very sweet, but you have that quality in you also, and I love you for that. I think we've all got it in us, we wouldn't have risked our lives so many times if we didn't put others first. Some just hold up longer than others, that's all."

"Chris and Jill are just going through a tough time right now, they'll be okay though." Carlos whispered, giving Rebecca a quick kiss on the forehead.

Rebecca sighed. "I'm still going to talk to her."

Carlos gave her a warm smile. "Okay." He then entered their room.

Rebecca turned to Jill's door, and knocked softly. "Jill? It's Becca."

After a moment Jill responded, "Yeah, hold on a sec."

Rebecca heard light footsteps, and then the door creaked open. "Hey."

"Hey Bec, what'd you want?"

"Nothing, just to check in on you, make sure you were okay." Rebecca replied, stepping in the hotel room when Jill motioned for her to come in.

Jill shrugged and motioned to the bed where her journal and tons of photos and papers lay strewn about. "If you call sitting in one spot lost in your own little fantasy world for hours and hours okay, then yeah I'm just fucking excellent."

Rebecca looked over the pictures of the whole S.T.A.R.S. team together. "You aren't lost in a fantasy Jill, you just wish things were the way they used to be. I wish it too sometimes."

Jill sat down. "I just keep thinking to myself, maybe if I'd been there for him and hadn't stormed out of the hospital things would be different. Maybe Chris wouldn't be so fucked up."

"You can't change what has already happened." Rebecca stated. "Isn't that why Chris and you are fighting in the first place, because he thinks he could've pulled some huge hero stunt back then and things would be different now. Wasn't it you who told him that?"

Jill's eyes widened in shock from the realization of what Rebecca had just said. "Yeah, I did."

"Am I seeing a connection here or what? You and Chris are in the same exact phase, but you just didn't realize when you saw what Chris was doing." Rebecca finished.

Jill rubbed her eyes. "Oh shit, I need to talk to Chris. I shouldn't have snapped at him like I did – I'm a hypocrite."

"No, you're not a hypocrite. I just think that you dwelling on what's wrong with Chris and trying to figure out how to fix it has gotten you thinking about things happening differently."

Jill nodded. "Yeah I guess so." After moment Jill looked to the young woman in front of her. "You know, you should've been a psychologist Bec."

Rebecca giggled, and for the first time in a week, so did Jill.

"Chris should be in here in about fifteen minutes, so I'm going to go back to my room. You need some time."

"I guess." Jill said. "Wish me luck."

Rebecca nodded. "I will, but I don't think you'll need it."

~ * * ~

Chris hopped out of the van first as it rolled to a stop in front of the hotel.

"I see someone's ribs are feeling better." Leon remarked as he climbed out behind Chris.

"No I just don't really care about them right now, I'm just kind of set on one thing." Chris replied.

Claire shook her head and they waited on Barry to unlock the back of the van so they could get their luggage. "I don't know whether I should hit you for being so damn sweet, or hit myself so I don't have to deal with you being so damn sweet."

Barry chuckled at the siblings.

"Wait how is that sweet? Aren't they fighting right now?" Leon asked, obviously confused.

"Just remember this next time we fight; it doesn't matter how mad they are at each other, just the fact he's so torn up about shows how much he loves her." Claire replied.

"So next time we fight I just have to pretty much be depressed like I was last time – wait, I thought we already promised not to fight again?" Leon grabbed Claire's luggage.

"That we did do."

"Anyway, do you know what you're going to say yet?" Barry asked.

"Nope."

"Okay Chris, Jill's room number is one fifty-seven." Barry said.

Chris nodded, and the trio watched him shift his weight from his left to his right foot. He then reached his good arm around to scratch where his sling was chafing his neck.

"Well, are you waiting for an invitation?" Barry arched an eyebrow at Chris. "Go!"

Chris sighed. "Do you think I should or just-"

"GO!" This time the command came from Claire, Barry, and Leon.

Chris turned on his heel, and sprinted straight through the doors of the hotel, ready to change his life.

~ * * ~

Author's Note: Okay, if that seemed like a delay to you, sorry but I just found out that my great uncle died so I've kind of been distracted with things. Sorry for any mistakes in the chapter but I was in rush to get this done. It's 2:10 AM and I'm leaving at about 3:30 AM to go out of town and get to his funeral. Thanks for all the support and kind words from Dale and Shakahnna they mean a lot to me. Thanks to all who are supporting and still reading and reviewing. I apologize for any delay in the upcoming chapter which will focus on the make up between Chris and Jill, I hope everyone understands if the next chapter take a little longer to get out. Thanks, please review!