~Chapter Nine~

Of Innocence and Corruption

Sometimes, I'm A Selfish Fake.
You're Always A True Friend.
I Don't Deserve You,
'Cause I'm Not There for You;
Please Forgive Me Again.

I Wanna Be There for You,
Someone You Can Come To.

Speak the Unspeakable Phrase,
"I Love You, Too."

~There For You, by Flyleaf

Disclaimer: Me No Own; You No Sue.

After Aragorn had left and headed for the campfire, I moved to my sleeping roll, planning to fall fast asleep, but the moment that I settled into the thin cloth, I found that I could not sleep. My mind spiraled into despair. If I was correct, several things had happened out of order tonight. Our conversation between the Hobbits, Frodo and Sam, was supposed to happen while both Aragorn and Boromir had been fighting about the current destination of the Ring.

It was supposed to happen quite the distance from the campsite, yet several of their words had been exchanged in our presence. A small change, I warily admitted, but still important to take note of for the future. It was a sign, perhaps, from the Valar. I was destined to change the fate of this world – for better, for worse, who knew? This was just the beginning of a newly discovered Middle Earth.

However, if I was given the chance, I would change the fate of this world, and its people. My people now. I would save all of the innocent lives that I could, including one now most precious to me. In fact, Boromir was currently rivaling Seth in affections; it seemed strange, but I thought that I might love them equally someday. But I would not get the chance to find out, should I not succeed in my endeavors.

After all, Boromir was supposed to die, and really soon.

The Fellowship had fallen asleep early the previous night because starting off early would be the best bet with the Uruk-Hai following us. After Aragorn had taken the first watch, I drifted off to sleep, feeling safe with him keeping an eye out for trouble. After several hours, I awoke to find Boromir in his place. Sleep called again, though, and I snuggled into the sleeping body next to mine, my arms curled against the strong chest and head tucked beneath his chin. He hugged back, his arms over my waist and back. We drifted off to sleep again.

Given that I had been the first asleep, I awoke early the next morning, well before dawn. As such, I should have been rather cold – freezing, really – but the first conscious thought to make itself known was only of how incredibly comfortable the bedroll seemed. It felt like I had been enveloped within a warm embrace, but that would be impossible. No one would dare touch me, especially not in sleep, because I was an unmarried female in a period of time that valued high societal ethics – it wasn't proper to embrace me. Sure, I had not been shown much affection growing up as a child, but I had always had Seth to hold and hug me. I miss those hugs…

In conclusion, however, there had to be another explanation for the sudden, inexplicable feeling of warmth, and the corresponding feeling of safety. I struggled to figure it out because my mind slowly drifted back into consciousness. Thoughts of Seth first came to mind, mainly because my older brother and I used to sleep together, side by side, and well into the teenage years, too. We slept together for safety. A couple of the Ranchers had gotten drunk and tried to slip into my room one night, shortly after I turned twelve, and Seth emphatically refused to let me sleep alone. I shared his bed for the next six years.

Sleeping next to another warm person was preferable to sleeping alone in an empty, cold bed, too. Unfortunately, Seth and I sleeping together had been considered really strange, even in our more accepting era and country. The Ranchers that had tried to sneak into my room were quiet, keeping that little secret to themselves. Many of the other employees on our ranch, therefore, suspected there was more to our relationship than the simple affections between brother and sister – we were too close, too loving, and too weird for their tastes.

Whispers spoke of incest.

Twincest.

Even Daddy began to agree with the suspicions of the gossiping staff. He never approved of his children, if only because we accidentally stole the love of his life. Our mother died in childbirth, and for that reason, we were to blame. We were at fault. In his mind, Seth and I had killed her – our mother; his wife. Mom had been alive after the birth of his firstborn, however, and because I had been born second, I was a murderer. He tolerated Seth at the best of times, and ignored him the worst of times. He usually preferred to despise me. Screaming at me was a pastime of his.

Regardless, Daddy never considered the fact that Seth and I would have loved to have a mother, somebody to love and raise us. We would have had them both, the father and mother that Seth and I had wanted since we were young. It never crossed him mind, though. Not even once.

Instead, Seth and I were given the father that tried his best to avoid, berate, and hit us. His mood, and the amount of alcohol in his systems, usually dictated his reaction to our presences. Our blonde hair and mischievous nature was a continual reminder of the loss of his wife, a young woman with long blonde hair and laughter softer than the tinkling of bells; it brought back the painful memories. Our mere presence was a continual hindrance to his wellbeing – and ours. So Seth and I left, if only to save ourselves.

Up until that point in time, Seth and I'd at least had each other, so we were relatively happy, and if not happy, then…content. Nobody mattered to him but me, and vice versa. "You've always been here for me, and I've always been here for you. Nobody else matters. We only need each other."

Everything changed the day that Seth joined the American military, though, and I still reeled thinking back to how quickly my world deteriorated. One month after our eighteenth birthday, Seth signed his paperwork (and his life away) and joined the Army, traveling several states away to participate in the mandatory training at boot camp. Shortly after the completion of his training at Fort Jackson, Seth was shipped out and deployed. As a mechanic, Seth spent most of his time fixing the military vehicles and traveling back and forth through the burning yellow sands of Iraq.

Unlike Seth, I did not wish to serve our country; rather, I wished to better myself with higher education. I liked to learn. So at the beginning of the fall semester, I enrolled in a prestigious university several hundred miles to the south, learning the fundamentals of languages, singing, and dancing. My scholarship covered the double major, and with the extra cash, I could live uptown in a much nicer, safer part of the city. Best of all, I could also buy enough food to actually satisfy my appetite, while also staying relatively healthy with all of the dancing.

Yes, I had been really far from home, and separated by thousands of miles from my precious Twin. We were separated still, that unfathomable distance still between us. Yep. The Rider, Seth, and the rather unwilling member of the Fellowship, Sammy.

"You must release your grasp on my cloak, Little One." His hand, placed at my waist, lifted and hovered before dropping down to my upper arm. There was a pause, and then the Man softly continued, "However, I almost wish that I did not have to wake you, as it is rather nice to hug you so close…"

"Be quiet, Seth," I muttered into his shirt, snuggling closer into the pair of strong and muscular arms as my nose and cheeks warmed from the sunlight shining through the leaves. I grumpily added, "Horses don't need feedin' for another hour, ya moron."

A gentle hand stroked down through frizzy yellow hair, pushing it back from my eyes, and then moved to my right shoulder to lightly shake me awake. I was already awake, but I did not want to get up yet. I liked to stay in bed and adjust to my surroundings for the first couple of minutes. My sleeping partner, however, was insistent and continued to push his hand against my shoulder. With a muffled protest, I obediently released his shirt and slowly sat up. I stretched, popping the kinks out of my aching back, and yawned widely, pink tongue darting out between parted lips. After blinking repeatedly to clear the film from my vision, I groggily turned to the right, searching for my older brother. Instead, I found –

"…Aragorn?"

The Ranger smiled down at me, a small curl to his lips. He brushed his dark hair from his face, pushing it back far enough that I could clearly see a couple of silver strands, and then laughed shortly as my expression turned stunned. He chuckled, "I take it you were imagining that I might be somebody else?"

My blue eyes were wide with shock. "I, uh – I thought you were my older b-b-brother. Sorry a-about all of the, uh, cuddlin', Aragorn!" I stuttered, practically spitting the words out while I scrambled to climb off his chest (gulp) and lengthen the distance between the two of us.

Rubbing his hand down his beard, Aragorn lifted his eyebrows at this reaction and gazed down at me evenly. He curiously asked, "What are you so embarrassed about, Little One? We did nothing but sleep, and surely someone of Earth would not mind the close contact."

My mouth dropped wide open. Oh, Hell nah! He did not just imply that about me! How dare he?!

Jumping to up and getting in his face, I viciously snarled, "Just because I'm from a country that is open minded 'bout sex and stuff does not mean that I'm used to sleeping next to guys, okay?" I primly put my nose up in the air. "In fact, that'd be the first time I've slept around anybody other than Seth! So excuse me so much for…being…frightened….and…"

My mouth snapped shut, and I trailed off, leaving the rest of that rant unspoken. It had just come to mind how much I had revealed in that little tirade. Oh, dear God, kill me now! I was so very and completely mortified. Essentially, I had just admitted to having no sexual experience and still being pure. No one – male; female – had interacted sexually with me. I was innocent. A virgin…

And God, I had just said all of that to a man, one that I found myself attracted to – mentally, emotionally, and sexually.

Clearly, Aragorn was now completely lost for words, and whereas I had shut my mouth, Aragorn had permitted his to drop in surprise. The Ranger remained atop his sleeping roll, merely staring at me with those wide and beautiful silver eyes and that dumbfounded expression. His regal face portrayed his shock – and, had I been paying attention to him instead of looking off to the side in mortification, I would have noticed the sudden satisfaction and interest there, too. If I had, I might have been more aware that the feelings I had developed for him might be returned.

Instead, I was more relieved that Aragorn was a gentleman because if it had been in his nature to verbalize all his thoughts, I was certain that the Man would be laughing at me now. The entire situation was a nightmare, and probably rather humorous to a man of his years and experience. Experience. My face flushed, and unexpectedly, I thought of his hands tangled in my yellow hair, holding my waist. Experience. Passionate kisses on my parted lips, neck, and chest. Experience. Fingers slipping beneath my panties and –

"Uh, I have to go!" I blurted suddenly, afraid at the sudden turn those thoughts had taken, before promptly darting through the trees and in the general direction of the boats – or what I hoped to be the direction of the boats. Getting lost would make it worse. "Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit…"

Stupid, I am so stupid! Inwardly, I was waving both hands around in the air and wailing in horror. Stupid, stupid Sammy! Yer are a goddamn fuckin' idiot!

Even as my eyes caught sight of the boats, I continued to mentally berate myself for being such a stupid, immature female. I tried to act better and do what I was ordered to do, and I still messed it up. Sleeping should have been easy. No, I had to fall back to old habits and cuddle next to a warm person, only to find him to be Aragorn! Then I had to tell him I was a…a virgin! Ugh!

Why'm I even worrying about all of this shit? I frantically wondered. Does it really matter? He won't try anything with me! I'm not worth it, and who really has sex on a quest to help protect somebody trying to save a world?

Hell, I really was stupid and immature! I was given another chance at life to save the people here, and to help change the fate of Middle Earth. I was not given another chance at life to try flirting and falling in love with the future King of Gondor. Somehow, I did not believe that to be a necessary part of fighting for the greater good and saving Middle Earth. God dammit, Oromë is going to smite my ass. Again…!

Thoughts buzzing like bees, I clambered into our canoe and hurriedly tried to find the seat I had taken yesterday. Legolas did not even move as my rushing about caused the boat to shake back and forth. He only raised his delicate eyebrow and inquired, "Where is the fire, My Lady?"

Ha fucking ha, Legolas! The Elf had clearly asked that question in reference to Lothlórien, to make me angry. However, I said nothing, too embarrassed to form the words needed to excuse my reaction. How could I explain away my expression of terror, or my unusual lack of witty and funny responses? Was it possible for me to use my powers to travel back in time to save myself from my own stupidity? No, I doubted it. If I were capable of such things, then I could simply travel back to the era in which the Ring had been created and kill the blithering idiot that had forged the stupid Bling of Doom. But no…!

So how was I going to survive another encounter with the evil Ranger? Maybe I could bribe him? What did Rangers like besides rolling around in the dirt and being all mysterious? I worriedly ruffled the hair falling in my eyes.

Perfect teeth glinted in the sunlight. Amused, Legolas smirked at my wary silence and mused, "You refuse to answer, so you must be to blame again. What have the trees done to you? Is setting them ablaze really the answer?"

Blood boiling at his teasing words, I shot him the bird, uncertain that the Elf would understand the gesture but not caring. "Oh, shut the fuck up! Ya fairy!" I finally shrieked, before diving under the cloak that I had hidden beneath the day before, pulling it over my entire body. Sanctuary…!

The Elf, oddly enough, chose to remain silent in the wake of this misbehavior. Either The Elf mysteriously grasped at the fact that I had somehow managed to embarrass myself within inches of my miserable life, or was now suitably enraged at these cruel words. It did not matter because nothing more was said until the rest of the Fellowship returned to their respective boats. Gimli climbed into the boat with us, and thought the material of the cloak, I observed him motioning for the Elf to continue on our way with all due haste. The Dwarf appeared unnerved again.

"What is wrong with the lass now?" Gimli demanded angrily, clearly venting his anger on me. I probably deserved it, though, and did not dispute being the target of his temper tantrum. "There are no miserable Orcs nearby to speak of, it is not dark, and the Fellowship is yet another step closer to destroying the Ring! What is there to be afraid of?"

It was, predictably, Aragorn that responded. "Our young companion is quite embarrassed at the moment, having said something that should have been kept private. You will not likely see our girl again for another hour or so, as she currently refuses to have anything to do with me."

'Our girl,' I repeated the words, which seemed to echo inside me. Does that mean my efforts to behave have paid off? Am I starting to gain their friendship? My mouth curled down in worry. Or does that mean that Aragorn simply thinks I'm acting like a scared little girl?

Why do Men have to be so confusing?

I sighed.

With his hearing, Legolas heard both that sigh and the chipper amusement in his voice. The Elf turned to face his companion and eagerly asked, "How did the silly girl embarrass herself this time, Friend?"

His suddenly perky posture and devious expression made me wary. I eyed the river, but instead of trying to drown myself, I remained hidden under the cloak. "Please, Aragorn, don't tell him! You do, and I won't hear the end of it!" I pleaded with a very small but desperate whine.

Forget maturity – I wanted to live, dammit! It didn't matter that Women here should remain pure and untouched until marriage. If Aragorn told the Elf that I had admitted to being innocent, then I would surely die of embarrassment. Straight back to the Hall of Mandos I go!

The Ranger chuckled lightly, before quietly reassuring my secret would be safe with him. He promised not to betray another in such a manner. I stared at him suspiciously, feeling the need to ask him if that meant that the Man would betray somebody in another manner; however, I didn't wish to offend him with my sarcasm. After all, Aragorn had just promised to keep the current state of my virginity – in other words, intact – a secret from the rest of the Fellowship. Thank God for small miracles…

"Look, Frodo," Aragorn whispered urgently, long fingers tapping the palest Hobbit against the shoulder and motioning ahead with his chin. And Frodo obligingly looked ahead to stare, eyes wide, at the sight.

After about two hours of hearing only the chirping of the birds in the forest, I nearly jumped at the sound of somebody speaking, too. I settled again, though, listening to the whispered words being exchanged between the two. I eventually realized that Aragorn and Frodo were speaking of the two gigantic statues braced against the mouth of the mountain looming just ahead. Each looked to be approximately thirty stories high, perhaps more, and stood tall against the elements. Vaguely, I registered the fact that Aragorn claimed them to have been made to honor two of the kings of old; these Men could be his kin! It made me wonder if Aragorn would someday have statues made in his honor as well. If all went well, then Aragorn would certainly deserve it. Trials and tribulations indeed!

As I listened to his deep, husky voice, I drifted off to sleep, dozing fitfully under the heat of the sun and the upcoming threat of war upon the horizon. My dreams turned dark with the visions of blood, and pain, and death, of losing newly found friends to the void of the afterlife. It was now my worst nightmare. Losing Seth had been bad enough, but losing people that I should've been able to save? It made my very soul ache to think of these brave individuals falling prey to the cold and relentless grip of Death. None of them deserved to be hurt. Killed…

I wanted all of them to live long, happy lives, but that desire seemed impossible right now.

I wish…

A short while later, the wooden boats drifted to a smooth stop, directed to the rocky shores of yet another dense patch of forest by those steering them. I awoke to the sound of voices whispering to each other and water rushing in my ears. Slowly, I raised sleepy eyes and curiously gazed at the large amounts of icy cold water pouring over the edge of the mountain and into unknown territory, far below us.

A waterfall, I subconsciously stated the obvious, still trying to shake the screaming shadows of that last nightmare away. That must mean that we've arrived at our next stop.

Blue irises shot to Boromir, only to find the Man sitting in his boat, hands to his knees and face pale. He inhaled sharply, his breath ragged and coming out in soft pants. His pupils were dilated – be it with fear or anger or guilt, I didn't know. He was acting strangely, that much I could tell. We were nearing the fated hour, I grimly noted, in which I would have to endure my initial trial. Saving my guardian would be difficult, especially if I had to avoid the damn Uruk-hai, too. It would be worth it, though…

Yes, I would risk everything to save my closest friend!

Boromir.

Lifting my arms up and putting them out to the side, I climbed carefully to the edge of the boat, trying not to fall out. I found the small traveling bag Aragorn had given me – it contained only the necessities, meaning no novels, combs, or cookies – and grabbed the brown bag, folding the sleeping roll into my arms. I shoved it under the top flap of the pack and tied it down to keep it in place. If it rained, I might have to sleep on a wet bedroll, but at least I would not lose it.

After a moment, I focused, listening to the voices of the Hobbits. They were quietly nibbling at the bread given to them by Legolas, who kept watch at their sides. My gaze moved to the right, following the Hobbits to the fire Aragorn had stoked to life. It would distract them momentarily. Eagerly, I scurried to the riverbank again, intent upon washing the dirt from my nasty face and hands while no one else paid attention. I scowled while dipping the cloth into the water again and brushing it down my arms and hands. Washing? Ha! I'd obviously meant scrubbing because there was too…much…dirt!

"We shall travel only during nightfall, after hiding the boats and continuing by foot," Aragorn suddenly declared from his place by the fire and then directed his stare to the smallest of the Fellowship. Eyes lingering on the Ringbearer, Aragorn grimly murmured, "We approach Mordor from the north…"

Now, Gimli had been paying rapt attention to the new leader of the group, but the Dwarf immediately disagreed with the chosen route to that destination; it wasn't to his liking. The Dwarf stood to his full height which, much like my own, was not really intimidating, and stepped closer to the Man. He ranted about the dangers of the rocks, and the stench of the marshlands, which would mask even our putrid body odors. I hesitantly sniffed at my underarms. It made me want deodorant. But Pippin was appropriately scarred for life, especially after Aragorn calmly stated that the previously mentioned landmarks were on our road to Mordor.

Amidst the grumbling of the Dwarf, Legolas approached his friend and grasped his shoulder with his right hand. He glanced around with somewhat wild blue eyes and desperately whispered, "We should leave, Aragorn." A twitch in his jaw signified his worry. "…Now."

As expected, Aragorn disagreed with this suggestion, muttering that many packs of Goblins and Orcs patrolled the eastern shores, searching for us. It would not be easy to travel with the beasts glued to our rear, nor would it be the safest option. A hasty decision could be made, which may mean the end of the journey – and the Fellowship.

We would die.

Sacrifice.

"It is not the eastern shore that worries me," Legolas admitted to the other male, running two fingers down the sheaths of his daggers in anticipation, eyes open and alert for danger. He cleared his throat. "Not in the least, Aragorn."

Yes, Legolas was aware of the Orcs climbing the eastern shore. He could expect them to have gathered forces to head in this direction, but the forces in the opposite direction remained largely unknown. Se Legolas turned away, whitish blonde hair flying back to fall down his back, and gazed warily at the forest that seemed empty of wildlife. The Elf feared that something else, something incredibly dangerous, could be approaching our current location from another direction, and rather soon.

War…

I stiffened, hearing the faint sounds of drums and praying that I had imagined them.

Not seconds after that thought, Merry returned with another armful of dried firewood and, after depositing it the sticks on some grass, gazed at Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli. He warily asked, "…where is Frodo?"

A pair of stormy gray eyes widened in horror and immediately darted to and fro, searching the entirety of the campsite in seconds. They lingered along the forgotten shield lying in a corner of the ruins, and in their depths, the strange emotion gleamed brightly. I usually had trouble seeing them and figuring out these thoughts mulling about in his head, but I was slowly starting to learn how to read Aragorn. His despair was near enough to the surface that I could feel it strangling me. Aragorn went still, his hand dropping to his sword. And while I hated the fact that his accusations had led him straight to the culprit, I had to admit them to be true.

War will not steal something from me again.

Boromir was gone.

***Author's Note***

Hello again! I'm still posting the edited version - Edited 2015.

Woohoo! Some background for Sammy and Seth, who I promise will be included.

Question: "I wish..." is something Sammy repeatedly thinks. What do you think it means?

PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!

Update: ~50 Reviews

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