Leaving
When we got back to the hotel, Quil went to his room and Natalie and I went to our room.
We got ready for bed, but we weren't tired.
I turned over in my bed for what seemed like the millionth time.
"Claire?" I heard Natalie whisper.
I turned back over to face her bed.
"What?" I asked quietly.
"Are you tired?"
"No."
She spoke after a long time. "Can I ask you something?" She sounded reluctant.
I almost thought of pretending that I fell asleep, but I knew she'd see through it. "Um, sure."
She didn't answer for a while, and I thought she fell asleep.
"What?" I asked.
"Have you…kissed him?" she asked quietly.
"Um." I couldn't answer.
"Uh, it's okay. I'll stay out of your business." She turned on her other side so she was facing the wall.
"Do you really want to know?" I asked.
"No, you don't have to answer."
I could tell she really wanted to know, but I didn't know why. It would just hurt her.
"Um, I haven't kissed him yet." I lied.
She turned back over to face me. "You're lying." She said. "You have kissed him, haven't you?"
I knew I couldn't lie now. "Okay." I sighed. "Yes, I have kissed him. Twice. Only twice."
I heard her sigh. "I figured that would be your answer. I just tried not to believe it." She turned to face the wall again.
At that moment, it all fell in place.
I hadn't made her feel any better.
I only covered up the damage I'd done to her. It was like sewing a patch into a hole in a pair of jeans. The hole would always be there. I couldn't patch up her hole.
"You love him." I said. It wasn't a question.
She didn't answer.
"I'm a horrible sister. I can't cover your hole up with Jason." I said.
I realized what I needed to do.
I got out of bed and started walking to the door.
She sat up and looked at me.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"What I should've done before." I ignored the confused look on her face and I tiptoed quietly to the door.
When I went to Quil's door, I knocked quietly. I didn't know if it would wake him when he was snoring so loudly, but I heard the snoring subside and the sound of footsteps coming towards the door.
He opened it, confused.
He chuckled when he saw me. "And you said I woke up early,"
I let myself in. "I need to talk to you."
He closed the door and followed me.
I sat down on the couch, and he sat down beside me.
I looked him in the eye. "Look, Quil. When I called Jason, it was the wrong thing to do. In fact, going out with you was the wrong thing to do. I love you, Quil. I really do. But, you see, Natalie loves you too. I don't know if she does as much as I do, but I think she should be with you rather than me. Maybe it wasn't wrong for us to be together in other circumstances, but this is an issue that I can't just go on and ignore. I can't patch up her holes with Jason. She needs you. She wants you. And I know you've imprinted on me, and I know you can't imprint on her, but maybe you should…let me go. And I should let you go, too." I took his hand. "I can't be with you anymore, Quil. It doesn't matter anymore how much I love you." Tears were coming to my eyes now.
He pulled me in for a hug. "I'm sorry, Claire. It doesn't have to be like this. I love you. Only you. Not Natalie. I can't and I won't love her. Don't you understand? I love you, Claire. Don't do this."
"I have to." I whispered.
"No." he whispered back. "I won't let you. I won't let you go. I did once, and I don't want to do it again. I love you."
I gently pushed him away. "Goodnight, Quil."
He took my hand. "No, Claire."
"This isn't making it any better."
"Claire. It will be okay. You can be with me. She'll be okay."
"I know my sister better. And I know for a fact that she's not okay. I love you, Quil, but I can't keep having the guilt gnaw at me like this." I pulled my hand away, and for a moment I thought of going back to him.
I walked to the door.
I found Natalie when I opened it.
She looked into my eyes.
"Claire…"
I stared at her.
"No…Don't worry about me. I've caused you way too much trouble, and you two are meant to be together. This is all my fault. I've caused all the guiltiness, all the pain, the stress…and I'm tired of it, Claire. He's not mine. He's yours. I get Jason. I'm okay with that. You love each other. I can't take that away from you." She sighed. "I just thought that I needed to say that much. I'm sorry."
I looked at her. "Natalie…"
She stopped me from saying any more. "No, Claire."
She hugged me.
When she pulled away, she took my hand and led me to Quil.
She smiled at him. "I'm backing down." She said.
She made me sit down beside him, and he hugged me.
"I love you." He whispered.
I looked at Natalie, to see any signs of sadness on her face. There was none.
"I love you too." I said to Quil.