Mira is finally back home but she's still very weak. She still has the ugly bruises on her body and face. When we bought her home she still couldn't walk by herself.
Derek and I had to hold her arms as she limped her way into the house. I told her we could carry her up the stairs but she refused. She forced herself up the stairs, sucking in a sharp breath with each step she took.
My heart ripped apart as she stifled her pain. I could feel her pain and yet she refused to accept help. Everyone was solemn and quiet except Tori who was royally pissed off. Everyone was talking in hushed tones and whatnot.
But Mira, even though it's been a week since she came from the hospital, she's not speaking. She's always angry and bitter and only answers in one word answers.
I know she must be hurting because I can feel it. I mean, after the surgery to fix her ear, she's been upset and always angry.
She rarely comes down to eat and I have to carry her food and beg for her to eat. She only eats to please me but what I want for her is to talk about it. She hasn't said a word about the fight and no matter how much we beg and question, she glares and yells for us to leave it alone.
My dad and Lauren don't know what to do.
They can't force her either. My dad's not even sure if we should even go to the police because it attracts attention and we don't want the Cabals to find us either, which makes it that much harder to deal with this.
Mira doesn't want to even acknowledge it and everyone else wants to do something about it. I know Tori and my dad did confront Marisol.
Tori did all the yelling and cursing while Marisol's grandmother is trying to understand what happened. Dad tried to control his anger and explain but Marisol said she didn't know what happened.
She said that it must've happened after they dropped her off which is complete bullshit. I didn't go because I was afraid I was going to beat the crap out of her if I saw her.
Tori yelled at her to show the video and Marisol had blanched. Her grandmother wanted the fight to end and asked Marisol to give her the phone but Marisol refused and one of her friends took it and ran off.
Tori slapped Marisol and called her an ungrateful little slut. My dad had to drag Tori away.
Tori was still pissed and did everything in her power to find Marisol at school but Marisol hadn't gone to school. Dad forced us to go back and not breathe a word.
I put up a fight with my dad because I wouldn't even pay attention to the damn lunch if Mira was at home, by herself. The only reason I'm even going is because she said, "Please. For me."
Which was the longest words she said since she came home. Her voice was filled with pain and guilt and sorrow, I couldn't even say no. But I text her while I'm in school but she never answers.
She's withdrawn from everyone and me. Not even Jessie can rise her up. I'm sick with worry for Mira because she's not herself.
And when she looks at me, I see anger and pain and something else that resembles loss. I know she's suffering and her not talking to me makes me suffer.
I just want her to talk to me, so we can work this out. Her bottling up her emotions like this isn't healthy for her.
She's always angry and takes it out on anyone, including me and it hurts. She still has that ugly bruise on her left eye.
At night, she stays on her side and I sleep on the floor. I don't want to push her or make her even more pissed off.
I don't try to force her to kiss me or anything because I can tell she doesn't want me too. And I don't want to hurt her.
Sometimes, she wakes up screaming and I have to hold her as she lets her pain out in her screams. She clutches me like I'm her anchor and she's afraid of letting me go.
Once she calms down, I offer to stay with her in bed but she refuses and rolls back to bed. I sigh at her rejection.
Her rejection and refusal is killing me.
Today, I was on the floor, sleeping when I felt someone kiss me. I was drunk with sleep and I wasn't fully awake so I kissed whoever was kissing me back.
I woke up more when I feel the weight of a body against mine, grinding against me. I opened my eyes and pulled back and saw Mira.
Normally, I wouldn't have hesitated but the look in her eyes was not one I was used to seeing.
They didn't have the desire or lust or hunger or need I was used to seeing whenever we were intimate. There was hate and anger and pain.
"Mira," I croak out as I sit up but she doesn't listen to me. She kisses me again, gripping my hair and neck. The kiss was cruel and angry and forceful. This wasn't her at all.
"Mira," I murmur against her lips as I try to pull her off of me.
This is not turning me on. There's no love in this and I'm not having sex with her when like this. She doesn't speak, instead pulls me angrily to her and her grip is starting to hurt.
It's like another force is driving her to do this. I grab her shoulders and push her gently but forcefully away.
"Mira, stop." I say sternly. She acts like I didn't touch her and forces herself against me.
"Mira stop this." I say against her lips as I push her back. She just holds me and kisses me and its starting to piss me off.
"Mira, stop!" I say as I forcefully grab her arms and push her away from me.
That does it.
She stops and stares at me.
"What's going on with you?" I ask as I hold her away from me.
I see anger and pain in her eyes and I try not to flinch.
"I wanted you." She whispers.
I frown at her. When she wants me, I can feel it but I know she didn't want me.
"No, you didn't. You were angry and I think you're trying to force yourself to get rid of it with me."
She stays quiet.
"Mira, tell me what going on with you. You're not yourself." I ask.
She lets a few tears fall down and I don't think she notices. There's still that anger and hate in her eyes.
"Don't you want me?" She asks with a slight anger in her tone.
I do want her but not when she's like this. Angry and letting no one in.
"Mira, I do want you. But not like this. I want you to want me for me not to use me."
"You won't even touch me." She says angrily. "Am I that ugly now because of what happened?"
I sigh and cup her face. "No, you're beautiful. Look, I'm touching you."
"That's not what I meant!" She yells at me, clenching her fists.
I sigh. Of course I want to touch her but she's not herself and she'll only use me to get rid of her anger, not because she wants me.
"Not like this, Mira." I say.
I let go for her face and reach for her hands. She angrily pushes my hands away and gets up. I feel hurt that she's pushing me away again.
Did I just reject her?
I'm not even sure what the hell I just did right now.
"Mira," I sigh as I start to get up.
"Forget it." She says with a bitter tone.
"Don't do this." I say.
"Do what!? Kiss you!? Touch you!? You won't even look at me! I know I'm ugly!"
"Mira! You're not ugly. You're still beautiful. It's just..."
"Just what, Simon!?" She's shaking slightly with anger.
It's no use talking to her when she's like this.
"You know what!? Fuck it! Just fuck it! I'm done!" She angrily puts on her pajamas.
"Mira, you're overreacting."
She freezes and looks at me and I flinch at the grief and pain and loss in her eyes.
Ah, hell.
What the fuck did I just do?
"I'm overreacting?! You have no idea what I went through! I wanted to die!" She's crying now but I sense there's something else going on with her.
"I can't hear well in my ear! I have to wear glasses now! And I..." She stops and I know there's something else that's eating her.
"So don't tell me how I'm overreacting!" She spits at me with venom.
I stay quiet. I have no idea what she's going through but I can feel her pain like my own.
Tears fall down her cheeks and I want to wipe them away. I make a move towards her and she steps away from me.
"You don't know." She whispers as she clutches her hair and closes her eyes. "You don't know."
She sounds like someone who's lost something precious to her. But what?
"Mira, I'm sorry." And I am.
She looks at me and I gasp inwardly as I see something in her eyes. I see guilt and loss and regret.
"You can never know." She says as she sobs and runs out of the room.
I don't follow her.