FALLING INTO LOVE
By: T-Drift
Chapter 10
"Running through fields of yesterday,
Below the burning lights of our future dreams.
You make me wanna reach out,
Hold onto dreams of tomorrow
The amazingly huge audience in the auditorium sat in silence and awe at Sarah's voice as she played the piano. Tears threatened to stream down her face as she sang the song she had spent days and nights completing, specifically for this day, for Lars' memorial. She had struggled with it at first because she wanted it to be perfect, for Lars, and she didn't know what to say. Ultimately she had completed the song which was woven together from memories, feelings and secret thoughts.
I wanna see you again; tell me this is home.
I wanna run to you;
tell me this time it's been worth the wait.
She looked down at her belly where her baby was growing, her smile bittersweet.
One day, I'll tell you all about your amazing daddy and what he stood for.
She spoke to her baby in her heart, and she wished he was listening as she kept on singing.
'Cause when you love someone,
You never worry,
about yesterday, about tomorrow.
Your heart beats
not for yesterday
not for tomorrow
But for 'today'
The first thing she'd fallen in love with was Lars' deep view on life, because it had made her feel whole. It was the way he'd seize the day and make her feel like time had stopped, so she could catch up and absorb the amazing beauty of the world.
Sacrificing everything you held dear
You were determined
to teach me, to guide me
Never to lose faith
She turned her gaze back to the audience again, her eyes still filled with unshed tears. She spotted a few people she knew; Jin and Xiaoyu sat next to each other at the front row. Jin looked sad but smiled faintly when Sarah looked at him. Next to them sat Steve, Hwoarang, Asuka and Julia.
She noticed a few others at the other rows in the back but immediately spotted Frida Sara next to Jin, gazing back at Sarah while drying her tears with a napkin. The sight of Frida Sara in that particular moment brought a lump to Sarah's throat, so she looked away so she wouldn't burst out crying. She gazed up at the glass-roof mirroring the starry night-sky, staring down at her, clear and glimmering.
It's ironic how no matter where I turn, I'm reminded of you, Lars.
She closed her eyes and recalled how Lars one day had caught her off-guard singing by the piano, in the very same auditorium, praising her talent of vocals and how she would move the world with her voice.
You risked it all, to show me;
It was okay to cry
It was alright to laugh
That I wasn't living until I could dance
Like the whole world was watching
And I wouldn't have a care in the world
He had then surprised her with an amazing kiss she would never forget, and walked her back to her room later on.
'Varför döljer du en sådan talang som din?' [1]
'Lars, I… no, I don't sing, really; I just play around like that sometimes. Please, let this be our secret, I don't want to make a big deal out of it.'
'That's pretty sad, you know. With a voice like yours, you'd move the world, I'm sure of it.'
He had believed in her when she never did, and not in her wildest dreams would she ever have predicted standing infront of a big crowd, singing her heart out. And never that it would be for Lars' memorial.
You always believed in me. So these words are for you, Lars Alexandersson.
'Cause in my heart I hold
Every memory, your every laugh
Every smile and every tear
Every kiss, and your every touch
Her voice cracked the slightest bit, almost unnoticeable, at the end of the word "touch"; the memories she shared with Lars that now flooded her mind were too painful to think about. Because finally reality was beginning to sink in.
Lars Alexandersson wasn't coming back anymore.
Ever again.
You taught me 'how';
to love and live
Today.
Being with Lars had felt like coming home, safe from the cruelties of the worst side of the world. She had stepped back on solid ground and suddenly everything around her was clear and unique, beautiful and worth exploring. She had felt that there must definitely be a God up there, as Lars believed, watching over the beauty that was untouched by the evil created by mankind.
Rest in peace, sweetheart. I will always remember you, will always miss you, will always be praying for your kind soul.
Her voice quieted down as the tangents slowly but surely halted the music to an echoing silence. There were no applauses heard from anywhere in the auditorium, as if the world had stopped moving and people were caught up in a moment of grief too deep.
Sarah quickly wiped the tears away and stood up from the stool she had been sitting on, before walking up to the microphone located at the front of the stage.
"You will always be remembered. Rest in peace… Lars Erik Alexandersson." She said in a shaky voice, his name coming out in a choking voice from the lump in her throat. Her legs almost gave way, her unshed tears threatening to stream down her beautiful, yet sad face. But she stayed strong and forced herself to think of the baby as she gracefully walked over and descended the steps at the side of the stage.
She walked up to the empty seat next to Frida Sara, whom the latter had kept vacant just for Sarah. The brunette sat down and immediately a sobbing Frida held a hand to the girl's cheek and kissed the side of her forehead, whispering a heartfelt 'Thank you'.
Sarah responded by holding the woman's hand in hers and squeezing it gently, before looking her in the eyes, genuinely smiling.
Soon, the closest people to Lars walked up to the stage, one after the other, to give their personal speech in memory of him. The speeches ranged from funny memories, to moments in battle and practice. Even some of his older friends from his past university and sports clubs were present, sharing their stories of what Lars used to be like in his earlier years before graduation, and what his dreams and goals were back then; apparently he had earned an engineering degree in electronics, and had been really good at association football, and held a 10th Dan grade in Shorinjiryu karate. And just as Sarah had suspected, it turned out, Lars had been quite popular among the girls at his university.
Emotions lasted from silence to sobbing, to laughing out loud and longing in the moments of reminisce. And to Sarah, every memory someone shared with the audience was beautiful. They all told truthful tales about the man she very much loved, the warrior who changed her path for the better.
Your presence was always unmatched, and it will forever leave a void wherever you used to go.
Sarah had it arranged that she would sing three songs during the memorial; she would begin with her own song she had written, followed up by two other songs, not written by her but, songs that she could relate to. For her second performance she had chosen "My heart will go on".
Most of what the lyrics in the songs told had to do with the life they lived together, the memories they made together; many Lars had written about in the journal he had kept.
She'd found the journal on one of the many times she had snuck in through his window to be with him. He'd been asleep and the journal had looked so simple she'd almost mistaken it for any ordinary notebook and passed it by without a second glance. She still doesn't know why her curiosity got the best of her that night though, and she'd opened the first page reading the neat text that was written in Lars' hand.
On the first few pages, Lars had talked about Sarah the very first times they had met.
One entry in the journal had surprised her, not because of what was said in it, but because Lars had had such a strong impact from a specific memory they shared, when they were both still strangers to one another, bearers of untold secrets.
It was one late afternoon and Sarah had been by herself, sitting on a swing in the cold and lonely park, sad and depressed. Lars had spotted her from afar and had walked up to sit on another swing next to her. Reluctant at first, she had ultimately started to confide in him and unraveling her dark secrets, and how lost she was in this strange life she lived, her childhood and her past and how she struggled to live and move on.
Sarah had cried for the first time infront of him that afternoon, and his journal had said that her words of past and present had changed Lars' life, forever. He had written how after he had gotten to know her, he wanted to hold her and keep her safe. How he wanted to protect her from the tainted cruelties of the world and make the darkness go away. How he wanted to know more about what past had shaped who she was today, wanting to light her world, safe from everyone and everything that wanted to do her harm, "I'll make her smile again. And this time she won't lose faith," he had said at the end of an entry.
So she sang and reminisced that late September afternoon, the many starry night skies she had spent with him, and the life stream Lars had spoken of so many times. She remembered the promises and intimate moments they had shared. How fate had, just as Lars had told his mother, brought them together in a part of the world far away from their homes in Sweden. And it all flashed before her eyes in a single second, exhausting and weakening her.
What she liked the most about the whole memorial was the closure that Jin Kazama now held; Jin was playing the piano piece that Lars had cherished so much, and had written himself. It was to become the most emotional and beautiful part of the memorial, next to her first performance. It sent shivers down her spine.
Everything is still so surreal, so very strange. It's like I met you in another lifetime, in a dream.
Jin's piano closure was to be followed up by another, last song performed by Sarah, at her request. He nodded at Sarah and she got to her feet, but suddenly feeling a bit dizzy. Frida steadied her with her hands on Sarah's arm and the latter quickly regained her composure, smiling down at the woman as if to thank her.
Sarah had chosen a song that had helped her heal better when a terrible accident, responsible for her parents' deaths, had left a deep scar in her heart. She walked up to the piano and sat on the stool in silence for a while, thinking.
This is for you Lars, and for you Frida Sara.
May you find peace and comfort, wherever you go.
Then her fingers gracefully touched the tangents of the piano, and she performed "Angel" originally by Sarah McLachlan.
She was so entranced by the song that she was oblivious to the tears that slid down her cheeks as she pressed the piano tangents to emphasise her voice. Frida Sara rested her head on Jin's shoulder and cried in a silent manner, taking in Sarah's gentle and clear voice.
When it was over, Sarah walked up to the microphone, and surprised herself by speaking into it, saying, "Be safe, Lars... under the wings of angels."
She walked away, then stopped in her tracks and walked back, saying ever so gently, "I love you. For always." She saw how Xiaoyu burst out crying at her last words, the sudden, echoing sound earning her a few sad looks, and an embracing arm from Jin. Sarah walked up to the beautiful corner they had made for Lars, in the middle of the stage. The place was filled with letters and flowers, and pictures of Lars as a baby, toddler and teenager, grad student and officer.
One of the pictures portrayed Lars with his mother, in Sweden by a lake, in which they seemed to have the time of their life. Lars was around six years old and on the photo seeming to laugh his heart out next to his smiling mother, his blond hair glowing in the sun. Sarah placed a single rose next to that picture as it was her favourite among them all; it was innocent and pure, showing such happy, genuine feelings. She lit a candle and put both of her hands on her belly, staring down at a photo of him in his Tekken Force uniform.
I will never love another man like I've loved you. Never touch a man the way I've touched you. I will never kiss another man the way I loved to kiss you.
I'm going to give our baby all the love in the world. Teach him your courage, tell him to pursue his dreams and to live in the moment. I will teach him everything you gave me, and I'll tell him stories of his brave and wonderful daddy every single day.
I'll never forget you.
She said a silent prayer for his soul, before descending the steps once again. Xiaoyu had quickly gotten up to hug Sarah before she took a seat, voicing her condolences over and again; Sarah had thanked her and smiled, feeling comfort from her good friend. As the Chinese girl went back to her seat, Sarah took a seat next to Frida Sara, listening to the faint murmur of the people all around as she sighed.
Others could now walk up to the corner and place a flower, or light a candle and say a short prayer. Most people said their prayers in their hearts and left, some only placed a flower. Closer friends stayed a little longer and many lit candles.
Sarah was on the verge of spacing out again, her vision starting to blur from her sad heart as she semi-tripped into deep realms of mourning. But Jin's loud voice suddenly snapped her mind back to reality and startled her enough to make her jump in her seat, her shining eyes darting back and forth. Frida Sara tightly gripped Sarah's hand as she too now turned in Jin's direction.
"What?!" Jin had loudly snapped into his cell phone as he now stood up from his seat, earning himself a few onlookers from the nearby seats. Xiaoyu's eyes had widened, her face struck with an expression of worry at her fiancé's sudden outburst.
The Japanese male seemed to have spaced out as he stood there, still and not saying anything at all after the outburst. He looked at nothing in particular as he held his cell phone to his ear. After nearly an entire minute had passed, he said, "What kind of a sick joke is this? No, just stay right where you are. I'm on my way." He lowered his voice but spoke with haste and distress.
Jin pocketed his cell and turned to his right as he quickly gave Xiaoyu a kiss on her cheek, and whispered something in her ear which wasn't audible to anyone but his fiancée. He then quickly but quietly made his way past the crowd and out through the huge entrance in the back.
For all anybody knew, the call could've concerned issues within the military, or shipments or even stocks for that matter. But the way Jin had stood up in a split-second at his outburst, disturbing the peaceful memorial as it was coming to an end, pulled a tight knot in Sarah's gut.
What was that all about?
"Ms Alexandersson, what do you reckon?" The brunette asked the woman to her right, facing her with a worried voice.
"I'm sure it's nothing of interest to us. Let's see what Ling has to say about it." Frida Sara turned to her right and put a hand for support on the now empty seat, where Jin had sat mere moments ago, as she addressed Ling Xiaoyu.
"Ling, is everything okay? He seemed uncomfortable after that call." Xiaoyu then smiled and shrugged.
"Alexandersson-san, I have no idea. He told me not to worry, but that he would be busy for the remainder of the night and not to be disturbed." Xiaoyu's words had Frida Sara frown as the latter turned back around to face Sarah with a shrug of her shoulders.
"I do hope everything's okay." Sarah said worriedly, but Xiaoyu quickly followed up on an opinion.
"I'm sure it is, Sarah. Jin often gets calls from the Tekken military force so it could be that. But I wouldn't worry too much, hmm?" The Chinese female said as to comfort her close friend, and smiled.
"You're right, but I've never seen him so unstrung over a phone call, not to mention in public. That's mostly why I'm a bit worried." Sarah leaned back on the chair whereby Xiaoyu scooted over to sit where Jin had sat before her, so she would be closer to Sarah; Frida Sara was now sitting between the girls.
"Neither have I, but I'm sure he'll tell me about it tomorrow." Xiaoyu said matter-of-factly and observed the people that stood next to Lars' memorial corner a few feet away.
"Let's try and stay positive," Frida Sara added and smiled at the girls.
"You must be so tired Ms Alexandersson. Why don't we go back so you can rest?" Sarah could tell the Swedish woman was exhausted from lack of sleep.
"Yes, that sounds great. But only if you rest as well, it's only been a month since you left the infirmary. Not to mention the fact that you're pregnant, darling." Frida smiled and turned to look at the Chinese girl.
"Coming with us?" She asked Xiaoyu, but the latter shook her head in disagreement.
"I'm staying with Jules for a while; you guys go on ahead and get some rest. You look a mess, you know." Xiaoyu got to her feet and walked up to Sarah and embraced her again, and then embraced Frida Sara.
"Once again, my deepest condolences, to both of you. Lars will always be missed and remembered, and we're all here for you. Don't forget." She smiled and earned two smiles back from the women on the seats infront of her.
"Thank you darling, you're very kind." Frida Sara said with shining eyes.
"I'll catch you later Xiao, thanks again for everything." Sarah stood up.
"Mhm!" Xiaoyu raised her hand in a farewell motion as she smiled at them, and turned around to walk up to the others.
"Well then, shall we?" Sarah snuck her arm under Frida's and linked both their arms together.
"Let's go." They both made their way through the crowd and walked up to the back door to leave the auditorium.
"I'm curious, Sarah." They had reached the main building where Jin had both his office and his flat; he had insisted, since the war, on Sarah staying in that building since it was more heavily guarded than the dorm building she used to stay at before, which was where most of the tournament participants lived.
Frida Sara also stayed there until the arrangements for a house closer to Jin's base were settled and she could move in. This was the same building where Lars' flat was. It had been almost completely untouched since his passing away, and Sarah was now afraid to go there. Afraid to remember, to be reliving memories of love, joy and passion. Now that she was trying her best to heal and move on, going there only to miss him beyond words would only make it worse for her.
I don't know if I'm ready to go back in there yet, she thought as she and Frida Sara passed the guards outside the building and then the gates, away from the bitingly cold winds.
It's not that I want to forget him. No... I'm… frightened.
Yes.
To tear up those wounds again, wounds that I'm certain will never fully heal.
Not in this lifetime. Not ever.
On some nights, Jin would look for Sarah, to check up on her, and not find her at her room and get worried sick. But he would ultimately find her in Lars' room, on the bed, seeming to have cried herself to sleep. Sometimes he would even find her wearing Lars' shirts, albeit the big size, curled up in a foetal position on the bed, her arms embracing one of the pillows. Many times she couldn't remember she had ever walked over to Lars' room in the first place, much to Jin's suspicions of her possible sleepwalking from post-traumatic stress.
"Have you thought of any names for the baby?" The woman continued, smiling as she looked at Sarah when they walked up to the building entrance.
After three or four times of her tormenting herself over memories and mourning at Lars' place, Jin had forbidden anyone from entering there, and it had been sealed ever since. It was, he had said, for her own good. So she could heal, and at least attempt to move on with her life. But it had only frustrated Sarah even more, which had resulted in her being on the verge of breaking down completely, wanting to take her own life to end the infinite misery.
"You can't do this! At least when I'm there I feel like he's there with me, and I can breathe! We made a lot of memories together at his place, and some of his clothes still have his wonderful scent on them. It's as close as I'll ever be to Lars, ever again! And you want to take that away from me! You want to take that away from me!" She had screamed in his face the night Jin had officially sealed the place, pushing and punching at him with crying eyes, demanding the swipe card and pass code for Lars' room. Her high-pitched voice had frightened Jin, her last words stinging like poison in his veins.
However, Jin had not given in to her demands, no matter how much it had pained him. He trusted his instincts on the fact it would be better for her this way in the long run. He had ultimately succeeded in convincing her to see Dr Ryuzaki on a regular basis, to let everything out and deal with her feelings and her loss. Her friends had stood up for her and made sure she was well taken care of, and within a bare month she had felt she might have a chance of making it, after all. Because the strongest force to drive her forward had always been her unborn baby, who she loved above all else; the only part of Lars left alive except for his mother.
Preparing for the memorial gave her something to do that felt good; she felt useful, dealing yet again with her grief and sadness, which helped a tenfold more on top of what she had already accomplished at her meetings with Dr Ryuzaki. And now that the memorial was over and done with, she felt surprisingly calm, at least for the moment, and was grateful for her priceless friendships, especially when it came to Frida Sara Alexandersson.
"I have. Erik if it's a boy, and Fatime or Rose if it's a girl." Sarah said, smiling. Frida Sara seemed to beam at the mention of the name Erik, smiling back as she held Sarah's arm tighter in the chilly night.
"Fatime is a beautiful girl's name. I can relate to your choice for Erik, but what made you choose Fatime for a girl's name?" She said with enthusiasm.
"It's quite beautiful and unique, but I only chose it because Lars had told me he loved the name. He said he'd always fancied it because there was something elegant about it, something that made him smile every time he heard it. So when I was deciding on baby names, I remembered our conversation." Sarah said and walked, with Frida Sara still linking an arm to hers, up to the guards and ID-d herself and Frida. The guards let them in and Sarah let go of the woman's arm and faced her once they were inside.
"If it's a girl, I want her to have two names, and I want Rose to be the second. But I want to listen to what you have to say about it first." Frida Sara merely smiled as she reached to rub Sarah's arm with loving thought, before letting go.
"I'm happy with your choices, hun. They are all very nice names. Unique to say the least," she replied and nodded in agreement.
"Thank you. I couldn't make the choice without hearing you out first." Sarah started walking again, and the blonde Swede followed her into the long hallway. They remained quiet for the rest of the walk, the silence somehow soothing.
When they had reached Frida Sara's room, they hugged each other and bid a heartfelt goodnight. As Frida Sara closed the door behind her, Sarah sighed tiredly and continued walking toward her own bedroom.
The hallways were silent this time of night; soldiers only guarded the beginning and end of hallways, the intersections and every path in-between empty from life, the lavish red carpet and paintings hanging along the hall colouring the silence. Expensive lamps decorated the floor and ceiling, the halls semi-bright for the late hour.
As Sarah turned left on the intersection, she looked up and saw Jin hurriedly walking toward her. His suit seemed to be stained with something and his mind seemed to be elsewhere, absent from his surroundings. When Sarah realised the stains were red, she was alarmed.
"Jin! Did something happen?" She exclaimed in a worried tone, inwardly shivering at the sight infront of her. He seemed shocked at the sight of her, his eyes shining from what seemed like unshed tears, but she wasn't sure what to make of the abrupt situation.
"Is that blood? Jin, what happened?" She took a step closer to him, wanting to touch his face, but he backed away immediately, as if touching him would involve her in the situation. He looked down at his clothes before staring back at her, still with wide-open eyes, startled and alarmed.
"Sarah, what are you doing here?" His voice was uneasy, his tone telling her he didn't want her there.
That definitely looks like blood! It's smeared all over his suit!
"I… was on my way back to my room? Ms Alexandersson and I felt a bit tired so we decided to head back and go to bed." Sarah's eyes darted up and down as she eyed his blood-smeared suit, her eyes starting to feel hot from worry.
Jin turned to look behind him, at the far end of the hallway, and then quickly looked back at Sarah, his breathing pacing up and his voice worried.
"That's a good idea. Yes, you should get some rest. Go to bed, Sarah. Goodnight." He said and quickly walked past her without another word. This both startled and worried Sarah even more. She turned around and watched as he disappeared around the corner.
What on earth was that all about?
She was very tired, almost too tired to think about what the situation could be all about. But the image of his blood-smeared clothes was now etched in her memory and she couldn't get rid of the uneasy, eerie feeling. Her curiosity, once again, got the best of her as she stealthily walked up to the corner and peeked to her right.
Jin was repeatedly knocking on a door, pacing back and forth every other second as he ran a hand through his somewhat messy hair. His face was pale and he looked worried. Sarah drew her head back and stared at the wall opposite her, thinking, her breathing quickening with more worry.
After a moment had passed, her eyes widened the slightest bit, her forehead in a frown.
Isn't that Dr Ryuzaki's office?
Standing very still, she held her breath as she heard the door open, Dr Ryuzaki's voice speaking with surprise.
"Kazama-san! What happened to you? Is everything alright? Come inside, please."
"No, Ryuzaki-san. You're—I need-it's—please, we have to hurry, come with me, quickly!"
"Alright, alright. I presume I need to bring my med kit?"
"Yes, please hurry, we have to hurry, too much blood has been lost already."
Jin's worried voice frightened Sarah, and she dared not exhale, dared not move a muscle. The far door suddenly closed, and short, quick footsteps were heard, the sound getting louder by the second. Sarah panicked and knew she wouldn't make it to her room in time without being seen. So she quickly tried every door she saw in the hallway until she found an unlocked one. She literally bumped herself inside the room as she quietly, but quickly closed the door after her.
She absentmindedly noticed she had entered a storage room, feeling out of breath from the stressful situation.
What's happening out there?
A/n: The name Fatime and Rose were chosen partly because I've always liked them myself, much like Sara/Sarah. Most writers choose such common names in their stories, so with this story I sought to twist that regularity a bit.
Lars and Frida Sara: I chose for them to be a bit religious to be able to tie Lars' and Sarah's stories together; him being determined and content in life, certain of his reasons for living and existing in this world, while Sarah has been through too much downfall in her life to ever see the good things in life and why she should even exist in the first place. They were to start off as the opposite ends of the Earth's poles, to be woven into one central truth, each completing the missing pieces of the other with Lars saving Sarah in a way she never thought was possible. Seeing as how Lars is very heroic and humble and just in the game itself, it only made it easier to have him be religious in my story, and quite fitting in contrast to Sarah's chaotic life.
Lars' middle name Erik was my choice and is not copyrighted to anyone, to clear out any misunderstanding of it actually being his official name. I chose for Lars and Frida Sara to have second names because it's very common in Sweden to have at least two names. And I also needed to strengthen the tie Frida Sara had shared with her son, which is where Lars' second name played an important role, Erik also being the name of her late father. The name combination Lars Erik or Lars-Erik is also very common in Sweden.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
Thank you for all the wonderful and elaborate reviews that always put a smile on my face!
Translation
1 – Varför döljer du en sådan talang som din? – why are you hiding a talent such as yours?