AN - Thanks guys, here's the next chapter I hope you enjoy, points for figuring out the meaning of the title :P Lemme know what you think.

Chapter 9 – 584 million miles

Emily scanned her list. Checking it for the third time before she finally snapped her day planner shut and put the book in her purse. She liked her lists. She needed her lists. Her memory just wasn't what it used to be. Whether it was from her illness last year or the medication she took now, sometimes she just got into a bit of a fog. The lists kept everything in order. Everything on schedule. She liked that.

Today's schedule was busy, packed really. It was the tail end of August which meant that the societies and organisations that she had joined over the last year were starting to finalise plans for their Christmas events and fundraisers. She had three meetings today plus a hair appointment and the other errands she needed to run such as collecting Richard's tux. Richard had voiced his concern that she was doing too much, pushing herself too hard, that she was too busy. But she liked being busy, it meant she didn't have to think about everything that hurt so much. It especially helped now that Richard was away for work so much more. The house was too big for just her and whichever maid was hired this week. Having parties and functions to plan just eased all the other thoughts out of existence until night time came. If she didn't fill her day enough her brain wouldn't be tired and she wouldn't sleep. She had to completely exhaust herself to be able to sleep now. It had taken her a year to figure out how to function. She had to run or she would collapse under everything again, and she never ever wanted to feel like she had last Fall. Emily knew she was the type of person who needed a plan, a direction, something to focus on. She had always had Lorelai to distract her from the hurt of losing their other children. With Lorelai gone she had to focus on something else otherwise she would implode once more.

It helped that she was good at planning. She just had the knack for it. She had always had a good eye for colour and composition. The pickiness that Richard teased her over and Lorelai had always berated her for, was an absolute bonus as she could spot anything that might disrupt a perfect event. Her stubbornness at getting things her own way meant that she could negotiate with anyone. Every event she had been involved in in the past six months had been delivered on time, under budget and had been a huge success; raising far over the required financial target for whichever organisation they were hosting the event for. And so, because she was so good she was being invited to other clubs and societies, her circle was widening as people requested her assistance. It felt good to be wanted and needed. It felt good to have a purpose once more.

xXx

Emily set the coffee cup on the table as she dashed to get the phone, she was expecting a call from a supplier; a new florist who she was certain would be perfect not only for supplying her for the house but the many functions her various societies had planned over the holiday period. She wondered if she could get a deal on the poinsettia it would certainly look festive in any location, a nice bit of red Christmas cheer to liven up any room. Planning for Christmas in September would seem odd to most people, but being on the organising committee for 16 different events it was a necessity in order to get things locked in at the price she wanted and before anyone else got the stock instead of them.

"Gilmore Residence," she spoke clearly as she answered the phone. There was a pause. Emily held her breath, she knew that pause. It had happened on two occasions in the last six months.

"Mom… hello," Lorelai's strained voice broke the silence.

"Hello Lorelai," Emily tried to keep her voice measured. Lorelai had started to call them, the calls were horrible, awkward and painful where she and Richard had to think about every word they said and at the end Emily would find herself in tears when the excruciating minutes were over but it was contact and she didn't want it to stop. "How are you and Rory?"

"We're both…fine," Lorelai sounded like every word she spoke was a great effort.

"That is good," Emily pulled the chair out and sat down. This point in the conversation was usually when Lorelai handed the phone over to Rory. The baby could talk now, her high sweet voice was both the most magical thing and the most painful thing and she always found herself unable to stand properly when speaking to her granddaughter.

"So…it's Rory's birthday in a couple of weeks," Lorelai sighed heavily. "Mia thought you might like to come to her birthday tea."

Emily's throat seemed to close and she found herself unable to speak at the time when she needed to speak the most. She gripped the arm of the chair and counted the petals on the flower in front of her, trying to distract herself and get herself out of the panic.

"So do you want to come?" Lorelai asked impatiently.

"Yes," Emily managed to whisper.

"Fine," Lorelai sighed heavily; there was a pause before she finally spoke again. "Sunday the… 12th at 3pm at the Inn. I've got to go, I'll see you…I'll see you then."

Through her panic Emily could hear the soft voice of Mia in the background the moment before the line went dead saying something about the wrong date but it didn't register, all that mattered is they had the opportunity to see their daughter and granddaughter. For the first time in a year, they were actually going to see them. Emily put the phone down. Her planning for the Christmas parties suddenly seemed so insignificant, she had to get a birthday present for her granddaughter and she had no idea what Rory would like. Her chest seized once more and she closed her eyes trying not to give into the panic. She had to keep it together. She couldn't get this wrong. It was her chance to make things right she just couldn't get it wrong.

xXx

Emily glanced over her shoulder to the backseat of the car to where the presents had been carefully placed. She had been at a loss of what to buy for Rory having been separated for a year and had resorted to choosing what Lorelai had liked at that age. Emily had bought and returned fifteen different presents before finally settling on two books, a colouring set and a soft bodied doll similar to the one that Lorelai had carried with her everywhere as a small child. She was worried that Lorelai would think it was too much, that her daughter would get angry at her for buying too many things. That she would get angry over the perceived ostentatiousness of one of the books, with it's hard cover and gilding, when really Emily had chosen it because it was a compendium of fairy tales. She turned to look at the bag that contained the book in question.

"Emily," Richard said her name soothingly. "It will be alright?"

"But what if she…"

"Emily, it will be alright," Richard cut her off. "Just relax, you don't want to be agitated when you see Rory."

"No," Emily repositioned herself in her seat and got out her day planner and started to look at her list, it was soothing to focus on something else. She smiled slightly as Richard's hand came to rest on her knee. His presence was welcome; he calmed her, made her feel safe even though she knew he was as nervous as she was. They were nearly at the place where Lorelai worked, the Independence Inn, knowing her daughter she could see why her daughter had chosen this place. Her daughter had always had a love of symbolism and signs, a ridiculous interest in fate. Lorelai had chosen this place because of its name and what it represented to her. What had struck Emily was how close it was to Hartford, only 34 miles. Emily hadn't wanted to get her hopes up that that meant something. That even though Lorelai had run she had only ran a little way.

Richard turned the car into the driveway of the hotel and Emily tried to keep calm, trying not to succumb to her nerves that were jabbing at her chest. She didn't want to ruin it; she didn't want to let Richard down. She tried to focus on the building as Richard located a parking space, a large New England property, tasteful in its elegance. It was beautiful and tranquil. It seemed so unlike anywhere Lorelai would want to be. Lorelai usually loved things that were loud and frenetic, where a million things were happening often in bright flashing colours. This was somewhere that Emily could feel at home. Normally Lorelai shunned anything she liked.

She jumped slightly as Richard opened the door, caught in her musing she hadn't realised they had stopped. Her husband smiled kindly down at her and she unclipped her seatbelt and took his offered hand. He was already holding the bags of presents. Emily clenched her hands grateful for his hand that he had placed on her shoulder, his large hand tethering her to calm.

They entered the foyer and stood bewildered for a moment, the inn was busy, people going about their business, and nothing to indicate where a birthday party for a two year old might be held. Richard guided them over to the reception.

"Hello, yes," Richard greeted the staff member behind the desk. "We're here for the birthday tea for Rory Gilmore, could you direct us."

The woman behind the desk gave them a confused look and glanced at her colleague. "I'm sorry Sir, there isn't a birthday tea scheduled …that was last…"

"There is no party?" Richard interrupted the woman as he cast a nervous look at Emily. "Is Lorelai here, she…"

"Oh, are you Lorelai's visitors?" the woman face brightened with relief as she grabbed a note from the ledger, "she said she had someone popping in to see her. I'll see if I can track her down. Why don't you take a seat?" The woman gestured towards a couch in the middle of the foyer.

Emily allowed Richard to guide her to the couch and she sat down in bewilderment. There was no party? Lorelai had made it sound like there was to be a special function for Rory. She was certain she had said Rory's birthday tea, Sunday 12th. She wracked her brain trying to remember the conversation exactly, had she got it wrong? Had she misremembered? In her moment of panic had she screwed it all up and got the date wrong. She looked at Richard and he gave her a weak smile. "Did I get it wrong?"

"Lorelai is expecting us, perhaps it's a misunderstanding," Richard told her softly, his hand comfortingly stroking her arm. Emily slid closer to him, wishing they weren't in public so she could snuggle alongside him and he could wrap his arms around her.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity Lorelai appeared. She looked flustered and tense, her dark curly hair falling out of her ponytail. Emily's eyes instantly fell on the grey dress that she was wearing, a maid's uniform. Neither of them had ever asked what Lorelai did at the inn, but to see their bright and brilliant daughter wearing a maid's uniform was stunning and sobering. Emily blinked in shock, forcing herself to keep her mouth closed. She could feel Lorelai's eyes boring into her challenging her to say something. Instead Emily's eyes fell onto the child hiding behind Lorelai's skirt. Rory. Except she was too big to be Rory. Rory was a baby, this child was a little girl at the very edge of toddlerhood. She was just less than three feet tall and her hair was long, pulled into a ponytail. Emily's mouth fell open in surprise. She knew that Rory was two but somehow in her mind she had frozen Rory to the last moment she had seen her.

"Mom, Dad," Lorelai muttered tensely. "Sorry, we've got loads of maids out sick today, it's pretty hectic." She bent down and hauled Rory onto her hip. "Rory, this is your Grandma and Grandpa. We lived with them when you were a baby and you've spoken to them a few times on the phone." The little girl regarded them nervously and then buried her face into Lorelai's shoulder. "Hey there, why you shy butterfly?" Lorelai coaxed her daughter to look up with a shy giggle. "It's OK," she bounced the child. "Why don't we say hello, huh?" She crouched down, holding Rory tightly so that they were on a similar level to Richard and Emily. "Hello Grandpa," she waved childishly at Richard, "Hello Grandma. Come on kiddo your go."

"Hello Gampa, hello Ganma," Rory mumbled before burying her face into Lorelai's shoulder again.

Lorelai took a deep breath and cast a nervous yet challenging look at them.

"Hello Rory," Richard responded quietly.

The small child peeled her face away from Lorelai's shoulder and looked at him curiously, a glimmer of recognition passing across her delicate features. "Book," she finally whispered pointing to Richard.

"Yeah, your grandpa reads lots of books." Lorelai repositioned Rory, letting the child move closer to her parents.

"Hello Rory," Emily whispered, smiling softly, her smile widened as Rory gave a little delighted chortle. Suddenly the child was clambering out of Lorelai's grip and trying to climb onto the couch. Emily reached and lifted the child up. She settled Rory onto her lap and for a split second got to hold her granddaughter before Rory slid off her lap and wriggled into the gap between her and Richard. Emily tried to take a calming breath, her heart was pounding; her mind suddenly frazzled as it struggled to deal with the swift emotion change from confusion to joy.

"You bought her stuff then," Lorelai muttered pulling herself upright and regarding the bags with an annoyed look on her face.

"It's her birthday, we thought it was her party," Richard responded carefully as he gently took Rory's little hand into his. "We thought presents would be expected."

"Her party was last week," Lorelai fiddled with her apron self-consciously. "I figured this way it would be better, you know in case it was awkward," she looked at her shoes. "I'm sorry we don't have very long. I have to get back to work. Why don't you let her open them?"

Emily bent down and picked up the first of the bags. "Happy Birthday Rory."

"Me," Rory looked curiously at the bag. "What is?"

"Why don't you open it and find out," Emily smiled, her hand coming up to stroke Rory's satin soft cheek. She helped the little girl take the present out the bag and held it as Rory started to tear strips of the paper away slowly revealing the cloth doll inside.

"DOLLY!" Rory yelled excitedly pulling the doll out of the remains of the paper and cuddled it tightly.

Emily smiled in relief. "I'm glad you like it, you mother had one similar to this also." Rory stared at her blankly; Emily shook herself as she remembered the age of her audience and tried again. "Your Mommy had a doll like that." Pointing at Lorelai and then back at the doll.

Rory looked from the doll to her mother her smile widening. "Did?" Rory looked expectantly at her mother.

"Yep," Lorelai answered automatically. "What do you say?"

"Thank you," Rory mumbled cuddling the toy tightly.

Emily struggled to keep the smile on her face; she could see that Lorelai had no recollection of the doll and now as she thought about it she remembered that Lorelai had lost the doll apparently on purpose when she was four. "We have some more presents for you," Emily reached to get the second bag.

"Books," Rory grinned as she gauged the presents. She bounced excitedly reaching to grab the parcels and pulled them from Emily's hands so she could turn and dump them on Richard's lap. "Wead me please," she patted the still wrapped present. The small child stood suddenly and then flopped onto Emily's lap, all the while looking expectantly up at Richard.

Emily instinctively placed her arms around her granddaughter holding her close to her. It felt wonderful, even if it was a little unfamiliar with Rory being older. She still smelt like Rory, the faint smell of baby lotion, which Lorelai had once described as pink and now it was the only way Emily could think of it. The child in her lap was warm and heavy and real. She smiled as Rory gave an excited squeal as Richard revealed the first of her new books, the small child bouncing in excitement.

"I don't know if she had this. The lady in the store said it was popular with her age group," Emily looked across at Lorelai who was stood with her arms folded and appeared to be eating the inside of her cheeks.

"She doesn't have any books of her own," Lorelai looked at her feet and then away.

Emily could see the tears in her daughter's eyes. She braced herself. Lorelai was about to snap, and the last thing she wanted was to lose this moment they were having with their granddaughter. "Lorelai might we have some tea?" she found herself saying. Inside her warning bells were ringing and she cursed herself for saying it, it had sounded like she was asking her daughter to get them tea not how she had meant for Lorelai to sit with them and have a cup of tea.

Lorelai turned to look at her, any trace of upset was gone, and instead it was replaced with the reproachful anger that used to reside in those bright blue eyes when Lorelai had been at home. "We don't really have time for tea. I've got to get back to work."

"Oh, it doesn't matter," Emily nodded in understanding, trying to gloss over her mistake "Maybe we could stay and read with Rory for a little bit? We can stay right here." She asked hopefully.

Lorelai closed her eyes in frustration. Rory had picked up on the question and was nodding profusely. "Fine," Lorelai muttered with a forced smile. "Bubba, Mommy has to go finish the hotel room, I'll be back real soon Ok."

"Ok Mommy," Rory beamed, oblivious to the tension that was going on between her mother and grandmother and turned her attention back to the book on Richard's lap.

Lorelai pivoted and almost ran from them. Emily watched her go and cast a nervous look at Richard, it was all going wrong, yet at the same time it wasn't. They had Rory, for a few precious moments they had their granddaughter. She gave a sigh of happy relief as Rory rested her head back onto her shoulder. The toddler was clutching her new doll and smiling in delight as Richard read the story to her, her little legs kicking in happiness every time Richard did a silly voice. It was magical.

And then it was all over. Lorelai suddenly appeared, her face was blotchy and red and Emily could tell that she had spent the last fifteen minutes in tears.

"Mommy," Rory's face dropped and she scrambled off Emily's lap rushing to her mother. "Mommy."

"I'm Ok kiddo," Lorelai picked her daughter up holding her close. "Mommy stubbed her toe."

"Ouch!" Rory stated loudly.

"Yeah Ouch." Lorelai cuddled Rory close to her. "Say goodbye to your grandma and grandpa Rory, they need to go."

"Bye bye," Rory waved obediently.

"Bye Mom, bye Dad thanks for her gifts," Lorelai quickly scooped up the bags. As she straightened she looked like she was going to cry once more.

"You're welcome Lorelai," Richard stood watching her with concern. "If you need anything please let us know."

Lorelai scowled. "We don't need anything. We are fine by ourselves. Stop offering." She swung Rory onto her other hip. She shook slightly and Emily could see her repressing what would have once been an outburst. After a moment the eighteen year old gave a huffing sigh. "Bye."

Emily watched as Lorelai ran from them, this time taking Rory with her. She was grateful she was in a crowded room as it meant she was forced to put on a front. She was forced to smile and pretend that everything was Ok. Richard took her hand and she could tell he was shaking just as much as she was. They sat on the couch, stunned by what had just happened. Neither of them really sure what they were supposed to do now. Neither of them wanting to leave because they had finally managed to see their daughter and granddaughter after such a long time, right now they were still on the same premises and after so long apart they wanted to remain close for as long as they could.

Eventually Richard stood and pulled Emily to her feet, his arm falling protectively over her shoulder as he walked her to the car. They sat in silence. Until finally he broke the silence, turning to look at her, his eyes wide and tearful. "I shouldn't have asked her if she needed anything."

"It doesn't matter," Emily shook her head, "we got to see them. We got to see Rory. She's so beautiful."

"Yes," Richard smiled, "she really is."

"She let us see them Richard," Emily whispered with tearful hopefulness. "She's letting us back in."

xXx

Emily quickly closed the door to prevent the heat from leaching out of the warm house and rushed to the phone table, the new answerphone showed no messages and she sighed in disappointment. Hitching her shopping bags upwards she moved swiftly to the kitchen. The maid, a young woman named Collette who had so far managed to follow every instruction and thusly remained in her job for nearly a month looked up from the silver polishing.

"Is there any messages?" Emily asked hopefully.

"No Mrs Gilmore," The young woman smiled pleasantly. "The mail is here," she nodded towards the neatly stacked letters. "Do you need me to do anything with your bags?"

"Oh, Yes," Emily held out one of the bags. "There are two new shirts for Mr Gilmore, please launder them. Don't over starch," She handed the bag over and collected the mail, walking despondently back into the living room. She had been hoping Lorelai would call. She had been hoping Lorelai would call for six weeks.

They had heard nothing from their daughter since the visit to the inn. With the Holidays approaching Emily had been hopeful that they could arrange something, she suspected a visit to the house was too much but at the very least she wanted to see them and she was willing to go anywhere at any time, cancel her attendance at any of the 25 functions she had over the next few weeks to accommodate Lorelai. She just hadn't been able to get hold of her. Frustratingly they only had her work phone number and leaving a message with the front desk was proving fruitless. Thanksgiving was only two days away and it looked like they would be spending another holiday without the girls. She was bordering on desperate to see them for at least Christmas, now that she had had a glimpse of them she didn't want to let them go.

She looked at the phone and decided to try again. Taking a calming breath she dialled the number that was now burnt into her brain.

"Independence Inn, Mia speaking."

Emily froze, she had been expecting the normal chirpy receptionist, not the woman who had kept Lorelai from them.

"Hello, Independence Inn. May I help you?" the soft voice sounded again.

Emily swallowed and straightened herself up, presenting her front to the world "Hello yes, I would like to speak to Lorelai Gilmore."

There was a pause at the other end of the phone "Who may I ask is calling?"

"Her mother," Emily stated.

"Hello Emily," Mia greeted her properly. "If you bear with me I will transfer the call to my office and I will get her for you." There was a click and a buzzing sound and then the phone reconnected. "Hello Emily?"

"I'm here," Emily whispered, picking at her sleeve nervously. "May I speak with Lorelai?"

"Yes, let me get her for you," Mia's voice sounded nervous and kind. "Would you like to speak with Rory while I get her?"

"Rory is there?" Emily gasped in surprise. She hadn't anticipated Rory going to work with Lorelai, she had assumed there were childcare arrangements, someone who looked after Rory while Lorelai worked.

"Yes," Mia sounded hesitant. "She's helping me make snowflakes to decorate the Inn. Rory…" there was a scuffling noise at the end of the phone and then the sweet voice of her granddaughter sounded.

"Hello Rory," Emily smiled broadly, relaxing slightly. "How are you?" her smiled widened as Rory launched into a series of broken chatter, partly understandable partly childish gobbledegook. Emily played along; responding in what she thought was the most appropriate manner. After a couple of minutes she could hear Lorelai and Mia in the background and her smile faded. Lorelai was arguing not wanting to take the call, not wanting to see them and protesting that Rory was speaking to her. Her daughter didn't want to speak to her, didn't want to see her and surprisingly Mia was defending Emily and not Lorelai.

"Mommy, Nana Ssssshhhhh," Rory sounded.

Emily gasped, her mouth dropped open, her granddaughter called Mia, Nana. She struggled to calm her pounding heartrate as there was a rustling at the other end of the phone. Rory beginning to cry because the phone had been taken away from her, several deep breathes sounding through the airwaves

"Mom," Lorelai huffed at the other end of the phone. "Look it's really busy I don't know when I can get time off."

"We would like to see you," Emily whispered, trying to keep calm, she was failing, her legs were going weak and her chest was starting to hurt, her breath was sticking in her chest.

"The inn is really busy this time of year," Lorelai spoke breathily.

Emily could hear the crack in her voice; her daughter was just as upset as she was. Rory was screaming now, Mia was trying to soothe the child.

"Mom hang on,"

More rustling as Lorelai put down the phone to tend to her daughter. Mia and Lorelai's voices in the background, Emily tried to focus on what was being said, so that she didn't give in to her panic.

Finally Lorelai came back on "Mom, Mia said you can come the afternoon of the 23rd December, 3 o'clock. You don't need to get us anything, but I'm guessing you will anyway, Rory liked the books. I gotta go Mom, Rory is upset."

The phone went dead. Emily stared at the floor. Lorelai didn't want to see them. She was only contacting them because Mia, of all people, was making her. Rory called Mia Nana. The last five minutes swum in her mind, loss and confusion slamming into each other and tugging at the wall she had built in defence from losing her girls. She grabbed the notepad from the desk and ran upstairs. She could feel herself slipping; she wasn't sure what she was doing. She stopped at Rory's room and slumped onto the floor. She grabbed at the paper gripping it tightly, so tightly that the paper was cutting into her skin. She started to write, words flowing out of her, pages and pages of all the jumbled thoughts that were racing around in her head. The writing was calming, it soothed her just like Louise had told her last year. She missed Louise, they still occasionally spoke, but Emily knew that she was just a client to her. She was an obligation, just as she was to everyone. She started to cry. Sobbing in to the soft white carpet of the nursery that was no longer needed.

"Emily?"

She looked up at Richard surprised, it only felt like it had been five minutes, yet outside it was dark, she must have been laying there for hours.

"Come on now," Richard knelt beside her; he stared down at her pages of writing and frowned. "What happened?"

"Lorelai… doesn't want… us." Emily mumbled, speaking felt difficult, like her mouth was gummed up. "I…I…I'm slipping."

"No!" Richard seized her shoulders tightly, almost shaking her, there was fear in his eyes as well as anger. "You are not, I won't allow. Come on now Emily you've been doing so well. What happened? You spoke to Lorelai?"

"She doesn't want to…she doesn't want to see us." Emily whimpered.

"She said this to you?" Richard frowned still holding her by the shoulders.

Emily shook her head. "I heard. Mia is making her see us, on the 23rd."

"But we are still seeing her," Richard relaxed his grip slightly. "We are still seeing them. Oh Emily." He pulled her towards him and held her tenderly. "I know it's not what we want but we are still seeing them. A year ago she wouldn't even speak to us."

"I don't understand," Emily whimpered clutching at his shirt. "I don't know what we did."

"I don't either," Richard kissed her on her crown. "But we have come so far this year. It will get better Emily, I'm certain of it."