Amelia Chapter Nine

Day: 22 Week: 03

Niall, Zayn, and Rory were over at my apartment after school. I didn't want them there today, but I had allowed it because Niall pushed so hard. I had a bunch of homework to do, which involved practicing several instruments for a playing test, and also pages of theory and music history. I had tried to ignore them and work on the theory and music history while in their presence, but I found it too distracting. I supposed I needed to do it after they left.

"I haven't met Harry at all yet, Amy. I've met all of his friends except him." Rory commented offhandedly to me while I attempted to figure out how to make up for the lack of practice. A knot rose in my throat however, at the mention of Harry's name and suddenly all my attention was on Rory and what he was saying. I scrambled my brain to figure out something to say without sounding like our relationship had problems.

"Um, well he's been busy. He owns a record store so he doesn't have much free time, and not many employees who could cover for him, so it's tough." I said trying to sound nonchalant. I heard myself speak in a rather strained and clipped tone despite my attempts.

"So you guys are kind of distant you're saying?" Rory pressed.

"Have any food, Amy?" Niall yelled to me from the kitchen, interrupting my conversation.

"Yeah, just look in the fridge." I replied to Niall. Then I turned my attention to Rory. "yeah… I guess." I said hesitantly, questioning why he was even asking me this. I had half a mind to tell this Rory character to mind his own business, but I couldn't find the words. I wasn't a very forward and impolite person.

"When did he start distancing himself from you?" He asked. The way Rory phrased the question made me angry. It sounded as if we were having serious relationship problems, which we were in some ways, but it wasn't any of Rory's business.

"Excuse me?" Was all I could manage to say.

"You know, when did things grow distant?" Rory asked again, slightly rephrasing his question.

"I don't know." I said simply. My voice sounded stressed and hurt. Clearly I did not want to talk about this subject.

"Do you think it's because of his job, or something else?"

"I. DON'T. KNOW. OKAY? Can't you tell I don't want to talk about this?! You have a psychology degree and you can't tell that I am uncomfortable, or that this isn't a subject one talks about?! Not even my own friends badger me as much as you and this is like the fourth time I met you! Why don't you mind your own business?! Me and Harry are fine, we aren't having any problems!" I yelled, feeling my neck strain from the anger. I wanted to cry, but I held my tears. Rory just stayed silent, and gave me a calculating look.

There was an awkward silence in which I stood there, staring Rory down, and no one else said a word.

"I'm gonna go take a smoke." Zayn suddenly announced, heading for the door.

"You're smoking again?" I asked, surprised. Zayn had quit smoking years ago. I wondered when he picked back up on it. I certainly hadn't noticed.

"Yeah. Like three weeks ago. Just helps me deal." Zayn said simply, and walked out.

I wondered what Zayn could possibly be dealing with in his happy, perfect life with Perrie and their new puppy.

Day: 24 Week: 03

I woke up with a start, my heart pounding madly. A thin layer of sweat was covering my skin. I had just woken up from a terrible dream, already vague and forgotten with each passing second. All I had to hold on to was the fear, anxiety, and adrenaline that the dream left me with. All I knew was that something terrible had happened, like some sort of fatal accident. Nothing more.

"Shhh, babe, just a dream." Harry's voice soothed me. He lay right next to me, taking me in his arms and holding me, stroking my hair and tucking a few stray strands behind my ears.

"You're here again." I mumbled, half awake, half asleep.

"Yes." I just closed down. I'm here now." Harry said soothingly, comforting my erratic heart.

"Why haven't you texted or called?" I said, nudging my face against his neck, and pulling myself closer to him.

"Babe, my phone got dropped and broke. I have to get a new one."

"You haven't been to see me in so long. I missed you. I thought you didn't want me anymore." I mumbled once more. I wasn't completely aware of what I was saying; I just let the words flow from my lips.

"I know, I know. Trust me I missed you too. I just can never find the time. But I miss you. And I still love you. Every single day I'm away from you I think of you. It drives me crazy but until I can get more people to work for me, it's going to have to be like this for a while."

"Okay." I sighed.

"Okay. Go to bed now, you have school in the morning, love."

"M'kay." I mumbled, and immediately, my eyes fluttered closed. I lay down on the bed, bringing Harry with me. I was completely elated with the fact that he was here, and that he still loved me, but somewhere in the back of my mind I was still distraught at the situation. The last thing I heard Harry say before I fell asleep was that I looked good in his shirt.

Day: 25 Week: 03

I come home from school absolutely starving, as I woke up late that morning and forgot to pack myself some lunch. I opened my fridge, thinking idly that I should find those two lists Harry had once asked me out with, and scanned for food. The first thing I noticed was that my fridge was empty, and I dropped my head with an exhausted and defeated sigh. Time to go shopping.

I headed into my room and retrieved my wallet containing my mother's credit card that she had allowed me to use once I was in the study abroad program. She had paid my tuition and board in America, and all I needed was money to spend, which came in the form of her visa credit card. I remembered debating with her whether I should get a job in England or not, but then I thought I should focus on my musical studies than divide my attention between a job and school.

I then put my wallet in my purse and grabbed my keys and jacket on the way out the door. A chilly breeze greeted me once I was outside, and I hugged my jacket closer, buttoning it up. With my keys I unlocked my car, and got inside.

I haven't driven my car in a long time. Once I turned on the engine, an irrational feeling swept over me and for some reason I was scared. I wanted nothing more than to get out of the car and never drive it again.

"Stop, Amelia." I said to myself out loud. "Breathe. It's just a car; I've no reason to feel this way."

Once my mind had some control over those irrational feelings about my car I put it in drive. My stomach dropped and my hands began to shake. I began swallowing hard, and hyperventilating. I put the car in parking mode.

"It's just a car!" I said to myself once more, slapping my hands on the steering wheel. "Seriously what the hell."

I tried to take a deep breath, thinking that maybe I should just have someone else drive me, like Liam, but then I thought that was stupid when I could drive there perfectly sound. I really had no idea why I was feeling this way. It was completely frustrating.

"No. I am driving this fucking car. I am driving it all the way to the store. I will get my fucking food. And I will drive the fuck back." I said, completely angry with myself. I never cursed except in extremely frustrating and stressful situations. This was one.

I then tried a different approach. I decided to pretend that I had never driven before, and so I took things slow and step by step. First I put on my seat belt. Then, I adjusted my seat. Next, I checked all of my mirrors and so on.

"Okay. Now put the car into drive, keeping your foot on the brake." Harry said to me, with a calm and measured voice. It was spring. We were in a deserted dirt road, in the English country side. Lines of trees outlined the road, making almost a bridge over our heads. But I wasn't focused on that. I was focused on driving the car.

I did as Harry told me, and he replied with a "good." And let out a breath he was holding. It wasn't that I've never driven before, I had a little bit, but in New York City one never has much use for it considering the amount of transportation provided. Cars were slower, there. And in England everything was flipped, which became confusing. So I was re-learning, so to speak.

"Now carefully lift your foot off the brake, and place it carefully on the accelerator." He said.

I lifted my foot and placed it on the correct pedal, but I pushed a bit too hard on the accelerator and the car lurched forward with great speed. Harry let out a yell, and I yelled as well. I quickly took my foot off and slammed it on the brakes, lurching us and the car forward.

"SLOWLY, AMELIA!" Harry yelled, catching his breath.

"I'M SOOOORY! IT WAS MY FIRST TIME." I yelled back, frustrated with his impatience.

"Just-be careful." He said after a few seconds. "Okay try again."

I repeated the action, this time putting my foot so lightly on the accelerator that the car moved two miles an hour. I looked at him and smiled because I hadn't lurched the car, but Harry gave me an unamused look.

"Amy a turtle could beat us at this pace. Come on."

I pushed my foot harder on the accelerator, making the car jolt and go forty miles an hour. Surprised, I quickly jammed my foot on the brake, screaming in the process.

"AMELIA. SERIOUSLY?!" Harry scolded, completely frustrated with me.

"WHAT?! I'M SORRY I'M LEARNING OKAY?!" I said, taking my foot off the brake and onto the accelerator. This time the car went steadily forward at about forty miles an hour.

"YEAH BUT—AMY STAY ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE ROAD AMY."

"WHAT DOES IT MATTER THERE ARE NO CARS—"

"JUST LISTEN TO ME I AM TEACHING YOU GO TO THE LEFT SIDE—KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD DON'T LOOK AT ME!" Harry yelled in frustration, pointing heatedly at the road ahead.

Without thinking, I accidentally pushed my foot farther down on the accelerator making the car go faster than I had intended.

"SLOW DOWN YOU'RE GONNA LOSE CONTROL AND KILL US WOMAN!" Harry yelled

"I CAN'T DO THIS WITH YOU YELLING AT ME I GET NERVOUS AND I MESS UP HARRY SERIOUSLY!" I yelled in my defense, taking my hands off the steering wheel for a mere second in frustration.

"AMELIA HANDS ON THE WHEEL—SEE THIS IS WHY I YELL BECAUSE YOU'RE COMPLETELY FRUSTRATING TO WORK WITH YOU DON'T LISTEN—"

"IT'S KIND OF HARD WITH SOMEONE YELLING IN YOUR FACE!"

"I'M YELLING BECAUSE—what are you doing?" Harry suddenly asked.

I had stopped the car, put it in parking, and was taking off my seat belt.

"You're a complete ass and I hate you." I said spitefully while opening the car door and getting out. I was completely angry with him. I knew some of it was my fault, I could have done everything better, but I didn't want to admit it to him. I slammed the door and walked off, walking on the right side just to spite him.

I heard the car turn on and the engine get closer and closer to me but I looked away from the road and toward the trees that outlined it, crossing my arms for good measure.

"Come back in the car, Amelia." Harry said in a reasonable tone.

I ignored him. I heard Harry let out a grunt of frustration.

"Where do you think you're gonna go anyways?!" He said from inside the car.

"Home." I said, even though I knew home was hours away. Still I remained stubborn. "You're driving on the wrong side of the road, you know."

"Get back in the car and I'll go to the correct side then."

"No."

"Amelia, please. Love, you're being an idiot right now."

"No." I replied simply, watching the wind move the leaves over my head.

"Fine." Harry said, rolling up the window. I heard the car accelerate.

He wouldn't dare.

But he did. And I tried my hardest to look indifferent as the car drove away, growing smaller and smaller. Once the car was out of sight, I stopped, completely taken aback. He wouldn't dare leave me. He probably drove a mile and stopped, waiting for me to pass by and get back in the car in exhaustion. But I wouldn't do that. I would make him come back to me.

And so I sat down under a tree, my mind made up as to what I was going to do.

I waited hours. The sky had gotten from a bright blue, to a dull pink and purple. Shadows grew larger. A few cars had driven by, some even asked if I needed rides, but I turned them down. I passed the time climbing some trees by the road, exploring the country side that lay beyond them and singing songs to myself. Eventually it grew dark, and I began to doubt whether Harry would come back or not, or even if he stopped by a road. But I calmed my doubts. He's too much of a gentleman to leave his girlfriend in unfamiliar territory.

Headlights illuminated the road after fifteen or so minutes, and I smiled, because it was Harry's car. He stopped once he spotted me and lowered his window.

"You're a piece of work, you know that?" He said, his face showing relief. I suddenly felt bad, because he probably spent all that time hoping I didn't get kidnapped. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. Can you please get in the car so we can go home?"

I walked toward the car as an answer to his question, and got in on the passenger side and shut the door.

"You are so stubborn." He said, locking the doors. I laughed.

"You're a git."

Comforted by the memory, and calmed by the presence of Harry in my mind, I gathered the courage to drive to the store, get what I needed, and get home. Those feelings of fear of driving were still there, but I calmed them down by thinking of Harry, who was probably working in his store, thinking of me.