A/N Sorry for the long absence from this story. My muse kind of went away. I don't particuarlly care for the begining its kind of just filler to get the story going again but I think the end is better than the begininig it came out kind of the way I imagined it. As always thank you for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting.

There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child. Things never get back to the way they were.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

Jason Hayward slowly walked back towards the nurses' station. The sound of his shoes echoing wasn't enough to block out the hallow sounds that had managed to escape from the closed room. No amount of practice, no class in human behavior, could ever prepare him for what he had just done. He had delivered more bad news in his short time on earth than he cared to remember, but nothing had been as hard as the news he had just given that small family, the one that was now one person smaller.

The doctor that had been tasked with saving Rosaline Jareau's life had offered to take the burden from Jason's shoulders, Dr. Frizzel had argued she was his patient that early morning, it was his job to make notification. For his part Jason couldn't let his friends hear this from an unfamiliar face, they needed someone they could trust.

Nothing had prepared Jason for the visceral response that came from the Jareau family. He didn't know whose response cut him the deepest. Michaels hate filled eyes as the two men's eyes met. David's accusing words that they hadn't tried hard enough. Sandy's grief filled screams, her pleas to tell the truth, insisting her baby couldn't be gone. Or the lost look in Jennifer's deep blue eyes. Jason could have blamed the empty look in the eleven year olds eyes on the drugs they had given her, but he knew it came from the pain only such a horrific loss could convey.

"Doctor?" A soft hand rested on the man's shoulder. The nurse had heard the screams, the cries, and their insistence that it was a mistake. Her heart had broken for the family who had just learned their daughter had successfully taken her own life. Seeing this small country doctor, his face a ghostly shade of white, his dark brown eyes barely holding back the water that threatened to break down his defenses.

"I delivered that little girl, all three of them actually. Rosaline was the easiest child I had ever delivered. She came on her due date, how often does that actually happen? She barely cried, the moment I placed her in Sandy's arms the little girl just quieted right down. David was loud, my God was that boy loud. And Jennifer well that child has never stopped moving since the day she was born." Jason leaned against the cold hospital wall, his own grief finally taking over. Rosaline was like a daughter to him, she was as much a part of his family as his own blood was. "Roz was always the quite one, the one I never had to worry about. She was just in my office in September, how could I have not seen she was hurting?"

"I'm so sorry." They were the only words the young nurse could come up with. Oh, she could give him all the statistics on suicide, how good people in that much pain were at hiding their pain. He didn't need those words right now, there were no words that could stop the pain he and that family was feeling. All anyone could do is let them grieve.

Brrriinnng….the school bell rang through the halls as the high schoolers scrambled to get to class on time. Rebecca Smythe looked at her best friend's empty desk, it wasn't like Roz to be running late to class, especially not today.

"Jackie…Jackie…" Becky tapped on their other friends shoulder, waiting for the dark haired girl to turn around, "Where's Roz?"

Jackie shrugged, "I don't know…" Before the teenager could say anything else she was interrupted.

"Oh you dweebs didn't hear?" Renee Simpson stood over the two friends her hand resting on her hip, her stance trying to show just how superior she was to her classmates. Becky rolled her eyes, still years later unable to believe that they had all once been friends. Rosaline and Renee had been friends until their Freshman year, both had joined the cheerleading squad together, no one knew what happened but something had torn the two apart.

"What do you want Simpson?" Jackie asked, not sure she wanted to hear anything that came from Renee's lying mouth. "More lies to spread about Roz? Why can't you just back off?"

Renee just laughed at the girls, "Oh, I think you girls want to hear this. Your precious Rosaline Jareau, you know the one who can do no wrong? She's not quite as perfect as you think."

"What the hell are you talking about Renee?" Becky was getting tired of Renee and her superior attitude.

"You really didn't hear? I would think you guys would know before anyone else." Renee realized the two friends were really clueless as to the events that had taken place that morning, she almost felt bad for being the one to tell them about their friend. "Rosaline slit her wrists this morning, she tried to kill herself." Renee's stance softened, not wanting people to think she may actually be enjoying that her former friend had tried to kill herself, although she was enjoying that Rosaline Jareau wasn't as perfect as everyone thought she was.

Becky's jaw dropped, she couldn't believe what she was hearing, "You're lying….Roz wouldn't….take it back Renee."

"Sorry girls, even I'm not sick enough to make something like this up."

Jackie stood from her seat approaching the blonde cheerleader, "Everyone knows you're a liar Simpson, and we all know you've done everything you can to hurt Rosaline. Why don't you drop the fake sympathy and stop with all the lies." Jackie wasn't afraid of the likes of Renee Simpson, she had never felt the need to 'worship' at the girls feet like most of the student population did, it was probably what had made her and Roz such good friends. The hierarchy of high school meant nothing to her, she could careless who the queen bee was.

"Ms. Simpson, Ms. Camp I suggest you both take your seats." Mrs. Reed, the girls' homeroom/math teacher entered the room. She stood at the front waiting as the two girls stared each other down for a moment before reluctantly taking their seats.

"Mrs. Reed?" Jason Stewart talked without raising his hand. "Is it true about Rosaline Jareau?" Jason almost didn't want the answer, he still loved Rosaline and was regretting how things ended between them.

Mrs. Reed looked into twenty nine sets of concerned eyes. There were sixty people in the senior class and she was tasked with telling half of them about their friend and classmate. Mrs. Reed had grown up in Los Angeles, California. Moving to East Alleghany had been a culture shock, there were more people on her college campus than lived in this small town, now after living here for ten years she felt like she was part of their family. "At this time we don't know all the details about what happened this morning." The older teacher started, "The school was notified this morning that Rosaline Jareau had been rushed to the hospital this morning along with her younger sister, Jennifer. At this time we don't know either girls' condition or what exactly happened. We had a staff meeting before classes this morning, and I promise each of you that as soon as the school knows anything we'll let you know." Mrs. Reed turned and wrote one the blackboard, "Look guys, I know this is difficult for everyone, whether you were friends with Rosaline or not, you all grew up together. Why don't you guys break into groups and work on tonight's homework."

Mrs. Reed had never seen a group of seniors comply so easily, they were all in various stages of shock hearing about the girl whose seat sat empty in the middle of their classroom. The teacher sat back and tried to tune out their conversations, knowing they weren't talking about Math assignment.

"Attention Students and Faculty…" Mrs. Reed looked down at her watch as Principle Camden's voice came over the loud speaker, it was almost nine thirty, they had been in class almost an hour, surely this was news on Rosaline Jareau's condition.

"As I'm sure everyone has heard already one of our students was rushed to the hospital early this morning. I've just gotten off the phone with Chief Steven Jackson of the East Alleghany PD. I'm going to be straight with you guys, you are all young adults and deserve to know the truth.

"At approximately five o'clock this morning there was a 911 call from the Jareau family. Michael Jareau had called to report Rosaline Jareau had been found in the family bathroom her wrists had been cut."

"No…." Becky gasped as she instinctually grabbed Jackie's hand. She felt someone's hand rest on her shoulder, offering comfort the girl may have declined if she knew who the recipient was.

"Rosaline was rushed to Alleghany County Hospital in North Mammon." The voice over the loud speaker paused for a moment, the principle barely able to continue. "It is with deep sadness I must tell you, at seven forty five this morning Rosaline Jareau succumbed to her injuries."

Mrs. Reed had known when the principle came over the loud speaker it wasn't good news, she could hear the pain in his voice. Despite her mind telling her what he was going to say, she wasn't ready for the words. She couldn't hold the tears in any more than the students in her class could.

Sandy Jareau laid next to her youngest child, slowly running her fingers through Jennifer's blonde hair. The eleven year old cried herself to sleep in her mother's arms. Sandy felt empty inside, still not able to accept her daughter was gone.

"Sandy…" Michael rested his hand on the broken woman's shoulder, he was worried about his wife. She had broken down when Dr. Hayward had told them Rosaline was gone, but now she seem withdrawn, oblivious to the world outside of the blonde girl curled into her arms. "Sandy, Pastor Jerry's here."

Sandy pulled Jennifer closer to her body, not willing to let the small child go, "Jennifer doesn't need prayer's Michael. The doctors say she's fine."

Michael felt the knot in his throat, he wanted to scream to cry to lose it the way he allowed his wife to. "Baby, Jerry's not here about JJ. Babe we need to talk with Jerry and the doctors about Rosaline." Michael fought to keep his composure, to be strong for his wife and children.

At the mention of her daughter's name Sandy felt the pain in her heart grow exponentially. "I can't…I can't…Jennifer needs me." Sandy cried.

"Sandy… I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry but we need to do this." Michael wanted to crawl in the bed with his wife and daughter. He was the man of the family, it was his job to be strong to help them get past this. "Come on Sandy we need to talk with the doctor's."

"NO!" Sandy screamed at him, she wasn't ready for any of this. The way her heart was breaking she knew, a mother knew when her child was in pain. Her heart knew Rosaline was gone, but her mind was fighting the grief, was fighting the truth. She had allowed her mind to convince her that it was a lie that Rosaline was in surgery, that her middle child was still alive.

"Mommy," JJ cried as the eleven year old stirred slightly.

"Shhh…its ok baby, Mommy's got you." Sandy whispered in the child ear as she rubbed her back.

"Mom," David approached the bed. "Mom, please go with Dad." David was a father, he could only imagine the pain his parents were feeling. As an older brother David was angry and hurt. He had lost his baby sister, but worse than that is that she had taken her own life and he hadn't been able to help her. He couldn't only imagine how his parents were feeling. David knew his mom would regret later if she didn't do this. "Mom, Rosaline needs you. I'll stay with JJ."

Sandy allowed Michael to guide her out of JJ's room and down the hall to the family waiting room where Dr. Hayward and Pastor Jerry were waiting.

"Sandy, Michael, I can't tell you how sorry I am." Jerry pulled his long time parishioners into his large arms, holding the grieving parents, allowing them both a moment to break down.

"I want to see her." Sandy stated simply, leaving no room for debate. Michael looked at his wife, not sure if seeing their daughter was the best way to deal with her death.

"Of course," Jason quickly agreed, he knew everyone delt with loss differently, for many parents seeing their child was the first step at going through the grieving process.

It was dark…too dark. Rosaline moved her head from side to side hoping her eyes would adjust to the darkness. She reached a hand out trying to find a wall, something to help her feel more oriented. The seventeen year old couldn't describe what she was feeling, she just knew something didn't feel right.

"Hello? Is someone there?" She called out her voice giving away the fear she was feeling. "Mom? Dad? David? JJ?" Rosaline wanted her family, needed them to be there.

Just as suddenly as the darkness had consumed her there a dim light that illuminated a long hallway. She had heard stories before of people who walked toward this light. There had been so many accounts of people who nearly died, they had gone towards the light only to be pulled back at the last moment, turning away from what laid on the other side. With more trepidation that she realized she was feeling she made her way down the dimly lit hallway.

"Come on Sandy….one more push sweetie…" Rosaline stopped in her tracks at the sound of her father's voice. She looked around trying to find where the voice was coming from. "Daddy?" her voiced echoed off the walls, no comforting response coming.

"You did it baby." Michael's voice started again, this time a picture appeared on the wall next to Rosaline. The young girl watched as her father placed the baby wrapped in pink blankets in her mother's waiting arms. "Our daughter is perfect." Michael gushed over his newest child.

"Rosaline…Rosaline is perfect." Sandy's much younger voice spoke. Michael smiled down at her, "My Grandmother would be very proud to hear you named our daughter after her. Thank you." Michael whispered as he placed a soft kiss on the baby's forehead, "Welcome to the worlds Rosaline."

The picture went dark, the voices faded away. Rosaline looked around not sure what had just happened, how had she been able to see her first moments, she didn't understand what was happening. She slammed her brown eyes shut, counting to ten before opening them again. "It's just a dream." She told herself, knowing this was no dream.

The light was just a bit brighter when she allowed her eyes to flutter open. She had hoped when she opened her eyes again she would be home again, that she would be in her own bed, not in this dark and lonely hallway. She looked down at the light, pondering what all this meant. If she was here, maybe that meant she still had a choice, maybe if she turned around she could go back to her life.

Rosaline wasn't ready to find out what was on the other side of that bright light, she didn't want to know what happened when you took your own life. She wasn't going to find out, she was going back to her life. The Jareau stubbornness still evident even in this dark place, Rosaline quickly turned away from the light, ready to run back through the hallway. She turned to run away only to be met with a wall that wasn't there before, there was nowhere else to go but forward.

"Michael….Michael look." Sandy hissed at her husband not wanting either of them to miss this. Michael looked down at the ten month old baby. Michael held his breath as the overall clad child lifted her chubby hand off the couch, smiling as she stood on her own, surprised that her butt hadn't hit the ground. "You can do it Rozie! Come to Mama baby." Sandy gently called out to the child. Rosaline looked up at her Mama, her dark brown eyes showing nothing but trust as she stuck a foot out, putting it down on the ground with a giggle. Sandy and Michael looked at one another with pure joy as the baby took one step after another, her laughter filling the room.

The memory that was locked in Rosaline's mind disappeared, the teenager wiping a tear from her eyes. Why do we forget these memories, she wondered to herself, wishing she had remembered these moments just a few hours before.

The light grew with each step forward Rosaline was forced to take, with each step came a new memory, a new moment in life she had long forgotten. Blowing bubbles in the backyard with David, Easter Egg hunts at the park every spring. Laying in David's bed on Christmas eve both trying, in vain, to stay awake for Santa Claus, only to be surprised by the presents they found Christmas morning. She saw the red polka dotted dress she wore on her first day of kindergarten, it had been her favorite dress that year, having gotten it from her Aunt Kelly for her birthday.

She could feel the warmth in her arms when she saw the moment her parents put her baby sister in her arms. Soft music played as she remembered her first piano recital. All of life's moments passed by her all over again, allowing her to once again feel the love that she had grown up with.

As her life caught up to those last few months, the months that seemed to be filled with darkness and pain; the light became so bright….too bright to see those moments all over again. The last thing her eyes saw before being consumed by the light was the pain in her mother's eyes as she held her daughter on that cold bathroom floor, telling her daughter how much she loved her.

Rosaline had grown up going to church, she remembered the day she prayed the prayer in youth group. She remembered the moment when her parent's faith became her own faith, the moment that she believed in salvation through Jesus Christ. She had known from an early age what came after death that she would go to heaven. As she moved from the dark hallway into the bright light she wondered if her suicide would change that. Could her salvation be taken away by a selfish decision? Her heart was filled with fear, she knew any moment she would learn the answer to that question.

The darkness was gone, she was completely surrounded by light, the light was so bright she had to close her eyes, and even with her eyes closed there was nothing by light. A dark figure approached the seventeen year old, who would never see her eighteenth birthday, who would never know the joy of holding her own child. Rosaline knew this was the moment her life was ending, and this figure was there to take her to whatever came next.

The dark figure approached, his face slowly coming in to focus, His hand reached out beckoning her to join him. She reached her soft hand out this his calloused one, allowing him to guide her through her last journey. She knew where she was going, she knew in that moment that her faith had carried her through to this moment.

She would be reunited with her Grandmother Rosaline, she would see her Uncle Tom who died in Vietnam. She would spend eternity with the people who had gone before her. In the moment before she accepted her fate, she was forced to deal with the final consequences of her actions. Rosaline was forced to hear her mother's screams, she saw her mother clinging to her body begging her daughter to come back. Rosaline saw the tears the streaked her father's face, the man she had never seen cry broke down right in front of her. Rosaline saw and felt the pain that her family was forced to live with in the aftermath of her death, and in that moment despite the assurance of what came next she regretted everything, she would have given anything in that moment to take away her family's pain, to stop her mother's tears and to give her baby sister back her innocence.

Sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. Sometimes you do everything right, everything exactly right, and still you feel like you failed. Did it need to end that way? Could something have been done to prevent the tragedy in the first place? ...Sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. Sometimes, the day just...ends. - Aaron Hotchner