Chapter 10 – Crazy Things We Do

Though time was often my enemy throughout the timelines, inching along slowly and prolonging the suffering as much as it could… it was passing much too fast in this one. From our earlier example, the other boss monsters gathered began to prepare themselves for the battle to come whether it was through training their abilities or simply conversing with each other; sharing stories, providing comfort, distributing items… Asgore eventually showed up with tea, completely unconcerned about what was to come. When asked, he said it himself: 'Just think of it like going to the dentist.'

Papyrus… when I'd shown him the blasters, he seemed to have gotten even more worried about me. Everywhere I went after that, he stayed by my side. He told me funny stories (even though I felt like I'd heard them before), made spaghetti (though I don't know from where; maybe Asgore had a kitchen), and even made some terrible puns and jokes (though they were taken from things I'd said in the past, it was the thought that counted). He was desperately trying to cheer me up in any way he could. Though I appreciated it, I… just felt guiltier. The last thing I wanted was for Papyrus to worry about me. I just wanted him to be his happy usual self.

…But as good as times were, they wouldn't last. It was Papyrus who first noticed the human standing at the end of the hallway, frustration painting their features. From what I did know, I guessed that they had probably reset a good number of times before reaching here though I couldn't really tell if they had. But that expression… told me all I needed to know. They weren't getting their way and it was upsetting them. Though everything seemed to have gone according to plan: the human had no LOVE that I could see. But something still seemed off as we gathered together in the middle of the hallway, myself taking the lead.

They stopped a distance from us, before an all too familiar grin spread across their face. They lifted their head, brown bangs receding to reveal familiar red eyes and rosy cheeks. In front of them, their soul materialized: A bright red upright heart. "You're all fools." They said simply, raising their soul in front of them with one hand: a malevolent aura spreading through the room as a dark shroud surrounded it. I did my best not to allow my shock to show as their LOVE skyrocketed back to levels high enough to indicate an entire sweep of the Underground. "I don't have to KILL you all to have LOVE. After all, I am a being made ENTIRELY of LOVE!" They let out a cackle that echoed off of the walls of the hallway.

Some of the gathered boss monsters seemed unnerved by this revelation, but if we were going to win we had to stay strong. "don't give up, guys. we just have to outlast the kid." I called out to the others desperately. "NYEH HEH HEH! WE'LL NEVER GIVE UP!" "Y-Yeah! We can d-do it!" "YYEEEAAAAAAAH! I don't lose to runts like YOU!" "Darling, you're going to have to do miles better than that to beat my glamour." "I think it is about time that you took a time out." The rallying cry of the gathered monsters was louder, morale raising dramatically as we rose in support of each other and all of the other monsters. I swore I could almost hear the monsters in the city shouting out their support, as Mettaton must have been broadcasting it through MTT.

"That's ironic, coming from you Sans. After all, you were the first to give up. How did it feel: watching all of your friends die? Your brother? Yourself? All those times you stood by and did nothing until it was TOO LATE." The human mocked me, a gleeful giggle emerging as they drew their knife. I cringed as the memory surfaced of the pain in my soul as I held Papyrus' dusty scarf after simply standing by and watching it happen. I felt the suffering, the anger, and finally the apathy of many of timelines of death. But I wouldn't let the human have that satisfaction. "you're right. i did give up. but i'm not letting myself drag everybody else down any longer. i'm not standing by to let you kill anybody any longer." I responded, blue magic burning in my eye as my soul responded to the human's challenge. It appeared as a pale blue inverted heart, cracked and sickly from the burden I had taken on of the fate of all timelines. There was a pained gasp from the others as they saw it, and I nodded sadly in response. Unfortunately, there would always be consequences for my actions as well.

The others followed suit, readying their weapons as their souls surfaced. The hallway was almost lit up with colors with the brightness of our combined souls. There was orange, yellow, green, light blue, and even purple as a steady glow from the gathered group. Together, we were the monsters who held the fate of the Underground in our hands. And we weren't letting go. "one." I called out, dual blasters appearing behind me and charging as the others send out a flurry of their own attacks. The human's smile didn't drop once as they rapidly dodged the incoming attacks. Not even when they were struck by numerous bones, flames, and spears leaving a bloody mess behind. Their soul shuddered before shattering to pieces. Before we could celebrate, everything went dark and I felt like I was falling….

The human appeared at the end of the hallway, walking straight up to us as we formed up in the middle of the hallway. Their smile seemed a little more irritated than usual as they approached, stopping a distance before us. "hmm. that's the expression of someone who's died once. guess it's time for round two." I announced after carefully examining the face that glared menacingly back. There was a pang as a surge of sad memories surfaced at their expression, triggered from our last encounter. "Have you forgotten? I can do this forever. Eventually, I'll memorize every single action you make. This doesn't change anything." They smirked smugly as their gaze swept our group. My grin widened as they obviously hadn't caught onto my plan. "fairly sure i warned you the last time. oops, guess that was a few times ago." I shrugged, turning my best shit-eating grin on them. Rage lit up their red eyes as their soul appeared with a cloudy black veil; LOVE causing the atmosphere to shift for the worse with the simple action.

…But we were just as DETERMINED. The boss monsters steeled themselves in the face of the human's adversity, weapons and magic at the ready as they waited for my call. All it took was one step. "two." I could almost physically feel as the amount of monster magic rose dramatically in the room, a warmth washing over me as attacks sailed toward the human. My eye lit up blue as I added my own to the mix, holding the human down. Their eyes widened with an unusual shock as they seemed to see their life flash before their eyes, soul shuddering desperately to move as bones, lasers, spears, and flames travelled closer and closer. My grin widened sadistically, filled with a vengeance as I watched them struggle. They deserved this for every time they killed my brother, and I desperately hoped I'd remember this for the next times. "No… NO! NO! NONONONO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! THIS ISN'T FAIR!" They screeched as each attack struck home, abruptly cutting them off. All that remained was a scorched patch on the ground and a shuddering red soul, shattering to pieces. The victorious shouts of the boss monsters gathered was cut off just as abruptly as vertigo pressed on my skull and everything went dark.

I heard footsteps, only to see the human rushing down the hallway with a crazed murder in their sadistic red eyes as they held a knife out above their head. As they neared, their soul seemed to cloak itself in a dark shadow; tainting its bright red into a dark murky mess. I cringed, memories surfacing at the sight before I shook my head to regain my bearings. "four. FOUR!" I shouted desperately to the monsters as they rushed towards the human as soon as they recognized what was going on.

"Care to assist, Alphys?" I heard Mettaton NEO ask confidently, to which Alphys responded with a quick "Y-Yes." There was a click as ranged artillery and weapons deployed from seemingly every spot on Mettaton NEO's body and Alphys quickly responded; using her magic to supplement his. When I realized what they were doing, I quickly summoned bones to halt the human's progress; the others keying in with my actions and reacting similarly. A buzz of energy filled the room as Mettaton NEO charged to capacity. "Y-You're at the max, Mettaton! Hurry!" Alphys called over the sound, a concerned glance as she saw the human nearing us. "Oh, yes! Time to be destroyed in style, human! You should be thanking me!" And with that, there was a deafening sound as each weapon fired at once; the shock sending us all flying as the weapons travelled to their mark. When we could see again; the spot where the human had been was destroyed… along with a large area around that section of wall. Fortunately, none of the monsters had been caught in the blast. When the smoke cleared, the human's soul became visible: shuddering in its last moments before it shattered completely. When it went dark again, I thought it may have been the power going out… but was quickly proven wrong when I felt myself falling.

The human appeared at the end of the hallway. I immediately went on guard as something was off; their movements were different and they lacked the menacing aura I usually associated with them. "EVERYBODY! THE HUMAN!" With a few footsteps, everybody had gathered at my side, prepared for what might happen. "I don't want to do this…" Red eyes and rosy cheeks appeared sad this time as the human stopped a distance from us. But in those red eyes, I could see… Seven. At the realization, a flood of memories assaulted me; a headache developing. The human began to walk closer, arms extended. Their knife… where was the knife? "WOWIE! ARE YOU READY TO BE A BETTER PERSON?" Papyrus asked abruptly, separating himself from the group and walking forward to meet them with arms out similarly. "PAPYRUS! SEVEN!" I shouted, quickly taking a shortcut in front of him…

…Just in time to receive a blade to the ribs; the knife had been in their sleeve the entire time. "FOOLS! Don't you know in this world… IT'S KILL OR BE KILLED?!" They cackled maniacally as I slid to the ground in front of Papyrus, red liquid oozing from the wound. If the others had been unsure before, they were definitely certain now. "S-SANS!" Papyrus shouted in horror, crouching beside me. But before the others could attack… "geeeeet dunked on, kid." Bones bursted forth from my palm, straight through their lungs and chest. And before they could react to what was happening… they were on the ground beside me; their soul shuddering before it shattered through completely. "SANS! I-I'M SORRY BROTHER!" Papyrus sobbed into my jacket; realizing just what he had done. But it was okay. "bro, you won't do it again. it's okay. it'll all be over…" The world fell from under me, everything going black before it was all over, just as claimed.

Masked anger. Those were the words I'd use to describe the human as they walked down the hall towards us; twirling a knife in their hand. "yo." I waved, the others quickly responding as they realized that the human had appeared; gathering up anxiously. Squinting, I examined their face as they stopped a distance from us. "still not done? if it were me, i'd have given up a long time ago." I winked, a sense of déjà vu prevailing as I realized I had said those words at some point. "You still have time to give up. Don't you know? When you get to the surface… how do you think the humans will feel about monsterkind when they hear about how the barrier broke?" They seemed to pause, a familiar malicious grin spreading across their face as they twirled the knife, giving us a chance to consider. I stiffened at the implications, yet at the same time… Memories. In my memories… the humans never hurt us.

But… "That's right! You killed SEVEN human children to break the barrier. If monsters broke the barrier… they would stand NO chance against the humans!" They laughed as the expressions of the monsters around me turned to horror, the consequences sinking in. "the humans never hurt us. i remember… we got out a couple times." I announced, to the surprise of the others gathered. "W-WHAT? BUT I THOUGHT THE HUMAN ONLY EVER KILLED US!" Papyrus exclaimed, seemingly just as surprised. I guessed I had omitted that detail strategically in other timelines. "there were a few timelines where they never killed us, only got us to the surface only to reset the timeline again and again like we were toys to play out a story. they may as well have been killing us." I explained with a shrug, magic lighting up as I readied myself to strike the human down.

The others seemed to respond in kind, a seething anger developing as my words sunk in. The monsters of the Underground were NOT toys. We had families, lives, dreams… and they weren't for the human child to be played with. Our fate was our own, for better or for worse. "Guess you know about Frisk then, huh? They would be sad to hear this. Oh well." They grinned, flipping their knife one last time before tightening their grip on it. "I'm not Frisk. And I don't care."

"eight." I was pleased to see the human struggle as my blasters charged, magic sailing towards their darkened soul. They tried to dodge, roll, throw themselves out of the way… anything. But to my delight: they navigated our attacks as if they hadn't seen them before even though they had reset eight times. I winked, making a shotgun motion with my hand as their eyes fixed on me with horror. My blasters had finished charging, beams emanating from their mouth as they struck the human directly, accompanied by Papyrus', who had taken the same approach. In their bright attack; their body turned to dust leaving only their soul which shattered instantly. I enjoyed my moment of grim satisfaction before the world went dark; dizziness prevailing as the floor fell out from under us.

…Nine. Ten. Eleven. Fifteen. Twenty. Twenty-five. Thirty. Fifty. Sixty. Seventy. It was the seventieth time that the human that emerged at the end of the hallway was one with brown eyes filled with regret and sadness as tears streaked down their face. "Please! I don't want to fight!" They pleaded to us. But… "seventy." I called as I walked towards them, bones impaling them as their eyes widened in shock. "P-pl…ea….s…e." They choked out as blood filled their airways and poured forth from their wounds. They crumbled to the ground as hardened eyes watched them choke on their own body fluids before they died. Just as there was no mercy for us; there would be no mercy for them. The demon child's reign of terror would end. Their soul, a bright red, appeared before them: shuddering before shattering into pieces.

Eighty. Ninty. One hundred. It was the hundredth time that the human appeared before us, no words exchanged as they walked down the hallway to stop before us. They seemed… broken… as they walked toward us; brown dead eyes…expressionless. "You win." The words came so softly that I almost missed them as they raised their knife in front of them. Immediately we were on guard, I heard the hum of magic and the flash of wielded weapons as I prepared to give the signal. There was a collective gasp as the human brought the knife towards themselves; stabbing themselves straight through the heart, collapsing to the ground and bleeding out in front of us. Their soul… a dull red appeared before us, floating. We were still as statues as the blood poured across the floor, tainting it a dark red as it travelled.

"My child!" I heard a female voice gasp and footsteps as they travelled down the hall. Toriel. It was silent aside from her sobs as she scooped the child into her arms, unflinching as their lifeblood stained her purple dress irreversibly. "I'm so sorry." She murmured, rocking the child back and forth in her arms and apologizing even though they were beyond hearing. "Tori…" I heard Asgore call to her from the back and a couple steps. He stopped when she shot him the most venomous glare I'd ever seen in my entire life, in any reset. She didn't even glance at the rest of us as she turned, taking the child with her as she walked slowly down the hall; a trail of blood left behind her. Quietly, I walked up to the soul that had been left behind, letting it float gently above my palm…

…And I felt like I'd been struck by lightning. With the human's barrier of determination gone, the floodgate had opened. Memories came back to me: every single moment of every single timeline I'd experienced. First came the happy moments: the pacifist timelines with a bright brown-eyed child who wanted nothing more than the approval of any monster they came across. Then came the sad, every moment of pain, sorrow, suffering… the apathy and the desire to just give up. Papyrus' deaths, the times I had let him down, the times I caused HIM to suffer like I had… It was all too much to take in at once. The hallway swayed before I fell, out before I hit the ground.

"…is this thing on? cool. hey, me. you must be really BONEdoggled right now about why you're seeing this. heh. that was pretty bad." I saw myself before a camera, speaking from a location I recognized as Alphys' true lab. If I were awake, I'd probably have cracked a grin. "so. if i'm seeing this… the human must be dead. papyrus and everybody is safe… you saved the day, right?" A melancholy smile stretched across my face, almost forced. I, on the other hand, was confused. "well. me. you might not think so when we're done here. so. let's talk about determination." I saw myself take out a syringe, moving it closer to the camera before pulling a blackboard into its vision. "i probably wouldn't have looked into this but… in the last timeline before the big one i noticed some inconsistencies in my memory. things that happened that i had done that shouldn't have been possible. things that didn't make sense. you should recognize them as we go along." I saw myself draw a picture of myself on the blackboard.

"so. let's start with a few smaller points: i had a few situations in timelines that i saw papyrus in danger and did the impossible. how about the red stuff when the human cut us. even the memories." I circled the picture of myself. "alphys has had machines she used to do readings on determination ever since her experiments. so… i performed a test on myself on a hunch. turns out i have determination levels that no monster should have. couldn't explain how, and you probably don't know either… but we do. however, that doesn't mean monsters don't have determination. alphys' experiments can attest to that." I sighed, putting my hands in my pockets before continuing. "i don't have solid proof for these things, but i considered some consistencies in my memories. and these are things that we have probably seen in our interactions with other monsters, as well." For some reason I felt that this was true, as I could remember Undyne melting in front of me; even Alphys struggling to hold the human down for us to escape as she suffered from a fatal wound.

Brandishing the chalk once more, I drew a picture of a Froggit. "but first we have to look at monster magic. our magic is an expression of our feelings and beliefs and can change over time." I drew a picture of some flies around the Froggit. Pointing at the board, I summoned some bones with my other hand, gently floating in front of me with a veil of blue magic. "similarly, monster determination is sparked by strong emotions. for me, this has taken many of forms such as: a desire to protect papyrus, anger, sadness, pain, shock, surprise, even relief. and the results… i'm sure we can see them now in our memories. after all… our determination is strong enough that when the human's is gone, the sheer relief will probably allow us to regain our memories. this determination being sparked was part of what allowed us to regain our memories from the beginning and no other monster to be able to." Unfortunately, I had been correct; the last thing I remembered was passing out in the Hall of Judgement.

Taking out a bottle of ketchup, I cleared my throat before chugging it. "let's talk about that red stuff now. and no, it's not just the ketchup." Tossing the container to the side, I held up the syringe instead. "if we look at those times where we died, considering our link to determination… looks kinda familiar, am i right? that's how much more determination we have than the others. we manifest it physically in our dying moments." I remembered numerous times that I had been cut down by the human; redness staining either myself or Papyrus as the liquid poured from the wound.

Turning to the blackboard, I drew a picture of Papyrus and a human. I felt confused, as I didn't understand why I had done this. "i'm probably wondering at this point: why am i talking about this?" I paced for a moment before sighing. "…when we have the final soul and open the barrier, we will be exposing the underground to humans. including pap. and we know how excited he is to meet humans." That was certainly true, and I felt worried. Papyrus might be in danger, and we promised…

I crossed my arms, a look akin to determination crossing my face. "we know how dangerous humans are. and humans have more determination than monsters. who's to say this can't happen again?" I drew a circle around the human, crossing the pictures of myself and Papyrus out. For some reason, the simple action sparked a rage deep within me. "we know how dangerous determination is in monsters. but… we seem to have a tolerance for it given how much we've had all this time. so. as we know, the being with the most determination has control over the timeline." Unfortunately, I was starting to get where I was going with this and it wasn't pretty.

"we have a choice to make. it's unlikely that we'd make it out unscathed… but we wrote ourselves off a long time ago, didn't we? if we do this… no human can hurt papyrus ever again. our promise will be kept." I tucked the syringes away again, the sad smile making its way to the surface once again. It was a crazy idea, but… it sounded like it might work. "well. that's it. syringes will be in our lab, and alphys always has more if we need them. and… take good care of our brother, okay?" The recording ended, and I could see myself turning it off, syringes in hand as I made a shortcut elsewhere.

…I woke up in Snowdin, in my bed. The scarf was still around my neck, I noticed, as I sat up. The room was still a mess: socks strewn everywhere; trash tornado in the corner. "BROTHER!" I heard Papyrus shout as the door swung all the way open; almost blinding me with its sudden brilliance. "I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE ALRIGHT! I WAS SO WORRIED WHEN YOU FELL IN ASGORE'S!" Before I could react, Papyrus pulled me into a BONE-crushing hug. I winced, as I still had a splitting migraine from earlier. "BUT THE BROTHER OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS ALSO GREAT! YOU SAVED US, BROTHER! WE CAN GO TO THE SURFACE TOGETHER NOW! YOU'RE A… A HERO! ASGORE IS GOING TO PRESENT YOU AN AWARD! THE MONSTERS…" Papyrus chattered on and on excitedly about how great I was and what was going to happen in the future.

Sighing, I freed myself from his grasp, slowing my descent with blue magic before I hit the ground. "…ARE YOU OKAY, SANS?" He asked worriedly as I began to walk out the door. "…yeah. just got something to do." As I turned the corner, I took a shortcut to my lab, leaving a worried Papyrus behind.

I almost couldn't believe what I was doing as I opened the drawer, taking a syringe of determination in my hand as I stood in the lab. This…was going to save Papyrus…right? I stared at the red sloshing liquid in the syringe as if it'd have the answer. To my disappointment, it didn't. With this last action, my promise would be kept. Papyrus would be safe. He could be happy with the others on the surface. That was what I wanted, wasn't it?

…That was what he wanted, wasn't it? What did he want, anyway? He seemed so happy that he might one day be in the Royal Guard. He was so happy spending time with Undyne and Alphys. He was delighted that one day he might be popular and have friends. He loved to watch Mettaton's shows whenever they aired. Every time he made a new plate of spaghetti… the joy on his face… These things were what made Papyrus happy, weren't they?

I ignored the seed of doubt that had wormed its way into me as I uncapped the needle, calling my soul to surface. I almost recoiled in horror at what I saw. My soul was a sickly gray, covered with cracks and it looked as if it might shatter at the slightest provocation. My hand shook as I held the syringe, hesitant to even bring it closer. What had… happened to me? But I knew what had happened to me. Every single little detail. In the end, I remembered every timeline from start to finish. I felt the combined emotions that had sunk their way into my soul along with every regret or sin I had committed along the way. It was almost physically painful to continue to be… knowing what I had done. Carrying the burden of all that sorrow, pain, and regret. Maybe… this was my way of atoning for these things. After all, everybody I had ever wronged would be safe as well after all this. Maybe… I could forget all of these things that I had done; after all: could I be happy knowing how horrible of a monster I had been? What I had done to everybody who had done nothing to me? And… what did I have left if I didn't do it?

I stopped my shaking hand, using some of that determination I had learned about. This was it. It was now or never. I would save Papyrus for good. Nobody would hurt my little brother again. Time and time again I gave everything I had for Papyrus. This time I would give him everything. I felt a sad smile spread across my face; hadn't someone said that the craziest things that people do were done in the name of love?

The scarf around my neck almost felt constricting, until I removed it with my free hand, watching it slowly fall to the ground. "hope you have a happy life, pap. love you, bro." I told the scarf, as it was the closest I would ever get to saying the same to my brother. Now that I thought about it, it was as if the Papyrus of the timeline who had given it to me had been with me this whole time. But I was probably just imagining things. Steading myself, I closed my eye sockets as I brought the syringe down towards my soul…