A/N: Many of you were upset at the way the good doctors Weir and Beckett treated John. Rest assured, he's also upset, and he won't easily forget this.

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Rodney walked in to find the lab in a state of barely controlled chaos. Most of the city's computer geeks were there already, including that Canadian guy whose name he could never remember. The physicist snagged a tech by the sleeve as she ran past. "What's going on?"

"We were trying to back up as many files as we could before starting the repairs. But then..." She gestured helplessly. "The operations we were running slowed to a standstill, and aborting the backup only made it worse."

Rodney wanted to bang his head against the wall. "Of course it did! You just fragmented more files to add to the mix. Did Zelenka agree to this?" His tone left no doubt as to what would happen to Zelenka if had been the one to authorize it.

The tech flushed. "No, sir. We... didn't call Dr. Zelenka. We thought we could do this ourselves, and we didn't want to bother him."

Now Rodney wanted to bang someone else's head into a wall. "First off, don't call me sir. I'm not military. And that's lucky for you, because otherwise I'd have you cleaning septic tanks with your toothbrushes for the rest of your lives! Never do something like that without clearing it with Zelenka or me. We'll tell you about the inevitable catastrophic flaws in your plans."

The woman turned pale now, and nodded once with a sharp jerk. She turned to walk away, and Rodney wondered if she was going to cry. She was new here, and hadn't been on the receiving end of his ire before. He was perversely relieved to see her make a rude gesture when she thought he wasn't watching. Pissed off he could handle, rampant emotionalism he couldn't. He keyed his radio. "Dr. Zelenka, can you please join us in the computer lab. I'd hate for you to miss all the excitement down here."

"What?" From the background noise, it sounded like he was still at the reception.

"Just get down here!"

Moments later, Radek arrived, glasses askew and hair flying in all different directions. "What is going on? Oh, no..." He slipped into Czech as he tapped some commands on a laptop. "This is not good, Rodney. We're going to lose a lot of data unless we shut down the other systems now and start the defragmentation."

"Yes, yes, I know," the physicist snapped. For a fleeting instant, he wished that Grodin was still here. Peter had been a whiz with most computers, and he was one of the few people to really understand how to manage the Ancient system. "Do it!"

He watched as Radek's fingers expertly flew over the keyboard. A minute later, the engineer sighed. "I think we got to it in time. The file structure of the database is still intact and repairs have begun."

Rodney let out a breath he hadn't even been aware he was holding. "Good." He looked over Radek's shoulder at the laptop screen. "What systems did we lose?"

Radek rubbed his chin. "It looks like long range sensors are down. The main generators are still on, but we've lost the backups for the infirmary and the jumper bay. Thank God, the cloak and control chair were not affected. Let's see... many of the transporters are inactive, but scattered units throughout the city are still functional."

"You're saving the worst for last, aren't you."

"Unfortunately, yes. The self-destruct can be armed and disarmed manually, but we have no computer control of it. And the gate shield cannot be raised."

"Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!" Rodney held up one hand. "I thought you said a few days ago that Stargate operations wouldn't be affected?"

"It shouldn't have been," Radek answered. "But since we had to do this somewhat emergently... well, I couldn't be as selective as I wanted to be regarding the systems that were compromised."

"Well, that's great! This is going to take... what, 24 hours?"

The other man nodded.

"She's going to love this," Rodney muttered. Then he tapped his earpiece and said in a louder voice, "Elizabeth. Here's what's happening..."

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John sat against the wall, watching as the dying sunset faded away. He liked this room because of its panoramic windows. Located high in a tower on the western side of the city, it afforded a great view of the surrounding ocean by day and an incredible number of stars at night.

Of course, it was only a matter of time before someone tracked him here. This far away from the occupied areas of the city, his life signs would stand out like a beacon. That was fine; he was eventually going to have to deal with this, anyway. Sitting here would just give him some time to think. He couldn't put his life on hold indefinitely while Beckett played mad scientist and Bates decided whether or not he was a threat. More importantly, he wouldn't.

John leaned his head back and closed his eyes. If he was going to be honest with himself, he had to admit that he currently didn't trust his friends any more than they seemed to trust him. In the months since the siege, there had been a gradual breakdown of communications among all of them. Rodney didn't rely on him so much since he'd been left hanging in a tree on P3M-736, a favor that John had returned after Doranda. Despite his reassuring words to Carson during the retrovirus incident, John remained somewhat wary about the Scot. The physician, in turn, would probably never believe any of John's assessments of his own health.

And then there was Elizabeth. Again, being honest with himself, John knew it was his fault to some degree. He still thought his actions during the nanite outbreak were correct, but he probably could have been a little more tactful. Now they would probably always doubt each other a bit during a crisis, even if it wasn't on a conscious level.

John dozed fitfully as the hours passed. At one point, he roused himself and became aware of someone sitting quietly next to him. He didn't have to see to know who it was. The two men sat in silence for a long time, not looking at each other. Finally he said to Carson, "What, no guards with elephant guns?"

Sounding for all the world like he was in the middle of a friendly conversation, Carson said mildly, "No. Sorry to disappoint you."

"Ah."

They were quiet again for awhile. The physician was the next one to break the silence. "Lovely spot you found."

"Yeah. It's good for sitting and doing nothing." John continued to stare out over the water.

Another period of silence followed, with both of them lost in their own thoughts. At last Carson sighed. "So, lad, how are we going to fix this?"

"Can we?" John asked bluntly. "I'm not sure I trust you anymore."

Carson winced. "I'd like to think so," he said. "I consider you a friend as well as a patient. How about I start things off by apologizing?" John gave a non-committal grunt, but he didn't try to stop the physician. "I didn't mean for you to feel like a 'guinea pig.' I'm sorry about that."

"Well, gee, Carson. How did you expect me to feel? You haven't been straight with me since this all started!" John shook his head in disgust. "You didn't tell me about being taken off duty -- I had to find out from Bates. Why didn't you let me know right away what you were worried about?"

"Because I didn't know right away what I was worried about! If that makes any sense. All I knew at first was that you were missing for six subjective months, and when you got back you had picked up an extranormal ability. The only other cases I'm aware of involved genetic manipulation by aliens! What was I supposed to think?"

John had to concede the physician's point. "You still could have told me yourself," he grumbled.

"Oh, right," Carson scoffed. " 'Excuse me, Colonel Sheppard. I'm relieving you of duty because I think you might be under alien influence.' I'm sure that would have gone over quite well."

John snorted. "Yeah, I guess I would have been a little put off by that." Then he grew sober again. "But I'm serious about not being a lab rat, doc. I've given you no reason to keep me locked up, and certainly none that would justify feeding me happy pills. How's Collins?" he asked pointedly.

"Yes, I'll admit you probably saved his life. You don't have to remind me of that," Carson agreed, accepting John's seeming non-sequitur as a not-so-subtle jab. He ran a hand through his rumpled hair. "What can I say? Nothing we've seen here in Pegasus was even remotely covered in medical school, and I'm still learning. I admit that I probably made a mistake. I'm human."

Although he knew the physician couldn't see him, John smirked. He just couldn't resist. "Some people would have tacked a 'so sue me' onto the end of that."

"You will never get a doctor to say that!" Carson mumbled something under his breath that sounded like "bloody American legal system." Then his earpiece chirped. "Beckett here. Yes. Yes, love, we're fine. Both of us. We're... discussing some issues... Right. Will do. Beckett out." John felt his expression harden. He wasn't going to let this opportunity to have a serious discussion with Elizabeth slip away like it had after the nanovirus.

The doctor must have sensed this. "Don't you start!" he said sternly. "She just wants to be sure you're all right. She -- the entire expedition, actually -- depends on you. And not just for your gene, either!"

"I get that, Carson. I do. It's just... you both have to back off a little bit. I'm a big boy. If there's any concrete evidence that something bad's going to happen, tell me. If not, give me some room to breathe without someone jumping on me whenever I twitch. Please."

It was starting to get light in the room, just enough for John to see the concern in the other man's eyes. "Aye. But I'm starting to wonder about something. You don't tell me things -- it's like pulling teeth to get you to admit it when there's something wrong with you. You hate being confined to the infirmary, more than anyone else. You're willing to confide in Rodney, but you don't want me to keep an eye on you. This is more than just you trying to avoid being taken off active duty when you're sick. Something happened to you, didn't it? Maybe in Afghanistan?"

John's lips started to form a denial, then stopped. What was the point? Carson was like a bulldog; he wouldn't let go once he scented a problem. "I wouldn't exactly call it 'willingly confiding' in Rodney, but yeah. Something happened, but it's over and done with. I don't want to talk about it."

"You don't have to, son, although I wish you would. Since I know you'll never willingly talk to Kate about anything, I'll volunteer myself as a sounding board and leave it at that. Or... if you're not comfortable with that, I'm sure Schwartz wouldn't mind."

"No, I'm sure he wouldn't," John said neutrally.

Carson looked at the brightening sky. "Ready to go back? You're probably hungry, and I'd love some coffee."

John got to his feet, wincing as his stiff back muscles protested. "What happens now?"

"You haven't had any more episodes of respiratory shutdown, so that's positive. I'll cancel the medical supervision, and my official report will recommend that you be returned to duty soon." He looked at the colonel sadly. "Unofficially, I hope you'll eventually trust me enough again to fill me in on some of the background."

"Maybe." Not for a very long time, though. As he'd told Rodney, trust had to be earned back. "But in the meantime, I'm doing okay. Don't worry, everything's going to be fine."

And that's when they both heard the explosion.

TBC