Elliot woke up to the smell of coffee, toast and bacon. He went into the bathroom to do his business and put on a t shirt. Olivia heard him and said as she turned to face him,
"Good morning Sexy."
He smiled as he kissed her,
"Good morning Beautiful."
He looked at the breakfast counter where she had lettuce, bacon and tomatoes ready for sandwiches. He pulled the toast out of the toaster and put two more pieces in then buttered the hot ones and put them on the counter. Olivia finished frying the bacon and said,
"You seemed to sleep well last night."
He nodded,
"I think last night was the best night's sleep I have had since this whole experience happened. I actually thought I would have trouble since today I will be seeing Doc Skoda."
Olivia asked,
"Are you nervous about getting hypnotized today?"
Elliot said as he put his sandwich together,
"I was at first, but Sabrina will be there with me so everything should be okay."
Olivia said,
"You've talked to Skoda before."
Elliot nodded,
"I have but not under these circumstances. I've seen what can happen to people under hypnosis..."
Olivia laughed,
"Skoda would never do anything unprofessional. Besides Sabrina will be there."
Elliot nodded,
"She is the only reason I agreed."
Dr. Skoda's Office
Elliot waited in the waiting room and realized he had never been to Dr. Emil Skoda's office before, he had always seen him at the squadroom or in court. The one time he was forced to see him it was in the office of a local church, he felt nervous not because he was seeing Skoda but because he was giving over complete control of himself to someone else...his thoughts were interrupted by Sabrina who sat down beside him,
"Elliot how bad are the nerves?"
He looked at her as she continued,
"On a scale of 1 to 10."
He said to no one in particular,
"I was say 1 until I walked into this office now it is about an 11."
The door to the office opened and Dr. Skoda came out, he walked over to them and said extending his hand,
"Good morning Elliot... Sabrina. Come on in."
They followed him into the bright, very peaceful office. Elliot looked around very surprised, Skoda noticed and said,
"I take it this is not what you expected Elliot?"
Elliot shook his head,
"No it isn't."
Skoda smiled,
"Good that is what I was going for when I had it decorated."
Sabrina started to laugh. Skoda showed them to his patient seats and he sat across from them. He said to Elliot,
"When Sabrina called me about doing this with you I was, admittedly, extremely surprised that you had agreed to hypnosis. But I promise you I can help with this and I want to help."
As he watched Elliot continue to look around, he asked him,
"How are you feeling right now?"
Elliot took a deep breath and as he exhaled he said,
"Very nervous. I have seen what can happen to people who are hypnotized but I really need to put this out there, if I come out of this chasing cats and barking like a dog I will come back and shoot you after you remove the trigger."
Skoda and Sabrina both started to laugh. Skoda said,
"I promise you that will not happen. You and I have talked a few times over the years and I know how hard it is for you to accept, or even ask for, help. Do you have any questions before we start?"
Elliot nodded,
"Yes a couple. How long have you been doing hypnosis and what is your success rate?"
Skoda said,
"I have been doing hypnosis for 15 years and about a 90% success rate, the rate is dependent on the subject. Sabrina said you are having repressed memories that we can not get to just by talking. As I told Sabrina I would absolutely help you because I know some of your history and too many good cops get railroaded by the stress of the job. And we get our bad cops because many decide to find a way around the system making it hard for the good ones to do their jobs. Elliot you are a good cop, did you bend the rules? Of course you did. Did you get results? Absolutely. Your problem has always been that you are too good at this job, 80% of the time you knew who your perp was and had to go looking for the proof to convict them. But your biggest problem has always been that big heart you try to hide. I remember the very first time I heard about you, you were the golden child who was the youngest cop ever to make detective, you were fast tracked because of that first big front page conviction you got. You were the talk of the department, I remember one of my colleagues saying when you got into Special Victims, he is one of the good guys and who ever gets the Manhattan Special Victims as part of their practise needs to take care of him. But you were always the tough guy, you became a lead detective very quickly and had the highest closure rate of 97% in the squad and still do to this day. Not even Olivia has come close to that rate. But you paid a high price to get there, and your high price was to the victim's benefit and to your detriment. When I heard about the shooting and you retiring I hoped you were okay, then one day I went to a conference and heard there that Huang had gotten you in with Doc Ross hearing that then I had very mixed emotions. I was upset that you got that far down but relieved that you were in good hands. About a year later, I went to a seminar where Doc Ross was giving a talk on PTSD and to my surprise you were there and told your story. I was blown away and so very proud, it was powerful. I wanted to go and talk to you but you were surrounded by other doctors asking questions and then I noticed that old look you used to get when you had to come and talk to us after a shooting and such. 'That look of get me the hell out of here, I would rather being anywhere but here.' So I didn't stick around, I was just glad to see you were okay and talking about it. Now do either of you have any questions about the hypnosis process?"
Elliot nodded his head, he asked,
"Just one more thing, can you make it so that I can get past this feeling of violation?..."
He then cleared his throat as he looked at the floor and he continued,
"I don't know how to ask this so I will come right out and ask, I need to be able to feel intimately normal. I want the intimacy that George stole from me back..."
He fought back his emotions,
"I need it back not only for myself but for Olivia."
Skoda watched as Elliot struggled to control his emotions wiping at his eyes to stop the impending tears from falling and not succeeding. Skoda said, not acknowledging the tears because he was so relieved that Sabrina had got through his toughness,
"I absolutely can help you. You need to know I will not be able to take the memory of what happened to you away but I certainly can help you get past it."
Skoda looked at Sabrina who nodded her head. Skoda then said,
"I need you to be comfortable, do you want to sit or lie down for this? I am okay with either way I just need you comfortable."
Elliot looked at the couch,
"I think I will lie down."
Skoda got up and led the way to his sitting area where there was a couch and 2 comfortable arm chairs, Sabrina took one as Elliot removed his jacket and undid the first 2 buttons on his shirt. He removed his shoes and lay on the couch. Once he was comfortable Skoda explained what was going to happen,
"At this point I normally ask if you have ever been hypnotized but I know you have not been. You will clearly remember everything that happens during this session, secondly you cannot be made to do anything while under that you don't want to. Thirdly, all cellphones need to be off we need to be undisturbed during the whole time Elliot is under."
Elliot and Sabrina turned off their cellphones. Elliot readjusted himself and got comfortable, Skoda asked as he dimmed the lights,
"Are you comfortable?"
Elliot said,
"Yes."
Skoda started,
"Now Elliot, I need you to take a deep breath and release it as you close your eyes and imagine you are in a happy place where you feel comfortable and secure."
As Elliot took a deep breath he closed his eyes and thought of his happy place, lying naked in bed with his arms around Olivia listening to her even breaths as she slept. He felt his breathing evening out to match hers then he heard Skoda's voice lower and become background to Olivia's breathing. He heard Skoda say,
"You can feel yourself relaxing now. You can feel a heavy, relaxed feeling coming over you. As I continue to talk, that heavy relaxed feeling will continue to get stronger until it carries you into a deep, peaceful state of hypnosis."
Elliot felt himself relaxing more and more he had never felt so at peace with himself or anything else. He heard Skoda continue,
"And the deeper you go, the deeper you are able to go and the deeper you go, the deeper you want to go and the more enjoyable the experience becomes."
Skoda was watching Elliot's body lose all its tenseness, his breathing had become very even with no labouring from trying to relax. Sabrina was blown away by how quickly Elliot relaxed and how easily he was put under. Skoda then said,
"Now you are resting comfortably in a deep, peaceful state of sleep, going deeper and faster, deeper and faster all of the time, until I bring you back. You will only accept those suggestions which are for your benefit and that you are willing to accept."
Sabrina had handed Skoda a sheet with questions about what they were trying to get to. Skoda then said,
"Okay Elliot I am going to ask you some questions about the night you were taken from your old precinct. Do you remember that night?"
Elliot said,
"Yes I do."
Skoda,
"Can you take me through it from the beginning?"
Elliot started,
"Once we found out that Jones had recorded Sarah's calls, I asked him to get the tapes to TARU so we could find out who the caller was and as he went home to get the tapes, Sabrina, Liv and I went for lunch."
Elliot stopped and Skoda asked,
"Did anything happen at lunch?"
Elliot said,
"We ate."
Skoda chuckled and looked at Sabrina who was smirking. Skoda shook his head and then asked,
"Did you talk about anything important?"
Elliot smiled,
"We talked about my relationship with Liv how we feel about each other. How since seeing Sabrina I have calmed down, not so hot headed or angry. How sexy I still am..."
Skoda smirked and shook his head,
"OK point taken. What did you do after lunch pertaining to the case?"
Elliot continued,
"We went back to the squad room and TARU had the tapes, but could not make out the voice. It had been professionally altered. Upon listening to them we could not find the triggers. We called you in and you got us the trigger phrase and told us what the 3 possible anti triggers were. You also seemed surprised Sabrina did not know them. I then took Jones into Interrogation 2 to talk to him and Huang took Sarah into Interrogation 1 to talk to her. When we finished we headed back to the squadroom where TARU had cleaned up the tapes well enough to bring out the real voice. It was Huang. When he realized it was his voice and the gig was up he put a gun to my head, the officers in the room pulled their guns and told him to put his gun down. Sarah then entered the room, she looked like a robot and next thing I know it felt like she had jabbed me in the leg with a needle and I passed out. The next thing I remember is waking up on the chopper and then we landed. The pilot carried me lumberjack style into what we now know was the old precinct, I couldn't fight him because I was too weak and groggy from the drug. I remember being relieved that I was not blindfolded or gagged, not that it made an initial difference. They then took me to an interrogation room and lay me on the table, I tried to fight but Huang and the pilot held me down as Sarah stripped me to my boxers and tied my legs to the table and as Huang came to the top of the table I begged him not to do this, I told him I would do anything if he did not go through with this, he smiled and said, if I meant it he wanted a kiss and one night with me alone. I promised him that as Sarah tied my hands to the table. The pilot let go and Sarah stripped from the waist down and straddled me, I have never been more terrified in all my life, George leaned in for a kiss and as our lips and tongues touched Sarah started to rub against my boxers, I felt myself responding and the harder I got the more I screamed for her to stop, George smiled and said, 'your soft lips can wait, from what I can see your body is not going to let you wait til Sarah is done', she lifted off of me and I thought she was going to stop but she didn't she pulled my boxers down and said, 'why detective who knew rough sex turned you on so much' she restraddled me and started to rub against me. I heard George in the background moaning as if he was enjoying the show. Then when I thought it could not get worse she put her hand around me and started to stroke me, as I got even harder I could feel her wetness on me as she rubbed my tip over the opening. I screamed so loud because I knew the wetness was not from me. I heard George laugh and say,
'Finally everyone's pet the great Detective Stabler is scared.'
I could feel the tears running down my face, the fear was overwhelming then just before she slide onto me the cavalry came charging in."
Skoda watched as Elliot had tears running down his cheeks, he looked at Sabrina and quietly said to her,
"You have done an amazing job with him."
He then turned back to Elliot and said,
"I know your relationship with Olivia is important, have you talked to her about what happened?"
Elliot said,
"Yes."
He asked,
"How did she handle it?"
Elliot said,
"She told me she understood."
Skoda asked,
"What kind of relationship do you want to have with Olivia and where do you want to see it go?"
Elliot said,
"I want to have a relationship that is a two way street, we have a lot of things in common and some that are solo things. I want us to have a complete relationship where we do things together and then have the freedom to do our solo things with our friends. You know I like sports, she doesn't; she likes poetry readings, I don't; but she has friends she does that with and I have sons I do sports with. I never want her to be sorry she met me. The only problem with our relationship right now is me, I am having trouble with being intimate, but in the end, I have every intention of marrying her and I want to be able to make love to her every night and morning we are together."
Sabrina looked at Skoda who looked shocked. Skoda then shook his head and said,
"After this session you will no longer have those feelings of feeling dirty or being scared to be intimate with the woman you love. You will be back to your old confident self, you will be able to be intimate and have a healthy equal loving relationship with Olivia. Now, Elliot I am now going to count backwards from five to one, and with each number you will feel more alert and will open your eyes gradually. You will also remember every thing that happened here today."
Skoda started to count,
"5...4...3...2...1."
Elliot opened his eyes and stretched rubbing the tears from his cheeks, he looked at Skoda,
"So the erection was real."
Skoda said,
"Yes it sounds like it. But it bothers you.."
Elliot shook his head,
"The fact that I got an erection on my own bothers me because I am not into rough sex. What bothered me more was the fact that I could not remember it and that I had no control over what happened to me."
Skoda said,
"Elliot you know as well as I do that our bodies can deceive us. Just because you got an erection after being tied up does not mean you enjoy rough sex. Our bodies react to stress differently. "
Sabrina asked,
"Does knowing everything help you?"
Elliot said nodding his head,
"Yes it does. It seems like such a small thing but for me it was everything. I now don't have to go to sleep wondering what I forgot. I can now move on with Olivia and have a very healthy relationship for the both of us."
As Elliot got up to leave, Skoda said to him,
"If either of you, or Olivia need anything, and I mean ANYTHING from me please ask, my door will always be open to you no matter what."
Both Sabrina and Elliot thanked the doctor as they shook his hand and they left.