(Thanks for reading my last chapter! you guys are so sweet and im so glad that this fandom still exists out there. Please enjoy this and let me know what you think of it by leaving me a review!)

DILEMMA

For the next few days after hearing about the mislaid panties, Blair and Dan avoided each-other. Blair had texted Dan and told him to be extra attentive to his wife and even seduce her if necessary. She wanted Dan to do anything he possibly could to ease Serena's mind, and if that meant he had to stay away, it would be worth it.
About a week later Blair was relieved to find that their efforts must have worked. Serena showed up at BCWCO with the biggest grin on her face and her little blonde daughters in each hand. Christopher was definitely going to get Gwen's number for this. "S!," Blair put down her bag and pulled her in for a huge hug. " "We were in the neighbourhood," Serena giggled when she talked. Blair wanted to shake her when she did that, which was probably more than half of the time. Why are you laughing? What is so perpetually funny? "The girls wanted to visit their auntie," she looked down at Blair's favourite people then laughed again. Serena just returned from another trip with Poppy Lifton. Blair assumed Serena would mellow out once she had children but instead the constant nag of being something other than a popular socialite threatened her ego. The quarterly trips to Milan and South Beach softened the rough edges that being a wife and mother gave her. The weekend trips to the Hamptons in the summer helped even more. Blair always jumped at the chance to spend time with Anna and Paige and fill the void of female role model in their lives. Certainly their mother was unfit for such a task. And their aunt Jenny often dressed like a stripper and rarely visited. Blair felt for those girls. If it wasn't for their doting father, Blair might worry about what would come of them as they grew into young women.

Anna was five now. She was smart, elegant and thoughtful, she looked the most like Serena but still that wasn't saying much. She took more after the Humphrey side and had an elfin face like Jenny and Dan's late mother. Her hair was whiter blonde which contrasted her golden complexion. Serena said she would grow up to look more LA than New York. Paige was almost 4 but already enrolled in junior kindergarten. She had a great sense of humor, silly and bubbly. Always trying to cheer up her more serious older sister. Paige, the name seemed like a perfect name for a novelist's daughter, the child that was supposed to look like the spitting image of her mother, was not. She looked like Jenny Humphrey yet again. Those genes were strong and she had the elfin face, the teal blue eyes instead of Serena's navy. Paige's hair was warmer than her sister's, it was unmistakably Vander-something Dutch. Both curious little things those girls. So much potential was threatened to be squandered and wasted if they followed their mother. Blair had known Serena's favourite pastimes were traveling to warm destinations, wearing bikinis and leafing through magazines. She didn't even enjoy shopping anymore. She had someone pick up things for her. Usually pricy things she'd put on a credit card and then her husband would have to teach another course that semester or write a campy article for a college humor type website to pay it off. They were far from struggling but Dan wanted ensure he would be able to retire at some point. Serena's taste wouldn't allow for much saving and his wife was blowing through her inheritance like it had an expiry date.

Blair still couldn't believe how Dan and Serena ended up together in the first place. Dan was a literary scholar, a Yale graduate like herself, an espresso snob. He liked the finer things in life. An old book, a good cup of coffee, old music, italian food, and now french macarons. The only time Serena ever read for real was when a tabloid printed something about herself or her elitist friends. Her favourite coffee was iced with cream and whipped topping that she would have two sips from and take an instagram selfie before throwing it out because, calories. Her favourite wine was something pink but fear not, she didn't discriminate any alcohol. Serena is what Blair would call a cheap date in more ways than one. Dan spent so much time caring for his children. Serena spent more time traveling the world and sunbathing topless on yachts with near strangers, than she spent with her own children. The two precious girls that Dan gave her and wrecked her body as she would complain. Serena's body looked exactly the same to Blair. She supposed she couldn't see the two tiny stitches from an episiotomy with Anna or the C-section scar from Paige. She complained that they wouldn't give her a scheduled C-section the first time around so she could avoid labour all together and now she had both a hideous scar and a ruined vagina. "I'm serious, Blair...make sure its worth it to you. I highly recommend adopting," she would always say. Blair commented on her blonde friend's perma-smile. She hoped that meant she was relieved to know that Dan was not cheating and the panties must have been from students who snuck in and took advantage of Dan's unlocked office and cushy desk chair. "What's there to be blue about?" she nearly jumped up and down. Damn! Christopher must have really sold the fact that Dan was a loyal husband. "So excited for your show tonight!"

"Oh me too! but im so nervous!"
""B! it's going to be amazing. Your stuff is incredible," she said without looking. It was sweet but hollow. Blair knew that the entire time she was building her company, Serena never once took interest and she wouldn't be able to tell the difference between her brand or something from Betsy Johnson, And that wouldn't be because Blair's designs were worthy of Betsy Johnson, that would be because Serena was so uninterested she wouldn't know a good fabric from cheese cloth. Anna was pushing through a rack of clothes, her eyes lighting up at the bright red dress. "That's a beautiful dress isn't it?" Serena said to her daughter. Anna nodded and kept looking, her fingers ran over the material and she was fascinated. "Auntie Blair, you made this all by yourself?" she asked in amazement. "I designed it on paper, picked the fabric and helped some of my very talented seamstresses as they created it right here in this building," she explained with pride. ""Aunty B is a fashion designer," Serena explained. "She has the ideas and then someone else does the work," Blair's lips pressed together to keep from saying anything, That sounded like a dig if she ever heard one. She let it go, it didn't matter. Who ever heard of a designer that sewed and secured individual beads all day? she did her fair-share. If she did everything herself she wouldn't have enough pieces to do a show until she was in her fifties. Anna was so interested in everything. She loved the stacks of organized button bins and the fabric swatches and bundles. "Looks like this one has a taste for designing," Blair smiled proudly. Serena made an amused sound, "It's more likely that Anna will be shopping for clothing, not making clothing," /span/p
p"Blair inhaled through her nose and decided the visit had been long enough. "Well feel free to look around, I have a few things to do and I'll see you later tonight," she moved in for an air kiss. Then grabbed both her nieces for big hugs. "I don't know how you do it Blair," Serena commented. "Oh wait, you don't have kids," she laughed. Blair smiled masking her anger.

Not having children had been Blair's decision only. Chuck had thought she went off the pill for the second time. She tried, she really did. She even stopped taking it for a whole month and was so relieved when the biweekly pregnancy test, Chuck had been making her take, came back negative. That was a feeling she never wanted to feel again. When the negative symbol came up on the test Blair exhaled loudly then burst into tears. Chuck comforted her and told her not to be too hard on herself. FUCK YOU. That's what she wanted to say. She wanted to say, fuck you for thinking i'm going to punish myself for this and fuck no i'm not upset. I'm relieved! So relieved that this minor lapse in judgment, me throwing out my birth control, did not result in a spawn that was sure to be Henry 2.0. Blair made an appointment and had her prescription refilled the next morning. It wasn't that she would never have a baby with Chuck, she just wasn't ready now and was more aware of that than ever. She couldn't tell him she wasn't ready. Chuck was so eager to start a dynasty it was truly repulsive. She felt like he eyed her like she was a brood mare just ready to fertilize so she could supply him with heirs. Chuck had this vision of being a patriarch to a family that would span centuries. She figured that was a byproduct of being remarkably vain and self centered. Blair got it, she understood that being a mother was something she wanted to do. She learned that through Dan and Serena's kids. Raising them seemed so rewarding, it put life into perspective and made you feel like you had more purpose in the world. She wanted to feel a baby grow inside her and she wanted to hold a tiny human in her arms and know that she created it. But not now. She also thought if she waited long enough, Henry would be at boarding school by the time her own children started kindergarten. Henry was truly something of his own making. No one could understand the level of indifference he had for her. She was always made to feel like a bad person or an evil stepmother when she talked about him but no-one saw how he acted with her. He never wanted to play with her, he preferred eating alone to sitting with her at the table. She'd ask him questions and he'd ignore her. You would think it was from some personal trauma and losing his mother so young but no, Blair was the only mother he ever had known but Chuck was the only person he liked. He was rude to Nate once when Chuck was there to witness it. Blair wondered if Chuck was just like him as a child.

Blair had been taking the girls to school lately since Serena was off again. Dan had to pull a double shift today. He was writing for the University paper and teaching two classes back to back. "Learn so much!" she said as she bent down to the girls all while trying to balance on her Louboutins. She smooched them both on the cheek. "I'll be right here waiting for you when you're done!" Dropping the girls off and school and waving back at them melted her heart and gave her more purpose than anything in her life up to that point. "Bye!" she giggled happily while waving at the little blondes. Blair pulled out her phone and texted Dan. /span/p

BLAIR: We made it! lots of time to spare!

DAN: Thank you so much! you're a lifesaver

Blair arrived to pick up the girls well before the bell rang. She had a fresh loaf of bread in her handbag so they could stop by the pond and feed the ducks. "BLAIR!" Paige came bursting out of the classroom her huge backpack on her tiny body, the weight of it made her wobble down the hall. "Hi Sweetheart! how was school?" Blair beamed and bent down to her level. "What did you learn? I want to hear all about it on our walk home," just then Anna joined them and they headed for the door, hand-in-hand. A stop at Laduree for macarons was completely unexpected and the girls giggled with excitement when Blair told them they could have whatever they wanted. They nibbled on their macarons while walking to the pond. Blair explained that you eat them slowly because they are a very special confection meant to savour.

"I thought we were supposed to feed the ducks bread that was old," Anna commented.

"I think the ducks deserve fresh bread," Blair said as she ripped off another piece and handed it to Paige who was trying desperately to pet the duck by luring him out of the water. "Come here little ducky,..." she taunted him. "Ducks need good bread!" she agreed with Blair in her sweet voice.

"Blair, can we visit daddy?" Paige asked when she scared off the duck for the fifth time. /span/p
"I suppose we could, ...we'd have to be very quiet as to not disturb his class though,"

"We'll be quiet! we promise," Anna nodded furiously.

Dan was about fifteen minutes into his literature lecture when the door at the very top of the room opened letting in an enormous amount of light in the dim lecture theatre. He looked up wondering how anyone thought it was acceptable to enter his class this late after he had made it very clear the day prior that he wasn't going to let anyone in at that point for it disrupted his class and was disrespectful to the people that managed to make it on time. He instead urged students who were unable to make it to class on time to see him immediately after so he could give them a quick rundown of what they missed. Blair couldn't believe how accommodating he had been. Three familiar faces appeared and Dan smirked up at them before continuing and finishing off his last topic point. "Read over this slide, and i'll be right back,"

When Dan reached them at the very top row of seats he sat down next to them. "Well this is a pleasant surprise," "Hi daddy," Paige had a huge smile on her face."You know these classes are pretty expensive," his eyes widened. "Do you have any money to pay for it?" Paige dug into her pocket and dropped a quarter into Dan's hand, he laughed and questioned where she got it.

"Show daddy what we got for him," Blair nudged Anna who was holding the box of Macarons. "Very fancy! This is a perfect snack," he thanked them. "Is not a snack," Paige said with a slight lisp, the type that came with learning to speak faster than her mouth could keep up with, "Is a special confection made in France," she nodded. Dan and Blair both laughed at this. "Well then i'll eat it slowly and savor it," he patted her on the head lovingly. Dan chewed on his macaron as he walked back down the steps to continue his lecture. The ladies sat at the top eating their own macarons and giggling under their cupped hands for about twenty minutes then Dan's class was dismissed for a fifteen minute break."I thought I recognized these little blondes!" A girl from the lecture stopped to talk to them. "Becca!" they both beamed and hugged her. Dan joined them before Blair could ask any questions.

"Blair this is my TA, Becca," he introduced the two.
"Becca, this is my B,..," Dan trailed off. "Friend. Blair," he saved himself. "Becca watches the girls here sometimes," Dan said. /span/p
"Well you're very lucky, these girls are a real joy," Blair smiled warmly. /span/p
"Actually I was wondering if you were available at all at the end of this month," Dan asked. "I have a business trip, just overnight Friday and i'll be back in the afternoon on Sunday," their weekend getaway. This is the girl that took care of the girls when she and Dan needed alone time. /span/p
"I'll check my day planner," she fumbled with her agenda book, "Maybe we could discuss you reading over my thesis instead of payment," she smiled cheekily.
"You are so obsessed with marks, Stop worrying about your marks," Dan sighed. "Im sure your thesis is on point," "I need to do well on this to get into grad school! c'mon Humphrey! you know what it was like in this position! do me a solid!"
Blair giggled at their back and fourth banter. Blair instantly liked Becca. She was confident and clearly adored Dan. Becca excused herself to get a coffee before Dan's class started back up and that was Blair's cue to usher the girls out.
"Let's go girls, we'll get some dinner and do some homework and maybe watch a movie!"
"Blair was having the best time with the girls. They ate italian food and more macarons for dessert. She helped them with their school activity books and got them in their pyjamas so they could watch a movie in Dan's and Serena's bed. Anna was starting to drift off to sleep and Blair considered moving her to her own bed but decided against it.
"Auntie Blair, when does my mommy come home?" Anna asked through her tired eyes. Blair tucked her niece's night gown under her, pulling her closer to her shoulder.

"I'm not sure sweetheart," she answered honestly. "Should only be a few more days. She'll be home soon. Don't worry," she rested her own head on top of Anna's.
"I'm not worried," she answered. "I just wanted to know how long you can be here," Blair's heart broke but she smiled. "I can be here whenever you want me to be here," she said quietly as to not disturb Paige. Anna nestled in closer to Blair.

The sound of shoes on the hardwood woke Blair from her light snooze. She had fallen asleep with both little girls tucked in on either side of her. She looked over at the alarm clock on Dan's nightstand that displayed 10:28 pm. She stayed where she was, not wanting to make a move to prevent waking them up. They looked like angels and she felt so calm and peaceful being wrapped up in the crisp sheets with them. "Hey," Dan whispered holding on to the door frame.
"Hi," she smiled with a soft yawn. She tried to sit up but it was no use and Dan told her not to bother as he changed into pjs in the soft glow of the lamp. Dan carefully peeled back the comforter on Paige's side and made his way into the bed with all three ladies. Only a moment after he reached over and turned off the lamp, Blair felt him grab for her hand, lacing his fingers through hers. She never slept more peacefully in her entire life.

When Blair woke up, Dan was sleeping on his side facing the very bright window. Paige was on top of the covers one foot resting on the opposite knee as she scrolled through an iPad casually. Anna was playing with Dan's cellphone and occasionally giving him a shove trying to wake him. Dan finally scrubbed a hand over his face and turned to face her. "Oh good you're awake," she said in her tiny voice. "Can you please make us pancakes," she didn't waste any time. No words were exchanged about how sleeping in the same bed might have been a poor choice. But the girls were so little, and Dan was positive he could spin it in a variety of ways if it ever came up with Serena. Blair sat at the kitchen island as Dan cooked, she sipped her coffee slowly and basked in the lovely moment of being in reality together. Dan's cellphone buzzed and he stopped mixing the pancake batter to look down at the screen.
"Blair has to go home now," Dan said abruptly. Blair was taken aback. Why did she have to leave? even if Serena was returning home? she was fully dressed. Her hair was fixed, she was drinking coffee as if she just arrived. No one would suspect a thing.

"I don't want her to go home," Paige stuck her lip out, her eyes filled with tears. Me either, Blair thought. Blair got up without a word and sought out her purse. She felt like she was over staying her welcome.

"Hey," Dan ran around the kitchen island and stopped Blair from storming out. "You don't have to go if you don't want to. I didn't mean for it to..." he spoke in a whisper.

"It's ok you made yourself clear," she said under her breath so the girls didn't hear anything.

"Blair," Dan looked straight into her eyes, holding on to her wrist gently. "Serena has been gone awhile," Blair didn't understand what that had to do with anything. "Im not suggesting you leave because of her. I'm suggesting it for your sake," he said sincerely.

Then it all made sense. If she stayed she would witness the rare but expected happy Humphrey family all reunited. The mom and dad kissing, the kids happy to see their mom, the breakfast, the perfect family. It didn't matter that it was surface level happiness or that it would fade as quickly as the day. It mattered that Blair would see it and it would hurt her heart. What she had experienced for the last day was Serena's reality. A reality she didn't deserve because she didn't even want it. Dan knew this feeling all too well. Not as much as of late but about a year prior Dan's skin would crawl watching Blair play happy wife around Chuck. He once thought of punching Chuck in the throat for slipping his hand on Blair's ass while they the four of them entered a restaurant. For awhile after he couldn't disguise his anger and lied, saying he overheard some guy made a lewd comment about Serena. "Kick his ass," Chuck encouraged him. /span/p

Yeah i'd like to," he said through gritted teeth leering at Chuck. "Easy," Blair warned Dan to back off. When they got home exhausted, Blair rapidly texted Dan for a good forty minutes while Chuck got into bed and tried to sleep.

B: HE'S MY HUSBAND!

D: You are purposely shoving it in my face and you know it!/span/p

B: You're insane! why would I do that to you?

D: Because you love making me jealous

B: Do you think it doesn't bother me when Serena touches you?

D: That is not the same! he's groping you like he paid for your services

B: Nice

D: I just wish he'd treat you with respect. He was grabbing your ass

B: He gently patted my ass and it doesn't matter. He's my husband. You are not my husband, so get over it or we are going to get caught.

D: Fine but if he ever speaks to you with such disrespect again i'm saying something

He was referring to the moment when Blair ordered a second drink before anyone else finished their first. Chuck sneered at her then told the server to ignore her request. "No, she can wait until the rest of us order. Seriously Blair, it's not even six,"
B: Please don't! im a big girl

D: It makes my skin crawl thinking he's sleeping next to you

B: Good night Dan

D: Hey, im sorry okay? I love you

B: I know you do, baby xoxo

Blair caught a tear that rolled down her chin and on to her neck. The glow of her phone bothered Chuck. "Who are you talking to?" he squinted at her. "No one, go to sleep," she deleted the whole conversation and put her phone on the nightstand.

"Blair don't leave!" Anna said as Blair opened the door. "It's ok sweetheart!" Blair melted. "I'll come back!" she assured her with a tickle under her chin. "I have to go to work today and I need to go home and do some errands but I can come back,"

"Can you come back today?" she asked. Blair looked up at Dan. "Yes of course," Blair answered when she saw Dan smirk. Blair rushed out quickly and Dan exhaled uncomfortably. It wasn't twenty minutes later that Serena arrived.

"IT SMELLS AMAZING IN HERE!" she called out from the front door, dropping several pieces of luggage.

"Who is that?" Dan called out to the girls who squealed.

"MAMA!" Paige ran to the door. Serena who was wearing a huge beach hat bent down to hug her quickly, looking at her phone over Paige's little PJ covered shoulder. "Do you want to have some breakfast now? Daddy is almost done!" Serena ignored her and giggled lightly at a text she received. Paige pushed on Serena's hip trying to get her to sit at the table.

"Hey," Dan smiled throwing a dish towel over his shoulder and receiving the kiss she leaned in for. "Breakfast?" he asked.

"Ehhh," she sighed with a shrug still looking at her phone. "I ate on the plane and im just exhausted,"

"Couldn't sleep on the plane?" Dan asked.

"No it was horrible," she rubbed her eyes. "I just couldn't get comfortable," she bent down and hugged Anna who was standing beside her waiting patiently. "I'm just going to go lay down for a bit," she yawned throwing articles of clothing on the floor as she made her way to the bedroom. Anna followed her and jumped up on the bed with her. "Honey, can you leave mommy for awhile? I didn't get any sleep last night," Anna left the room and Serena tried to get comfortable but the smell of something sweet and floral was bothering her. It smelled like something unmistakably Chanel. She flipped the pillow over and was finally able to rest.

When Blair returned home, Chuck was in the kitchen eating breakfast that Dorota had put down for him. He was in a monogrammed robe, navy silk.

"Where have you been?" he asked not looking up from his eggs, eyes focused on his Money magazine. /span/p
"I was babysitting remember?"

"Oh right. I knew you had something. I was thinking it was work related," he said as she walked over and pecked him on the cheek. "I uh, saw some of your stuff. Gwen showed me yesterday when I stopped by. Some of those dresses are incredible. I'd love to see you in one," he smiled up at her.

"You will," she sat down with him. "I have plans for them," she sighed contently as Chuck grabbed for her hand.

"It's the 20th today," he looked amused as he smiled up at her. "So?" she raised her brows picking up a couple blueberries and popping them in her mouth. He was being sweet with her so far and she decided to bask in it.

"Can you take a test for me?" he asked sweetly.

"Oh," she swallowed her blueberries. Blair wanted to laugh. There could not be more of a waste for a test. She was taking her pill again but he didn't know that. What he really should have known was that the last time they had sex was 4 days ago and there was no possible way, pregnant or not that a test would come back positive that quickly."Chuck, it would be way too soon to tell," she responded still eating off his plate.
"Humour me?" he asked sweetly.

"Blair had taken over fifteen tests in the last year for Chuck already and figured she might aswell take one more and keep him happy. They had a bit of a ritual for taking a test. Blair would pee on the stick, set it on the counter and they would both check it together in 10 minutes. This time Blair watched the one line indicating it was negative appear. She called out to Chuck, "It's negative. I'll take another one in about a week ok?" Blair washed her hands then touched up her makeup. She glanced over at the test and noticed another pink line had appeared. She looked at it closer, "No, that can't..." she said under her breath. Not knowing what else to do, Blair waited ten minutes and ripped open another test. Same. Two pink lines. Pregnant. But how could she be pregnant? she was back on the pill, she and Chuck only had sex 4 days ago and she had taken tests weeks before that and they were all negative. But then she remembered, the day she filled her new birth-control prescription was the same day she bought those hot pink panties, 3 weeks ago

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Thanks for reading! sorry about the formatting before. I'm having a hard time with getting back into the swing of things!