AN: Sorry for the long delay! My apologies! But I promise, more to come! As always, property of JK!
Chapter 10: Love is patient, love is kind
I hear his words but they do not make sense. What makes even less sense was very suddenly I found a pair of warm lips pressed against my shocked one. What is going on? I ask silently to myself. It takes a few seconds to sink in. It had been twelve long years since I had kissed anyone. My heart starts to race and seems to move up my throat. Remus is kissing me….Remus…is…kissing me. All this happens in just a couple seconds before the full meaning of those words make me realize…Remus…my darling Remus…whom I had started to think was lost to me was…BLOODY KISSING ME! My arms fly up from my side and my right slides through his brown hair while my left grabs at his robe to bring his body closer to mine. After an immeasurable time later we both broke apart. Both of us gasping…so enveloped in the kiss we had forgotten to breathe.
We simply stare at each other. I can see the red tinge that has overtaken his cheeks. But he does not look down nor does he show any other sign of embarrassment. The seconds tick by. Finally I break the silence. "You know, you can do that again if you want. I promise I won't scream rape." I flash my crooked grin…something that in times past would have meant two things. The first is that Remus would totally melt into a puddle at my feet. No matter how mad he was he couldn't resist. The other meant that I would probably get laid if I wanted to. Being the honest chap I am, I was be pleased if I accomplished either one or both. I want to rip his clothes off and ravish him here. I needed to feel his body, I need to feel the heat of it, I need to be in him, and frankly, after twelve years in a place like Azkaban…I need to get my rocks off. That doesn't make me bad does it? I mean if it were anyone but my darling Remus it wouldn't enter my mind to do anything. The tales of my sexual adventures had always been greatly exaggerated. Remus had been my first and only.
Remus stands up and holds out his hand. Without a though I do what I had done since I had met Remus John Lupin, without fear, without thought, and without question, I took it. His hands are a little rougher than I recall. The last time he had done this was just a short time ago in the Shrieking Shack…but other things had been on my mind. I didn't have time to savor the touch of his skin.
We walked through the small cottage in silence. There was no need for them. Twelve years of separation…twelve years in the worst hell any person could ever conceive did not nor could it rob me of my understanding of Remus. We knew every single nook and cranny of each other's bodies and minds. Back in the day we could communicate by looks…and by smiling just the right way or a gentle squeeze of each other's hands. Language has limitations. Love does not.
We enter into the small bedroom. I recognize the bed instantly…at least the frame of it…it was the one we shared. Remus drops my hand but turns around and looks at me. His bottom lip is trembling ever so slightly. He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out. But he doesn't have to say anything. I know exactly what he wants to ask. "Moony, of course I still love you, you silly wolf."
He nods and the smile he gives me melts a good ten years off of his premature aged face. My hands come up to his shirt. I fumble a bit at the buttons about finally I unbutton one button…two…three, until his shirt is hanging open. He is still very fit…but the scars that embellish his pale skin are much more numerous. Once upon a time, I knew exactly where every scar was and how long it was…and many of them I could say what day they happened. "Hmmm," I think to myself. "Guess I'll just have to get reacquainted with his body." I place a tender kiss on one of the new (to me anyway) scars, just above his right nipple. I hear Remus's slow but sharp intake of breath. The clothes seem to just melt off the both of us and now we stand naked in front of each other. My arm slips gently around his waist and together we lower ourselves into the bed. I learn forward and kiss him passionately, my eyes closing, everything I am focusing on his lips against mine.
When I open them I look at Remus. His body is covered in sweat. His eyes are closed and a tired smile is on his face. After a few seconds he finally mumbles, "It's a good thing we are so good at casting silencing spells. Otherwise I think my parents in Norfolk would have heard us." My bark like laugh escapes me. "Oh, are you saying you don't want them to hear their sons passionate moaning as his rather striking boyfriend buggars him? I know Prongs and Wormtail do." I cast a glance in the direction of my two friends who are probably asleep by now. A few nights ago, in the haste to err…release ourselves…we had forgotten the silencing charm in. Needless to say the next morning we faced a very irate and obviously psychologically damaged Jimmy and Pete. Their eyes were bulging and red from lack of sleep. I chuckle softly at the thought. Remus's eyes open and he gives me a questions look but does not ask why I chuckled. Instead he snuggles closer to me. His warm body intoxicates me. It had been three months ago today since his…accident.
I try to push the thought from my mind but I can't. In flashes I see it all over again. His body bloody and lifeless, kneeling beside him and holding his body…carrying it…I bite my lip and try to stop the tears but they come anyway. I quickly try to wipe them away before Remus can see but once again…a fail. Remus sits up and holds me. "Sirius, what's wrong?" I close my eyes and attempt to compose myself. Remus starts to rock me. I give myself over to him and almost go limp in his arms. When I think of it…I have given myself over to Remus years ago. Body and Soul I was his for all eternity. "Sirius…please, what's wrong?" I don't want to tell him. I don't want to bring it up. Yet when I look into his eyes I feel a swoop sensation in my stomach. His eyes have a soft sparkle to them, they are so very alluring and they pull me in. The trust and love in his eyes would be obvious to even a blind person.
It hurt me even more. I had betrayed that love and trust just a short time ago. How the fuck could he feel like this so soon after? "I just…was thinking things I shouldn't. I was thinking of…what happened. How can you fucking be in the same bed as me? I'm a horrible person." Before I could go on Remus had put a put a finger to my mouth to silence me. "It's simple, Sirius. I love you. And love is patient, love is kind, it keeps no record of wrong. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers." I lay my head on his shoulder and he keeps rocking me. After a long time I feel him lay me down and we cuddle. I pull him close and we kiss.
Opening my eyes from the kiss I see my Remus. His warm, loving, and inviting eyes alive with their sparkle, his brown hair flaked with gray. He cocks his head to the side and an eyebrow shoots up. "What is it? Am I that rusty?" My bark like laugh escapes me. "Nah, more like I was thinking things I shouldn't be." A small smile appears on Remus's lips. "Sirius!" he said in mock seriousness, "I told you MANY times you shouldn't think about Minerva dancing naked in the Great Hall!" My face contorts in horror at the image now in my head. "Really? You sick fuck. I don't want to know what you wack off too. No, I was wondering how it is you still trust me after all the shit I've done through the years. With Snape...not trusting you before…." I hesitated in saying their names…"Before James and Lily died." He looks at me for a few seconds. "Remember the time you asked me that after I tried to kill myself?" I nod. "I was actually just thinking about that." Remus shrugs. "That's your answer." It was that simple to him.
I pull him close and just sit there in the silence, hearing each other breath, feeling the thump of each other's heart against our chest. After a while Remus starts to laugh uncontrollably. "What the hell?" I ask, incredulous. He looks at me with a crazy grin that I haven't seen him do in years. "Remember just a few days before I told you that, we had forgotten the silencing charm in before we made love and the next morning Prongs and…" He trailed off…I knew who he was going to say, after a beat he went on, "Prongs looked like he was going to need a mental calming charm!"