Complications
Chapter 10
Stardate 2260.74
"So, how are you doing?"
"Fine, fine. I'm doing… I'm okay," Jim finally admitted to the vidscreen.
"Seriously Jim?"
"What do you want me to say, Janine?" Jim asked, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I miss her. Every day, every night, every hour. I'm having trouble sleeping unless Abby's in bed with me like a goddamn teddy bear and I know it's not good for her. I know that. But it's hard to sleep alone when all I want to do is reach over and…" he trailed off. "I'm dealing with it."
"Oh, Jim. Have you tried to talk with Ubantau?" Janine asked.
Jim growled as he glared at the screen. "You've been talking with Bones," he accused.
She nodded. "I have. We're worried about you. And Abby," Janine admitted. "Len says you're doing an awesome job with her, but you need to take time for yourself too. You have to grieve, Jim."
"I am grieving, damn it," Jim declared, slapping his hand on his desk. "I'm grieving everyday. Every time I pick up Abby or look at a new planet or glance at my fucking bathroom sink and see that her things aren't there anymore. I am fucking grieving and I wish you guys would just leave me alone." He was breathing heavily by the time he was done with his rant, but when he looked up at the screen he felt instantly guilty seeing the tears on Janine's face. "Oh, god," he hung his head, "I'm so sorry Janine. I didn't mean… I'm sorry."
"I know, Jim," Janine sniffed, wiping at her eyes. "I don't mean to push, but we're…I'm worried about you."
"Welcome to the club," he said sarcastically. "But seriously, I'm doing what I can, okay? I'm getting through each day and for the most part I'm not…I'm not biting off anyone's head."
"But why are you so angry?" Janine asked.
Jim gave a humorless laugh. "Why am I angry?" he asked harshly. "Why? Because she shouldn't be gone, Janine. She should be here right now, taking care of Abby and watching her grow up and learning new words and playing new songs on her piano. Because she should be sleeping in my arms every night and laughing at my horrible attempts at jokes. That's why I'm fucking angry."
"But Jim, it's not your fault," Janine started to speak.
"The hell it isn't," Jim countered. "I'm the captain. I am…was… her captain. I knew the mission was bullshit. I knew it was a waste of her time. And I let her go anyway, against my better judgment and now she's… she's gone Janine and it's my fault. My fucking fault."
"Jim, you were just following orders. You couldn't have known that… that what happened would happen," Janine tried to console him.
Jim shook his head. "If I'd had the balls to stand up to Franks and tell him to stick his…"
"Stop, Jim," Janine interrupted, her expression filled with pain. "Just stop. Marissa wouldn't have let you do that. I know she wouldn't have. You couldn't have known that the M'Qtobauans would react so violently to her presence. Marissa couldn't have guessed it. She was doing her job, following orders, just like you were. It wasn't your fault."
"I shouldn't have listened," Jim repeated. "I knew it was a bad idea, but I went along with it to keep the admiralty happy. To get them off my back about our relationship, and look where that got me? Alone. With a toddler to raise. She shouldn't be gone, Janine. And it's my fault."
"Oh Jim," Janine sighed, wiping more tears from her face. "Marissa would never blame you for this."
Jim snorted. "Well I blame me."
"Well stop it," Janine told him. "It's not good for you and it's not good for Abby. She may not understand now, but someday she will and you are not to blame for her mother's death."
"I'm the captain, Janine," Jim said softly, "who else is to blame?"
"The bastards who thought bombing an entire city was a good way to send a message," Janine answered hotly. "They're to blame. You're a victim in this Jim."
Briefly covering his face, Jim shook his head before looking back at the screen. "You don't understand."
"I don't," Janine agreed, which actually surprised Jim if the expression on his face was anything to go by. "That's why you need to talk to someone who can help you. Sporadic vidcalls and drunken nights with Len aren't what you need."
"Jesus," Jim looked bemused, "is there anything he doesn't tell you?"
"Not much," Janine replied with a small smile. "You need to let go of your anger and this unreasonable guilt. You need to grieve and let her go. She wouldn't want to see you like this. You've lost what? Five? Seven, eight kilos?"
"What if I don't want to let her go?" Jim asked quietly after hesitating for a minute, unable to look up at the vidscreen. "What if…We couldn't search for her. We don't have any physical proof like a…a body. What if…"
"No Jim," Janine shook her head, her voice sad, but firm. "There are no what ifs. Marissa is dead. Even Spock believes it."
"I know." He dejectedly hung his head.
"Len mentioned that Janice wants to put together a memorial service for Marissa, but you won't let her."
"It's too soon," Jim stated, his head snapping up and some steel coming back into his gaze.
"It's been almost four weeks, Jim," Janine said calmly, not reacting to his anger. "It's more than time. You're not the only one who needs to grieve. Other people loved and cared for Marissa."
"I know that," Jim said stubbornly, "and there have been other services for the away team."
"But not for Marissa," Janine countered.
"No. I just can't…I don't want to…" he trailed off.
"You don't want to let her go," Janine finished for him. "But you have to, Jim, for your sake as well as Abby's."
Jim sighed, looking away from the vidscreen and Marissa's best friend. His eye caught the flashing light on the comm. unit that meant Uhura was paging him. "Look, Janine, it looks like I have another call coming in. Honestly," he said as she narrowed eyes at him suspiciously. "I promise to… to think about a memorial, okay?"
"I guess it's a start," Janine replied. "And think about talking to Ubantau, while you're at it."
"Don't push your luck," Jim replied wryly.
"I had to try," Janine grinned sadly. "Kiss Abby for me and take better care of yourself," she ordered.
Jim nodded. "I will. Take care, Janine."
"Bye, Jim," she said before the screen went blank.
Rubbing his hands over his face and taking a deep breath to collect himself, Jim reached over to switch on the connection to the bridge.
"What do you need, Lieutenant?" Jim asked briskly.
"I'm sorry to interrupt your conversation, Captain," she responded. "But you have an incoming transmission from Earth."
"Starfleet?" Jim asked, trying not to grimace.
"No, sir," Uhura replied, her voice low. "It's from Colorado Child Protective Services."
"Who?" he asked, nonplussed.
"Colorado Child Protective Services," Uhura answered. If Jim was trying to read anything into her tone, he would imagine she sounded a bit concerned.
Sitting back in his chair, Jim looked up the ceiling and tried to calm his suddenly racing heart. He had no idea what this call was about, but it had to be important for whoever it was to be willing to pay for a transmission across this much space. Colorado meant it had to have something to do with Marissa's family, but the child protective services part made his skin grow cold. What the hell was Matthew up to?
When Jim had finally managed to contact the O'Donnell's two days after leaving M'Qtobau, the news had already reached them. Jim had listened to Matthew rant and rave about how it was all Jim's fault and that if he had been a decent captain Marissa would never have been put in harm's way. He had gone on and on and Jim had said nothing, stoically taking every verbal punch the man had thrown, feeling it was his due for not protecting Marissa. There wasn't a single thing Matthew said that Jim hadn't agreed with.
He'd almost lost it when Nancy had pulled Matthew away. Her eyes were red and swollen and she had the gall to ask about him and how he was doing. Jim hadn't been able to respond, just shaking his head and repeating over and over, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
Off screen he'd heard Matthew declare that, "sorry won't bring my baby girl back." He'd flinched at the words, but welcomed the pain of them, wishing it would make things better somehow.
"Oh Jim," Nancy had said, her voice hitching on his name. "Please don't… Matthew's hurting right now. We all are, but it's not your fault."
"The hell it isn't!" Matthew's voice came from off screen.
"I…" Jim tried to find the words, anything that would make it better. Anything that would stop Nancy's tears and Matthew's inconsolable rage. "I'm sorry," he whispered again. "I didn't mean to… didn't want…"
There was the sound of something breaking off screen and Nancy looked over her shoulder quickly. "Jim, take care of yourself," she said, looking back at him. "I have to go. Matthew… Just take care of yourself, Jim." And then the screen went blank. Jim stared at it for a long minute before he began dry heaving into a wastebasket. He'd caused Matthew's and Nancy's horrible grief. He didn't even know how Nana and the kids were handling it, but it didn't matter. He'd done it and there was no way to fix it.
"Captain?" Uhura interrupted his thoughts. "Shall I patch it through?'
"Uh, yes," Jim cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Please, Lieutenant."
"Right away, sir."
True to her word, the image of a balding man with a round face and glasses filled his vidscreen.
"Hello, I'm Captain James T. Kirk, of the USS Enterprise, how may I be of assistance?" he asked, his hands folded on his desk as he gazed politely at the screen.
"Captain Kirk," the man nodded stiffly. "I am Kenneth Smee, an attorney in Denver, Colorado. I represent Matthew O'Donnell, the father of your former…partner. I believe Ms. O'Donnell gave birth to a child recently and that you acknowledge that you are the father of said child, is that correct?"
"Yes," Jim replied, the hairs on the back of his neck beginning to stand up. He did not like the way this conversation was going. "Abby is almost twenty months old now."
"Is the child on board the ship with you?" the man asked.
"Of course," Jim's eyes narrowed. "Why?"
"Mr. O'Donnell has filed suit in the Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals for custody of the minor, Abigail Rose Kirk O'Donnell…"
"Kirk," Jim interrupted.
"Excuse me?" the lawyer looked up from his papers.
"Abigail Rose Kirk," Jim enunciated clearly. "There is no O'Donnell in her name."
"Well, be that as it may," the man said officiously, straightening his papers, "Mr. O'Donnell has filed suit demanding that sole custody of the child be granted to him due to the untimely loss of his daughter, the child's mother, Marissa Rose O'Donnell. As grandfather of Abigail he…"
"No," Jim stated firmly, his knuckles white where he was gripping his hands together. He was expecting something bad, but not something like this. How dare Matthew think that he could take Abby away from him? Jim felt his stomach knot and his temper start to boil.
"As the grandfather of Abigail," the man continued as if Jim hadn't even spoken, "he insists that you release the child into the custody of the Child Protective Services on Starbase 23 by Stardate 2260.76, from there she will be transported to Mr. O'Donnell on Earth."
"No," Jim replied again, surprised that his voice remained calm. "She's my daughter and I'm not handing her over to anyone. Not even her grandfather."
"Mr. Kirk," the man began.
"Captain," Jim snapped.
"Captain Kirk," the man started again, not looking the least cowed. "If you contest this filing Mr. O'Donnell is willing and able to sue for custody."
"She's my daughter," Jim repeated.
"True, but Mr. O'Donnell deems you to be an unfit parent."
"Excuse me?" Jim looked at him incredulously.
"You are a captain of a Constitution class starship, are you not?"
"Yes," Jim nodded.
"How can a man – a single man – with such responsibilities, raise a child in such an environment?"
"I've been doing fine so far," Jim countered.
"As captain, you will not have the time to devote to Abigail that Mr. O'Donnell and his wife will have. Your priorities are your ship and your crew…"
"Don't tell me what my priorities are," Jim argued. "Abby is my daughter and she is my number one priority."
"But how can you see to her needs while captaining the Enterprise?" the lawyer countered. "Has your ship ever been fired upon?"
"Yes," Jim answered honestly.
"Have there been hull breaches, or hostile beings on your ship?"
"Yes."
"Can you honestly say that living on a ship like yours is a safe environment for a young child?"
Jim hesitated. "No where is perfectly safe, not even in Colorado," Jim replied.
"But some are safer than others," the lawyer countered. "I must warn you, Captain, Mr. O'Donnell does not have an unprecedented case for custody of Abigail. Her mother, the child's primary caretaker, is deceased. Your job is not without significant risk of life and the mental and physical wellbeing of the child. There is no way that you can see to the child's needs without compromising your ship, and vice versa. And there is the matter of your past. Mr. O'Donnell has intimated that due to your own childhood and adolescence you are not the best role model to be raising a child. He is more than willing to bring such matters up in open court if this will secure the safety of his granddaughter."
"Are you threatening me?" Jim asked softly, his voice barely above a growl.
The lawyer shrugged. "I am simply stating that Mr. O'Donnell will do what he must to obtain custody of Abigail. He has her best interests at heart."
"The hell he does," Jim finally snapped. "He wants to take her away from the only home she has ever known while she's still trying to figure out why her mother's not here. He wants me to just drop her off at some space station so some stranger can take her back to Earth? I don't think so. Right now I am the only constant Abby has. She's my daughter and I am not giving her up. You file whatever case you want to file, Mr. Smee, but Mr. O'Donnell is not getting my daughter."
"Well, then you will be hearing from me again shortly, Captain."
"I look forward to it," Jim said snidely. "Kirk out."
With great satisfaction, Jim ended the transmission. "Fuck!" he yelled, his heart racing and his breathing suddenly coming in gasps. Of all the low down, rotten things to do. How could Matthew even think…? How could Nancy allow him to do this? They'd only seen Abby for less than a week. They were good people, at least Jim thought Nancy was, and they had doted on both Marissa and Abby, but for them to think that he would ever give up his daughter? It was ridiculous.
Consciously relaxing his fists, Jim sat back and tried to even out his breathing. This was stupid. He was Abby's father. Matthew couldn't just take her away from him. He didn't care if the lawyer had said that Matthew's case wasn't without precedence; he wasn't a drug addicted loser, or some washed up bum, he was the captain of Starfleet's flagship, and the fucking Hero of Earth. No one was taking away his daughter, unless it was over his dead body, and if that was the case he would make damn sure that Matthew was the last person in the universe that Abby would go to.
Once the rage had subsided, Jim shakily sat forward and swiped his hands across his face as he reached for the comm. "Bones, can you come to my ready room for a minute?" he asked in a relatively calm voice once his friend had responded to his page.
"Sure, kid," McCoy responded. "What's up?"
Jim closed his eyes again. "Just…come up here, please?" he asked again, his voice thickening.
There was a long drawn out breath. "Okay, do I need to bring anything?"
"No, I have some whiskey here. Just come."
Within two minutes McCoy sauntered into Jim's ready room. "This must be good if you're invitin' me up here to drink in the middle of a shift. What's goin' on?"
Jim didn't say anything at first. Instead he poured them each two fingers of whiskey. Handing McCoy his glass, Jim nodded for his friend to have a seat at the conference table. Once they were both seated, Jim held his own glass up, watching the light reflect off the amber liquid, before he sighed and took a sip.
"I have just been informed that Marissa's father is planning to sue me for custody of Abby," he stated calmly enough, though his hand still shook with repressed rage as he set his glass down.
"What the hell?" McCoy declared, as he slammed his glass on the table.
"Yeah," Jim agreed, pursing his lips and not looking over at McCoy.
"He… he barely knows her."
"True."
"She didn't really take to him at all on Stratnon."
"Also true," Jim agreed, finishing off his drink.
"He's only met her the one time, right?" McCoy asked.
"Yeah, on Stratnon," Jim nodded. "After I paid for him to come meet us, the son of a bitch." Jim looked longingly over at the decanter of whiskey, but sighed and shook his head. Now wasn't the time to get blitzed.
McCoy didn't seem to have the same scruples. He stood up angrily and poured himself another shot. "What are you going to do?" he asked, leaning back against the sideboard and looking curiously at Jim.
"Fight him," Jim instantly responded, his blue eyes flashing angrily. "I'm her father. He wants to call me an unfit parent, fine, but he's going to have to prove it."
"Unfit?" McCoy repeated indignantly. "What the hell?"
"That's what the lawyer said," Jim replied. "He said Matthew thought I was an unfit parent and then he insinuated that the Enterprise wasn't the safest place for a child to be raised." Seeing McCoy's skeptical look, Jim leaned forward with an angry sigh. "I know it's not the safest place in the universe, but it's not like we're living on a terraforming planet or in some other primitive area. The Enterprise can defend herself and Abby is perfectly safe. And she has family here. People she knows and loves. That's got to be worth something, right?"
"Of course, Jim," McCoy agreed quickly.
"I mean, what is there for her in Colorado? Grandparents she doesn't know, young aunts and an uncle she barely knows." He looked angrily up at McCoy. "The bastard just wants me to drop her off at Starbase 23 like she's some lost puppy and then someone – who the fuck knows who – will take her to Earth."
"There's about a snowball's chance in hell of that happening," McCoy snorted. "What else did the lawyer say?"
Jim ran his hands over his face and through his hair. "He said that Matthew's case is not without precedent and that he was willing to bring up my…my past and my childhood in open court if that's what it took to get custody of Abby."
"What? That shit should have no bearing on this at all."
"I know," Jim agreed, shaking his head. "He's threatening me. He's going to drag up everything from my past – like the book did – only this time it will be in court and, shit, I guess part of the public record and under oath? I don't know how court stuff works."
"Well, don't look at me," McCoy declared, pouring himself another drink before sitting down again. "I got royally screwed by Jocelyn and her ambulance chasers."
"Starfleet has a legal department, right?" Jim asked. "I mean, there has to be something to help me, right?"
"Yeah, the JAG, the Judge Advocate General's office," McCoy replied. "I worked with them after we got back, before we shipped out again, to see if I could get some time with Jo. Didn't do me much good, but then we didn't have a lot of time, either," he shrugged.
"Fuck," Jim leaned forward and rested his head in his hands. "This is going to… Matthew's going to play dirty. I'm so tired of people poking around in my life." He sat there, breathing deeply for a long moment, before sitting back and looking over at his friend. "Do you think I should… should I tell Spock?" he asked hesitantly. "I mean, he's already had to deal with me becoming involved with a crewmember in a rather memorable fashion, and then all the publicity about the book and… Jesus, do I really want to add a custody battle into all that? What the hell kind of captain am I?"
"A good one and everyone knows it," McCoy said immediately. "And I think you should tell the hobgoblin. He knows just about everything apparently, and it's not like you're going to be able to hide this once O'Donnell makes it public, and we both know he will if he can."
"Yeah, you're right," Jim agreed. "It's just embarrassing. I'm supposed to be the one in charge and sometimes he looks at me like…" he shrugged his shoulders. "Never mind. It's my insecurities talking."
McCoy snorted into his drink. "You're admitting to having any?"
Jim smiled wryly. "More and more lately. Now finish your drink while I call in Spock. Last thing I need is for him to raise his goddamn eyebrow at you drinking in the middle of a shift."
McCoy looked at him indignantly as he downed the last of his whiskey. "I wasn't the only one and you offered it to me. It was only polite to take the glass."
"The first one, maybe," Jim smirked, walking over to his desk. "The two refills, not so much."
"Teetotaler," McCoy grouched, grabbing Jim's glass and rinsing them both out.
"Only during working hours, and, you know, when someone's trying to take my daughter away from me," Jim answered with a shrug as he pressed the comm. button. "Mr. Spock? Can you please come to my ready room?"
"Of course, Captain," the first officer's disembodied voice came over the comm.
"Thanks."
McCoy and Jim sat staring at the table, each lost in their own thoughts, as they waited for Spock to arrive. He'd been down in the labs, so it took him more than his usual five seconds.
"You wanted to see me, Captain?" Spock said as the door swept closed behind him. He stood patiently, his hands behind his back and damned if Jim didn't suspect that he was sniffing the air as the Vulcan silently took in everything.
"Yes, Spock," Jim nodded. "Come in, have a seat. Cup of tea?"
"No thank you," Spock replied, sliding into his usual chair to Jim's right and across from McCoy.
"Okay, fine," Jim nodded again nervously. "I've just received a comm. from Earth," he started slowly. "I'm being, or soon will be, sued by Marissa's father for custody of Abby."
Spock's head cocked immediately as he looked over at Jim, the sound of gears whirring and relays connecting an almost audible process as he absorbed Jim's statement. "Indeed? May I ask why?"
"The asshole lawyer who contacted me didn't say too much," Jim stated, "only that he considered me an unfit parent and that under the orders of Colorado Child Protective Services I was to deliver Abby to Starbase 23 by Stardate 2260.76 in order to turn her over to someone who will take her to Earth."
"Captain, I am unfamiliar with the extent of the powers of Colorado Child Protective Services, nor do I know Colorado state law, but Abby is your daughter." He turned his attention to McCoy. "Doctor, on the certificates registering her birth is not the captain's name listed as the biological paternal parent?"
"Of course it is, you…" McCoy began hotly, but at a look from Jim stopped himself. "Who else's name was I gonna put? Santa Claus?"
"I don't think Abby's paternity is in doubt," Jim chimed in before Spock could reply. "That's too obvious and can be proven. The lawyer mentioned that Matthew, Marissa's father, thinks that I am an unfit parent."
"That is illogical," Spock responded. "It is highly unlikely that Mr. O'Donnell could make such a judgment in the few days that he was with you and Abby while on Stratnon."
"Uh, thanks Spock," Jim said in surprise. "I think."
"Not enough time?" McCoy barged in. "Meaning if he had then he would have thought Jim was an unfit parent?"
"I meant no such thing," Spock countered. "Whoever sees the Captain with Abby knows that he is an above satisfactory parent and cares for her and her wellbeing."
"Above satisfactory," McCoy snorted derisively. "He's a great dad."
"Thanks guys, really," Jim said, trying to hold back a smile at McCoy's glaring at Spock and Spock's unperturbed look. He was actually impressed that Spock considered him an 'above satisfactory' parent. That was high praise indeed, from a Vulcan. "I think I can prove that I'm not unfit, so what I really think Matthew will be going for is that Abby would be safer with him on Earth, rather than on the Enterprise with me, though his lawyer did threaten to dig up my past in court if necessary."
"While a starship is not the safest place for a child," Spock said, "it is also not the most dangerous. And Abby is familiar and comfortable with her surroundings. To remove her from here, and you, Captain, could be psychologically damaging to her so shortly after her mother's death."
"Exactly," Jim agreed. "She doesn't even fully understand that her mother is not coming back."
"But," Spock continued. "Is it possible, given that you and Lieutenant O'Donnell were not married, that there might be some power in his case? I do not know. Even if you were to receive a directive ordering you to take Abby to Starbase 23, it is in all likelihood not binding. I cannot imagine that the state of Colorado has any jurisdiction over you or Abby. And logistically, Abby is aboard this ship and we are no where near Starbase 23, nor do we have plans to be near it at any point in the foreseeable future. Have you consulted the Judge Advocate General's staff concerning this?"
"Not yet," Jim shook his head. "I wanted to see what you knew first. I've never needed a lawyer before – at least not since I joined Starfleet. I guess the JAG is the way to go."
"It is the logical first step and its offices are open to all Starfleet members," Spock nodded. "Perhaps…"
Jim looked over at him curiously. It wasn't like Spock to be cautious with an idea or comment. "Perhaps what, Spock?"
"Would an inquiry to Sarek be offensive to you?"
"Not at all," Jim replied instantly, though the question was surprising. Watching Spock he noticed a continued hesitance in his demeanor. "May I ask why?"
"My father acquired a degree in Terran law shortly after his arrival as ambassador from Vulcan so that he might have a clearer understanding of the methodology. He would be able to suggest other sources or routes to take should you wish to avoid using the Judge Advocate General."
"Why the hell wouldn't he use the JAG?" McCoy questioned. "You said they're there for all Starfleet personnel."
"Yes," Spock agreed.
"Then why would he go to someone else?"
Spock didn't say anything, which Jim found extremely curious.
"What are you thinking, Spock?" Jim finally asked. "Tell me."
"Captain," Spock began slowly. "Has it not occurred to you that you have several…enemies…within the Admiralty?"
"Franks and Dekker," Jim stated immediately.
Spock nodded once. "I do not know if you are aware, but Admiral Collins, the Judge Advocate General, is a colleague of Admiral Franks."
"They're admirals," McCoy pointed out sarcastically, "they're all colleagues."
"That is not the relationship to which I am referring," Spock replied. "Admiral Collins and Admiral Franks attended the Academy at the same time, as did Admiral Dekker who graduated two years before them. They served aboard the same ship after graduation and eventually held the positions of Captain and First Officer of the Persephone, before Commander Franks became captain of the Excelsior. They later worked together on the Betazoid-Terran Project, before Admiral Collins was promoted to the Judge Advocate General ten years ago and Admiral Franks became part of Starfleet's Interplanetary Outreach Group with Admiral Dekker."
"So, you're saying Franks and Dekker have it out for me and this Admiral Collins just might help?"
"It is possible," Spock agreed slowly. "But I do find it illogical that Admirals Franks and Dekker have such an apparent dislike of you."
"Come on, Spock," McCoy guffawed. "You've worked around humans long enough to know that we are a petty, self serving bunch."
"True," Spock agreed quickly, causing Jim to choke back a laugh and McCoy to scowl. "But for men of such high ranking to take such an active interest in persecuting one of their own captains and colleagues… it is illogical."
"It's human," Jim shrugged. "I got the Enterprise over Dekker's son-in-law and we've managed to establish a pretty awesome record of achievement. Marissa made Dekker look like an idiot on Stratnon, and I wasn't at all shy telling them that their petty little grudges against me and that all the hoops they seem determined to make me jump through are the reason that Marissa's gone," Jim state bitterly.
"You blame Admiral Franks for Lieutenant O'Donnell's demise?" Spock asked curiously.
"Of course I do," Jim replied. "And Dekker, I'm sure he's behind it some how, too. You heard me Spock. I said it right to their faces on that comm. when they ordered us away from M'Qtobau."
"I assumed it was something said in the heat of the moment," Spock replied quietly.
"I meant every word of it," Jim said emphatically. "If it wasn't for Franks and Dekker riding my ass for whatever reason, Marissa would be here today. There wouldn't have been a mission to M'Qtobau in order for us to prove that our relationship would not interfere with ship's business. Marissa's assignment was just a part of their dog and pony show to make me prove myself and if I had had any balls I would have told them to take their stupid mission and shove it up their asses. But instead I gave in and Marissa's not coming back and…"
"Jim, stop," McCoy broke in, grabbing Jim's arm and shaking him. "It's not your fault."
Jim seemed to deflate, suddenly, all the pent up anger that had been building as he ranted at Spock, just seeped away. "Yes, it is, Bones," Jim said softly, running his hands through his hair. "But I'm learning to deal with it."
"Jim…"
"No, Bones, let it go," Jim cut him off. "We're not here to talk about Marissa. We're here to figure out what I need to do to fight Matthew. Abby is leaving this ship over my dead body."
The other two men remained silent at the vehemence in Jim's statement.
"I'll contact the JAG," Jim finally said. "It's the logical place to start, but Spock, if you could also contact Sarek, I would appreciate it. Another set of eyes to look things over would be nice. And if something fishy is going on…" Jim shrugged, "I'd rather know about it sooner rather than later. I can pay him…"
"That will not be necessary," Spock interrupted stiffly. "He is not a practitioner of the law, merely a student of it. Any advice he can offer, I am sure he will do so freely."
"Still," Jim replied, looking hesitant.
"It will not be necessary," Spock replied adamantly.
"Give him my thanks, then."
"Of course."
McCoy stood up. "I have to get back down to medical. Dinner, Jim?"
Sitting back in his chair, Jim rotated his neck, trying to work out the tension that had been building all afternoon. "Yeah, sure, Bones. My rooms after shift?"
"Sounds good. See you then," McCoy said as he left.
"Spock, would you and Uhura like to join us?" Jim asked as the Vulcan stood up.
"That would be acceptable, Captain," Spock replied. "I will inform Lieutenant Uhura."
"Good," Jim smiled lightly. "Abby will be thrilled to see you guys."
Spock nodded and moved towards the door, but then paused, his back still to Jim.
"What is it, Spock?" Jim questioned.
Turning, Spock stood stiffly, his arms folded behind his back as he looked directly at Jim.
"I feel that I must apologize, Captain."
"For what?" Jim asked, nonplussed.
"I too felt that Lieutenant O'Donnell's deployment to M'Qtobau was…suspicious and unnecessary, but I saw no harm in…jumping through this particular hoop," he said, borrowing Jim's colloquialism awkwardly. "In retrospect I see I should have acted in a way that would have prevented it. Lieutenant O'Donnell was my subordinate and a fine officer. I did not see to her well being as I should have. I could have spoken up, but I did not. I am sorry for your loss, Jim," he added softly.
"I…" Jim stared, at a loss for words. "I…thank you, Spock," he finally managed to choke out.
Spock nodded once before turning to leave.
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