While the abbey's head musician bolted off to fetch his instrument, many Redwallers pushed away their plates and let out contented sighs of delight. Skipper and nearly every otter in Great Hall stood and made their way to the open floor. Since he himself wasn't familiar with the ballad that was about to be sung, Deyna instead helped to lay out the benches in neat rows for the abbeybeasts so they could watch the performance. The Nevarrs joined him, flocked by babes with swollen bellies and large smiles who in some cases were hopelessly smeared with damson jam from nosetip to tail-tip.
Just as everyone started to sit down, Boorab the Fool trotted in with his haredee-gurdee strapped on. It had been some time since he had brought out the infamous instrument, and as he waddled over to Skipper it jingled and whumped so comically that all of the dibbuns (and plenty of the adult Dillypins) fell to the floor in delighted laughter. As the haredee-gurdee wheezed into action, Deyna couldn't help but notice that the Nevarrs were shaking with silent mirth as well. However, while Ricky and Tumbol were managing to clamp their muzzles shut at the ridiculous clacking and wheezing, Tikky had to stick his nose into a bowl of porridge to dampen his giggles.
Skipper clapped his paws in time with the music and signaled his crew to join in. Soon nearly all the Redwall otters, even Deyna's mother Filorn, were singing an uproarious shanty together with Skipper's voice in the lead.
"Oh, listen to the tale of the brothers of Nevarr
And the lands they've torn asunder:
They've earned their right to their title by far,
For they're called the Sons of Thunder!
Well first in line came Jaunny
Who could best a hare in hunger,
And he's the oldest of the lot
That we call the Sons of Thunder.
When 'e was born, they say the land
Let out a mighty shudder
Each step 'e took, the mountains shook
And trees fell by his rudder, oh!
Great trees fell by his rudder!
He went to Salamandastron
Sent off by his dear mother
He cleaned those hares out of their wares:
Ate all their scones and butter, oh!
He ate their scones and butter!
Well after Jaun came Jimmy
And young Jimmy proved the stronger:
For no live beasts 'cept badger lords
Could best the Sons of Thunder.
Jim wrestled with an octopus
Eight paws against his four
He tied that tosser up in knots
And threw him on the shore, oh!
He threw him on the shore!
Jim wrestled every beast he met
And never lost before
But didn't dare to touch a hair
Of Lady Cregga of lore, oh!
The rose-eyed badger of lore!
And then came Danny, so far south
They say he lives down under
And of the five, 'e grew the most
Of all the Sons of Thunder.
When Dan was just three seasons old
He met with twenty stoats:
He fought 'em all, but grew so tall
Their skins made him one coat, oh!
Their skins made just one coat!
But Dan don't go to sea no more
Except by raft or boat,
'Cause all 'e ate increased his weight
And now he cannot float, oh!
Poor Danny cannot float!
Then after Dan came Joey
Who could never make a blunder,
And every battle fought, he won—
'Cept with other Sons of Thunder!
Young Joey learned to box the ears
Off every livin' Roo
They taught him first, but now they're worst,
Though boxing's what they do, oh!
Yes, boxing's what they do!
Poor Joey boxed the best of beasts
'Til earth was boxed clean through
But all 'e done was still no fun
'Cause his brothers could box him, too, oh!
His brothers boxed 'im, too!
And then comes Micah, last of all
But just because he's younger,
Don't think that he ain't worth his salt
Among the Sons of Thunder.
'Cause Micah-Jack fought with a shark
The length o' seven pikes:
He lost his leg, but not his head,
And Sharky lost his life, oh!
The shark, 'e lost his life!
Young Micah-Jack has got no girl
And says he wants no tether
He sails the seas, does as he pleases,
On the waves forever, oh!
He'll ride them waves forever!
Thus ends the tale of the brothers of Nev—"
But the three guests, having almost gotten ahold of Tikky's snorting before the last verse, suddenly burst out howling and laughing afresh amid Skipper's hearty singing. The otter leader actually stopped to glare at them and an uneasy silence fell, but the trio seemed immune to anything but their current hilarity.
The twin brothers had rolled off the benches and were kicking about on the tiled floor, and Tumbol was pounding her paws on the table and rattling the silver loudly. When she finally caught the looks they were getting, and she stifled her giggles and tried to to rub the tears out of her eyes… but her brothers didn't seem to mind the stares of the dumbstruck abbeybeasts.
"Oy, who taught you that? Your grandfathah?" Tikky whooped while he clutched his chest to try and calm down. "Oy ain't 'eard that version since Oy was a li'l pup!"
Tumbol clutched her ribs and panted while she sent Skipper an amiable wink with her one good eye. "Y'ain't been down south for a while, Oy'd wagah," she chuckled.
The head otter of Redwall raised a skeptical eyebrow back. "A fair bit, I have."
"Did'ja go to the last Hullabaloo? Just last summah?"
"Aye," Skipper growled challengingly. But then he glanced over at Filorn, Mhera, and Deyna sitting together, and his temper deflated slightly. "…we did have to leave partway through, though."
"Then you missed us. Took us a bit long to get there, but we came up for the end of it. A'fore that, the Nevvahs ain't been up north since the song changed. So you don't know what happened to ol' Miggajack!"
The ears of every otter in the hall were immediately pricked and their eyes wide. Even the other abbeybeasts looked on the verge of leaping off their benches in excitement.
"Did he fight another shark?"
"Sail off the edge of the world?"
"Burr, did'm eat n'entire whalefish?"
"Fight a badger— ?"
"Enough," Mhera barked standing to her feet. The hall went quiet. The abbess looked down at the sea otters. Ricky and Tumbol quickly returned to their seats and clasped their paws like scolded dibbuns. Only Tikky looked unbothered. Mhera nodded down at the visitors before sinking back into her seat. "Tell us what happened to him," she allowed.
It was Tumbol that stood up, grinning from ear to ear and displaying her sharp teeth. "One bettah," she announced proudly. Then she gave Boorab a sharp salute. "Mind if we take the stage, mite?"
The hare hesitated only for a moment before returning her salute and following it up with a graceful bow. At least, it would have been graceful if he hadn't tripped over his haredee-gurdy and collapsed into a clinking heap as he was wont to do..
Tumbol slammed her rudder on a nearby bench with a loud "THWACK," that made every beast jump, then clapped her paws twice in time with the song that Skipper had been singing. Ricky joined in and took two forks to the table with a high-pitched "RATTA-TAT-TAT." "Song's long-changed since we was cubs," he admitted to Skipper over the steady beat. "I suppose it ain't reached this fah north yet. Our fathah's verse ain't what it used to be."
"Your father?" Skip repeated bluntly. "Surely you're not suggesting that he was one of the five brothers! In fact, I'd wager you're too young to be anything but grandchildren of the Nevarrs at least. Joey was the youngest to get married, and he's over fifty seasons old now."
"Fifty-nine," Tumbol corrected him smugly. "But we ain't some old gran-pups, mite: we're second-generation to them Thundah-Lads."
"And we ain't Joey's, neithah," Tikky added sharply. "Allow me, mites." He suddenly leapt onto the center table amidst the platters of blackberry scones and Deeper'n Ever pie. It was a wonder his rudder or hind paws didn't land in any of the dishes every time he stomped to the beat or whirled about to face the different sections of the audience, but he didn't, and they were all captivated in the blink of an eye. His voice was deep and throaty and quite unlike most singing the abbeybeasts were accustomed to, but it had its own husky charm. The song seemed to cater to his wide vowels and slanted slang.
"You've 'eard the tale of the brothahs of Nevahh
And the lands they've torn asundah:
They've earned their right to their title by fah,
For they're called the Sons of Thundah!
You've 'eard of Jaunny, Jim and Dan
You've 'eard of Joey, too
But ain't you 'eard that Miggajack
Ain't sailin' like you knew, oh!
'e ain't the dog you knew!
Ol' Migg, he's gone and left the coast,
Gave up the sea for life,
'Cuz 'e fell for a lubber's gell,
And she became 'is wife, oh!
She did become 'is wife!
She came from Noonvale, pale as pearl
'er name was Lily Downs
An' all the world ain't got no girl
As Miggajack's got now, oh!
The lady he's got now!
Thus ends the tale of the brothahs of Nevahh
An' mite, it's little wondah
'ow rivvah-dogs both near and fah
'ave 'eard of the Sons of Thundah!"
Author's Note:
Most Redwall fans know that Brian Jacques based many of the characters in his books off of people he knew. The Guosim resemble the Liverpool longshoreman's union; Arula the molemaid and Samkim the squirrel earned their names from dedicated fans; and many of us now read about Gonff the mousethief with a bit of a tear in our eyes because he was Jacque's personal O.C.
I couldn't help but carry on the tradition here. The Nevarrs are based on an actual family of five wild brothers that I know. They grew up on the seaside, and the youngest really did give up his life on the coast for an inland lady: he even sold his surfboard to pay for the wedding ring. If that's not worth a ballad in Redwall, then I don't know what is!
Another fun fact about this story is that I actually came up with the idea to call the brothers "Sons of Thunder" before even realizing that I would get to call their clan the "Thunder-Holt," (as opposed to 'thunder-bolt.' Hooray for unexpected wordplay!).
(Also, I don't remember if I originally had a tune in mind, but turns out Gilligan's Island works pretty well with the ballad… Bet'cha you're going to go back and read it again now with the song playing in your head…)