Chapter 9:

AN: Update finally! I hope you guys weren't waiting too long. My family vacation had me delayed last week. Sorry. They were running me ragged. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Without further adu here it is.

Dean remembers back to less than a week ago, although it seems much longer now, when he'd been sitting in Sam's backyard just drinking beer and talking to his brother. In moments like that Dean had been able forget that he wasn't completely human anymore. Now, it hurt to have Sam throw his freakishness in his face.

'Well,' Dean thinks as he takes another deep swig from the whiskey bottle. 'There are other ways to forget.'

Sam sits at Bobby's kitchen table sipping his soup as if nothing has happened. Bobby looks on reproachfully.

"Sam, you need to stop trying to kill your brother," the older man states.

Sam pauses in the motion of raising the spoon to his lips. His face flashes with anger before becoming calm again.

"Dean's already dead," Sam states, his voice tightly controlled.

"Son…" Bobby begins but Sam cuts him off.

"No," Sam states firmly. "That thing upstairs isn't my brother. That thing upstairs is an abomination that climbed inside my brother's body and has been wearing him like a suit for thirteen years. That thing messed with my head and used my brother's face to make me trust it. How can you even stand to have it in your house?"

"Sam," Bobby tries to sooth. "Our angel friend seems to think he's the real deal."

"Then Castiel is an idiot," Sam practically shouts. He pushes himself away from the table so violently that his chair clatters to the floor. He begins to pace agitatedly. "Or maybe he's brainwashed. How do we even know that he's really Castiel?"

"I dunno, Sam," Bobby admits. "But is now really the time for this?"

"If not now, then when?" Sam questions heatedly.

"How about after we've rescued your family?" Bobby replies with a touch of annoyance. "Shouldn't that be our top priority here?" Sam grudgingly nods as Bobby continues to speak. "I've talked to Dean and, despite the changes, he still seems to be himself. And even if he isn't, he's offering to help save your family. Let's face it. We're gonna need his help if we're going to have any hope of getting your wife and kids away from Zachariah while they're still breathing. We don't have much of a chance without him. So you need to play nice with him for now and deal with the other shit later. Understand?"

Sam irately mumbles a half-hearted agreement.

"Good," Bobby states, ignoring Sam's attitude. "Now sit down and finish your soup before it gets cold."

Castiel tries to follow Dean into their bedroom, but he finds the door locked.

"Dean," he knocks lightly on the door. "Will you please allow me entrance?" There's no reply from within the room. "Dean?" He knocks again, harder, but still no answer.

Castiel gives up on getting a response. Instead, presses his palms flat against the door. A soft blue light emanates from them and… nothing happens. Despite his best attempts to mojo the door open, it remains resolutely shut. He even tries to use his angel powers to just appear inside, but he just ends up back where he began feeling dizzy.

Castiel is nearly ready to admit defeat. He pushes on the door in one final futile attempt to gain entrance. He nearly falls on his face when it suddenly swings open. Dean doesn't even look up as Cas stumbles into the room.

Castiel studies the condition of his lover. Dean is sitting cross-legged on the bed swaying slightly. The half empty bottle of whiskey is clutched in one hand. A small shot glass had fallen to the floor when Dean had given up on doing shots and began taking deep swigs straight from the bottle. Cas watched as Dean places the bottle to his lips, tilts his head back, and drains the last of the whiskey.

Castiel lets out a small sigh of disappointment at his lover's current state. At least he's out of alcohol. As if in defiance of his thoughts, the bottle suddenly refills itself. Cas realizes that he should have anticipated that. With Dean's powers the hunter could keep himself in booze until he was too drunk to form a coherent though.

As Dean quickly drains most of the whiskey from his newly filled bottle, Castiel decides that he has to put an end to this. He approaches Dean and snatches the bottle from his hand. There's a moment of semi-drunken confusion as Dean tries to figure to figure out where his alcohol has gone. Dean looks up and manages to focus his glossy eyes on his lover holding the bottle.

"Cas," Dean whines. "Need that. N't drunk enough yet."

"No, Dean," Castiel disagrees. "You have consumed enough alcohol."

"No," Dean argues. "Still remember. Need to forget. Please."

"What must you forget?" Castiel asks.

"Wanna fo'get that I'm a freak," Dean responds.

"Dean, you're not…" Cas begins before Dean cuts him off.

"I don't need a bull shit speech about how I'm fine the way I am," Dean hisses angrily. "What I need is to get so shitfaced that I forget my own name,"

"That isn't a good idea, Dean," Castiel tries to dissuade.

"There is another way," Dean states after a short pause. He strides up to Castiel and presses his body against the angel's. He places sloppy, drunken kisses on his neck.

"Dean?" Castiel is surprised the sudden change in his lover's mood.

"Let me suck you," Dean tries to make his voice low and seductive, but it comes out sounding strung out and desperate. "Or you could fuck me. I know you want it, Cas. Think about how good it would feel to pound into me until I forget everything else."

"Dean, no," Castiel pushes free of Dean's octopus-like hold. Dean frowns at the rejection. "Not like this. Not because of pain. It will solve nothing."

"Cas…" Dean begins, hoping to change his lover's mind, but Castiel doesn't give him the chance.

"You must be tired, Dean," Castiel states soothingly. "Lie with me. Sleep. You will feel better when you awaken."

"I 'av nightmares" Dean slurs an excuse even as he lets Cas lead him to the bed.

"I will protect you," the angel promises him.

"Thanks, Cas," Dean smiles at him. It's filled with admiration and love, genuine in a way that only comes with being drunk. "Yer amazing, freakin' wonderful. I love you so much. Too much. Yer more than I deserve. I'm not good enough. Never was, never will be. Don' know why you don' see it. I'm just waitin' until you do. Then you'll leave. Like everyone else…" Dean's drunken, melancholy speech trails off as he climbs into the bed with Cas.

Castiel pulls his lover close to him. He runs calming hands over the other man's body, lulling him to sleep.

"How can you be blind to how much I need you?"Castiel mutters the question into his sleeping lover's hair.

AN: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please leave me a review. I live off reviews and Ramen noodles. I'm hoping to put out another chapter soon. Next chapter our boys will start planning how to free Sam's family. Let's see if they can get along long enough to get anything accomplished. Until next time : )