Singing Of Lust

Chapter 10: Focus on us

Rachel's POV

"Well we can catch up now." Quinn seems anxious, her fingers keep tugging at her ruffled sheets. She casually glances at me, she gives me a look that tells me a story. Story of how much she has missed me, how much she has missed covering with her caring kisses. How she missed holding me, calling me as her own. I know she doesn't have speak but I don't know if she does. Because her mouth opens and closes, trying to muster at least one word. She probably feels so dumb right now even though she isn't. But I have known her awhile to know her mind and heart inside and out.

The reason why me and her are alone right now is because Santana and Brittany thought it would be a good idea. Yeah I bet those too are really 'catching' up.

"Rachel" Only a whisper comes from her mouth, but its a good start. It's like our first date but the roles are reversed. Surprisingly I was the one not talking back then.

"Quinn" I whisper back to her. I honestly think it sparks something in her. Her eyes light up and she turns her whole body towards me. I feel so far from her, sitting in this chair just across from her. I want to be touched, but only by her. I don't even want to be touched by Brittany or Santana right now, just Quinn. The beautiful girl sitting in front of me trying to become capable of words in the moment. Even though they aren't needed. Sometimes silence is a soothing song to listen to. I know it's kind of ironic to be coming out of my mouth. But I promise I am just like any other.

Quinn begins to reach out to touch me, her arm is willing but trembling. I have only seen her like this one other time. That one time is when we first made love. That time we were both shy and unknowing to each others physical pleasures, weaknesses, and strengths. That's what made is so exciting. Each new thing I learned about her was like unwrapping a gift on Christmas morning. At the same time I was unwrapping her. She was full of everything I wanted. The best present ever. The thing is when I thought about the future with the present I never pictured it breaking. Never expected it, but eventually it did and that's what made it so disappointing. I was a serious optimist, the glass was always half full. I never thought of it half empty. I never thought of anything half empty. Until the day Quinn broke me. That's the day I found I was one of the things half empty.

I starting breaking like everything thing else that I cared for did before. It led me to not care about anything anymore. Because I didn't want to break anything else. But I forgot that you can still break things even if you don't care about them. Either way, you are going to make something crack and fall. It's just life, and we have to learn how to get over those kind of things.

Looking at Quinn now, reminds me of so much. All the flashbacks in my head including her, leads me to grab her hand and hold it. I want to hold her again, to keep her again. It gives her so much courage that she speaks.

"Rachel I am sorry, that I didn't try hard enough to keep you. I love you I really do, and this is just a miracle that you even look at me that loving way again. I want it to be like before, I want to get rid of everything else and just go on like it never happened. I wish there was never Finn in our way. I want us to have our happy ending, I want to be your prince again."

Quinn catches my heart by surprise and it yanks a tear out of me. I have no control anymore, I just begin sobbing. She pulls me into her arms on the floor. I sink my face into her chest and my fists tightly grip her shirt. I am clinging onto her. I let everything out to her, everything that I couldn't tell anyone else. Because it was meant for only Quinn, and I only wanted her to know.

"Quinn I miss this too, I miss us. I want us back, the real us. I love you no that just isn't right to say."

"What do you mean?" She asks, rocking me.

"I am in love with you, so why couldn't I have you all this time?"

"Rache you have always have me."

"NO! NO I haven't! Finn had you. FUCKING FINN HAD YOU! WHY? WHY HIM QUINN? PLEASE QUINN! Tell me why!"

I am broken and I feel it now, I have been trying to hide it. I tried to patch it up with Santana and Brittany. But I couldn't I just couldn't that's why I am here. With my flaws and weaknesses exposed. I feel a tear drop on my forehead and she tightens her arms around me until I am laying on her.

"Rach" Her voice quivers just as my voice cracks.

"Rach, I wanted you all along."

"Then why did you leave me? WHY DID YOU FUCKING LEAVE ME! ALL ALONE WHEN YOU KNEW I HAD NO ONE ELSE?"

I try to keep my voice under control but that's one thing I just don't have right now. I can't stop all the powerful emotions in me blending together.

"I never wanted to leave you, I was just dumb. I knew you would find better than me. Someone that you deserve and you did, you found Brittany."

"Did it hurt you to see us together?"

"Yes Rach but that's what I deserved to feel."

"No"

"What?"

"You don't deserve pain."

"But I hurt you."

"I don't care, because you actually felt bad for it, and that counts for something."

"I have fallen for you so hard Rach."

"I have sunk into you Quinn."

"You know there isn't way out for us, right?"

"I don't want a way out."

I look up at Quinn and she wastes no time, kissing me. I grab the back of her shirt and pull her into me.

"Quinn you have to get used to Britt and San owning me also. And I have to get used to them having you as well."

"I know are you sure you are ok with it?"

"Yes because remember I am in love with Britt too, and supposedly I have a huge lesbian crush on San. Because of her super hotness."

We both comfortably laugh at that.

"Well let me just be honest I have a huge lesbian crush on her too for the same reason."

"Oh really?"

She nods with a smirk.

"So what do you think about Brittany then?"

"She is really cute and I have had a crush on her too."

"Well then I can't believe I am saying this but San actually made a good decision even if it was crazy."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah"

"Haha I can't believe you said that either."

"Well you should know I am full of surprises."

"I sure do."