Chapter 10: Letter

It all happened so fast, quite meshed into a blur actually. She shut her eyes tight and before she could react, Damien had his lips pressed against hers. She almost found herself falling in, their lips perfectly fitting on top of the other, but she realized it was Damien. She opened her eyes, pushing him back gently. "I can't do this…"

He looked flushed, unaware of his surroundings. He reminded her of someone who just woke up from some wonderful dream. Her heart was racing, her mind was blank. She didn't understand herself why she had pushed him away, she'd always dreamed of this. It didn't feel right though.

"What's wrong? Was I bad?" Damien asked, looking horrified at the idea that he was a bad kisser. She didn't understand how someone could be a bad kisser, in her eyes, she figured there was some connection that you had with someone when you were pressed against each other that way and if that connection sparked, it was good, if it didn't, and then she supposed it was bad.

She shook her head. She was lost for words. What would she say? "Oh I love you Damien… I am just really scared of commitment and also mentally insane since I am obsessed with a blue box and a fairy tale alien," and instead she responded with, "What's that Mom? Yeah I'm coming!" And she ran off.

It was late at night and her parents were asleep, why she pretended her mom called her, she really had no idea. She panicked. What else would she have done? Her best friend and all of the sudden, crush, just kissed her, in her room. No one would know and yet she felt like the whole world had watched. She expected a whole group of her neighbors to jump inside her kitchen and say "CONGRATS!"

She cautiously ran over the kitchen windows, shutting them down and locking the doors, you never knew what could happen. She gripped the edges of the counter as she looked down at the drain in her sink. She really wished she could just drown in that drain at the moment.

"What is wrong with you? He's amazing... Why are you so afraid? You've dated guys before. You're not new to these things. I mean yes... You've been alone for a while, stuck in your books and dreams. But he was always there... Reading the books you read... Listening to the dreams you dreamt," She whispered to herself. What was she suppose to do?

She wished her mum was awake, she bet she would have some good advice to spit out to her like a gumball machine. She should go back up the stairs. Talk to him. Yes! That's what she will have to do.

She quickly and silently ran up the stairs. She stepped inside her room, hoping no noise woke up her parents or else she would have a lot of explain to do as to why a boy was in her-

No one was there. "Damien?" She whispered out to the darkness now. Her lights were off. She flipped a switch near her door that dimmed the room with her Christmas themed lights. She had just put them up since it was going to grow on to be the holidays soon.

She almost felt hurt and alone when she saw he wasn't there anymore. Her window was opened, as the breeze from the starless night grazed her cheek. She walked over, shutting the window slowly. She swore she saw something in the shadows move out of her yard. She frowned at how her chances looked now of ever being with him. Why did she have to be so afraid?

She woke up the next morning, almost not even close to forgetting Damien. She had to find him, explain to him. Definitely shout out that she loved him that last night was not her rejecting him, it was just her being a coward.

"Clara!" Her mum called out.

She got up quickly, lacing up her boots with her jeans tucked in. She rummaged through her drawers, eventually throwing on a crimson sweater over her. She let her hair fall down in its wavy curls, as she bounced her way down the stairs to breakfast.

She was about to make her way out the door to drive quickly to her classes until the voice of her mum stopped her abruptly in her tracks. "Oh no you don't! You will be eating some breakfast first Clara Oswin Tyler!"

Clara backed up into the kitchen where her mum stood there, golden hair tied up in a bun as she held out a pan with bacon fried in oil on it. "I thought it was Clara Oswin Smith?"

"Your dad says Smith. I say Tyler. Either way, you are going to eat breakfast Clara."

"Mum! I am going to be late. There is no time to sit down and eat something. I am not even hungry," she lied.

"You are going to eat. Look, I'll pack it for you. It will take only a minute."

Clara rolled her eyes as she waited impatiently in the doorway of the kitchen while her mother packed the breakfast. She wasn't hungry, why should she be forced to eat when she needs to go to class, track down Damien and declare her love for him and apologize for her running away.

"Mum. You need to speed this up. I need to leave now!"

She turned around, handing her the package of breakfast. She smiled, for a moment; it was something that spiked her memory. All of the sudden Clara saw her mum younger. Hair the same length as it was now, same bright golden, but her face was younger, happier, and full of life. She was staring up at someone, she could only remember the back of his head. Barely any hair, big ears.

She dazed out of the memory, staring back at her mum as she reached for the breakfast. "Thanks!" She quickly kissed her mum on the cheek and ran out the door. Sticking the keys in the ignition, speeding off to her class, and thinking of the possible scenarios that would happen when she explained everything to Damien.

It was about a fifteen minute drive until she finally drove into the parking lot, hurrying out of her car to find Damien. She ran through the campus to her class quickly, they would be practicing for their play that they would be performing tonight.

She walked inside her class, her professor rushed to her, grabbing back the shoulders, "We are performing right now."

Her eyes widened, "What are you talking about?"

He smiled, "Just kidding Surprising you are in so early."

She barely caught her breath, "That's not funny professor. You almost killed me."

"Oh don't worry. I'd never be that crazy. Just get ready in costume though, I'd like to go through a dress rehearsal perfectly for once."

Her professor rushed off after a couple of students who were fighting over a wig. She didn't want to find out why they were fighting over a wig.

She ran around the theater room, searching for Damien but he hadn't shown up yet. Betty, the costume designer, grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her to get into her official costume.

Her hair was curled to where it stringed up to the top by her ears. Make-up department ran by her, brushing powder there and there, rubbing colors on her eyelids and so forth. She had lipstick rubbed onto her lips, it tasted of strawberries, and it must have been some new brand.

The costume designer ran by her, handing her a dress on a hanger that was covered in a plastic wrapping. She unwrapped the plastic with a navy blue dress inside, perfectly ironed and pressed.

The feeling of the dress was soft, it smelled of laundry detergent. It had reminded her of her father's suits, which smelled exactly the same after her mum cleaned them.

She quickly went into a dressing room and zipped up the dress. Her costume was pretty simple and she felt naked as she unhooked the chain with the Oswin Oswald ring attached to it and set it on the table near her clothes.

She stuck the clothes and necklace into her cubby that they all had used for their personal belongings. She glanced over at Damien's, which had his clothes stuffed inside and a squared out piece of paper sticking out of his jeans.

She quickly grabbed it, undoing the crumbed remains of the letter, her eyes not being able to stop as they skimmed through, reading every word he had written.

She flipped the paper over as it continued on the back. In a summary, it basically stated how much money he would need for certain things and how his life was. It was pretty much a diary entry and a list. She kept reading until the next words stopped her. She kept rereading the words over and over again, disbelief flooding her mind at each individual word of the sentence.

I love her. No, I don't love her. I'm in love with her. Clara. She's beautiful and my mind won't rest until I tell her this. I can't get it out of my head, I can't get her out of head. I dream of her. I need her. I want her. Everything is better when she is around.

The childhood we've spent made me a better person, happier than I deserved. She deserves more than she gets. I want to be the more. I want to be there when she cries over a book. I want to hold her tight when she is frightened at the storms.

I want her to hold my hand when we sleep. I wish I could kiss her. Have her be mine for once. I can't be just her best friend, because I'm in love with her.I'm in love with Clara.

"What are you reading?" Damien's voice made her jump, the letter held tight in her hands. He looked anxious, as if he could take a wild guess at what she was reading and realize he was thrown into his worst nightmare.

She looked down at the letter, thought about the kiss, his body, everything that was him. She wanted the same things as he did. They were just both so mental for never admitting it. She pushed the TARDIS and the Doctor for once out of her mind, and she only left room for Damien.

She wanted to admit her feelings, but all she could make out was "You're in love with me?" As she stared up at him, amazed that she could admit it aloud that it was all true. That it is indeed what the paper in her hands right now stated in pen.

His eyes grew wide for a second, then he held himself up straight, in defeat and confidence, " Yeah."

She didn't need to think twice. She dropped the paper, he was ready to protest about how it wouldn't get in the way of their friendship, she knew it, but she didn't want to hear that, she wanted to hear him say it. But she didn't give him the chance, instead she threw her arms around him, kissing him passionately, running her hands through his hair as he finally wrapped his arms around her waist, picking her up.

She couldn't help but giggled at the idea of them together. They would be the match make in heaven, yet be the worst couple ever to walk the Earth. They finally let go of each other and just stared into the other's eyes. What was there to say now? She felt pretty speechless from finally getting all the secrets off her shoulders.

"I'm in love with you too Damien," she whispered into his ear as she finally held him tighter than she ever thought she could, afraid to let him ago and awaken from this life into another one, having it all be so unreal.

He smiled a smile she had never seen. He looked down at her, holding her face in his hands as he kissed her one more time, making her forget the bad, the mysterious; all she wanted was him now. She, for once in her life, stopped believing in the Doctor. Because Damien was real, he was real, and he was here. Not the Doctor. Damien. It was time for her to grow up.

"I think I have an idea about the TARDIS and how to break into it," Damien suggested randomly.

She stopped him, "It's fine. I don't need that silly blue box. Damien, I just need you, alright?"

He smiled, a gentle smile, "Alright. We'll forget the TARDIS."

He wrapped his arms around her again, she smiled through the tears. She didn't understand why she was crying. They weren't going to die or anything. He wasn't going anywhere. She wasn't going anywhere either.

She stared out in front of her, her heart stopped, as something felt as if it was crawling up her throat, her stomach turning inside out. The Doctor. Him. The man in her nightmare. Her dreams. He wore his occasional tweed jacket, slacks, suspenders, the whole dorky attire.

He adjusted his bow tie as he looked at her, clearly hurt. He wasn't real though. She had to remind herself that. She shut her eyes tight, trying to make him disappear. She opened them again; he was standing there, staring at her through the sad eyes.

He's not possible though. She.. He.. He wasn't there before! No. She really was losing it. He doesn't exist. He isn't here, she thought through her tears. She held to Damien tighter, shutting her eyes once more, even tighter.

She heard a sound, so loud, unfamiliar, but Damien didn't react, he just kept holding her with what felt like hours. But it'd only be a few seconds of them holding each other. Time was slow around us. She opened her eyes to sound and wind blowing her hair wildly out of her face. She stared at the blue box, appearing before her eyes.

She wanted to push Damien out of the way and hit this box, tell it to go away, leave her head alone. Let her be! But she just stared at the thing as time froze around her. She was stuck in Damien's hold as she stared at the TARDIS.

The doors opening and he.. The Doctor... The legend, himself, stepped out of the TARDIS. His sad eyes gazed upon her again, making her heart break into pieces.

Before he stepped back in and time continued its normal pace, he quietly told her, "Rescue me you clever girl. And I'll show you the stars."