HOLY MOTHER OF ALL KETTLES! My profile got over 1000 views in one day?! This story gets hundreds of views daily?! Seriously, those are some stats.
To every single person who even so much as looked at this story, THANK YOU!
Now, a few things –
Southparkcosplay on YouTube make Kyle's Rants videos! Of course, they were made a while before I continued this story, but still! You should check them out, since they're pretty awesome.
Guest – Good point, but nearly every fic I've seen has Kylie-boo as the shortest. I don't know, but Kyle finds it somewhat 'rantable'
Of course Doomie can has a cookie! 3
I hasn't done a disclaimer yet! Oh noes!
So, South Park is not mine. Neither are Kyle's opinions, because if they were, I'd be one hell of a hypocrite.
Ok…well, I was going through my mail, and I got the weirdest shit to rant about – Why I wouldn't be raped by Cartman or Kenny.
Creative…but, well, creepy.
Well, why would I not be raped by Cartman or Kenny? That could probably be answered quite easily. I'll start with Kenny, since, well, Kenny's part would probably be smothered under Fatass.
Kenny, Kenny, Kenny…dirty, perverted, and would rape anything that breathes. That's no exaggeration. I'm not fucking kidding. He was once dared to fuck a snail. He fucked a snail. I even saw him fuck a snail.
He's definitely fucked pretty much every whore at school. I had the privilege of hearing his tales of what he did. In perfect detail. If he doesn't become an erotica novelist, pornstar, or head of pornography site/magazine, I will be pretty fucking surprised.
I guess the reason Kenny wouldn't rape me is because my mom would flip out if she found out I had STD's from it, and that it would create a wall of awkwardness between the two of us for, well, forever.
Then again, I'm not saying he wouldn't because, well, he can get pretty fucking pissed most of the times. He even fucked his own cat once when he was drunk. It's no wonder that poor traumatised cat ran out in front of a car.
I wouldn't be surprised if Kenny even had buttsecks with some guy when he was hammered. I mean, what shit doesn't go down when Kenny gets drunk?
Then there's Fatass.
The reason that tub of lard wouldn't rape me is because I would rather be tortured slowly and painfully by a psychopathic killer before seeing that baby whale naked.
I swear, I would even full on make-out with Stan before letting than ass-hat anywhere near me. Don't get any ideas from that. Honestly, I would kiss my best friend or kill myself before being raped by Cartman.
Face it. If I was, then I would be admitted to a mental hospital for horrific nightmares and heavy trauma.
Most importantly, Cartman is a racist, homophobic, small-minded, sexist dickwad. Even if he did claim to be going out with me once, he's still a complete homophobic blubberoon. Yes, blubberoon. Because that word was made especially for him.
Besides that, if Cartman gets anymore twisted than he already is, and decides to 'restart Hitler's work', starting with me, he would go to much more painful and creatively twisted methods than rape.
If he did, he'd probably rape me up the ass with a cactus. Because he's more twisted than a Twizzler.
So I guess that sums it all up, yeah? Ok...that's good.
Review guys! I have a little competition idea, if you're interested!
60th Reviewer will get to choose the topic! However, it can't be on a certain pairing or a certain person, as they come in a whole different part of the rantology. Yep, another new word, and a spoiler alert.
Love all of you amazing guys!
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