Chapter Five

When I arrived home, I went to my father's study. He was free of work for which was either lucky or unlucky for me as I stepped towards him. I wasn't sure what to make of it either as I stood there. I wondered what he would say. I had to report to him about the follow-through of the consequence he had assigned me. Well, I didn't have to but it was expected of me. He glanced at me, and I sat down across from him. He raised his eyebrow, a silent questioning of my presence.

"I told Kyoya-san, Otousan," I said simply.

"What did he say?"

I paused, looking at him. He asked me therefore he wanted to know. But he was not going to like the answer that I was about to tell him. I took a deep breath steadying myself in preparation for any retaliation he might fire back at me. "Kyoya-san said that so long as I did not repeat pointless fighting, it was not a problem."

His eyes narrowed, as though he didn't believe me. As though I might have taken some pleasure in denying him his answer. Not likely. Not plausible for me either. I avoided lying about things. Besides if I had lied about what my fiancé said, I would have come up with something more creative or believable. Something that appealed to him. He was not impressed but he did not say anything to contradict what I had said. He turned back to his computer monitor and I left him to whatever he had been doing prior to my arrival.

I retreated to my room and decided to phone my fiancé. It was a rather spontaneous decision but I wanted to see if I could arrive after the Host Club activities had ended. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be present at Seiren's banishment from the club. I assumed that Kyoya-san would be doing it tomorrow during the club. I wasn't sure though. Yet another reason to phone him. I dialed the code in my electronic device that would summon one of the maids. There was one located in almost every room. A particular code would signal the guards and another would signal and emergency. There were a great many codes put in, but I had only ever bothered to learn those three. They were the most useful ones, at the very least.

The maid appeared at my door, and with a sleepy yawn I asked for the phone and my fiancé's number. She disappeared to do as I asked. I usually did things myself but I did not possess Kyoya-san's phone number. I usually memorized my friends' numbers, rather than look them up every time I wanted to phone them. The maid returned very promptly and handed me the phone with a happy smile. They liked to have things to do and I rarely asked for anything. I thanked her and put the cordless receiver to my ear after hitting the call button.

I hesitated as the phone rang. What if he didn't answer? I shook my head. If I was home, he would be home. I waited patiently and one of the Ootori servants answered the phone. I told her I was calling for Kyoya-san and there was a brief silence and I was in limbo for a few moments before another voice took the phone. It was distinctly masculine and it took me a short moment before recognizing it as my fiancé's. I had spoken to him on the phone yesterday but I had not paid any attention to what he sounded like. I had been too irritated to pay any attention to such a minute detail.

His voice sounded a little heavier and deeper, but there was nothing different excluding that. "Kyoya-san," I said warmly.

"Ashia-san?" he sounded mildly surprised. "We just spoke a few moments ago, was phoning necessary too?"

"No, I just missed you," I retorted with slight sarcasm. As there was a silence on the other end, I wondered if I had used enough stress in my tone to indicate my mockery. "Um, I'm phoning because I thought of something to ask you," I clarified honestly. Maybe he didn't understand sarcasm? I considered his personality and immediately discarded that thought. There was no way that he could have missed my sardonic tone.

"And that would be…?" he prompted.

"If I should come by after the Host Club."

"No," his answer was almost immediate.

I paused, biting my lip nervously. "Why?" It was rather strange to realize that I was making an attempt to communicate with him again. I wondered if I had been the one holding back during our previous conversations. I wasn't sure and I didn't have the luxury of time to focus on my thoughts when he spoke again.

"I would like my customers to know that you're supporting my decisions as well. They might take it to mean that you didn't want Seiren-kohai to be removed and then that would imply that it was fine if they attacked you," he stated clearly.

I sighed mutely, agreeing with him. Not that he had any idea that I was agreeing with him. I wasn't sure if that was a necessarily good thing or not as I felt obligated to make some sound of affirmation over the conversation. "I understand." I was beginning to feel a little silly, with how this was going. Again, another correction from him. I truly felt lesser than my fiancé and that being an equal to him would be a long ways in coming.

"Is that all?" the impatience was clear in his tone.

I felt small and insignificant. "Yes, Kyoya-san," I replied softly, weakly. Pathetic, I thought to myself. There was a hesitation between us, but I was tired (both physically and mentally) and I added into the receiver, "Thank you for your time, Kyoya-san. Sorry for disturbing you, goodnight and see you after school." I hung up before he could say anything.

I laid back on my bed with a loud sigh. Yesterday I was mad at him for hanging up without saying anything, and then I went ahead and did it to him. Well, fair was fair. I shook my head, knowing it unjust to even consider excusing my actions with that. It might have been fair but it was far from necessary. I just hadn't wanted to hear him say anything more, for fear of being lessened. Was I that much of a prideful creature, that I couldn't handle someone being better than me. He had already proven himself superior to me in every way and yet now I was choosing to let it bother me.

It should have been just as easy to block it out and deny it, if I had started to let it irk me. A frustrated groan escaped my lips this time, as I was aware that it wasn't that simple. I wished it was. There had to be something I could do to improve. Maybe if I thought about what I was going to say, or ask and considered the reactions to it. I was too accustomed to be free with my words. I was generally at ease with people and I was trying desperately to get his friendship. I was letting our developing friendship get in my way of objectivity.

If I could treat everything with an objective view then perhaps I would be able to understand him and be more of an equal. I wasn't accustomed to being reserved and holding things back. I wasn't secretive. I was an open, honest girl. I had been for seventeen years and changing into a reserved one was going to be hard. I knew cautions and I enforced them at appropriate times, but with my fiancé I was simply trying too hard for friendship. I was afraid that he might see me practicing being reserved as distancing myself from him. If he had just started to think that I was not keeping myself an arms-length from him, then my sudden silences and considerations might perturb him.

Another frustrated sigh escaped me. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't have everything. I suspected that the answer was simple but I wasn't fond of it. My musings were something that belonged only to me, and admitting to Kyoya-san that I was tired of being belittled by him was hard for me. I would have to tell him that I was practicing being reserved. If he asked why, I needed a reason ready to hand to him. I couldn't tell him that his simple clarity made me feel insignificant.

If I didn't want to jeopardize the recent advances in our companionship, then I was going to need to supply a good reason about my possibly distant behavior. I needed something to work with and I had no idea what I could say. I rolled over onto my stomach, inhaling the fresh scent of my recently made bed. How was it possible that I had no idea of what to tell him? There had to be millions of ideas that would work. But yet, all I could summon was a blank. Nothing came to mind.

Thinking hard for several minutes, I returned to lying on my spine. I supposed that I might be able to present my reserved behavior as being due to my parent's influence for desiring a more feminine aspect of me. I hoped that he would be able to believe that as it was the only thing I could come up with. And I was out of time for further deep ponderings. I had to do my homework, have dinner, shower and head for bed. I did little in-between those times. That left me maybe an hour of contemplation towards developing this idea. That was all that I had, though.