2/16/2013 10:02 PM
Mentor:
I watched my best friend die a year ago. I tried everything possible to save him. There was no amount of CPR, not amount of praying, no amount of bargaining with God to bring him back.
I tried for almost a year to make it without him. People think I tried to kill myself. I didn't. My goal was to get through the night. When you care about someone so much it feels like magnets are pulling your hearts together it is amazing. When that person is gone, your world can't stabilize.
He spoke to me like a poet.
I have met a friend here. We have shared a cigarette or two. I have never smoked before but my new friend said it helps. We talked. I talked about what happened. My new friend shared what they have been through. I smiled. I smiled. I haven't smiled in a long time. Today was windy. My friend put my hair back behind my ears. I don't know the last time someone touched me who didn't feel sorry for me. Pity hugs are the worst!
2/17/2013 7:18 AM
Mentor:
The guilt of going to sleep happy hurts. I have to go to breakfast. Do you think I could get some chapstick? The wind hurts my lips.
2/17/2013 10:39 AM
Mentor:
I am the only one at the breakfast table with a mentor. I asked one of the servers if I could have their purple pen. I gave them the orange one you left in my journal.
I get to go outside again today.