Poem by Katherine Mansfeild (first two stanzas of "Chamomile Tea")
Sorry about the wait, I was on vacation for a few days and now I'm back. But unfortunately I am moving into my dorm this friday so it may take another week or so before I get another chapter out, so I apologize in advance.
Thank you so much to those of you who leave reviews! To those of you who don't, well, leave some because I'm writing this for everyone...
Also, forgive me if there are errors. My proof reading skills are not yet up to par.
Outside the sky is light with stars;
There's a hollow roaring from the sea.
And, alas! for the little almond flowers,
The wind is shaking the almond tree.
How little I thought, a year ago,
In the horrible cottage upon the Lee
That he and I should be sitting so
And sipping a cup of chamomile tea.
Chapter 10
I paced back and forth across the entrance to the banquet hall. Everything was prepared exactly as planned, so tonight should be flawless. Then why was I pacing? Not like a hungry tiger paces back and forth, glaring at its prey, but more the way idiotic birds peck this way and that in mindless agitation. I will admit I was nervous. Only several days had passed since Persephone became a resident in my palace, and I did not have any way of knowing how she felt about it now. She certainly let me know how she felt before, but unless I was imagining it, something had begun to change. I stopped pacing a moment and wrung my hands together. Maybe I had only wished her change of heart to come, and made it so in my mind; I could have interpreted everything all wrong. Or even if she did start to feel better about me and my home, maybe she is repulsed by her own feelings, or maybe she does not know how she feels and is only trying to… Silence! I commanded my mind to be quiet, but unfortunately it does not work that way. I looked down at my hands and dropped them in disgust. The urge to learn what she was thinking was a constant distraction, in my throne room, in my bedroom, while I ate, while I bathed, even while I slept. My mind simply could not give up trying to reach hers. I knew it was impossible, but does that ever make a difference? Frustration had begun to back up in my skull, like a river threatening to overtake a dam. This was why tonight seemed so important to me. Tonight I would be able to find out definitely what she thought, I would talk with her in clear terms, observe her actions and attitudes toward me, and see exactly how she stands.
My cut and dried solution gave me a small comfort, enough so that I could run over one last check of the hall to see that everything was in its proper place before she arrived. I had the hall decorated in the style of a summer night, I hoped it would be appropriate. The walls were made entirely of smoothed, black Micah that shimmered in the soft light from the silver chandeliers hanging from the high ceiling. The ceiling itself was actually hung canvas, in a yellow-cream color, that dipped lower in the four corners of the room, much like a large tent. I had placed the chandeliers much lower to create the flickering illusion of stars on the canvas, but not to illuminate it, because it turned a delicate shade of twilight gray as deeper night fell on my domain; the overall effect, I thought, was of the last glow of a sunset in the evening. Around the walls, and from the inside of the ceiling, hung many strings of gold coins in varying shapes and sizes, each reflecting its own flash of gold light as they spun. They hung low to bring the ceiling down, and reduce its vastness. I also added to the walls, many mounted pots of hanging vines and flowers, that filled the air with their scent, to make her feel at ease. I knew that she like to have life near her, that it heartened her to see things growing. There was a generous space cleared on the floor for dancing, but the rest was taken up by wrought iron tables with curling designs forming the legs and top, which was covered by a circular pane of glass in deep, yet translucent gem tones. Some tables were covered with ruby colored glass, others in topaz or emerald or sapphire, and others still in amethyst. The table I had set for Persephone and I, was slightly larger than the rest, and was topped with a smoky, topaz colored glass. On it, were two place settings, two glasses, and of course, utensils. In the center I placed an amber vial that contained the flower of the Underworld, the very same one she had picked, moments before I arrived.
I huffed a breath of terse satisfaction, and ran a hand through my hair. All that was missing was her. Some of the more virtuous shades had been invited, mostly to take up space, and they began to file in now and to either take seats at their tables, or simply amble about, commenting on the loveliness of the room in dull murmurs.
I heard a rustling at the doorway, the small click of the handle was lost in the general noise, and I turned just in time to see the servant shade walk in, followed by Nyx, whose help I had enlisted on behalf of Persephone, and finally Persephone herself.
There is not an adequate supply of words in human language to describe the immediate burst of thoughts in my head when I saw her walk into the hall. All I can say is that I was dumbfounded. She knocked the breath out of my lungs, and tripped my heart. For an indefinable amount of time, I could do nothing but stare, slack jawed. She looked exquisite in that dress, the perfect combination of innocence and daring; it was absolutely stunning. But more than that, it was dark. If there had ever been any doubt before, as to where this woman belonged, it could stand no longer in the face of the divine image in front of me. She walked in with a quiet confidence, and sensual grace that showed in the slight tilt of her hips with each step, and the way she held her shoulders back, and her chin a touch higher than usual. I felt a familiar thrill in my gut and a twitch in my limbs that I could barely restrain. She was mine tonight, and I strove desperately to calm myself down, and not rush right up to her and do things to her that I had only dreamed of. I shuddered. I had thought that I would be able to analyze her; to dissect her every word and move. But it was apparent now that it was impossible, and that I no longer desired to figure her out, that would be wasted time. Instead I wished only to drink her in. Her eyes, after what seemed like ages, finally locked in with mine, and it was just like looking into a mirror…
…I knew he could see right into me, I knew because I was doing the same thing to him. I was sure my knees would give out beneath me, so strong was the feeling I read in him and felt in myself. He looked captivatingly elegant, in a jet black suit that buttoned up the side of his chest to a high collar, in a military style. With his body silhouetted in his dark clothing, I could see perfectly, the lines, and hard angles of his body, from his broad shoulders down to his narrow waist, and long legs. The beauty of his form, even fully dressed made my heart ache, and strain against my ribs. His hair swept down to his eyes, making him look thrillingly dark and seductive. At that moment I was tempted to run to him and act out my dream, but it seemed that at the moment we were both rooted fast to the ground we stood on by the same invisible force. A knot in my stomach clenched harder, and I sucked in a quick breath of surprise and let it out again as slowly as I could. This seemed to be enough to break the spell. He blinked several times and moved toward me…
…I used the few steps toward her as time to calm my nerves and collect my thoughts. I would need them both to serve me to get through this evening without disgracing myself. I offered her my arm, and led her over to our table, intensely conscious of our closeness the whole way there. We each took our seats, facing one another across the table. I wondered for a moment who would begin talking, or even what we would talk about. I had seen it with perfect clarity when I played the scene in my head, but now I was not so sure. Then abruptly, she spoke, "My lord, this hall is magnificent. It reminds of a place I used to visit many years ago." I was surprised, she did not seem at all wistful or saddened by the comparison, I smiled with relief on the inside, but then decided to smile on the outside too. I was most definitely unaccustomed to this. I inquired about the place she spoke of, she answered, "It was an old temple dedicated to my mother," here I detected aggravation, "it had been long since abandoned, but the flowers and vines just continued growing all along the walls and the floor, and the top was completely open to the sky…It looks remarkably like the ceiling in here." She gestured with graceful arms, to the canvas ceiling and walls and floor. My heart glowed when she turned back and smiled at me, "Only I think I may prefer this, because there is no chance of my getting rained on out of nowhere!" She laughed, and I smiled again. There was a gentle lull in conversation. It was not awkward, it just seemed that we were both wondering what it would be safe to talk about…
…He was the one who decided to take the next turn at conversation. He looked almost nervous, which surprised me. What would the man who controls death have to be nervous about? But then he spoke, "Persephone…" he paused here, looking stuck. "My lord…?" I prompted. It got his attention. "Please, call me Hades." I gave a small nod, and then he remembered where he was: "I know that this place is not where you would like to be, rather, it is not what you are used to. In fact it may be just the opposite…" Suddenly I knew where this was going, and I had so many things to tell him. I felt a desperate tug at my throat, and I had to swallow to fight it back. I knew what he thought about what I felt. I wanted to tell him that he was wrong, that I did hate here it at first, I loathed it, I hated being stolen without my consent. But I was wrong. I saw his kindness, the justness with which he held all of that power and standing, I even wanted to be a part of it. I saw that back in my home I would have been given away in marriage just as easily without my consent, I should not have expected more. My eyes were open now, and all I saw was him…
…I was trying to find the right words to tell her what I meant, but I could not summon them forward. Then I saw the look on her face. Her emotions flickered violently over her features, like the flame of a candle, but I was unsure of what I read there. I continued anyway: "I am aware of all this, and the suddenness with which I took you here. You may leave any time you wish, I would not stop you," these words hurt the most, and I feared she would take advantage, "But if you have in any way changed your mind, I urge you to please spend a little more time here, to see what it is really like to live and rule here, it can be so much more than what you have seen. And regardless of your decision, you must know why I brought you here in the first place." I paused again, taking a breath to steady myself. "I have watched you for some time now. It is not my custom to frequently visit the upper world, especially Mount Olympus. But when I saw you for the first time, I knew you were different. I could immediately see that you had so much more potential, so much more life and spirit and fire than what anyone expected of you. Forgive me for being forward, but, I--I love you, and wish that you would remain here and be my queen." I held my breath and clenched my fists, I could not bear to watch her face to see her reaction, yet I looked up anyway. Her beautiful gray eyes were brimming with tears, I frowned at this, a little confused. Finally she smiled as a tear rolled down her cheek, and my whole body flooded with warmth and amazement that I never before understood.
Shaking ever so slightly, she stood from her chair and came to my side of the table, as soon as she got near enough, I reached out and gathered her in my arms. She perched herself on my lap, light as a dove, and wrapped her arms around my neck bringing herself closer to me. I was in a mild state of shock. I could barely believe this was happening, it was more than I could have hoped for, and I did not care. All that mattered was the woman sitting with me. Maybe it was not a return of love, and it was not acceptance of my offer, but it was enough. With my arms still around her, and hers around me we leaned in toward each other, and this time we kissed. As her lips pressed fully against mine, I felt the dam in my head burst open and drain, and with it drained all the stiffness I had acquired over the millennia. I could feel her melting into the kiss as our lips parted to one another, whispering of the faintest urgency. She broke the kiss, slowly stood and asked me, "Would you like to dance?" Her mouth curved up in a coy smile that I had not yet seen. I liked it. For the moment, her uncertainty was gone and…
…I led him to the center of the hall, still buzzing with the exhilaration of the kiss I had longed for. When I had come to him I was unwilling, so I knew that he would not let himself believe that I was just as deeply in love with him. To prove it to him, I would show him how he had helped me shed my cold exterior, the way a caterpillar emerges as a butterfly.
As soon as we stepped onto the floor, music started to seep through the walls and ceiling. It was a haunting gypsy tune, played on a fiddle that slid seductively up and down the melody, with deep, rushing drums underneath. It came from everywhere and nowhere all at once, a fact that Hades seemed already aware of. I threw him a look from under my eyelashes as I moved farther out onto the floor. He recognized my look at once, and just like in my dream, his eyes flashed and his mouth showed the slightest hint of a growl. He didn't approach me, instead he stood back a distance, waiting, with a hunger in his stance. I took the opportunity to tease him a little. I began to dance the way I did at home when no one was watching, giving myself over to an imagined melody. Only this time it was real, as real as the pulse in my veins. It filled my ears and vibrated on my skin as I slowly ran my hands up my sides, pausing at my hips and ribs. I turned my head in toward my arms as they glided over my head; my eyes slid shut for a moment. My hips made deliberate circles, isolated from my chest so that only they moved. I felt the delicious pull of my stomach muscles as they stretched taut over my belly. Next my chest moved, rising and falling in time with my hips, so that my whole body was set in motion. I turned in circles and released my arms to lower back down as my wrists turned in and out in a beckoning gesture. I stopped turning, facing away from him. I rolled my shoulders back one at a time, waiting to feel his approach. His hands gripped the sides of my arms and he pulled me roughly back against him…
…Her movements had me enthralled, I was surprised at her talent for seduction, but maybe I was just easily seduced. She was ridiculously tempting and she knew it, but I did not want to push her too far. As she pressed against me I reminded myself, this is only a dance. I led her through a tango that was lilting and close at some times, and punctuated and distant at others. We moved together across the floor, completely absorbed in the temper of the dance; I would throw her out and she would spin back in, landing hard at my chest, and she would twist her body against mine, and then lock our arms at a distance, separating us. Neither of us spoke a word, dialogue flowed freely between our bodies as they crashed together and tore apart.
The dance ended as I dipped her low, her back arched all the way as she released her neck. I leaned over her, taking in the scent of her chest and throat; my nose grazed over the bare skin there. I stood her up, keeping our bodies close. I looked down into her eyes; they were ravenous. I pushed my hands on her lower back, forcing her body even closer. She licked her lips and whispered, "You had better kiss me…" But before she finished her statement I had caught her mouth with mine. She gave a small moan, and I deepened the kiss. She was completely open to me now, and my demand grew more fierce. I traced my tongue lightly past her lips, and felt a tremor move up her spine, but she did not pull away. Instead she act as if she wanted nothing more. It was me who eventually broke the kiss, we looked at each other, our lips still shining, our breath ragged. I wanted to slow myself down, I could feel that familiar ache rising up again. As desensitized as I tried to become to her presence, it was still very difficult to hold back. If she had done this the first time I brushed my lips across hers, her virtue would have run screaming out of the room at what would have happened next. I suggested instead that we take a walk…
… "Where would you like to go?" I asked. It was an innocent question, but it seemed to ring with so many others that held entirely different meanings. I blushed a little, he only smiled down at me and held out his arm. I took it, and we began to walk through the different corridors in his palace. I was a little scared of being alone with him, not because of what he might do, but because of what I might decide to do. We walked in silence for a moment, each of us content with our own thoughts.
I suddenly had an idea. I turned to Hades and asked him, "Do you think that we could stop somewhere so that I could take these shoes off? They are beginning to put blisters on my feet." If he guessed at anything, he didn't show it. He only nodded and made a another turn. "My chambers are here. Hand me your shoes, I will be just a moment." He opened the door to his chambers. I didn't have time to look around, as he made his way to the other side of his room, I slipped silently in and shut the door behind me. I stood with my hands behind my back, against the door, waiting for him to turn back around. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as he saw the door closed, and me on the inside of it. He gave a dangerous smile that displayed his perfect teeth. The closer he came to me, his eyes never leaving mine, the faster my breathing became, until I was afraid I would pass out. He stood in front of me and snaked his hands around my back to meet mine. Only, he did not pull them out to hold between us. He kept them locked behind me, his hands tight around my wrists. I cried out a little in astonishment, and a little in delight. He laid a string of kisses along my jaw line, and stopped right before he got to my mouth. I would have begged if I had to, anything for this to never stop.
I turned my face to his, and kissed him full on the mouth. It was a forceful kiss, not innocent the way I'm sure he expected it to be. I gently took in his bottom lip with my teeth and traced the tip of my tongue over it. And then he froze. His body was like solid marble against mine as he released my hands and slowly backed away. His breath came in small gasps, and his eyes were as wide as I had ever seen them. "Persephone…" he rasped, half in awe, half in shock. He looked very seriously at me and said, "Tell me what you want. I would never ask more of you than you are comfortable with, I only want to know…I do not want to push you…I…" I put one finger on his lips to quiet him. I stood on my toes to reach up and kiss his forehead. "Hades, I love you." My voice sounded full even to my own ears, and I was surprised by the force with which I said it. And I meant it too. I would have given anything for him then…
…I looked down at her. Had she really just said that? I had never felt such joy. Though I was barely capable of expressing it, a single tear slid down my face. She smiled at me and understood exactly what I meant. She reached up and kissed the tear that collected at the bottom of my jaw. It was the most tender gesture anyone had ever extended to me. I locked her in my arms, and buried my face in the crook of her neck. She kissed my shoulder, and anywhere else that was in her reach. We pulled apart after a time, and she said to me: "I will meet you here tomorrow, after all your work is done." And with that, she swept right out of my chambers. The room still resonated with her promise. I was grateful that she said it, I wanted to take tonight and tomorrow to memorize everything. I wanted to savor every moment, and a lot had just happened. This was not too fast, this was…
…Perfect. I felt a great weight lifted off my chest. I finally told him how I felt. I promised him tomorrow, but tonight I needed to sit and make sense of everything, to bask in the glow of his affection. I had never thought it possible for Hades to display such passion. I felt privileged to be the only one who saw it. I returned to my room that night, and could not sleep for hours. But I did sigh more times in those hours than all my years put together. I longed for tomorrow to come and go, but at the same time I relished the anticipation of the promise I had left hanging between us, that would be fulfilled in only hours…