Chapter 10

Ray glanced at the time on the cable box for the hundredth time. It was 11:15 and Neela still wasn't home. Of course, Ray hadn't expected her to be, but he was still anxious. He knew that even if her shift did end at eleven, and, even if she somehow did manage to get out on time, she still had to catch the train home, which meant that the earliest she could possibly be home would be 11:30. That is, if she got out on time, which was almost impossible when it came to the hospital.

As Ray counted down the minutes until Neela would be home, Catherine walked out of her room and sat down next to Ray on the couch. She picked up the remote control off the coffee table and began flipping through the channels. Ray didn't notice.

"You used to hate it when I did that," Catherine said, finally stopping on a channel, even though she didn't know what was on. She didn't really want to watch TV anyway.

"What?" Ray asked, coming out of his daze.

"You hated it when I would change the channel when you were watching TV," Catherine explained.

"I wasn't really watching," Ray replied, shifting in his seat so that she was not sitting as close to him. He began to notice her tendency to be near him all the time and it made him uncomfortable.

"You okay?" Catherine questioned.

"I'm just waiting for Neela," Ray answered.

"You two still in a fight?"

"We're not fighting," he insisted.

Ray silently wished that Catherine would leave him alone and make herself scarce. He knew that Neela would not be happy if she came home and Catherine was around. They needed time to themselves to communicate and decide together what they should do about Catherine. Besides, he too had noticed that it had been a long time since they had so much as kissed, and he was ready to remedy the situation.

"Look, Ray…what I said earlier…"

"You don't have to apologize," Ray cut her off.

"I wasn't going to apologize," Catherine responded, perturbed. "The way I see it, I have nothing to apologize for."

"Catherine…"

"Just hear me out, Ray," she interrupted. "When we were together in high school I thought we'd be together forever. And when we both went away to college, and we decided to break it off, I told myself that I was okay with us not being together because I knew that it was time to move on. I've been saying that to myself for the past nine years. I've been trying to convince myself that I wasn't still in love with you but I always have been."

"What about your boyfriend you moved to Chicago with? Didn't you love him? What about all the other boyfriends I'm sure you've had over the last nine years?"

"They don't matter to me. They never mattered to me as much as you did. Even when I was with them, all I could think about was you. I tried so hard to forget about you, but then I saw you again. And that's when I knew that I couldn't pretend anymore. I knew that I couldn't let you go again."

Ray turned his body to face her. For the first time, he realized that Neela was right. Catherine was still in love with him and he had to set her straight.

"For a long time, Catherine, after we went to college, I felt the same way. I wasn't sure if I'd ever find someone to love like I loved you, but we were young and…"

"Don't say that," Catherine said as a tear fell down her cheek. "Everyone always said that we were too young and that we didn't know what love was, but I never believed them. We were in love."

"Yes, we were, but it's different now. We're not the same people we used to be." Ray took her hand in his, trying to let her down gently. "Catherine, you will always have a special place in my heart, but I don't love you. I love…"

"Don't say her name," Catherine interrupted. "She's not good enough for you."

"You're wrong."

"You can't tell me that you don't miss being with someone who loves the same things you love and who has more in common with you." Catherine leaned in towards him. She lowered her voice. "You can't tell me that you don't miss us. That you don't miss this."

Catherine bridged the gap between them and put her lips to his. She put her arm around his neck and put her hand at the back of his head, holding it there so he couldn't pull away. Ray's mind spun. He knew that he should break apart their kiss, but there was something so comfortable about the kiss, that he couldn't.

"Oh…my God," Neela stuttered. Her breathing became labored and staggered. She couldn't catch her breath.

Ray immediately pulled away from Catherine and stood up. Neela was standing in the doorway, tears streaming down her face. She stared at Ray with a pained look on her face.

"Neela, it's not what you think," Ray stammered, walking over to her. Neela took a step back. "Neela." He reached out for her arm and she fled down the hallway. Ray immediately raced after her. "Wait!" She began to race down the stairs. "Neela!"

He grabbed for her arm. His fingers enclosed around her wrist.

"Let go of me!" She shouted, not able to look him in the eye.

"Let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain. I saw it all very clearly," she shouted, trying to wriggle free from his grasp.

"Please, just come back upstairs, please."

"This was all a game to you, wasn't it? Be with me and screw your ex-girlfriend on the side and see how long it would take you to get caught?"

"You know that that's not true! Neela, I love you."

"Save it."

"I didn't kiss her, Neela! She kissed me!"

"You're hurting me," Neela stated, looking down at her arm. Ray hadn't realized just how tightly he had been holding her. He immediately let her go, pained by the fact that he physically hurt her and that he was the reason she was crying.

"Please, let's just talk," Ray begged.

"It's over, Ray," Neela said. "It's over."

"It can't be over. Neela, I love you."

"If you truly loved me, this would never have happened. Good bye, Ray."

She ran down the rest of the stairs and out of the apartment. Ray stood on the stairs, unable to move.

"Well, she overreacted," Catherine said, walking out of the apartment. "She seems to do that a lot."

"Get out, Catherine," Ray snarled.

"What?"

Ray stood up to face her. "Get out!"

"Ray…"

"I want you out now!"

Neela stood at the door and waited, praying that Abby was home. She didn't know where else to go. All she knew was that she couldn't go home. She couldn't bear to see Ray. More than that, she knew she couldn't stand it if she saw Ray and Catherine together.

Seconds later, the door opened and Kovac stood before her.

"Neela? It's past midnight, what's going…"

Neela couldn't help but break down again. She had managed to regain her composure as she boarded the train near her apartment, or, her ex-apartment now, but, as she stood facing him, she couldn't help but cry.

"Come on in," Kovac beckoned.

Neela stepped inside and closed the door behind them.

"Is Abby here?" Neela managed to say between sobs.

"Yeah, she's just changing," Kovac answered, not really knowing what to do with Neela. Although he considered her a friend, he just didn't know what he could do for her. He was never really comfortable around crying women. "Are you alright?"

"Yes…no…I don't know," Neela slumped down on the couch.

"I'll get Abby."

Kovac quickly disappeared into the bedroom. A minute later, Abby appeared in her pajamas, obviously ready for bed.

"Neela?" She walked over to the couch and sat down beside her. "What's wrong?"

Again, Neela broke down, burying her head in her hands.

"Ray and I…we broke up."

"What? Why? What happened?"

"I came home…they were kissing," Neela sobbed.

"Ray and Catherine?" Neela didn't even bother to answer. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry."

"All this time, I trusted him. I mean, I knew that Catherine was in love with him and that he didn't want to admit it, but I still trusted him. And now, now it all makes sense. How could I have been so stupid?"

"You're not stupid, Neela," Abby soothed.

"Anyone else would have seen it. Anyone else would have never have let her move in. Anyone else would have…"

"You can't blame yourself."

"How can I not?" Neela picked her head up and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "And the most annoying thing," she said, "is I…I still love him. I keep seeing the image of…of them in my mind playing over and over again, but I still love him. It would be so much easier if I could loathe his very existence, but I can't."

"Then why did you break up with him?"

"He was kissing another woman! He was kissing a woman he told me he didn't love anymore!"

"I'm not saying that your reaction was wrong…"

"Then what are you saying?" Neela snapped. She hated that she was yelling at Abby, especially since she knew that Abby was just trying to help, but she couldn't help herself. "What would you have done?"

"I don't honestly know, Neela. But I do know that I think you should think about it. Take some time. Sleep on it. Don't throw away your future because of one mistake."

"What if it wasn't just one mistake? What if this has been going on and I've been too naïve to realize it. Or maybe I did realize it. Maybe in my subconscious I knew it this whole time and I just trusted him too much."

"You can't jump to conclusions. You don't know what happened, Neela. And you won't know until you talk to him."

"I can't talk to him."

"I'm not saying you have to do it now. Like I said, sleep on it. You worked a double today and you've been working non-stop and worrying about Catherine for the last two weeks. You need to rest. Your mind will be clearer in the morning. Then you can decide what to do."

"What would I do without you?"

"Probably be really, really drunk by now."

Neela cracked a smile as Abby squeezed Neela's hand.

"And, of course," Abby added, "you can stay here."

"No, Abby. You and Luka have your own…"

"You're staying," Abby insisted.

Neela smiled. "Thank you," she replied.

"You're welcome. Let me get you some sheets and something to sleep in."

As Abby stood up to get some bedding for the couch, there was a pounding at the door.

Author's Note:

Again, this was one of those chapters that I knew had to happen. It was just a matter of getting there. I really enjoyed writing this chapter because I really do love writing (and reading) angst and it's fun to write a malicious, evil character for once. Please comment!