I disclaim. I own nothing.

Chapter 10

"You scared the shit out of me."

"You're lurking outside my house like some creep and I scared you." Leaning against the doorjamb, Tara's face mirrored the incredulousness in her voice. She'd been sitting in the middle of her bed studying when she caught sight of Jax on the other side of the door just outside her bedroom. "What exactly were you trying to accomplish out here anyway?"

"I wanted to see you. I figured I'd try to get in this way in case your dad was working, I didn't want to disturb him."

"You didn't want to get drafted into moving more furniture." Tara corrected.

Jax scoffed, but didn't bother to deny it. "And I was looking to see if you guys had a key hidden back here anywhere."

"Why would we have a key hidden to this door? We do that and any hooligan off the street can decide to waltz in."

"Funny." Pressing forward, Jax wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her tight to his chest. "You could at least pretend to be happy to see me."

"I am happy." Tara confirmed as she leaned in to press a kiss to his lips. "Just surprised to find you lurking out here. I also thought you had to work today."

"I did." But he'd putting off ending things with her. Or more accurately putting off getting her into bed so that he could end things with her. And the longer he put it off, the more attached to her he became, until he finally decided enough was enough. "Got done early." With his arm still around her, he walked them both into the house. "Your dad here?"

"Nope."

A smile spread slowly across his lips as he bent his head to kiss her, it was then he heard the music. It was with a frown that he pulled back and glanced over her shoulder, taking in the bed with the books spread out on it. "That's your room? Right off the door like this? Talk about fucking convenient."

Before Tara could even think to stop him, Jax stepped around her and walked right into her bedroom. Something about seeing him there, in her space, frightened her. Like he'd see some part of her, the way she was feeling lately the only part, she'd managed to keep from him so far.

"It smells like you." The words were out of his mouth before he could think better of it. In an attempt to keep from seeing her reaction he kicked off his shoes, pulled his sweatshirt over his head, and dropped onto the bed.

"Just go ahead and make yourself at home, Teller."

"Come here."

"In case you hadn't noticed, I was studying." She tried to relax but had to settle on just looking the part as she climbed onto the bed as well. Instead of laying next to him, as she knew that could only lead to trouble, she sat as she had been before he arrived.

Jax couldn't help but to grin at the way she chose to ignore him. Reaching out he brushed the tips of his fingers along the patch of skin on her back exposed by her top. He expected her to push his hand away but all she did was shiver and it was all he needed to press forward. His movements weren't as smooth as he wanted when he shifted until he was sitting behind her on the bed, but she didn't seem to notice so he didn't bother to care.

It seemed her plan was to continue to ignore him but Jax didn't mind that so much, it gave him time to play a bit more. His hands came down to rest on her hips, he allowed his thumbs to slip under the hem of her top for a few teasing brushes. Her hair was pulled up in a high ponytail, leaving her neck exposed to him, and his mouth immediately went to the sensitive point just behind her ear.

It took all he had not to bite down instantly, he really loved the little sound she made when he bit her there, but he wanted to take his time. So he started with nothing more than softly brushing his lips over the fading love bite he'd placed there. Two days before when he walked her home from work, he had no intention of giving her a hickey. It was just that her neck was there and he'd been very reluctant to let her go.

Tara gave up all pretense of studying when she felt his lips on her neck. And when those soft little pecks slowly became hotter and wetter, she gave up all pretense of ignoring him as well, her head all but falling to the side in surrender. His hands remained on her hips but his grip was no longer absent, she was pretty certain that the love bite he was sure to leave on her neck wouldn't be the only bruise she'd have come morning.

Having her plaint in his arms was exactly what he'd been after, but he had to stamp down on the voice in his head that was telling him to get out before things went any farther. Jax had to remind himself that what he wanted from her, it wasn't a lie. Had to keep repeating it as he moved back just long enough to strip off his T-shirt. When his hands went to the hem of her T-shirt, Jax felt her tense and the voice became louder and again he stamped it down.

"It's okay." His words were whisper soft against her ear as he slowly began to ease the shirt up her body. This would usually be the point where he told a girl to trust him but he couldn't get the words out. Instead he placed a gentle kiss behind her earlobe, his breath coming out on a shuddering sigh when her arms lifted to allow him to remove her shirt.

He wanted so much to cup her breasts in his hands, to all but rip the bra aside so that he could see her but he didn't want to scare her. So his hands went to her stomach, rubbing gentle circles on her skin as he gave her head a nudge to turn her mouth to his. It took all he had to ease into the kiss. He didn't want the quiet and sweet. He wanted hot and heavy and all the things that would keep him from thinking too much. His mouth closed over her bottom lip, sucking almost desperately before giving it a none too gentle nip. In the end he couldn't maintain the sweet and he all but devoured her mouth.

It was like her entire body went lax against his. Her arms came up to wrap around his neck and he wasn't quite sure what to do with the way her legs seemed to open just a bit more. This was what he wanted, he had to remind himself that this was exactly what he wanted. She felt so good, just so fucking soft and warm, against him. Her lips parted, granting him entrance and allowing his tongue to slid over hers.

Realizing he had her just as he wanted Jax slipped his hands under thighs, lifting them just enough to allow him to place each one of her legs over his. Her back arched and he used the movement to let just the tips of his fingers slip beneath the band of her sweatpants. He waited for her to tense, to object, to do anything to let him know she didn't want this. But she only moaned softly into his mouth and he couldn't stop himself from easing more of his hand into her sweats

This wasn't the usual way he kissed her. She was use to the heat but this hunger was something different, it was almost punishing. She tried to change the tempo, tried pulling back and placing soft kisses on his lips to calm him. But Jax was having none of that. More she found herself lost in his kiss, enjoying the way he seemed to not be able to get enough of her. His hands were warm but rough and she loved knowing they were rougher now than they were before he started working at the garage.

There was some part of her mind that knew there was nothing accidental about the fingers that slipped into her pants. And there was a voice telling her to stop this before it went any farther. But she ignored it. She wanted him to touch her. Never wanted him to stop touching her and kissing her the way he was now. And when the hand beneath her sweats dipped further and the one on her stomach eased up towards her breast all she could do was moan and offer more of herself to him.

Closing his hand over her breast, Jax couldn't help the moan that escaped when she arched into him. Her nipple hardened and he had to break the kiss so that he could see it. She was so flushed, from her pale cheeks all the way down to her chest. It was like nothing he'd ever seen before. It was almost like he had to pull the cup of her bra down, like he simply had to see just how far down that flush went. And that only made things worse because now he wanted to taste her. Wanted to know if she tasted as hot as she looked

This, Jax thought as he turned his head to take her mouth in another kiss, was exactly the problem with her. Every little bit she gave him, he found himself wanting more. Every time he kissed her lips he had to fight the urge to tilt her head back and plunder her mouth. He never held her hand, simply bypassed the act by wrapping his arm around her. When he talked to her on the phone he had to assure himself that he'd be seeing her soon after. Nothing was ever enough for him when it came to her. He always wanted more.

Now his kisses did slow, the hand down her sweats going back to her stomach. How could he get her out of his system? Even now, as he worried about not being able to, he couldn't stop touching her. There's no way, Jax thought, absolutely no way he'd be able to have sex with her just once. There were no justs with Tara. She'd done something to him, made it so he'd never be satisfied with only a little bit of her. That was dangerous. Probably even more so because he'd be her first...

He'd be her first. If he took her virginity and walked away without a backwards glance he'd hurt her. And it was a realization that had him pulling back. Because the only thing more dangerous than wanting so much of her was wanting to be the guy he saw reflected back at him in her eyes. He was never sure what she saw when she looked at him, only that it felt like more than what anyone else saw. But sometimes he found himself striving to be that for her. If he slept with her and walked afterwards, he'd be nothing of what he saw in her eyes.

"Jax," Tara's voice was soft as her hands came up to frame his face. "You okay?"

No, Jax thought as he gently pulled the cup of her bra back in place unable to keep himself from allowing the back of his fingers to graze her nipple, how could I possibly be okay when you fucking broke me. "Yeah."

When he moved back, Tara turned to face him. "You sure?"

He gave her a smile to ease the nerves he saw in her eyes. "Yeah. Just realized I don't want your dad coming in here, finding us like this, and deciding to use one of those many tools in the garage on me."

Tara didn't think she believed him, but wasn't sure if she wanted to push either. "Oh."

He should leave. Jax told himself to grab his shit and go, but still he lingered in the bed, eyes taking in as much of her as he could in the fading light. "Where this was going…you weren't ready for that were you?"

It wasn't what she expected of him but she thought it was kind of sweet that he asked. "Truth?"

Jax nodded. "Truth."

"No. Not yet."

"Okay." It made him feel like an ass, realized he would have felt worse if he'd done what he originally came to do. "I'll give you a call later." Again he told himself to go but couldn't stop himself from leaning forward to kiss her. Especially when he figured it was likely the last time he'd be able to.

Tara's alarm hadn't gone off but her father had entered her room twice, yet she made no move to get out of bed. For a moment she considered pulling the covers over her head and forgetting about school. It had been two days since she'd spoke with Jax. She called his house, every time his mother told her he wasn't there, and he never called her back. He didn't bother to come to school either. But she'd seen him. Just last night as she was locking up the store she saw him coming out of the diner with Kyle, Kozik, Opie and a few other members of SAMCRO. All the others had saw her, grinned and waved, but Jax continued to walk like she didn't even exist.

It hurt, more than she thought it could. And in that moment she hated herself more than him. Because she knew better than to fall for him. Knew better than to believe his pretty eyes and easy smile. But when he came to her, upset about his mother getting remarried, when he opened up to her that way, she thought maybe he was looking for more than to score. She thought maybe she could learn to trust him a bit. And she began to think how nice it would be if Jax were her first. When she crawled into bed last night she thought maybe she was the worlds biggest idiot.

"Tara-girl. Tara, wake up."

There was a moment where she considered not answering, but she knew her father. If he were in the right mood he could stand over her bed and call her name for at least an hour. "Dad, I'm not going to school today." She wasn't particularly proud of the whine in her voice but there wasn't much she could do about it either.

"You shouldn't have to, Kiddo. It being your birthday and all. But I want you to wake up and see what I got you."

He sounded so excited and buzzed, though she couldn't be sure if he had an early morning buzz going or just still drunk from the night before. With a sigh and more than a hint of curiosity Tara tossed her covers back so that she could sit up in the bed. It took a few moments as she had to rub the sleep out of her eyes but when her gaze finally settled on her father her brow creased at the easel he was standing next to.

"It was my mother's." Eric began with a proud grin. "Your grandmothers. You use to paint all the time when you were a kid, I thought you grew out of it. But I saw the drawing you brought home from school the other day. You got talent, like your old man."

Before she even knew what was happening tears sprang to her eyes. Her father had never given her anything of his mother's. She didn't even know the woman painted. That he'd give her this…it really did mean the world to her. "I don't know if I'll ever have your talent, Dad. But this…I love it. I really do love it."

Eric continued to grin proudly, glad to have gotten this right for her. "There's more." He moved quickly over to her dresser, picking up two plates and carrying them to the bed. "The Devil's Food cupcakes with the filling that you love."

Now, Tara thought as she accepted the plate from her father, she really was going to cry. "Thanks, Dad."

"I got it right, didn't I?"

"Yeah. You got it right."

"I am not carrying those things around all day."

Candy poked her lower lip out in a pout but wasn't the least bit surprised by her friend's words. The main reason she went out and bought the balloons was to embarrass Tara. "Well thanks a lot. See the next time I go through so much trouble for you."

Unable to do anything else Tara accepted the balloons, holding them out away from her so that she could see. Despite her words there was a large smile on her lips. The morning with her dad put her in a much better mood than she would have been in other wise. "I didn't say I didn't love them, because I do. They're just not practical to carry with me all day."

"You're right. But you really do love them?"

"I do." Tara nodded as she turned to put the balloons in the backseat of the Cutlass.

"Good. MJ wouldn't let me get balloons for tonight, said we were too old for them. But come on, you're never too old for balloons."

"Always been my motto." Once the two girls had fought the balloons into the backseat they made their way towards the school

"So," Candy began as they walked into class. "Are you legal, now?"

Tara nodded with more enthusiasm than she felt. Jax was already in his desk when they walked in, he didn't even bother to glance up at her. The whole reason she came into class early was to try and avoid seeing him. She kind of wished she still had her balloons, that way she could use them to block her view of him. Reaching into her purse Tara pulled out her newly acquired license. "I'm officially legal now."

"Yes!" Candy reached out to grab the license, as if holding it would make it even more real. "No more weekends at home or waiting for MJ. And, ugh, you look so pretty in this picture. I hate you."

"Let me see." Opie didn't even bother to wait for Candy to hand it to him, just reached out and snatched it out of her hands. "Welcome to the club, Knowles. Damn good picture, too."

"Thanks."

"Happy Birthday, Tara." Lowell was standing awkwardly next to her desk, his eyes shooting around the room as if any minute he expected someone to go for his neck. "I…uh…I got you this." He placed a small bakery box on her desk. "They didn't have the chocolate kind you liked. So I got vanilla. It's really good, though. Promise."

Pushing out of her desk, Tara wrapped her arms around him. More than the gift she was just glad that he didn't hold the whole Vickie thing against her. "Thanks, Lowell. My dad bought up all the chocolate this morning, like literally all of them."

"Well, uh…" There was a shy smile on Opie's lips as he held up a small white bakery box as well. "Not all of them." Out of the corner of his eye, Opie could feel his best friend's heated gaze. He didn't know what Jax's deal was, just that he spent the last two days with chicks who weren't Tara. Opie hadn't said anything because it wasn't his business. But just because Jax was going through his shit didn't mean Opie was going to throw his friendship with Tara away.

"Thanks, Op." Tara had just slid back into her seat, Mr. Horton had walked in meaning the final bell was about to sound, when David stood from his desk and made his way back to her.

"Happy Birthday, Tara. I know you like them, so…"

Tara looked down at the Beastie Boys CD in her hand and had to bite back the curse that was on the tip of her tongue. "This is all their unreleased stuff. Their demo is on here. Oh my God, I love it."

From his desk, Jax watched as Hale gave a wide gapped tooth grin he wanted to knock right off his stupid face. Tara was fawning all over that CD like she wasn't use to shit. He could have gotten her a CD, would have gotten it for her if he knew it was her fucking birthday. For whatever reason nobody had bothered to tell him.

"Good, I'm glad." David smiled as he started to lean in close to her but before he could brush his lips over her cheek he was struck in the forehead with a ball of paper.

By the time Tara registered what had just happened, David was back at his desk and the bell rang signaling the start of class. Her mouth had dropped open in surprise, if Mr. Horton noticed what happened he didn't say anything. A quick glance to her left and Tara could see that Candy wore the same shocked expression that she did. For a moment Candy's eyes flicked to the back of the class before returning to Tara's.

"What the hell?" Tara couldn't help but mouth at her friend.

For her part Candy merely shrugged, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she turned her attention to the front of her class. She had a feeling Tara's birthday party was going to get really interesting.

"There are fucking rules, man. A fucking code and that shit just ain't cool."

Sitting in the bed of his truck, Opie pulled lazily at his cigarette as he watched his best friend pace and grow more agitated with each step.

"Tara and I were together for nearly two months, everyone had to see us together. Now I'm not around for two days and all of a sudden it's open fucking season. That's bullshit."

"You were with Julie this morning." Opie pointed out, ignoring the glare his friend sent him. "Laura last night. And Gretchen the night before that. So yeah, that makes it open season on Tara."

Jax wasn't an idiot, he knew that. He was moving on, because he wanted Tara to do the same. He just didn't expect all the assholes at school to immediately start throwing themselves at her. As soon as they stepped out of English, MJ was there throwing his arm around Tara's shoulder and bragging about the kick ass party he was going to throw her that night. Fain was there as well, easing his arm around her waist and pulling her away from MJ. "None of them were interested in her before."

"MJ isn't because Tara's like a little sister to him." Opie began. "It's possible Fain is though."

That didn't make Jax feel any better. "Isn't there suppose to be like a waiting period or something."

"Not really." Opie gave an indifferent shrug. "You and Tara were only hanging out. She was never really your girl."

"Like hell she wasn't." Jax bit the words off harshly, started advancing on his friend before he realized what he was doing. "She was my girl, if she wasn't I wouldn't have broke things off. If I didn't give a shit I wouldn't have-"

"Fucked around on her."

"I didn't fuck any of those girls." A move that surprised even him. But that wasn't even the worse part. No, that came when he found himself trying to find the same comfort, the same rhythm with them that he had with Tara. Being out with other girls didn't make him forget Tara. It made him miss her more. "If I didn't give a shit I'd have been fucking Tara."

"You'd have been trying to fuck Tara." Opie corrected. "Your shit doesn't work on her remember. And you sound crazy as hell you know that. If you didn't care about her, you'd be fucking her?"

"That was my plan." Jax mumbled. "She's got me all fucked up, Op."

"And you thought that was because you hadn't gotten into her pants." Opie couldn't help but laugh.

"I miss her, man. When I'm not with her, I miss her. I just want to be with her all the time. And it fucks me up because it's never been like that before. I figured I just needed to get her out of my system. But…" Jax trailed off, embarrassed by what he was about to admit. But if there was anyone he could talk about this with, it was Opie. "She's a virgin, you know." And he didn't want to be the guy who has sex with her and leaves. He didn't want to be the guy with her that he was with every other girl.

"You like her." Opie stated simply.

Jax nodded. "And it's scaring the shit out of me."

"The way I see it, you got two options. One, you grow a dick, tell her how much you like her and be with her. Or two, shut the fuck up, go back to Julie, Gretchen, or whoever and let Tara be with someone else."

There really was only one option, Jax realize. Because he didn't want Julie or Gretchen or whoever else. And there was no way in hell he was going to sit around and watch Tara be someone else's girl.