Chapter 8: Aftermath and Howlers

November the first was a like entering a nightmare that started at breakfast. An eagle owl swept in and landed in front of Harry Potter. It bore a red envelope.

Harry smirked and opened it.

"HARRY JAMES POTTER! HOW DARE YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT KILLING ME, THE GREATEST DARK LORD THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN! DO YOU THINK THAT YOU COULD POSSIBLY KILL ME WITH A MUGGLE MACHINE GUN? I SHOULD THINK NOT! I AM LORD VOLDEMORT, NOT SOME MUNDANE HERO WORSHIPPER! I CAN'T BE KILLED BY THE LIKES OF YOU! AS TO THE THIRD PART TO YOUR…PREFORMANCE, I DO HOPE THAT YOU PORTRAYED YOUR PARENT'S FEAR CORRECTLY, AS WELL AS THE FACT THAT YOUR FATHER WAS A GRYFFINDOR TO THE END, ATTEMPTING TO TAKE ME ON UNARMED. YOUR MOTHER, HOWEVER, DIED PROTECTING YOU, POTTER! HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW THAT YOU GOT YOUR MOTHER KILLED?"

The Howler exploded; showering the hall with flaming debris. For some reason, Harry was laughing, while the rest of the hall was screaming. Muttering something to Ron and Hermione about "returning a favor", Harry left the hall laughing like Sirius Black.

[Somewhere evil]

Lord Voldemort was sitting on his bone throne, awaiting his owl, Venom. Venom returned with a Howler. Flicking his wand, the Howler delivered its message.

Harry Potter's angry voice rang through out his base.

"Your mother is a *beep beep beep*ing*beep*lorem ipsum*beep beep beep*admiumvenium*beep beep beep beep*turolagulio*beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep* hippopotamus*beep beep beep beep beep beep* Republican *beep beep beep* Daniel Radcliffe *beep beep beep beep* with a bucket of *beep beep beep beep* in a castle far away where no one can hear you *beep beep beep beep beep beep* soup *beep beep beep* with a bucket of *beep beep* Mickey Mouse *beep beep* with a stick of dynamite *beeeeeepppp* magical *beep beep beep beep* ALAKAZAM! YOU FLOBBY WANDED DEMENTOR BOGGERER!"

The Howler didn't explode when it was done though. Voldemort then noticed the scrap of parchment tied to Venom.

HAHA! You thought it was going to explode! This particular Howler was charmed to be indestructible as well as charmed to go off at 3 AM regardless of where you are.

Lots of Love,

Harry

Harry skipped and giggled the rest of the day, even through Potions, even when Snape kept him after class.

"What, pray tell is the reason you are skipping and giggling?" Snape drawled.

Harry giggled then said with a straight face, "The Dark Lord won't be happy for a very long time."

Snape sighed. "Do I even want to know?"

"Let's just say that I returned the favor and that the more he tries to stop it, the worse it gets." Harry skipped out of the room.

[Somewhere evil: 3 AM]

"DAMN YOU HARRY POTTER!"

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the Elder Swear or other wizard swears.

A/N: Ha! Two in one day! Did you know that breakfast and unibrow aren't considered recognized words by spell check?

Lost in the Lies,

Simply put, the red shirt is a Star Trek reference. It's a symbol for cannon fodder, meaning that you really don't want to be the guy wearing a red shirt—usually that means that you are going to die. Giving red shirts to DADA teachers is like marking them as cannon fodder, (Quirrel; dead, Lockhart; memory removed, Lupin; sacked/fired, Moody; locked in a trunk, Umbridge; trampled by centaurs).

~A. Rosalie