This is just a temporary chapter thing. After I get some responses I'm gonna take it down and redo it and stuff and make it good. So if you could point out the flaws I'll try to fix them.

You're right. He is easier.

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Plummeting slowed to mere floating, as the black space around her melted into white. She alighted perfectly on the marble floor and found she was back in the Temple of Time. It was as flawless and unchanged since the last time she'd seen it, seven years or twenty minutes ago, whichever way she looked at it. Had seven years really passed?

Navi followed a few seconds later, appearing out of the air with a fwop.

"'Bout time you made it," Deku grumbled.

The fairy was flying around the room, peering into the dark corners and looking even more annoyed when they turned out to be empty. Eventually, he sighed and shrugged. "Never mind. I assume sh- he's dead. Everybody else is."

"Who?"

"I was expecting Sheik to meet you on your return. Forget it. Would you like to see the apocalypse? Come."

They followed the fairy out of the shrine and into the hall. Only two sacred jewels remained in the pedestal. The Zora's emerald had been removed, apparently with some force: the marble around the third indentation had been was torn out, shot out and melted out. Passing down the red carpet, they reached the doors, pushed them open on rusty hinges, and stepped out into the new world.

"What a dump," Link said.

This was somewhat of an understatement.

"Did we die and go to hell?" Navi said.

This was much closer.

"Do you like the colour scheme?" said Deku sourly. "It's black, with faint hints of black, complimented by black tones."

This summed up the landscape perfectly.

Nothing remained of what had once been Hyrule Town. The entire thing had been burnt to the ground long ago. Only a few blackened shells of buildings still stood, illuminated only by the fires burning among the rubble. The sky was filled with tormented black clouds from horizon to horizon. And it was deadly quiet. A black silence choked the burnt air.

With an exhausted groan, a door came free of its final hinge and crashed to the ground.

"Wowww. Let's go to Death Mountain!" Navi chirped.

In the distance could be made out Death Mountain, a darker shadow against the sky. A halo of fire crowned its summit.

"They say the mountain is mourning the fate of the Gorons," Deku said solemnly.

"Why would it miss them. Weren't the Gorons eating it?"

Deku ignored her and stalked down the marble steps. They hurried after him, not wanting to get separated in this hell hole.

"I said I was sorry," Link yelled, struggling to keep up with the fairy as it weaved away through the alleys and streets, dodging through crumbled walls and over rubble. "How can you blame me for this? It wasn't my fault! I had other things to worry about!"

Suddenly, Deku stopped, and spun, aura flaring like a small sun.

"You think you had problems then! Look at yourself! You're seventeen now! LOOK! You've got breasts the size of coconuts!"

……………

…………….

Somehow, the silence deepened, becoming something infinitely more threatening. It was the silence that only comes after things that should never have been said have been said. As the adrenaline seeped out of Deku's system, he ran his last words back in his head. He paled, the blood running to areas it would soon be needed, such as the legs.

"Size of…very small coconuts. Very, very small, um coconuts. Tiny even. Have you ever seen a coconut? I have. Minute things. I was like' where's the coconut?' Ha ha ha………PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!"

She gave him something much worse than pain. Much worse than death.

The glass prison.

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That night was heavy with cold. The wind screamed across the barren plane and tore at Link's clothes like a ravaging beast. The wind was icy cold and the sort that had a way of getting everywhere: of accessing each and every nook and cranny. For the hundredth time, Link yelled and brought her heel down on one of the many skulls that littered the area, crumbling it to dust.

She was angry at the wind. She was angry at herself. But she was mainly angry at Navi. When Link had brought up the idea of scavaging a few layers of clothing of the bodies of the dead Navi had complained on the basis that any clothes would've been around seven years out of fashion.

"There's probably some moral problems too," she'd added.

Now she was curled up, warm and content, in Link's breast.

Deku was warm, sheltered, but far from happy. He was curled up, and muttering the word 'glass' ferverently and repeatedly as he swung about Link's waist.

"I don't think that's Kakariko," Link roared over the wind into her chest.

The golden glow that they'd been heading towards had been momentarily blocked out by something moving in front of it. Either they weren't the lights from the Town's houses or there was a mighty tall person walking around.

There was a small movement from within her shirt but Navi failed to appear. Link squinted into the dark and could make out the shapes of people reflecting the glow of what was definitely now a bonfire. Or maybe they were trees.

She stopped. Maybe it was a scouting party, which would mean escort and easy access to the Fort Kakariko had apparently become. A scouting party, however, would also undoubtedly mean men.

She grimaced. Maybe it was time she started facing up to responsibility.

She was still grimacing when she stepped into the circle of firelight.


"Sir, Mr Sheik, Sir. Important developments have developed out on the field, Sir."

The hangover met Sheik roughly between the eyes and exploded in the front of his brain. He lifted his head, which made the room swim painfully, and found several important documents were stuck to his face with dried drool. Somebody had replaced his tongue with carpet during the night.

Vague memories of the night before surfaced in his mind. There had been beer…lots of it…some sort of manly drinking competition that he'd been forced to take part in so as to keep up appearances. He'd done some quite manly quaffing. It'd taken him years to learn how to quaff properly. The trick to doing it really well was to miss your mouth.

Then singing. Some of the men had made comments that he'd sang like a eunuch choirboy, which was quite true. That wouldn't do good for the rumours. And then -he shuddered- then there had been women of ill repute. Terminally ill repute. Actually, the women's reputes had probably been dead and buried decades ago.

"Sorry? Developments?"

"Yes, Sir. We captured a woman."

Sheik gave a disgusted snort. After seven years, women had lost any sort of interest on him. He was totally incapable to find the nicest of them physically attractive and yet, the second any of the girls in Kakariko Village got near him, they were transformed into bubbly balls of giggling glee. It must the power, he decided. It went straight to their heads. Or the tight pants.

"Not interested," he groaned.

"It's just we found her out on Hyrule Field. Alive."

Sheik's head snapped up. He glanced at his watch then up at the calendar.

"Damnit, she's early! Was she wearing green?"

Before the soldier had even finished nodding, Sheik was already heading for the door. The soldier followed him out into the early morning, searching a pocket in his tatted trousers for something. Sheik tilted his head at the familiar and repetitive chant that was drifting faintly over the rooftops, and attempted to place where he'd heard it before.

"Gotta tell you first, Sarge," the Soldier warned. "She's a wild one. Took down four and a half men before we could bring her in."

Shiek shot him a puzzled look. "Half?"

"Well, Stanley can't seem to move nothin' below the waist, Sir," he added.

"Why did she attack you?"

The Soldier caught the harshness in the voice and noticed the hand move closer to its sword. He hesitated.

"Well, um, we…we…"

"Because if you've hurt her or insulted her or touched her in any way…"

"No! No no, Sir. Nothing like that, Sir. It's just, it's just… Here, we've made a little list of things you don't want to say to set her off." Finally managing to free the crumpled piece of parchment from his pocket, he read from it: "'what's a pretty little girl like you doing in a nasty place like this?', 'what's a pretty girl like you doing with a big sword like that?' 'you're gonna poke someone's eye out if you keep swinging it like that', 'you fight good, for a pretty little girl', and 'please don't kill me, pretty girl'"

Sheik swept down on the man with all the energy of an enraged Princess. He cowered and took a step back, only to have his legs buckle from under him.

"You dared talk to her like that, miserable little-"

But he stopped suddenly when the meaning behind the chant filling the Town dawned. His mouth dropped open and he set off at a sprint towards where the noise was coming from.

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"

"NO! NO! NO!" Shiek yelled.

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"

A large group of men had gathered outside the pub. At a glance, he judged it to be something like three quarters of the entire male population of Kakariko. The remaining quarter was probably out on patrol or wearing pink. He fought her way into the crowd, but it was so dense and the people so eager for front row seats, that movement was only possible through generous usage of elbows and steel boot caps.

The crowd suddenly exploded around him and it was a while before he realized it was because everyone was cheering rather than being bombed. He pushed her way to the front and saw why.

A stool had been pulled out of the pub and was stood rather uncertainly on the cobbles. On the stool there was a girl of about seventeen. Her head was tilted back in the act of draining the last drops from a crystal shot glass. The roar of the crowd was due to the interesting things this was doing to the girl's chest, the way the spilt alcohol was soaking into her shirt, and the fact that she'd just broken the record for this particular drinking game.

Sheik knew this particular drinking game well: he'd watched the men hold it every night. A victim was placed on the wobbly stool and given a drink, which she had to drink in one. Then -and this was apparently the best part- the girl had to jump up and down whilst still remaining balanced on the stool. If she managed that, she was given another drink. And so on, until she's pretty blind stinking drunk.

The girl, egged on by the crowd and the alcohol, was now cheering and singing 'I am the champion' at the same time, and jumping about with added exuberance. Realizing she was about to fall off, the crowd surged forward hungrily.

"NO! This stops now!"

The men hesitated at Sheik's order and he stepped forward and caught the drunken girl as she toppled sideways. She curled up in his arms, still laughing, and murmured, "Did I win?"

"Well you didn't loose anything," Sheik growled, sweeping his soldiers with a burning glare.

The last few voices tinkled out into heavy, accusatory silence.

He'd known that they'd suspected something for a long time; not always the right things, but most of the soldiers had got the idea that their Captain wasn't exactly a thoroughly manly man. Right now though, he didn't care.

"I'm taking her to my room," he declared. "And I don't want any of you coming in until I say you can. Got that?"

At which the crowd started cheering again and parted to let him through.

"Men," he hissed in disgust, once far enough away.

The girl twisted in his arms but her movements were weak and sluggish. Her clear blue eyes dulled and half-closed and the laugh died into a sleepy smile. The light played over her face and through her golden hair, and Sheik knew she was the most perfect women he'd ever seen.

"Link," he said. "You've grown even more beautiful than the last time I saw you. You're like an angel."

And she threw up on his shirt. He brushed aside a stray strand of hair, allowing his fingers to gently stroke the silky soft skin. Link looked up into his face and down at the emblem on his chest.

"Oh no," she moaned. "It's you."

She struggled weakly again and suddenly her arm lashed out, fueled by the fires of alcohol, and struck Shiek in the jaw. It was a good punch and Shiek went down.

She shook her head to clear it and then started zig-zagging towards Death Mountain. The gate swirled unpleasantly infront of her, the ground bucked like waves, and she stumbled. Bandaged hands caught her.

The Heroine scowled and muttered, through lips parched and cracked from alcohol, "why'd you haf'ta take me away? It wzz free booze."


So perfect. So pure. So innocent.

"I'm so sorry, Link. But I can't let you do this."

She stirred in her sleep, twisting fitfully amongst the covers, her brow wrinkling in a frown of pain. Three short, soft gasps escaped her lips.

Sheik leant closer, the girl's breath playing over his ear as he lowered it to her mouth.

"Co…co…nuts," Link moaned.

Huh?

"No. Coconuts! They're attacking. Get back!"

And, all of a sudden, she had her arms around Sheik's neck and was pulling him down with incredible strength. Sheik's face was crushed down onto, and into, her chest. For an eternity, she seemed to hold him there, uttering small gasps of torment, whilst Sheik's heart grew to engulf his entire chest. But, eventually, sadly, the dream moved on, and Link released him and rolled away.

"They shouldn't make you do this. I will find the seven. Not you"

He emptied the sack out onto the floor. The contents were meagre: a few weapons, nuts, her ocarina. He placed her fingers in the holes, blew a few notes, and then pocketed it.

A glass jar lay on its side. Raising it to eye level, he found it held a golden brown fairy curled in on itself, rocking gently back and forth. He released the cork and it tumbled out, still curled into its foetal position as it fell through the air.

And there, the Master Sword.

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Holy crap, I made chapter 10. That is weeeiiird.

Sheik: 'he' or 'she'?