Hey hey !
Long chapter for today, sorry about the delay I had tons of things to do ! I haven't reread it, so maybe there are some mistakes, sorry about that xD
Enjoy ! :)
Meet Spider-man
Eighteen minutes later, I'm back at the bottom of the building with his backpack and skateboard, wondering stupidly how in hell I'm supposed to let him know that I'm here. Call him would be stupid. I would look like a complete idiot – which is anyway probably the case already, considering the fact that I'm standing next to a fire escape and a dumpster in an empty dead-end street with my face turned to the sky just as if I was waiting for the messiah or something. But do I have any other options ? Doesn't seem so.
I bit my lip and try to think. But I might somehow have lost my brain somewhere, because the only thing that is crossing my mind since I've left the roof is 'Peter Parker is Spider-man. He. Is. Spider-man. Peter. Parker. Peter. Goddamn. Parker.' or something like that. Which is not helping me in any way. I have no idea what I'm feeling. Confusion, that's for sure. What else ? Happiness, anger, enthusiasm, concern ? Maybe a mix of all, and maybe not. I'm completely lost.
I shake my head, trying to focus on what's important right now. Which is, getting on that stupid roof. What can I do ? Let's try to call him, we'll see, maybe spider-guys have super-ears or something. "Peter ?"
Stupid, he won't hear you with that silly weak voice of yours, you –
But it turns out that spider-guys do have super-ears, because a web suddenly hits my chest and I gasp in surprise as it slowly pulls me up. I grab it as it speeds up and close my eyes, with the awful impression that I've left my stomach on the ground. I open them – with a sigh of relief, I must admit it – only when I feel light fingers brushing my wrists. Peter smiles to me and I try to smile back but I guess it looks more like a grimace than a smile and he laughs.
He helps me to safely stand on the roof and I give him his backpack with a grin. "Here, now you owe me ten years of your life in compensation."
Peter takes it with his mischievous smile. "Ten years, really ? It's a bit exaggerated, isn't it ?"
"Yeah, right." I nod, pretending to think. "Um, OK, what about you teach me skateboarding ?" I ask, as I put his board on the ground, next to us.
"Skateboarding ?" He seems surprised, and that makes me grin like an idiot – even if I don't know why. "OK, right, If you, if you want." He clears his throat and adds, just as if it wasn't already obvious : "I thought you were going to ask me something about, you know, Spider-man."
"Mister Spandex ? Oh, no, why would I since you already promise to tell me everything ?"
He lets out a little laugh then falsely mumbles, just as if he was reluctant about it – but maybe he is reluctant, who knows with that guy. "Solid point." I stick out my tongue at him and he sighs. We stare at each other for a moment, and I can't help thinking stupidly 'He is Spider-man. He truly is Spider-man.' as long as the silence lasts. Peter finally tilts his head to one side with an curious grin that makes my heart beat faster. "You look satisfied."
"I am satisfied." Oups. Oh really ? I'm truly catching myself, right now. Maybe I am the one who's schizophrenic, after all.
"Why ?"
I shrug, feeling suddenly really uncomfortable. "Dunno." He raises an eyebrow and I know that he's now really curious to know why. I'm curious, too. Why am I satisfied ? I don't have to think much to get the answer. Great. Now I'm feeling really, really self-conscious. Perfect. Say something, Stevens. Something, anything.
But as usual, he doesn't let me the time to and speaks just as I open my mouth to say something stupid. "You don't know ? Or you don't wanna tell me ?" Oh great. He gets it, too. I'm really easy to read through. God, I'm so goddamn lucky to be me.
Mischievous smile, I hate you as much as I love you. "It's not, well, I, no, just, I guess I don't, I don't really... know what, I mean, I'm satisfied with, with, with..." Oh please, stop grinning at me like that, Parker. Focus, Stevens, focus. "With your bandage."
"With my what ?" His stunned expression almost makes me laugh. Almost.
"I'm satisfied with your, your bandage, you know." I repeat in a strange voice.
He frowns in surprise. "Oh."
Oh God, I've never felt that clumsy in my entire life before. "Um, yeah."
Peter smiles, but just as I did a few minutes ago, his smile looks more like a grimace. "Well, yeah I, I took care of it, just like, you know, just like you said."
"Good." I smile and try to joke, because God all this is starting to get really, really awkward. "Maybe you won't die, then." Except for a nod, he doesn't react and my heart falls in my chest. What's happening ? What's wrong, suddenly ? Why is it hard to speak with him when it was so simple, twenty minutes ago ? Have I done something wrong ? Maybe he regrets that I know the truth, now. Yeah, probably. I shouldn't feel that bad about it. But god, I do. All this is my fault, I know it.
We stay quiet for a moment, and I have plenty of time to think about what kind of apology I want to make. Nothing comes into my mind, though. Maybe because there's still a part of me who's wondering if it's really my fault. Then Peter smiles awkwardly and stretches the back of his neck. "Yeah, right, so I guess I should, you know, I should, um, change. Then I'll, yeah, I'll walk you home, deal ?"
"OK, great." I nod with a startling weak voice. Awkward silence again. Something is definitely wrong. "You can, you can change in there, you know." I offer, pointing to the shelter leading to the stairs.
"Yeah, right, good idea." Awkward, awkward, awkward. He swings his bag on his back with a strange, uneasy smile, and starts to walk towards the little shelter, shoulders arched, eyes on his feet.
Say something !
"Peter !" He immediately turns, in the middle of the roof, and I force a smile, feeling so self-conscious that my cheeks must be red as hell. But there's no way to move back, now. I know it. "I, I'm also glad you didn't leave."
He slowly smiles and my heart starts to pound happily in my chest as he does. Here is my Peter. "Why would have I left ?" I just shrug and his smile grows bigger. We stare at each other for a minute then he disappears into the shelter with a "I'll be right back !" and I laugh, because he looks so playful and somehow happy, right now. I've never seen him like that. And I must admit his playfulness is kind of infectious. That's maybe why I'm grinning like an idiot. Because I can't think of anything else to grin for.
I try to ignore the little voice who's cursing at me for being so cheesy and let my gaze wandering around until it falls on Peter's skateboard. I think about what I just asked him and my grin becomes somehow a huge smile. God, I'm so stupid. But I can't help the way I was born, right ? I've always dreamed to skateboard. Jack tried to teach me once, but we ended up screaming at each other and he never attempted again, after that. End of my skateboarding career. But I have the feeling that if it's Peter who teaches me, it would be alright. I'm sure of it, actually. Don't ask me why.
I don't even think for one second and put one feet on the skateboard. Which is really dumb, I'm absolutely aware of it, I promise. Who is stupid enough to do skateboarding on a roof ? Well, me. I have no idea what goes through my mind, right now.
And it doesn't matter since watchful Peter doesn't let me the time to put the second one on it. "Bad idea !" He grabs me by my back and I jump violently. He kicks away the skateboard with a quiet laugh and I feel his breath on my neck, a thing that moves me more than anything else. My brain seems to have stopped working. How convenient. "You're deadly stupid, Stevens."
"Yeah, right." I mutter, freezing as he doesn't seem to take his hands off of my shoulders. He laughs and I bit my lip, wondering if I've ever been moved like that by a boy before. No is the answer. I can't help thinking stupidly that Peter is the only one who can do that to me. Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. The only thing that's crossing my mind right now is that I really have to be careful about it. Something tells me that it's not really a good thing to feel that kind of thing about a spandex hero who's crisscrossing streets every nights to save people.
"At least you're smart enough to be aware of it." Peter points out in a soft, light voice.
"Right now, yeah." I admit, and my voice sounds sheepish as hell. "I have absolutely no idea of what I was thinking."
"Lucky I've been there." I can hear his smile in his voice. I shiver and turn to face him and his mischievous grin. He's in his street clothes, but I wonder for a second if he keeps his suit under his clothes or not. I should write down all the questions I want to ask him, or I'm going to forget them. "So, what do you think of an ice-cream ?" Peter asks playfully and I can't help my surprised laugh at his sudden enthusiasm.
"An ice-cream ?"
"Yeah, I was thinking, we still have, well, time, before you have to get home, right ?" He ventures, scratching the back of his neck with a somehow shy look in his eyes. "We could, we could you know, spend some time together ?"
"Are you asking me on a date, Parker ?" I tease him with what seems to be a casual voice even though I'm absolutely burning from the inside, right now. 'Oh God, oh God, oh God. Peter Parker, guys, Peter. Parker.' Again, I think I've never felt that self-conscious in my entire life. But that's a good feeling, however. A mix of enthusiasm and concern and fear. A mix that makes my heart pounds really fast and happily in my chest. I love that, I must admit it.
He steps in the trap right away and I stare at him, trying to hold my amused grin as his cheeks turn into a lovely pink tone. I'm making Peter Parker blushing. I'm making Spider-man blushing. What an awesome thing to be proud of. I should write that down in my CV or something. "No, no I'm not, I, well, it's..." He stammers for a while until I can't hold my smile anymore. "You're, what, wait, you're, you're making fun of me ?" He seems so dazed that I burst of laugh.
"No, I'm not, I won't dare !"
He mumbles something in his beard, stepping away from me and I giggle like an idiot. He looks at me daggers and I bit my lip, still smiling widely. "No way I buy you an ice-cream." He grumbles. "You don't deserve one, you're too mean with me."
"Oh, poor baby !" I laugh and he pouts. We stay quiet for a moment like that, then I catch his skateboard and say merrily : "Come on, sulking boy, let's have an ice-cream !"
"Sulking boy, uh ?" He repeats, insulted, snatching his skateboard out of my hands. I bit my lip to prevent my laugh and he growls again. "Bah, guess what ? I'm not helping you to descend those stairs."
I turn to him as I reach the edge of the roof and frown in both disbelief and amusement. He's kneeling in the middle of the roof and setting his skateboard on his bag. I fold my arms and say : "Oh, I see, and so I am the mean one, uh ?" He laughs and then grabs me by my waist, but I don't have the time to comment on how fast he is because he then jumps of the building. Jumps. Of. The. Building. I don't know if I faint or something, but it feels just as if, really. My heart seems to stop, the scream I want so badly to let go stay in my throat, I cling so hard to his jacket that my fingers hurt. But I don't have the time to think, or to pray, or to do anything because my feet are already on the ground. I stumble and Peter catches me with a soft laugh.
I stare at him for a minute in horror, then I start to hit him with my fists, even if I know it doesn't do anything to him. It's not a blonde little girl like me who's going to hurt Spider-man by hitting him with her fists, that's for sure. But anyway, I don't care, because it's a kind of relief, right now. "I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU ! Seriously you wanna kill me uh ? I'm, you're, God, Peter, you're driving me crazy !" I strike him one more time then repel him with a cry that an angry, squeaking mouse could have perfectly done.
Peter stares at me in astonishment while I fulminate like an idiot, then he takes a step in my direction, hands raised in front of him. "I didn't think you, well, um, Emma ? I'm, I'm sorry ?"
"Yes, be sorry, be sorry because you nearly kill me with your, your, your silly things !" I shouldn't be that angry since I'm all well and good, but I can't help it. Maybe because I thought for a second that I was going to die. That's not something you experience every day, I guess. Oh God, am I seriously crying, right now ?
It seems so, because Peter takes another step forward me with worried eyes. "You, are you, are you OK ?"
"No, no I'm not OK !" I cry, and I can clearly feel the tears running down my cheeks, now. Oh God, he must find me so weak ! I try to compose myself but there's no way to calm me down. I'm crying and gasping and shaking all over, in reaction to the absolute terror I just went through. My mind isn't the one who's in control anymore. Right now, it's my body. And I can't do anything to stop it.
I jump when Peter reaches me. I'm so stuck in horror that I didn't even see he got closer. He shyly wraps me in his arms and I let out a little sigh of relief when I realize that it's the only place where I want to be, right now. "I'm so sorry, Emma, I –"
"Don't, don't, don't be sorry." I stammer, trembling so hard that my words are almost inaudible. "You j–j–just scared me to death, that's all." Oh God, that nervous laugh was really ridiculous, what's wrong with you, Stevens ?
"Yeah, I know, I – I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have done that."
"Oh yes, you really shouldn't have, stupid boy." I can hear his heart beating in his chest so I focus hard on it, and it's that above all things that calms me down, I guess. When I start thinking stupid things like 'Wow, I feel so lucky right now, I wonder if he knows it, maybe he does, maybe he feels the same, maybe –' I decide to step back with an embarrassed smile. He smiles back, an absolute genuine smile that threatens to break my heart. Has he any clue of how cute he is ? I really don't think so.
"Forgive me ?" I wish I could say no, but there's no way to say that. I'm lost, it's definitive.
"Only if you buy me that ice-cream you talked about." I falsely mumble and he laughs.
He grabs my hand and leads me back on the street, and I let myself be, either because I'm still dazed or because I can't think of anything else than his hand around mine. God, I'm so stupid. "Great, come on then."
We do buy some ice-creams, indeed, and I must admit that the rest of the afternoon goes on very well. We laugh. We talk. We eat. We argue about stupid things. Just as usual. And it's great. I spend an awesome afternoon, I must admit it, and I can't help myself being slightly disappointed when we finally head to my Aunt's house. Neither of us mention the all Spider-man-thing, even if I wish we had. But Peter seems somehow determined to talk about that later, and so I don't try to bring that up. Time for questions will come soon. He promised, and I am determined to remind him of it if he forgets.
We stop in front of the house and keep talking about stupid things for a while, then he lightly smiles and jokes : "So I think we both agree to say that this was not a date, right ?"
My heart falls in my chest – for an unknown reason – but I act casual. "Hmpf, I guess so since you didn't kiss me."
"Yeah, right." Is it me or is he suddenly embarrassed ? Bah, just my imagination, I guess. Why would he be embarrassed ? No reason for that. No reason at all. Focus on something else, Stevens, he doesn't love you. He loves another girl. Not me. He said it. He loves Gwen. Gwen Stacy.
The one who rejected him ?
Exactly.
The one whom you look a lot alike ?
I retort nothing to the little voice, because if I do, I know I'm going to loose my mind. I know it. I don't want to think about things like that. Not right now. Not when I've spent such a great afternoon with Peter. Things like that are for later. When I'll be able to shout and cry and lament on my pillow. The only thing that matters right now is to end well this afternoon. Don't think about that, Stevens. You can't. Focus on something else. You have to. Be strong. Come on, be strong, don't think about that.
The one he said you remind him of ?
I suddenly feel like I'm going to cry but I force a smile and swallow my tears. Peter frowns and we stare at each other for a minute in silence, and I know he's wondering what's going on in my head. I know it, because right now I am wondering what's going on in his head. And something, in his eyes, in his expression, tells me that he's thinking about what he said earlier today. About him. About Gwen, about MJ, about me. About what he feels, about what he felt, about what I know and about what I might have guessed.
I know it because I'm thinking about all that, too.
We're very similar, Peter and I.
Maybe that's why he doesn't seem surprised at all when I say after a while, without even trying to prevent my words from escaping my mouth : "So. If you, if you want to... to talk about um, something, anything, just, know I'm here for you, OK ?"
He sighs, and sadness grows up in his eyes, grows so up that my eyes start to sting. But just as I think he's going to say the saddest thing I've ever heard – like, 'I have nothing to talk about with you' or something like that – his face relaxes and he mumbles : "Are you insinuating that I need to see a psychologist or something ?!"
I laugh, and from the look he gives me I know my relief is apparent. "Yeah, that's right, Parker. I think you have a real problem that needs to be solved."
"By you ? I'd rather stay like that forever !" I hit him and he laughs, and I shake my head with a smile while thinking about how all this is magic. A few seconds ago, we were on the edge to cry, and now we're laughing. Has a relationship ever been so simple, so sensitive, so real ? Woups. I'm getting cheesy again. Let's talk about something else. But just as I take that decision, Peter suddenly takes me in a strong-but-gentle hug and my heart falls in my chest. Especially when he mutters in my hear a soft "Thank you".
"You're welcome." I say when he releases me with a light smile.
His fingers brush my cheek and I freeze, trying to look as casual as I can even if my heart is going crazy in my chest. Peter bits his lip with an amused face – and I have no idea why, I must admit it – then seriousness spreads on his face and he says : "Now you have to know... Well, um, you, now that you are aware of my, my, my –"
"Your little problem ?" I say, and he makes a face so ridiculous that I can't help my laugh.
"Yeah, right, my little problem, now you have to be, to be careful, you know ? Because, as I warned you tons of times, I'm not –"
"You didn't warn me tons of times !" I exclaim with a grunt and Peter raises his eyes to the sky with an exasperated face.
"Come on, Emma, I'm trying to be serious !" He sighs and I bit my lip to prevent my laugh. "All this is serious, OK ? I didn't mean you to be involved but –"
"But now I am." I cut him.
"Yes, now you are, and you –"
"But maybe I want to be involved, Peter."
He opens his mouth to retort something but I don't let him. I kiss him on the cheek and walk away, to my Aunt's house, and I can't help smiling because for the first time, it's actually me who go away, and him who stays and watches as I do. And that's a good feeling, even if I don't really understand why.