Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it is. Thanks so much for reading, my best to all, and have a great day.
Dedicated in part to Angelus, for reminding me about the second song, though I didn't do it quite the way you wanted.
Tenth Act
CQueen: Well hello and salutations, everyone! Did we all have a nice break from me?
Yachiru: Damn, she lives.
CQueen: You bet your ugly coloured hair I live. I've just been a little...obsessed with another fanfic lately.
Hitsugaya: Then go back to torturing them.
CQueen: Oh I will, don't worry. Spock and Uhura are just so cute together. **girlie sigh**
Nanao: What kind of names are those?
Nemu: They're from the Star Trek franchise. A new film featuring the cast of the original series has just come out; in it the characters Spock and Uhura are a couple, though there was never a suggestion of that in the television series. Spock is half Vulcan and Uhura is of African descent. Her name refers to Stars which is ironic given her occupation.
Kyoraku: Well you learn something new every day.
Nanao: And then you forget it within the hour.
Kyoraku: Nanao chan is not in a good mood today.
Nanao: Gee, I wonder why.
CQueen: That would be me. Anyways, so that I can get back to my torturing of my new, favorite, pointy earred hunk, I think it's time for the first number. Shall we start off happy or depressing?
Soifon: We'll be depressed regardless of what you chose.
Isane: But can we do happy, that would be better than sad.
CQueen: We'll do somewhere in the middle then. One of the few songs that I can stand in the High School Musicale repertoire.
Ichigo: Why do you watch that? Aren't you in your twenties? Aren't you ashamed to even admit you know it exists?
CQueen: I was genetically encoded through McDonald's Happy Meals as a child to love all things Disney. I have to watch their stuff...even at the loss of precious brain cells.
Byakuya: Which you really can't afford to lose.
CQueen: Oh up yours. I'll get around to updated this and Sex Captain's Curse for the sole purpose of screwing with you if you don't shut up.
Byakuya: ...
Yachiru: Well that shut him up.
CQueen: And now, without FURTHER ado, I present to you, from the first of the evil trilogy, "Stick With The Status Quo."
**head bang and Ukitake, Zaraki, Hisagi and Hitsugaya appear in basketball jerseys, Nanao, Isane, Byakuya and Uhohana appear in preppy attire, and Yachiru, Chad, Ichigo and Renji dressed punk. Matsumoto and Kyoraku dressed in pop star looks**
[Hisagi:]
You can bet
There's nothin' but net
When I am in a zone and on a roll
But I've got a confession
My own secret obsession
And it's making me lose control
[Zaraki, Ukitake and Hitsugaya:]
Everybody gather 'round
[Hisagi (spoken):]
Well if Ishida can tell his secret than I can tell mine...I bake.
[Zaraki (spoken):]
What?
[Hisagi (spoken):]
I love to bake! Strudels, scones, even apple pandowdy!
[Zaraki, Ukitake and Hitsugaya:]
Not another sound
[Hisagi (spoken):]
Someday I hope to make the perfect creme brulee!
[Zaraki, Ukitake and Hitsugaya:]
No, no, no, nooooooooooo
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
If you wanna be cool
Follow one simple rule
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status quo
[Unohana:]
Look at me
And what do you see
Intelligence beyond compare
But inside I am stirring
Something strange is occurring
It's a secret I need to share
[Nanao, Isane, Byakuya:]
Open up, dig way down deep
[Unohana (spoken):]
Hip hop is my passion! I love to pop and lock and jam and break!
[Nanao, Isane, Byakuya (spoken):]
Is that even legal?
Not another peep
[Unohana (spoken):]
It's just dancing. Sometimes I think it's cooler than homework.
[Nanao, Isane, Byakuya:]
No, no, no, noooooooooo
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
It is better by far
To keep things as they are
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status quo
[Renji :]
Listen well
I'm ready to tell
About a need that I cannot deny
Dude, there's no explanation
For this awesome sensation
But I'm ready to let it fly
[Ichigo, Chad and Yachiru:]
Speak your mind and you'll be heard
[Renji (spoken):]
Alright, if Troy wants to be a singer... then I'm coming clean! I play the cello!
[Ichigo (spoken):]
Awesome!
[Chad (spoken):]
What is it?
[Ichigo (spoken):]
A saw!
[Renji (spoken):]
No, dude, it's like a giant violin!
[Ichigo, Chad and Yachiru:]
Not another word
[Chad (spoken):]
Do you have to wear a costume?
[Renji (spoken):]
Coat and tie
[Ichigo, Chad and Yachiru:]
No, no, no, nooooooooooo
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
If you wanna be cool
Follow one simple rule
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status quoooooooo
[All:]
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
It is better by far
To keep things as they are
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status quo
[Matsumoto:]
This is not what I want
This is not what I planned
And I just gotta say
I do not understand
Something is really...
[Kyoraku:]
Something's not right
[ Matsumoto:]
...really wrong
[ Matsumoto & Kyoraku:]
And we gotta get things
Back where they belong
We can do it
[Renji:]
Gotta play
[Ichigo, Chad and Yachiru:]
Stick with what you know
[Matsumoto & Kyoraku:]
We can do it
[Unohana:]
Hip hop hooray!?
[Nanao, Isane, Byakuya:]
She has got to go
[Matsumoto & Kyoraku:]
We can do it
[Hisagi:]
Creme Brulee?
[Zaraki, Ukitake and Hitsugaya:]
Keep your voice down low
[All:]
Not another peep
No, not another word
No, not another sound
No
[Matsumoto:]
Everybody quiet!
[Orihime (spoken):]
Why is everybody staring at you?
[Rukia (spoken):]
Not me, you.
[Orihime (spoken):]
Because of the callbacks? I can't have people staring at me! I really can't!
[All:]
Noooooooooooooo, no, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
If you want to be cool
Follow one simple rule
Don't mess with the flow, oh no
Stick to the status quooooooooooooo
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
It is better by far
To keep things as they are
Don't mess with the flow, no no
Stick to the status
Stick to the status
Stick to the status quo
CQueen: Now wasn't that fun?
Hisagi: Is she serious?
Nemu: I believe so, yes.
Matsumoto: But you know..these are sorta getting fun. In a weird, demented sort of way.
Hitsugaya: Dear God, the stupidity is catching.
General: Captain Unohana, make a vaccine as soon as possible.
Unohana: As I'm only free of this chair when she wishes, I'm afraid I can't comply. Sorry.
CQueen: So you don't think much of me, do you, General?
General: Of course not.
CQueen: Then what's say I show you just what I think of you and your leadership abilities? Another group number, from the movie 'Pocahontas'.
head bang and all the head Shinigamis are on one end and the members of the Ishida family on the other, all in their official robes. In the middle of them is Ichigo tied up with his head on a block.
[General]
What can you expect
From filthy little Quincies?
Their whole disgusting race is like a curse
Their blood's a hellish red
They're only good when dead
They're vermin, as I said
And worse
[Shinigamis]
They're savages! Savages!
[General]
Barely even human
[Shinigamis]
Savages! Savages!
[General]
Drive them from our shore!
They're not like you and me
Which means they must be evil
We must sound the drums of war!
[General+Shinigamis]
They're savages! Savages!
Dirty human devils!
Now we sound the drums of war!
[Sōken Ishida]
This is what we feared
The shinigamis are a demon
The only thing they feel at all is greed
[Ryūken Ishida]
Beneath that milky hide
There's emptiness inside
[Quincies]
I wonder if they even bleed
They're savages! Savages!
Barely even human
Savages! Savages!
[Sōken Ishida]
Killers at the core
[Ryūken Ishida]
They're different from us
Which means they can't be trusted
[Sōken Ishida]
We must sound the drums of war
[Quincies]
They're savages! Savages!
First we deal with this one
Then we sound the drums of war
[Shinigamis]
Savages! Savages!
[Kurotsuchi]
Let's go kill a few, men!
[Quincies]
Savages! Savages!
[General]
Now it's up to you, men!
[All]
Savages! Savages!
Barely even human!
Now we sound the drums of war!
[Uryū Ishida]
Is there nothing I can do?
Will this really be the end?
Is it only death that waits
Just around the riverbend?
[General]
This will be the day ...
(Let's go men!)
[Sōken Ishida]
This will be the morning ...
(Bring out the prisoner, Ichigo)
[All]
We will see them dying in the dust
[Uryū Ishida]
I don't know what I can do
Still, I know I've got to try
[Shinigamis]
Now we make 'em pay
[Uryū Ishida]
Eagle, help my feet to fly
[Quincies]
Now without a warning ...
[Uryū Ishida]
Mountain, help my heart be great
[All]
Now we leave 'em blood and bone and rust
[Uryū Ishida]
Spirits of the earth and sky ...
[All]
It's them or us
[Uryū Ishida]
Please don't let it be to late ...
[All]
They're just a bunch of
Filthy, stinking
[Shinigamis]
Savages!
[Quincies]
Savages!
[Shinigamis]
Demons!
[Quincies]
Devils!
[General]
Kill them!
[Quincies]
Savages!
[Shinigamis]
Savages!
[General + Shinigamis]
What are we waiting for?
[All]
Destroy their evil race
Until there's not a trace left
[Uryū Ishida]
How loud are the drums of war?
[All]
We will sound the drums of war
(Savages! Savages!)
Now, we sound the drums of war
(Savages! Savages!)
[General]
Now we see what comes
Of trying to be chums
[Quincies]
Now we sound the drums ... of ... war!
[Shinigamis]
Of course it means the drums ... of ... war!
[Uryū Ishida]
Is the death of all I love
Carried in the drumming of war?
CQueen: How you like them apples?
Everyone: ....
Nemu: It was quite intelligent of you to use our past history with the Quincies as an allegory for the rift and conflict between the Europeans and the First Nation People.
CQueen: Thank you, Nemu.
Are you...accusing me of mass genocide?
CQueen: Who says there aren't any brains in that bald head of yours. Oh wait, that would be me!
General: It was necessary!
CQueen: Oh, like none of you could have used your words?
Ishida: You know, she's starting to grow on me.
Nemu: So you don't mind that she assigned you a female role, Ishida san?
Ishida: Well...
Ichigo: What I want to know is why my friggin head was on the block?
CQueen: Don't worry, it didn't get chopped off. Anyway, on to the final and last because these are all really long numbers. Any requests? No, well okay then. For your last number-
Hitsugaya: You didn't give us time to answer!
CQueen: As I was saying, the final number of the night, with my fond good nights to all. Ciao!
**head bong and Hinamori, Hitsugaya, Unohana and Ichigo's dad appear in Victorian garbs**
Unohana
It's...
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Even though the sound of it
Is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough
You'll always sound precocious
All:
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay!
Isshin Kurosaki:
Because I was afraid to speak
When I was just a lad
My father gave me nose a tweak
And told me I was bad
But then one day I learned a word
That saved me achin' nose
All:
The biggest word I ever heard
And this is how it goes: Oh!
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Even though the sound of it
Is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough
You'll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay!
Unohana:
He traveled all around the world
And everywhere he went
He'd use his word and all would say
"There goes a clever gent"
Isshin Kurosaki:
When Dukes and maharajas
Pass the time of day with me
I say me special word and then
They ask me out to tea
All:
Oh..
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Even though the sound of it
Is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough
You'll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay!
Unohana:
So when the cat has got your tongue
There's no need for dismay
Just summon up this word
And then you've got a lot to say
But better use it carefully
Or it could change your life
Renji:
For example
One night I said it to me girl
And now me girl's my wife!
And a lovely thing she is too.
All:
She's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
**curtain closes once more**